Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Heartbreak
Don’t make the same mistakes I did.
Twilight awoke with a jerk and a shriek, the memory of the nightmare still haunting her.
“Are you okay, Twilight?” Spike asked, rushing to her side.
“I’m fine, Spike. Fine. Just the same nightmare as usual.” Twilight rubbed her eyes, trying to clear both the unpleasant vision and the incredible weariness from her head. “How long was I asleep?”
“Uhh,” Spike hesitated. “Promise you won’t get mad?”
She gave him a soft glare. “Spike…”
He flashed a disarming grin. “Six hours?”
“Spike!” Twilight was fully awake now. “I told you to wake me up after two!” She hopped out of bed and charged out of the room.
“Yeah, but the others said—” Spike called after her, but she didn’t hear the rest as she tore down the hall. Not that she really cared. Sleep was a luxury you couldn’t afford when you were in the midst of a civil war.
“Uh, hey there, Twi.” Applejack looked surprised to see Twilight as she burst into the throne room doubling as her command center. “Didn’t expect you to be up so early.”
“Can’t sleep, have a war to win,” Twilight snarled. Applejack wisely decided not to press the issue further.
Twilight surveyed the room. From the looks of it, Starlight and Applejack had been discussing strategy with Rainbow floating above them either listening in silently or ignoring them. Knowing Rainbow, both options were equally likely. Fluttershy was there as well, though she looked rather uncomfortable and uncertain what she was doing there. Twilight briefly considered demanding which of them had told Spike not to wake her up when she’d asked him to, but decided against it and simply slid into her throne. They were her friends after all, and she hadn’t been sleeping much lately. Maybe she actually did need it.
“Status update.”
Starlight cleared her throat. “Heartbreak’s army is—”
“Cadance’s.”
Starlight blinked. “Huh?”
“Princess Cadance’s army, not Heartbreak’s. I know she’s… changed—”
Rainbow Dash snorted. “That’s for sure.”
“—But deep inside, she’s still Princess Cadance. And it’s up to us to help her remember that.”
Starlight looked a little confused, but seemed to accept it. “Er, well, Princess Cadance’s army is about three days away from Ponyville at their current speed. Since crystal ponies are primarily Earth Ponies, Rainbow and her weather squads have been able to impede their progress with minimal risk to themselves, but…”
Twilight nodded, knowing exactly what the problem with this plan was. “But Flurry’s still able to protect them from the worst of it.” Bad weather definitely wasn’t enough to stop an army led by two Alicorns. Still, every bit of time they could buy was valuable.
“Flurry and Shining Armor,” Starlight corrected. “They’re both on the front lines protecting Heartbrea—, er, Cadance. And Twilight? From what the scouts say, your brother’s looking—”
“How are the battlemagi coming along?”
Starlight balked at the interruption, then lowered her ears. “I’m sorry, Twilight. We’ve got a few who are getting the basic attack and defense spells down, but…” She trailed off. Twilight didn’t need her to finish.
“That’s fine.” She put a hoof on her apprentice’s shoulder. “Any little bit helps, and it’s still more unicorns than Cadance has. When it comes to dealing with her army, it might just be enough to push us over the edge.” She turned to Applejack. “How are the defenses coming?”
“Well, we should have most of them done by the time they get here…” Applejack rubbed her forehead. “But I ain’t so sure they’ll do a heckuva lotta good against an alicorn. And we’re going up against two.”
“I know it’s not much, but we’re not trying to stop them outright. They just need to protect you three, the guard, and the militia long enough to distract Flurry and the army. I’ll be handling Cadance myself.”
Applejack gave her a look. “If you say so, Twi.”
Twilight flashed her a smile. Applejack gave no response. Sighing, she looked up to her third general. “How are the Wonderbolts doing, Rainbow?”
“Fine.” She didn’t meet Twilight’s gaze.
“Rainbow…”
“I said we’re fine!” Rainbow snapped. “Why wouldn’t we be? While everyone else is sticking around here training, or hiding in Canterlot where they’re safe, we’re the only ones on the front line actually risking our lives trying to keep Heartbreak busy. Of course we’re fine! We’ve always been fine! We were the only ones who were even prepared for something like this!”
The room was quiet for a moment. “Is this about Spitfire? Because Nurse Redheart says—”
“No, it’s not about Spitfire!” Rainbow shouted with such force, Twilight almost fell out of her seat. Rainbow put a hoof to her forehead and shook it. “I’m sorry, Twilight. This whole war thing is getting to me. The stories always made it seem so awesome to be a soldier, but…”
“But it ain’t.” Applejack finished.
“You got that right.”
Twilight slumped in her throne. “I know this hasn’t been easy, girls, and I know on some level this is my fault…” The room was filled with protests, but she rose a hoof to silence them. “This is the situation we find ourselves in now and we have to deal with it the best we can. And that means putting a stop to this war as soon as possible.” She turned to Starlight. “Three days?” she asked again. Starlight nodded. “Not a lot of time left. I just hope we’re ready.”
Rainbow folded her forelegs. “I still don’t see why we don’t just fly in there right now and rainbow blast her back to being Cadance. I mean, it worked for Luna, didn’t it?”
Twilight shook her head. “I already told you that won’t work, Rainbow. Flurry’s protective magic is just too strong.”
“She’s just a foal!”
“An alicorn foal,” Twilight corrected. “And while she might not have been affected by Cadance’s corruption like everypony else in the Crystal Empire, she still loves her mom very much and would do anything to keep her safe. I don’t think even the Elements of Harmony could break through her magic. We need to engage the two of them separately or we’ll never be able to stop them.”
Rainbow grunted, but said nothing more on the matter. They’d had this conversation at least five times now, and Rainbow seemed less inclined to believe it each time. This war really was affecting her friend for the worst. It was affecting them all, really.
“Well, what about just talking with her?” Starlight asked. “Like you did with me. Extend the hoof of friendship and help her see the error of her ways.”
Twilight smiled at her apprentice. “That sort of is the plan, Starlight.”
Starlight nervously looked away. “Well, yeah, but…”
“You’re wondering why we don’t just go out there now and talk to her.”
“Yeah.”
“Cadance is not herself right now. Instead of being one of the most loving, kind, and compassionate ponies I know, she’s bitter, resentful, and distrusting. Even if I did fly over there to talk, she’d probably assume it was some kind of trick and attack me on sight. I’d never even get a chance to speak. Instead, if she comes here feeling she has the upper hoof, she’ll at least be less defensive.”
“So you’re just letting Cadance’s army approach and putting everypony at risk,” Applejack pointed out.
“Everypony’s at risk no matter what we do. But as long as you all focus on defense, this is the least risky option. I promise.”
Applejack scowled, but didn’t pursue the subject any further.
“Well if we can’t just blast Heartbreak,” Rainbow chimed in, apparently still attached to her previous line of thought. “What if we took Flurry out of the picture? You and Starlight could fly out there horns blazing, and then when they’re distracted... Blam! I take her out!”
Twilight was aghast at the suggestion. “Rainbow!”
“What?”
“Are you seriously considering killing Flurry?”
“What? No. Just…” Rainbow trailed off. “Just rough her up a bit?”
“She’s just a foal!”
“She’s the enemy!” Rainbow shot back, glaring at Twilight.
“Whoa there!” Applejack brought a hoor between the arguing friends. “We’re all on the same side here. Save the hostilities for the actual battle.”’
Rainbow continued glaring at Twilight for a moment, but reluctantly backed off.
Twilight sighed. “Look, girls. I know this isn’t going to be easy, but this really is the best plan. So long as we all do our parts, this will all be over soon.”
“I dunno, Twilight,” Applejack mused. “What if Cadance don’t listen to you?”
“Don’t worry, she will.”
“But what if she don’t?”
Twilight didn’t respond.
“Twlight?”
“...I’ll think of something.”
Applejack stared at her for a good long while.
“Excuse me. Twilight?”
Twilight and her three generals turned to face Fluttershy.
“Did you want my report?”
Twilight perked up at that. “Oh, did you finally get in contact with Discord?” That was great news. He’d be able to turn the tide of the war easily, and—
“Um. No.”
Twilight’s ears and heart sank.
“I’m sorry, Twilight. But he’s very difficult to get ahold of when he’s on vacation.”
“I know, Fluttershy.”
“Should I keep trying?”
Twilight sighed. “Please.”
“Okay.” She smiled at Twilight. “Um, I know everything’s really bad right now, and that everyone’s counting on you to end the war and all…” Twilight mentally thanked Fluttershy for reminding her. “But I think you’re doing a great job.” She smiled warmly.
Twilight looked at her three other friends present, and they were smiling too. Well, Rainbow was glowering slightly less intimidatingly, which was close enough considering the circumstances. But somehow, despite all the hardships, her friends were still there for her. Still by her side and giving her their all to make everything work. Just like they always did.
She managed to smile back. “Thanks, Fluttershy. I think I really needed a vote of confidence right about now.”
Rainbow snorted. “You’re Twilight Freaking Sparkle. Of course you’re doing an amazing job! Don’t let me complaining get you down.”
“Thanks, Rainbow.”
“Although,” Rainbow’s grimace finally dropped into a playful smile. “It really would be nice if you’d just end this war already. Wonderbolts may be awesome, but we can’t do everything you know!”
“I’ll get right on it,” Twilight smiled right back. “Anything else while I’m granting requests?”
“Yeah,” Dash sat down in her throne. “How ’bout some food? I’m starving.”
The others laughed a little and Twilight and called for Spike to bring them some breakfast for them to eat while they continued talking strategy.
The rest of their war meeting went relatively smoothly compared to the start. Several hours later, Twilight dismissed her generals to carry out their orders, allowing her to ponder the current state of affairs alone.
“Are you okay, Twilight?”
Twilight snapped back to reality. She’d managed to completely forget Fluttershy was still there. “Oh, I’m sorry, Fluttershy. Just… thinking.”
“Anything you need to get off your mind?”
Twilight sighed. “Everything’s a mess, Fluttershy. And I’m just not sure I can fix it this time.”
“You’re doing very well so far.”
“Am I really?” Twilight turned away from her. “Ever since Celestia and Luna left, leaving me in charge of Equestria, it’s just been one disaster after another. The nobles refused to accept my rule, the Griffons threatened to secede, and Cadance…”
“It’s not your fault, Twilight.”
Twilight snorted. “She certainly thinks it is. And I’m not sure I disagree with her.”
“Twilight,” Fluttershy trotted over to stand by her friend.
“I have nightmares of them leaving, you know. They rise up into the sky and vanish. And Celestia always says not to make the same mistakes she did.” She laughed humourlessly. “Utter nonsense, of course, since they didn’t actually leave that way. But that warning… I can never stop thinking about it knowing what happened to Cadance…” Tears started running down her cheek. “I did make the same mistake, Fluttershy. If I’d been paying more attention to Cadance and the Crystal Empire… none of this would have happened!”
Fluttershy said nothing, letting her friend cry it out.
Eventually, Twilight managed to dry her tears. “I could feel it, you know. The precise moment it happened to her, despite being miles and miles away. It was like—” She struggled, trying to find the words. “I don’t know how to explain it. I just knew there was something very wrong with Cadance. And soon that feeling grew across the entire Crystal Empire. And by the time I managed to fly over there… the crystal ponies…” She shook her head, trying to dispel the images of the soulless eyes that looked up at her when she flew overhead. Each one of them completely stripped of their love for anything but their ruler. Not for Princess Cadance, but for Heartbreak.
Fluttershy pulled her friend in closer for a hug. “We’ll make things better, Twilight. You’ll see.”
Twilight certainly hoped so.
Three days later, Twilight sat alone in her throne room, going down her mental checklist for the seventeenth time, making sure there was absolutely nothing she was forgetting. There wasn’t, of course, but running down the list made her slightly less nervous while she waited for the inevitable. She needed to be calm if her plan was going to work.
It was a risky plan and she knew it. Best case scenario was still going to be really rough for a lot of ponies. And worst case scenario…
She didn’t even want to think about that.
Outside, the sounds of battle started, signifying the opposing army’s arrival. Twilight knew it was only a matter of time before Heartbreak realized she wasn’t there leading everypony. Hopefully, that would cause her to do something reckless. Twilight took a deep breath, steeling herself for the inevitable.
“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake,” a familiar, but twisted and sinister voice filled the room. “Clap your hooves and love Heartbreak.” A pink flame appeared on the other side of the Cutie Map, and a moment later a dark pink alicorn dressed for battle appeared where the flame once was. She smiled coolly at Twilight. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it, Princess Twilight?”
Twilight gave no reaction to the performance. She more or less expected something like this and was resolved to not let it get to her “Good morning, Cadance.”
“Heartbreak,” Heartbreak snarled. “Princess Cadance is no more, thanks to you.”
Twilight remained unmoved. “Please, take a seat.” She gestured to Pinkie’s throne.
“Take a seat?” Heartbreak laughed. “Why of course, Twilight. After all, that’s the whole reason I’m here. One tiny, insignificant seat. Your throne.”
Twilight stood up and stepped to the side. “Very well, then.”
This broke Heartbreak’s composure and she eyed the throne suspiciously, then Twilight, then the throne again. “What’s going on here?”
“I surrender.”
Heartbreak blinked, then burst out into laughter. “Surrender? After all the trouble you’ve gone through to stop me, you’re going to surrender? Just like that?”
“Yes.” Twilight lowered her head. “I can’t fight you, Cadance.”
“I must admit, this is very smart of you, Twilight,” Heartbreak crowed, taking a seat in Twilight’s throne. “You can’t beat me after all. And I imagine your pitiful army is already falling to my lovely daughter and wonderful husband.” Twilight flinched, but Heartbreak seemed not to notice. “You’re hopelessly outmatched. Surrender is simply the wise option. But there’s just one problem.”
“Problem?” Twilight echoed in surprise.
“I refuse!”
A pink beam of energy erupted from Heartbreak’s horn towards Twilight’s head. It was all she could do to bring up a protective barrier in time, but the impact still sent her flying across the room.
“You think I’d just accept your surrender just like that?” Heartbreak demanded, rising into the air to better aim her next beam. “After what you did to me?”
Anticipating the blast this time, Twilight’s barrier managed to absorb the impact entirely this time. She took to the air herself, barely dodging a third blast.
“After Celestia and Luna left, you forgot me, Twilight,” Heartbreak bellowed, attacking yet again. “You and the rest of Equestria.”
“No!” Twilight protested, dodging again, trying and failing to find something in the throne room that might provide some amount of cover. “Everyone loves you, Cadance. The people look up to you!”
“Liar!” Heartbreak punctuated the word with a double sized blast. “All anypony could think of was friendship. They forgot all about love.”
“Friendship is a kind of love!” Twilight wrapped herself in a protective bubble and braced for impact.
“Then why did they like you better?” Heartbreak demanded.
“I—” Twilight was cut off as another blast clipped her wing. The pain was enough to make her lose concentration and she fell to the ground.
Heartbreak leapt on the opportunity and flew straight towards her prey, horn first. “Say goodnight, Twilight.”
Twilight closed her eyes. She’d failed. She’d failed, and now there was no other option available to her.
“I’m sorry,” Twilight whispered.
“Not sorry enough!”
Twilight’s eyes snapped open as she cast her spell.
Heartbreak froze in place moments before colliding with Twilight. Her head snapped up, and she looked straight into Twilight’s eyes. “What did y—”
And she was gone.
Hours later, Twilight still hadn’t been able to move from the spot she’d fallen.
“Twilight!” Twilight barely managed to recognize Fluttershy’s voice. “Are you okay?”
Twilight couldn’t even raise her head to look at her friend. “She’s gone, Fluttershy.”
“What happened?” A blurry, Fluttershy-shaped blob slid into view.
“I banished her.” Twilight was dimly aware of Fluttershy trying to help her stand up. She ignored her. “Like Celestia did to Nightmare Moon.”
“To the moon?”
“No.” Twilight shook her head. “The spell for banishing an alicorn is both literal and symbolic. You get sent to whatever you represent. So since Luna was the Princess of the Moon, that’s where she went. But Cadance...” She put a hoof to her chest. “Cadance is the Princess of Love.”
Twilight could barely make out the horror on Fluttershy’s face.
“I can feel her inside me. Her rage is... I’m not sure I can deal with this for a thousand years.”
“Can’t we do something?”
Twilight shook her head. “The spell is irreversible. The only thing that can undo it is time. But Fluttershy? ” She slowly rose to her feet. “There’s one thing we can do.”
“What?”
“Cadance turned into Heartbreak because she thought the ponies of Equestria had forgotten her. And Luna thought the same thing when she turned into Nightmare Moon. But a thousand years after Nightmare Moon had been banished, ponies really had forgotten about her. We can’t let that happen again. Cadance will be remembered. Not as Heartbreak, but as the Princess of Love. And in a thousand years, when she’s finally freed, I think we’ll be ready for her.”
She coughed, and staggered on her hooves. Fluttershy caught and steadied her.
“Come on. Let’s tend to the aftermath of the battle.”
Twilight awoke with a jerk and a shriek, the memory of the nightmare still haunting her.
“Are you okay, Twilight?” Spike asked, rushing to her side.
“I’m fine, Spike. Fine. Just the same nightmare as usual.” Twilight rubbed her eyes, trying to clear both the unpleasant vision and the incredible weariness from her head. “How long was I asleep?”
“Uhh,” Spike hesitated. “Promise you won’t get mad?”
She gave him a soft glare. “Spike…”
He flashed a disarming grin. “Six hours?”
“Spike!” Twilight was fully awake now. “I told you to wake me up after two!” She hopped out of bed and charged out of the room.
“Yeah, but the others said—” Spike called after her, but she didn’t hear the rest as she tore down the hall. Not that she really cared. Sleep was a luxury you couldn’t afford when you were in the midst of a civil war.
“Uh, hey there, Twi.” Applejack looked surprised to see Twilight as she burst into the throne room doubling as her command center. “Didn’t expect you to be up so early.”
“Can’t sleep, have a war to win,” Twilight snarled. Applejack wisely decided not to press the issue further.
Twilight surveyed the room. From the looks of it, Starlight and Applejack had been discussing strategy with Rainbow floating above them either listening in silently or ignoring them. Knowing Rainbow, both options were equally likely. Fluttershy was there as well, though she looked rather uncomfortable and uncertain what she was doing there. Twilight briefly considered demanding which of them had told Spike not to wake her up when she’d asked him to, but decided against it and simply slid into her throne. They were her friends after all, and she hadn’t been sleeping much lately. Maybe she actually did need it.
“Status update.”
Starlight cleared her throat. “Heartbreak’s army is—”
“Cadance’s.”
Starlight blinked. “Huh?”
“Princess Cadance’s army, not Heartbreak’s. I know she’s… changed—”
Rainbow Dash snorted. “That’s for sure.”
“—But deep inside, she’s still Princess Cadance. And it’s up to us to help her remember that.”
Starlight looked a little confused, but seemed to accept it. “Er, well, Princess Cadance’s army is about three days away from Ponyville at their current speed. Since crystal ponies are primarily Earth Ponies, Rainbow and her weather squads have been able to impede their progress with minimal risk to themselves, but…”
Twilight nodded, knowing exactly what the problem with this plan was. “But Flurry’s still able to protect them from the worst of it.” Bad weather definitely wasn’t enough to stop an army led by two Alicorns. Still, every bit of time they could buy was valuable.
“Flurry and Shining Armor,” Starlight corrected. “They’re both on the front lines protecting Heartbrea—, er, Cadance. And Twilight? From what the scouts say, your brother’s looking—”
“How are the battlemagi coming along?”
Starlight balked at the interruption, then lowered her ears. “I’m sorry, Twilight. We’ve got a few who are getting the basic attack and defense spells down, but…” She trailed off. Twilight didn’t need her to finish.
“That’s fine.” She put a hoof on her apprentice’s shoulder. “Any little bit helps, and it’s still more unicorns than Cadance has. When it comes to dealing with her army, it might just be enough to push us over the edge.” She turned to Applejack. “How are the defenses coming?”
“Well, we should have most of them done by the time they get here…” Applejack rubbed her forehead. “But I ain’t so sure they’ll do a heckuva lotta good against an alicorn. And we’re going up against two.”
“I know it’s not much, but we’re not trying to stop them outright. They just need to protect you three, the guard, and the militia long enough to distract Flurry and the army. I’ll be handling Cadance myself.”
Applejack gave her a look. “If you say so, Twi.”
Twilight flashed her a smile. Applejack gave no response. Sighing, she looked up to her third general. “How are the Wonderbolts doing, Rainbow?”
“Fine.” She didn’t meet Twilight’s gaze.
“Rainbow…”
“I said we’re fine!” Rainbow snapped. “Why wouldn’t we be? While everyone else is sticking around here training, or hiding in Canterlot where they’re safe, we’re the only ones on the front line actually risking our lives trying to keep Heartbreak busy. Of course we’re fine! We’ve always been fine! We were the only ones who were even prepared for something like this!”
The room was quiet for a moment. “Is this about Spitfire? Because Nurse Redheart says—”
“No, it’s not about Spitfire!” Rainbow shouted with such force, Twilight almost fell out of her seat. Rainbow put a hoof to her forehead and shook it. “I’m sorry, Twilight. This whole war thing is getting to me. The stories always made it seem so awesome to be a soldier, but…”
“But it ain’t.” Applejack finished.
“You got that right.”
Twilight slumped in her throne. “I know this hasn’t been easy, girls, and I know on some level this is my fault…” The room was filled with protests, but she rose a hoof to silence them. “This is the situation we find ourselves in now and we have to deal with it the best we can. And that means putting a stop to this war as soon as possible.” She turned to Starlight. “Three days?” she asked again. Starlight nodded. “Not a lot of time left. I just hope we’re ready.”
Rainbow folded her forelegs. “I still don’t see why we don’t just fly in there right now and rainbow blast her back to being Cadance. I mean, it worked for Luna, didn’t it?”
Twilight shook her head. “I already told you that won’t work, Rainbow. Flurry’s protective magic is just too strong.”
“She’s just a foal!”
“An alicorn foal,” Twilight corrected. “And while she might not have been affected by Cadance’s corruption like everypony else in the Crystal Empire, she still loves her mom very much and would do anything to keep her safe. I don’t think even the Elements of Harmony could break through her magic. We need to engage the two of them separately or we’ll never be able to stop them.”
Rainbow grunted, but said nothing more on the matter. They’d had this conversation at least five times now, and Rainbow seemed less inclined to believe it each time. This war really was affecting her friend for the worst. It was affecting them all, really.
“Well, what about just talking with her?” Starlight asked. “Like you did with me. Extend the hoof of friendship and help her see the error of her ways.”
Twilight smiled at her apprentice. “That sort of is the plan, Starlight.”
Starlight nervously looked away. “Well, yeah, but…”
“You’re wondering why we don’t just go out there now and talk to her.”
“Yeah.”
“Cadance is not herself right now. Instead of being one of the most loving, kind, and compassionate ponies I know, she’s bitter, resentful, and distrusting. Even if I did fly over there to talk, she’d probably assume it was some kind of trick and attack me on sight. I’d never even get a chance to speak. Instead, if she comes here feeling she has the upper hoof, she’ll at least be less defensive.”
“So you’re just letting Cadance’s army approach and putting everypony at risk,” Applejack pointed out.
“Everypony’s at risk no matter what we do. But as long as you all focus on defense, this is the least risky option. I promise.”
Applejack scowled, but didn’t pursue the subject any further.
“Well if we can’t just blast Heartbreak,” Rainbow chimed in, apparently still attached to her previous line of thought. “What if we took Flurry out of the picture? You and Starlight could fly out there horns blazing, and then when they’re distracted... Blam! I take her out!”
Twilight was aghast at the suggestion. “Rainbow!”
“What?”
“Are you seriously considering killing Flurry?”
“What? No. Just…” Rainbow trailed off. “Just rough her up a bit?”
“She’s just a foal!”
“She’s the enemy!” Rainbow shot back, glaring at Twilight.
“Whoa there!” Applejack brought a hoor between the arguing friends. “We’re all on the same side here. Save the hostilities for the actual battle.”’
Rainbow continued glaring at Twilight for a moment, but reluctantly backed off.
Twilight sighed. “Look, girls. I know this isn’t going to be easy, but this really is the best plan. So long as we all do our parts, this will all be over soon.”
“I dunno, Twilight,” Applejack mused. “What if Cadance don’t listen to you?”
“Don’t worry, she will.”
“But what if she don’t?”
Twilight didn’t respond.
“Twlight?”
“...I’ll think of something.”
Applejack stared at her for a good long while.
“Excuse me. Twilight?”
Twilight and her three generals turned to face Fluttershy.
“Did you want my report?”
Twilight perked up at that. “Oh, did you finally get in contact with Discord?” That was great news. He’d be able to turn the tide of the war easily, and—
“Um. No.”
Twilight’s ears and heart sank.
“I’m sorry, Twilight. But he’s very difficult to get ahold of when he’s on vacation.”
“I know, Fluttershy.”
“Should I keep trying?”
Twilight sighed. “Please.”
“Okay.” She smiled at Twilight. “Um, I know everything’s really bad right now, and that everyone’s counting on you to end the war and all…” Twilight mentally thanked Fluttershy for reminding her. “But I think you’re doing a great job.” She smiled warmly.
Twilight looked at her three other friends present, and they were smiling too. Well, Rainbow was glowering slightly less intimidatingly, which was close enough considering the circumstances. But somehow, despite all the hardships, her friends were still there for her. Still by her side and giving her their all to make everything work. Just like they always did.
She managed to smile back. “Thanks, Fluttershy. I think I really needed a vote of confidence right about now.”
Rainbow snorted. “You’re Twilight Freaking Sparkle. Of course you’re doing an amazing job! Don’t let me complaining get you down.”
“Thanks, Rainbow.”
“Although,” Rainbow’s grimace finally dropped into a playful smile. “It really would be nice if you’d just end this war already. Wonderbolts may be awesome, but we can’t do everything you know!”
“I’ll get right on it,” Twilight smiled right back. “Anything else while I’m granting requests?”
“Yeah,” Dash sat down in her throne. “How ’bout some food? I’m starving.”
The others laughed a little and Twilight and called for Spike to bring them some breakfast for them to eat while they continued talking strategy.
The rest of their war meeting went relatively smoothly compared to the start. Several hours later, Twilight dismissed her generals to carry out their orders, allowing her to ponder the current state of affairs alone.
“Are you okay, Twilight?”
Twilight snapped back to reality. She’d managed to completely forget Fluttershy was still there. “Oh, I’m sorry, Fluttershy. Just… thinking.”
“Anything you need to get off your mind?”
Twilight sighed. “Everything’s a mess, Fluttershy. And I’m just not sure I can fix it this time.”
“You’re doing very well so far.”
“Am I really?” Twilight turned away from her. “Ever since Celestia and Luna left, leaving me in charge of Equestria, it’s just been one disaster after another. The nobles refused to accept my rule, the Griffons threatened to secede, and Cadance…”
“It’s not your fault, Twilight.”
Twilight snorted. “She certainly thinks it is. And I’m not sure I disagree with her.”
“Twilight,” Fluttershy trotted over to stand by her friend.
“I have nightmares of them leaving, you know. They rise up into the sky and vanish. And Celestia always says not to make the same mistakes she did.” She laughed humourlessly. “Utter nonsense, of course, since they didn’t actually leave that way. But that warning… I can never stop thinking about it knowing what happened to Cadance…” Tears started running down her cheek. “I did make the same mistake, Fluttershy. If I’d been paying more attention to Cadance and the Crystal Empire… none of this would have happened!”
Fluttershy said nothing, letting her friend cry it out.
Eventually, Twilight managed to dry her tears. “I could feel it, you know. The precise moment it happened to her, despite being miles and miles away. It was like—” She struggled, trying to find the words. “I don’t know how to explain it. I just knew there was something very wrong with Cadance. And soon that feeling grew across the entire Crystal Empire. And by the time I managed to fly over there… the crystal ponies…” She shook her head, trying to dispel the images of the soulless eyes that looked up at her when she flew overhead. Each one of them completely stripped of their love for anything but their ruler. Not for Princess Cadance, but for Heartbreak.
Fluttershy pulled her friend in closer for a hug. “We’ll make things better, Twilight. You’ll see.”
Twilight certainly hoped so.
Three days later, Twilight sat alone in her throne room, going down her mental checklist for the seventeenth time, making sure there was absolutely nothing she was forgetting. There wasn’t, of course, but running down the list made her slightly less nervous while she waited for the inevitable. She needed to be calm if her plan was going to work.
It was a risky plan and she knew it. Best case scenario was still going to be really rough for a lot of ponies. And worst case scenario…
She didn’t even want to think about that.
Outside, the sounds of battle started, signifying the opposing army’s arrival. Twilight knew it was only a matter of time before Heartbreak realized she wasn’t there leading everypony. Hopefully, that would cause her to do something reckless. Twilight took a deep breath, steeling herself for the inevitable.
“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake,” a familiar, but twisted and sinister voice filled the room. “Clap your hooves and love Heartbreak.” A pink flame appeared on the other side of the Cutie Map, and a moment later a dark pink alicorn dressed for battle appeared where the flame once was. She smiled coolly at Twilight. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it, Princess Twilight?”
Twilight gave no reaction to the performance. She more or less expected something like this and was resolved to not let it get to her “Good morning, Cadance.”
“Heartbreak,” Heartbreak snarled. “Princess Cadance is no more, thanks to you.”
Twilight remained unmoved. “Please, take a seat.” She gestured to Pinkie’s throne.
“Take a seat?” Heartbreak laughed. “Why of course, Twilight. After all, that’s the whole reason I’m here. One tiny, insignificant seat. Your throne.”
Twilight stood up and stepped to the side. “Very well, then.”
This broke Heartbreak’s composure and she eyed the throne suspiciously, then Twilight, then the throne again. “What’s going on here?”
“I surrender.”
Heartbreak blinked, then burst out into laughter. “Surrender? After all the trouble you’ve gone through to stop me, you’re going to surrender? Just like that?”
“Yes.” Twilight lowered her head. “I can’t fight you, Cadance.”
“I must admit, this is very smart of you, Twilight,” Heartbreak crowed, taking a seat in Twilight’s throne. “You can’t beat me after all. And I imagine your pitiful army is already falling to my lovely daughter and wonderful husband.” Twilight flinched, but Heartbreak seemed not to notice. “You’re hopelessly outmatched. Surrender is simply the wise option. But there’s just one problem.”
“Problem?” Twilight echoed in surprise.
“I refuse!”
A pink beam of energy erupted from Heartbreak’s horn towards Twilight’s head. It was all she could do to bring up a protective barrier in time, but the impact still sent her flying across the room.
“You think I’d just accept your surrender just like that?” Heartbreak demanded, rising into the air to better aim her next beam. “After what you did to me?”
Anticipating the blast this time, Twilight’s barrier managed to absorb the impact entirely this time. She took to the air herself, barely dodging a third blast.
“After Celestia and Luna left, you forgot me, Twilight,” Heartbreak bellowed, attacking yet again. “You and the rest of Equestria.”
“No!” Twilight protested, dodging again, trying and failing to find something in the throne room that might provide some amount of cover. “Everyone loves you, Cadance. The people look up to you!”
“Liar!” Heartbreak punctuated the word with a double sized blast. “All anypony could think of was friendship. They forgot all about love.”
“Friendship is a kind of love!” Twilight wrapped herself in a protective bubble and braced for impact.
“Then why did they like you better?” Heartbreak demanded.
“I—” Twilight was cut off as another blast clipped her wing. The pain was enough to make her lose concentration and she fell to the ground.
Heartbreak leapt on the opportunity and flew straight towards her prey, horn first. “Say goodnight, Twilight.”
Twilight closed her eyes. She’d failed. She’d failed, and now there was no other option available to her.
“I’m sorry,” Twilight whispered.
“Not sorry enough!”
Twilight’s eyes snapped open as she cast her spell.
Heartbreak froze in place moments before colliding with Twilight. Her head snapped up, and she looked straight into Twilight’s eyes. “What did y—”
And she was gone.
Hours later, Twilight still hadn’t been able to move from the spot she’d fallen.
“Twilight!” Twilight barely managed to recognize Fluttershy’s voice. “Are you okay?”
Twilight couldn’t even raise her head to look at her friend. “She’s gone, Fluttershy.”
“What happened?” A blurry, Fluttershy-shaped blob slid into view.
“I banished her.” Twilight was dimly aware of Fluttershy trying to help her stand up. She ignored her. “Like Celestia did to Nightmare Moon.”
“To the moon?”
“No.” Twilight shook her head. “The spell for banishing an alicorn is both literal and symbolic. You get sent to whatever you represent. So since Luna was the Princess of the Moon, that’s where she went. But Cadance...” She put a hoof to her chest. “Cadance is the Princess of Love.”
Twilight could barely make out the horror on Fluttershy’s face.
“I can feel her inside me. Her rage is... I’m not sure I can deal with this for a thousand years.”
“Can’t we do something?”
Twilight shook her head. “The spell is irreversible. The only thing that can undo it is time. But Fluttershy? ” She slowly rose to her feet. “There’s one thing we can do.”
“What?”
“Cadance turned into Heartbreak because she thought the ponies of Equestria had forgotten her. And Luna thought the same thing when she turned into Nightmare Moon. But a thousand years after Nightmare Moon had been banished, ponies really had forgotten about her. We can’t let that happen again. Cadance will be remembered. Not as Heartbreak, but as the Princess of Love. And in a thousand years, when she’s finally freed, I think we’ll be ready for her.”
She coughed, and staggered on her hooves. Fluttershy caught and steadied her.
“Come on. Let’s tend to the aftermath of the battle.”
This story has a good idea going for it. I like the idea of the main six as sovereign rulers having to deal with a corrupted Cadence. I think it’s clever the way that Cadence is dealt with eventually.
However, my problem with this story is that much of it is told through expositional dialogue. Like, a lot, if not most. The plot by itself boils down to: the main six discuss how to defeat Cadence, and Cadence confronts Twilight, with two scenes of Fluttershy and Twilight reflecting on each. It doesn’t feel like a lot has happened proportional to how much is talked about. I’m told through dialogue that Cadence is corrupted and gaining ground in a war, I’m told what the wonderbolts are doing, why they can’t use the elements, where Discord is, where Celestia and Luna are, that battles are happening, but I feel like I’m not seeing as much plot as I want to or need to. I think this either needed to be longer to better show things and space out time (words) between exposition, or the exposition needed to be cut down. War is told and not shown so much that the war feels more like background noise.
There are things told through characterizing moments [Starlight cleared her throat. “Heartbreak’s army is—” “Cadance’s.”], and I appreciate that, but I feel like it needed more. There are also some smaller instances of unnecessary telling when showing was already doing the job [Twilight was aghast at the suggestion. “Rainbow!”] [It was like—” She struggled, trying to find the words. “I don’t know how to explain it.].
The second scene was too short, I think, to have the emotional impact it seems to be trying to have. It’s a bit of a pacing issue, but it also doesn’t help that infodump is paired with somewhat sudden crying.
However, my problem with this story is that much of it is told through expositional dialogue. Like, a lot, if not most. The plot by itself boils down to: the main six discuss how to defeat Cadence, and Cadence confronts Twilight, with two scenes of Fluttershy and Twilight reflecting on each. It doesn’t feel like a lot has happened proportional to how much is talked about. I’m told through dialogue that Cadence is corrupted and gaining ground in a war, I’m told what the wonderbolts are doing, why they can’t use the elements, where Discord is, where Celestia and Luna are, that battles are happening, but I feel like I’m not seeing as much plot as I want to or need to. I think this either needed to be longer to better show things and space out time (words) between exposition, or the exposition needed to be cut down. War is told and not shown so much that the war feels more like background noise.
There are things told through characterizing moments [Starlight cleared her throat. “Heartbreak’s army is—” “Cadance’s.”], and I appreciate that, but I feel like it needed more. There are also some smaller instances of unnecessary telling when showing was already doing the job [Twilight was aghast at the suggestion. “Rainbow!”] [It was like—” She struggled, trying to find the words. “I don’t know how to explain it.].
The second scene was too short, I think, to have the emotional impact it seems to be trying to have. It’s a bit of a pacing issue, but it also doesn’t help that infodump is paired with somewhat sudden crying.
Oh. Well, this is an interesting premise.
Not sure how I feel about the justification for not employing the Rainbow Beam of Fix Everything™, Eyesore Edition®. It comes down to two factors: How Heartbreak behaves around Flurry and whether Flurry sees Rainbow Power as harming her mother. I don’t have a firm enough grasp on what Flurry thinks or how old she is to know what she thinks of her mother going mad. Plus, if Nightmare Moon couldn’t push back the Elements with a single user, why could Flurry shield against a full sextet? To say nothing of how apparently alicorn banishing doesn’t need the Elements in the first place; bit of an anticlimax there.
Again, fascinating idea, but the details aren’t quite there. Adding more before this segment will do a lot. This would work very well as the buildup and final climax of a longer story where readers won’t need all of the exposition.
Not sure how I feel about the justification for not employing the Rainbow Beam of Fix Everything™, Eyesore Edition®. It comes down to two factors: How Heartbreak behaves around Flurry and whether Flurry sees Rainbow Power as harming her mother. I don’t have a firm enough grasp on what Flurry thinks or how old she is to know what she thinks of her mother going mad. Plus, if Nightmare Moon couldn’t push back the Elements with a single user, why could Flurry shield against a full sextet? To say nothing of how apparently alicorn banishing doesn’t need the Elements in the first place; bit of an anticlimax there.
Again, fascinating idea, but the details aren’t quite there. Adding more before this segment will do a lot. This would work very well as the buildup and final climax of a longer story where readers won’t need all of the exposition.
Don’t make the same mistakes I did.
Don't die.
I find this premise fascinating, but in execution it feels rough around the edges. >>FrontSevens and >>FanOfMostEverything nailed much of this, but I also want to add that I'm unclear as to how much time has passed between the start of this war and the setting of the story. Part of that is due to the fact that characters discuss options that would logically be brought up at the start of a defensive campaign rather than the final battle.
I also wish that we'd seen more of the war than you described. I get that you want to keep the focus on Twilight, but it wouldn't have been that difficult to have her chatting with Applejack from a position to the rear of the front lines, or to have someone run in and send her an update about how Shining Armor is currently kicking their collective horse asses. Or something, whatever.
Point is, the story feels like it has the potential to be an epic. Hammer something grander out of it once this is all said and done, and I'll gladly read it.
This is a great idea, but the execution needs some work. But I'm sure the limitations of the writeoff are at least partially to blame for that.
One of the problems with opening up in the middle of the overall story is that the characters know things that the audience doesn't, and it can be difficult to get the audience up to speed without making it sound awkward. Most authors make the mistake of having the characters tell each other things that they obviously already know. And while there is a bit of that here, I think you instead go the opposite direction and don't tell us the things we should know soon enough. I spent the entire first half of the story wondering what Celestia and Luna were doing during all of this before you finally said that they had left Equestria entirely.
And I know that Cadance had basically gone mad, but a lot of the things she said really didn't make much sense.
You know, Cadance, it really doesn't sound like they do.
So nopony was dating, getting married, or otherwise forming romantic relationships anymore? That sounds very hard to believe. And that's only counting the romantic types of love.
Well, yeah. Of course they did. Twilight doesn't have much of an excuse (and considering how she hadn't even mentioned her brother to her friends, or apparently talked to him or Cadance, for the first two seasons, I don't think this is entirely out of character for her either), but the rest of Equestria on the other side of a frozen wasteland, probably hundreds of miles away. Even if the Crystal Empire isn't technically a separate nation, it might as well have been for most ponies. But it works the other way too. I'm sure that the crystal ponies thought Cadance was the important one and didn't care much about Twilight.
Also, what about Shining Armor? Celestia was ignoring Luna in the time leading up to her becoming Nightmare Moon (at least according to everyone's headcanon. I can't recall if that was ever actually said in the show), but Cadance still had Shining, at least.
Basically, your problem is that this story is too short. This is a fine ending point (though I wouldn't mind seeing the story continue past it (and Twilight should get Chrysalis to replace Cadance so that everyone will think everything is okay again)), but you need to adjust your starting point. I recommend starting either when Luna and Celestia leave or when Cadance gets corrupted.
I know that all my criticisms might make this hard to believe, but I did enjoy this story. I hope that I'll be able to read an expanded version of it someday.
One of the problems with opening up in the middle of the overall story is that the characters know things that the audience doesn't, and it can be difficult to get the audience up to speed without making it sound awkward. Most authors make the mistake of having the characters tell each other things that they obviously already know. And while there is a bit of that here, I think you instead go the opposite direction and don't tell us the things we should know soon enough. I spent the entire first half of the story wondering what Celestia and Luna were doing during all of this before you finally said that they had left Equestria entirely.
And I know that Cadance had basically gone mad, but a lot of the things she said really didn't make much sense.
“Then why did they like you better?” Heartbreak demanded.
“Ever since Celestia and Luna left, leaving me in charge of Equestria, it’s just been one disaster after another. The nobles refused to accept my rule, the Griffons threatened to secede, and Cadance…”
You know, Cadance, it really doesn't sound like they do.
“All anypony could think of was friendship. They forgot all about love.”
So nopony was dating, getting married, or otherwise forming romantic relationships anymore? That sounds very hard to believe. And that's only counting the romantic types of love.
“After Celestia and Luna left, you forgot me, Twilight,” Heartbreak bellowed, attacking yet again. “You and the rest of Equestria.”
Well, yeah. Of course they did. Twilight doesn't have much of an excuse (and considering how she hadn't even mentioned her brother to her friends, or apparently talked to him or Cadance, for the first two seasons, I don't think this is entirely out of character for her either), but the rest of Equestria on the other side of a frozen wasteland, probably hundreds of miles away. Even if the Crystal Empire isn't technically a separate nation, it might as well have been for most ponies. But it works the other way too. I'm sure that the crystal ponies thought Cadance was the important one and didn't care much about Twilight.
Also, what about Shining Armor? Celestia was ignoring Luna in the time leading up to her becoming Nightmare Moon (at least according to everyone's headcanon. I can't recall if that was ever actually said in the show), but Cadance still had Shining, at least.
Basically, your problem is that this story is too short. This is a fine ending point (though I wouldn't mind seeing the story continue past it (and Twilight should get Chrysalis to replace Cadance so that everyone will think everything is okay again)), but you need to adjust your starting point. I recommend starting either when Luna and Celestia leave or when Cadance gets corrupted.
I know that all my criticisms might make this hard to believe, but I did enjoy this story. I hope that I'll be able to read an expanded version of it someday.
I like this, mostly, but one nitpick - 'Celestia and Luna left'. Okay, fine - to where? Like, are they ascending to another plane of existence? Are they on vacation in Neighples? Did they return to their home planet? 'Left' is vague and makes one go 'Why arent they coming back if everything is turned to shit?' so I'd advise grounding it a bit better on why they are gone and not going to help.
Awww, didn't make Finals. I'm curious to see how much I missed by, but oh well. I still think I had a good run.
So everyone more or less said the same thing here. Namely that the premise was good, but the execution needs fine tuning. And I can't say I disagree. Part of the problem here was I was very busy that weekend, and basically had to magically create time to write at all. And part of it was, well, I wasn't 100% sure what to do with it.
Thankfully, that's one of the reasons I WANTED to post this to the WO. Crowd sourcing ideas is great. And I have a better idea now.
I'm definitely going to try and fine tune this one for FimFic (after Gencon. Nationals are too important right now), and I hope the final product winds up being better.
For those curious, this story was inspired by Lullaby for a Princess. While watching it the most recent time, I went "yeah, this is definitely the single saddest moment in all of Equestrian history. And it can never happen again...
And then I realized it could. And my brain went to work. And while I'm not satisfied with the outcome, I am pleased with it. And I do think I can make it better with more time/effort. And it seems like everyone here thinks so too, so awesome.
Anyway, the most surprising thing for me was that no one commented along the lines of "Oh, another Nightmare Cadance story." I seriously expected that to be well, well explored terrioty. But no one even mentioned such, so maybe it's not all that explored at all? I really didn't expect to be treading newish ground here. It seems so obvious, once you think about it!
Anyway, thanks again for the reviews. Shame I didn't make finals, but I do definitely understand the critisims. Hopefully the finished product will be something awesome, though :)
So everyone more or less said the same thing here. Namely that the premise was good, but the execution needs fine tuning. And I can't say I disagree. Part of the problem here was I was very busy that weekend, and basically had to magically create time to write at all. And part of it was, well, I wasn't 100% sure what to do with it.
Thankfully, that's one of the reasons I WANTED to post this to the WO. Crowd sourcing ideas is great. And I have a better idea now.
I'm definitely going to try and fine tune this one for FimFic (after Gencon. Nationals are too important right now), and I hope the final product winds up being better.
For those curious, this story was inspired by Lullaby for a Princess. While watching it the most recent time, I went "yeah, this is definitely the single saddest moment in all of Equestrian history. And it can never happen again...
And then I realized it could. And my brain went to work. And while I'm not satisfied with the outcome, I am pleased with it. And I do think I can make it better with more time/effort. And it seems like everyone here thinks so too, so awesome.
Anyway, the most surprising thing for me was that no one commented along the lines of "Oh, another Nightmare Cadance story." I seriously expected that to be well, well explored terrioty. But no one even mentioned such, so maybe it's not all that explored at all? I really didn't expect to be treading newish ground here. It seems so obvious, once you think about it!
Anyway, thanks again for the reviews. Shame I didn't make finals, but I do definitely understand the critisims. Hopefully the finished product will be something awesome, though :)