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Where in Equestria is Carmen Sandiego?
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This is the best thing.
I think the P.T. game cartridge joke was more distracting than funny (especially since there actually is a game called P.T.). I wish Carmen had gotten a bit more characterization—it's been years since I last played the video game, but I feel like I remember her having a stronger personality than is displayed here.
I think the P.T. game cartridge joke was more distracting than funny (especially since there actually is a game called P.T.). I wish Carmen had gotten a bit more characterization—it's been years since I last played the video game, but I feel like I remember her having a stronger personality than is displayed here.
Well, I am a sucker for Carmen Sandiego references. Because, seriously, I loved that game when I was a kid, and I remember having all the various things set up around my computer so I could reference them – nowadays, though, with the Internet, it would be pretty different. Though, heck, they could go The Secret World route and actually build in an in-game web browser, because, seriously, who doesn’t have the Internet now?
Er, right, the story…
Well, this was pretty compact, and kind of amusing. I think this might sail over the audience of, oh, half the writeoff participants, who were probably born after those games were made. That said, while it was vaguely amusing, it was pretty much a whole story reference, and I think there might have actually been a “Carmen steals the Sun” thing once.
Er, right, the story…
Well, this was pretty compact, and kind of amusing. I think this might sail over the audience of, oh, half the writeoff participants, who were probably born after those games were made. That said, while it was vaguely amusing, it was pretty much a whole story reference, and I think there might have actually been a “Carmen steals the Sun” thing once.
>>TitaniumDragon
Incidentally, the "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" theme song is one of the most marvellously terrible pun songs of all time.
Incidentally, the "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" theme song is one of the most marvellously terrible pun songs of all time.
Steal their Seoul in South Korea, make Antarctica cry Uncle,
From the Red Sea to Greenland they'll be singing the blues,
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the delta,
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
This was a delightful random crossover in every sense of the phrase, a hilarious blend of the game and the game show. Thank you for it.
I fear I couldn't appreciate this fully because it's been years and years since I've seen the game show.
This should be patrols', but it's awkward regardless.
We're told she has amazing countermeasures, but we're never shown them. This is a place where instead of telling us how awesome she is, you should be illustrating it.
I feel like you should have ponified her name. Carmen Saddlego?
Is "quartz" supposed to be a pun?
No, that's ridiculous. Maybe "mane" or "face".
the guard patrols timings
This should be patrols', but it's awkward regardless.
We're told she has amazing countermeasures, but we're never shown them. This is a place where instead of telling us how awesome she is, you should be illustrating it.
I feel like you should have ponified her name. Carmen Saddlego?
Is "quartz" supposed to be a pun?
You saved my life!
No, that's ridiculous. Maybe "mane" or "face".
For me, this nearly managed to do the important thing: not completely alienate readers who don't really know what Carmen Sandiego is (which I don't.) The mystery of the fake suns plays out well and kept me interested. It was well-written, carried a lot of information in only a few words, especially by not using too many dialogue tags and instead using actions to tell the reader who's talking, and it's a complete narrative, to be sure.
I just didn't... take much joy in it? And it felt like it was supposed to make me smile. And as TD suggested might be the case,a lot of it still went over my head. What frustrates me about it is that it nearly landed, before the ending was full of stuff I didn't get.
Why does Twilight call them gumshoes or say V.I.L.E? What exactly is the honour Rainbow is performing? Why does Carmen just disappear? I didn't watch more than 10 seconds of the Youtube video because I don't like it when people put YouTube links in their stories, but I felt forced into clicking it because I didn't understand other aspects. I wouldn't have known the crossover without the outside influence of the comments and the YouTube link and I feel the story should be able to stand by itself.
It does also seem daft that Celestia assigned them to the case in the first place.
Those are just my thoughts, but I daresay I'm not the target reader. Like I said though, it's well-written, so it'll still get a decent ranking from me.
I just didn't... take much joy in it? And it felt like it was supposed to make me smile. And as TD suggested might be the case,a lot of it still went over my head. What frustrates me about it is that it nearly landed, before the ending was full of stuff I didn't get.
Why does Twilight call them gumshoes or say V.I.L.E? What exactly is the honour Rainbow is performing? Why does Carmen just disappear? I didn't watch more than 10 seconds of the Youtube video because I don't like it when people put YouTube links in their stories, but I felt forced into clicking it because I didn't understand other aspects. I wouldn't have known the crossover without the outside influence of the comments and the YouTube link and I feel the story should be able to stand by itself.
It does also seem daft that Celestia assigned them to the case in the first place.
Those are just my thoughts, but I daresay I'm not the target reader. Like I said though, it's well-written, so it'll still get a decent ranking from me.
I never:
Knew Carmen Sandiego was a video game--I just recall it as a PBS children's game show that was on before something I actually watched, so I would usually tune just a bit early so I could hear the closing theme music.
But be that as it may, it doesn't make sense to me as a story. I mean, why would Celestia steal the real sun? It'd make more sense that she lost it in a poker game or something and has been using these false ones ever since. And for that matter, how did Carmen end up with the real sun? Has Celestia been carrying it around in her back pokcet while sending these false suns out every morning?
Still, with a little more work, this could be silly enough. I'll also second >>Trick_Question's suggestion of "Carmen Saddlego."
Mike
Knew Carmen Sandiego was a video game--I just recall it as a PBS children's game show that was on before something I actually watched, so I would usually tune just a bit early so I could hear the closing theme music.
But be that as it may, it doesn't make sense to me as a story. I mean, why would Celestia steal the real sun? It'd make more sense that she lost it in a poker game or something and has been using these false ones ever since. And for that matter, how did Carmen end up with the real sun? Has Celestia been carrying it around in her back pokcet while sending these false suns out every morning?
Still, with a little more work, this could be silly enough. I'll also second >>Trick_Question's suggestion of "Carmen Saddlego."
Mike
E - Where in Equestria is Carmen Sandiego - A+ - Simple but effective introduction, setting the scene, location and time without a lot of wasted hand-waving. Good. (snerk! Game cartridges. Nice one.) Well done within the boundaries set and quite tight. Top tier.
Finalist Phase fiction re-jig. Welcome to the top three of my listing. I hope you enjoy your stay.
This is glorious.
I mean, I'm probably only slightly less in the target audience than >>TitaniumDragon is (I went and saw Rockapella live back in the day), so I should probably try to curb my enthusiasm a bit before it compromises my objectivity.
...
Nah, screw it. :trollestia:
We've got over-the-top absurdity here that makes brilliant use of its references, and its limited word count. The only real nit I can pick is that >>Trick_Question is dead right in saying a ponified name would serve it better.
Tier: Top contender
I mean, I'm probably only slightly less in the target audience than >>TitaniumDragon is (I went and saw Rockapella live back in the day), so I should probably try to curb my enthusiasm a bit before it compromises my objectivity.
...
Nah, screw it. :trollestia:
We've got over-the-top absurdity here that makes brilliant use of its references, and its limited word count. The only real nit I can pick is that >>Trick_Question is dead right in saying a ponified name would serve it better.
Tier: Top contender
This is really fun, especially the idea of disposable suns. Kudos for that. However, that’s about the only reference I get. The rest is pretty obscure, so any added craziness you people might get by being familiar with a TV show or something is over my head. Well, we get the impression that the lead is a bit easily found, but, apart from this, we really get the wacky humour here. Good job.
This was the funniest story I read for this prompt. Having played a fair amount of Carmen Sandiego, the jokes that referenced the games were hysterical to me (the warrant one was the best). I also loved how increasingly insane the story gets, with Celestia being a sun-thief and Rainbow bursting into Acapella. Just a solid comedic fic through and through.
I thought this was a really silly jaunt that accomplished exactly what it wanted to, and I enjoyed the ride. Unfortunately most of the things that make it succeed at being an absurd little reference piece also make it... not an entirely satisfying general story, so I can't bring myself to rate it too highly.
apologies to all those unfamiliar with Carmen Sandiego
this followed the computer games more closely, but just had to stick in the TV show's song at the end because it's too good
unsure if I'll polish it for fimfic. it might across as too "crackficcy"
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
the first thing I had to delete to fit in word limits, unfortunately. I had to assume everyone's familiar with her, which just made it even more obscure to those who didn't.
this followed the computer games more closely, but just had to stick in the TV show's song at the end because it's too good
unsure if I'll polish it for fimfic. it might across as too "crackficcy"
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
I feel like I remember her having a stronger personality than is displayed here.
the first thing I had to delete to fit in word limits, unfortunately. I had to assume everyone's familiar with her, which just made it even more obscure to those who didn't.