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Turning In Your Wings
“Rainbow?”
Her left ear twitched on its own, but Rainbow did her best to keep her focus on the locker in front of her.
“Hey, Dash?”
Again she ignored the voice, silently willing whoever it was to turn around and walk out of the locker room. The last thing she wanted right then was more attention. The sound of approaching hoofsteps broke her resolve, and her simmering emotions boiled over.
“You’ve got some bucking nerve, you know that, Lightning? Thinkin’ you can just waltz in here and apol—” Rainbow jumped off the bench and spun around, only to freeze when her eyes landed on the other pony in the room. “—logize… and you’re not Lightning at all…” Her anger fell away immediately, and she slumped down to her haunches. “I-I’m sorry, Meadow…”
Meadow Flower approached slowly and sat next to Rainbow. “Hey, it’s okay, Rainbow.”
“No, it’s not okay. Not at all.” Rainbow caught Meadow’s blue eyes for a moment, but quickly looked away. “Not after what happened out there today.”
“That wasn’t your fault, Rainbow.” Meadow flicked her ears and shuffled her hooves a bit. “At least not entirely.”
Rainbow stymied a hiss through gritted teeth. “Half the fault, a third of it, whatever. Either way, I followed along with Lightning’s stupidity, and everypony else suffered as a result.”
“And that’s exactly what I want to talk to you about,” Meadow replied. “You might not have noticed it before, but the rest of us are just as upset at Lightning as you are. We just don’t know what, if anything, we can do to calm her down.”
Rainbow let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, my little speech earlier may have won some credit back with you all, but it also ticked her off big time, I’m sure… and working with a lead pony who hates your guts is probably not going to end well for anypony.”
Meadow mulled that over, then her ears suddenly perked. “Hmm, what if you requested to switch partners? The rest of us are so slow, we’d hold Lightning back all the time.”
“You do that, she’ll just go off on her own anyway, and as long as she’s setting record times, I doubt Spitfire will care—” Rainbow jumped in place as an idea hit her. “That’s it!”
Meadow gave her a curious look. “Huh? What’s “it”?”
“Spitfire!” Rainbow answered. “I need to see Spitfire.”
“And do what?”
“Tell her exactly what happened, that’s what. Reckless flying, crashing you all… nearly killing my friends in a tornado…”
“Wait, are you serious?” Meadow jumped in front of Rainbow. “Look, you said it yourself, you were part of that too. Lightning will just pin it on you in return. It’ll be your word against hers, and you know that hardly ever works out well.”
Rainbow turned and went back to her locker. She flipped open her flight bag, stuffed the extra uniform she had and a few papers in it, and tossed it back in the locker. “It can’t be my word against hers if I’m not here.”
“W-what are you saying, Dash?” Meadow asked.
Rainbow kicked the locker door closed and stepped around the low bench again. “I’m saying I’m out, Meadow. I’m finished.”
Meadow’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. “W-what? Rainbow, nopony’s ever just quit the Academy like that! Look, I agree with you one hundred percent about Lightning, but if you go in there, Spitfire might throw you out anyway!”
Rainbow paused at the open door for a moment, her mind turning over that possibility, along with dozens of others. Finally, she turned back to Meadow. “Then so be it. I’m not going to war over this. Spitfire needs to know the truth. I can’t live with myself if I cheat my way to the roster, but I won’t stand by and let Lightning ruin it for the rest of you either. If Spitfire can’t handle that, then this isn’t the team I always thought it was.”
Rainbow walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind her, leaving Meadow Flower behind, possibly for the last time.
The door to Spitfire’s office swung open with a slight squeak. Spitfire was behind her desk, hooves braced in front of her and a stern gaze behind her ever present sunglasses.
“This better be important.”
Rainbow swallowed the lump in her throat, steeled herself, and stepped inside.
Her left ear twitched on its own, but Rainbow did her best to keep her focus on the locker in front of her.
“Hey, Dash?”
Again she ignored the voice, silently willing whoever it was to turn around and walk out of the locker room. The last thing she wanted right then was more attention. The sound of approaching hoofsteps broke her resolve, and her simmering emotions boiled over.
“You’ve got some bucking nerve, you know that, Lightning? Thinkin’ you can just waltz in here and apol—” Rainbow jumped off the bench and spun around, only to freeze when her eyes landed on the other pony in the room. “—logize… and you’re not Lightning at all…” Her anger fell away immediately, and she slumped down to her haunches. “I-I’m sorry, Meadow…”
Meadow Flower approached slowly and sat next to Rainbow. “Hey, it’s okay, Rainbow.”
“No, it’s not okay. Not at all.” Rainbow caught Meadow’s blue eyes for a moment, but quickly looked away. “Not after what happened out there today.”
“That wasn’t your fault, Rainbow.” Meadow flicked her ears and shuffled her hooves a bit. “At least not entirely.”
Rainbow stymied a hiss through gritted teeth. “Half the fault, a third of it, whatever. Either way, I followed along with Lightning’s stupidity, and everypony else suffered as a result.”
“And that’s exactly what I want to talk to you about,” Meadow replied. “You might not have noticed it before, but the rest of us are just as upset at Lightning as you are. We just don’t know what, if anything, we can do to calm her down.”
Rainbow let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, my little speech earlier may have won some credit back with you all, but it also ticked her off big time, I’m sure… and working with a lead pony who hates your guts is probably not going to end well for anypony.”
Meadow mulled that over, then her ears suddenly perked. “Hmm, what if you requested to switch partners? The rest of us are so slow, we’d hold Lightning back all the time.”
“You do that, she’ll just go off on her own anyway, and as long as she’s setting record times, I doubt Spitfire will care—” Rainbow jumped in place as an idea hit her. “That’s it!”
Meadow gave her a curious look. “Huh? What’s “it”?”
“Spitfire!” Rainbow answered. “I need to see Spitfire.”
“And do what?”
“Tell her exactly what happened, that’s what. Reckless flying, crashing you all… nearly killing my friends in a tornado…”
“Wait, are you serious?” Meadow jumped in front of Rainbow. “Look, you said it yourself, you were part of that too. Lightning will just pin it on you in return. It’ll be your word against hers, and you know that hardly ever works out well.”
Rainbow turned and went back to her locker. She flipped open her flight bag, stuffed the extra uniform she had and a few papers in it, and tossed it back in the locker. “It can’t be my word against hers if I’m not here.”
“W-what are you saying, Dash?” Meadow asked.
Rainbow kicked the locker door closed and stepped around the low bench again. “I’m saying I’m out, Meadow. I’m finished.”
Meadow’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. “W-what? Rainbow, nopony’s ever just quit the Academy like that! Look, I agree with you one hundred percent about Lightning, but if you go in there, Spitfire might throw you out anyway!”
Rainbow paused at the open door for a moment, her mind turning over that possibility, along with dozens of others. Finally, she turned back to Meadow. “Then so be it. I’m not going to war over this. Spitfire needs to know the truth. I can’t live with myself if I cheat my way to the roster, but I won’t stand by and let Lightning ruin it for the rest of you either. If Spitfire can’t handle that, then this isn’t the team I always thought it was.”
Rainbow walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind her, leaving Meadow Flower behind, possibly for the last time.
The door to Spitfire’s office swung open with a slight squeak. Spitfire was behind her desk, hooves braced in front of her and a stern gaze behind her ever present sunglasses.
“This better be important.”
Rainbow swallowed the lump in her throat, steeled herself, and stepped inside.
I think I find this mildly enjoyable, and I am struggling to explain why it doesn't go further than that. It's a well written scene, it expands on the canon just enough to add a tiny bit of depth, and the characters are well written. I think that its failing for me is that though the scene adds depth, it's not enough depth or transformative enough to cause me to truly care about it. Not sure if that's just me or if I'm not the ideal audience. I may revisit this to expand a bit more on my thoughts.
Conclusion: Upper middle road due to good writing.
Conclusion: Upper middle road due to good writing.
This does a good job of fleshing out the moment, but the moment didn’t really need fleshing out. Don’t get me wrong, this is good work, but it feels superfluous.
This is a nice behind-the-scenes story. I think it needs to go a little further to explain Rainbow's actions, though. Her quick abandonment of her dreams didn't make much sense in the story, and while this helps, it's still a little out of character.
I think a whiff of shipping fuel with Meadow would add a lot here, and it might explain things better. KISSU KISSU
I have to assume this one is done by whoever Pascoite is: Natron77? Bleah. I can't rely on inference that much.
I think a whiff of shipping fuel with Meadow would add a lot here, and it might explain things better. KISSU KISSU
I have to assume this one is done by whoever Pascoite is: Natron77? Bleah. I can't rely on inference that much.
Mane Six count (Don't mind me, I'm just curious as to how many times each of the Mane 6 appears):
Rainbow: 6
Applejack: 5
Pinkie: 3
Twilight: 3
Rarity: 2
Fluttershy: 1
Sunset: 1
Meadow Flower? Where's my Cloudchaser? Erm, uh... [/notbiasednope]
So you're trying to add onto the shows canon and show a scene that happened between two others. That's fine. And it's honestly not a bad scene. Thing is... it wasn't needed. And, honestly, I think I like the scenes in question better if Dash storms over immediately and doesn't have the intention of quitting immediately, only getting the thought when she's already in Spitfire's office and Spitfire is a little too accepting of the situation.
So it's not a bad scene, but the fact that it doesn't add anything to the episode it references (and actually kind of detracts a little, at least for me), I'm afraid I didn't like it quite as much as I could have.
Verdict: Good, but flawed and a little unnecessary,
Rainbow: 6
Applejack: 5
Pinkie: 3
Twilight: 3
Rarity: 2
Fluttershy: 1
Sunset: 1
Meadow Flower? Where's my Cloudchaser? Erm, uh... [/notbiasednope]
So you're trying to add onto the shows canon and show a scene that happened between two others. That's fine. And it's honestly not a bad scene. Thing is... it wasn't needed. And, honestly, I think I like the scenes in question better if Dash storms over immediately and doesn't have the intention of quitting immediately, only getting the thought when she's already in Spitfire's office and Spitfire is a little too accepting of the situation.
So it's not a bad scene, but the fact that it doesn't add anything to the episode it references (and actually kind of detracts a little, at least for me), I'm afraid I didn't like it quite as much as I could have.
Verdict: Good, but flawed and a little unnecessary,
This was simple but well-executed for the most part. I can't help but feel it was a little... plain?
I dunno. This is a really strong Writeoff IMO, which means this story is probably going to end up lower on my slate than I wish I could put it. It's good, but the thing is that it lacks the kind of oomph it needs to really stand out against the competition.
But author, please, I don't mean to dump on you by saying that.
I dunno. This is a really strong Writeoff IMO, which means this story is probably going to end up lower on my slate than I wish I could put it. It's good, but the thing is that it lacks the kind of oomph it needs to really stand out against the competition.
But author, please, I don't mean to dump on you by saying that.
I'm going to echo a lot of the other comments here in that this was a nice story and well constructed but failed to make any real impact on me. It's a big problem with these behind the scenes fics that they lack any real mystery or drama precisely because we, the reader, know going in what the end will be. I'd be far more engaged by Lighting Dust's thoughts, or even Meadow's than Rainbow's because I already know what the conclusion will be for her.
This feels like the first third to half of a story and frustrates me by cutting off just when the climax might be approaching. That's the major flaw I find here - the lack of having reached anywhere satisfying.
On more minor points, I'm also wondering how Rainbow Dash confuses another pony's voice for Lightning, how it could be possible that nopony has ever quit the Wonderbolts academy (this seems like an elite team, probably with a high, and certainly not zero, dropout rate), and how Spitfire's gaze can really be seen to be stern if her eyes are hidden behind sunglasses. A lot of little details like these add up to an overall sense of this story needing some revision and polishing before it's going to shine.
I'm also a bit concerned that it doesn't really do anything uniquely exploratory with the incident, going at it from some facet not covered in the episode - it's just sort of a retelling of the familiar in a little more detail. I think it needs to find what it has to say that's new and unexamined about this situation Rainbow finds herself in, then you'll be on to something.
On more minor points, I'm also wondering how Rainbow Dash confuses another pony's voice for Lightning, how it could be possible that nopony has ever quit the Wonderbolts academy (this seems like an elite team, probably with a high, and certainly not zero, dropout rate), and how Spitfire's gaze can really be seen to be stern if her eyes are hidden behind sunglasses. A lot of little details like these add up to an overall sense of this story needing some revision and polishing before it's going to shine.
I'm also a bit concerned that it doesn't really do anything uniquely exploratory with the incident, going at it from some facet not covered in the episode - it's just sort of a retelling of the familiar in a little more detail. I think it needs to find what it has to say that's new and unexamined about this situation Rainbow finds herself in, then you'll be on to something.
