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Free verse, more or less, so no comments on structure.
I like the personification and the word choices here. The one that threw me a bit is I didn't know if "intent" was used twice intentionally to make a thematic point. I couldn't find a purpose to it, so I'll assume the poet didn't notice.
I like the personification and the word choices here. The one that threw me a bit is I didn't know if "intent" was used twice intentionally to make a thematic point. I couldn't find a purpose to it, so I'll assume the poet didn't notice.
Nice use of imagery to illustrate the prompt. Haiku are pretty uncomplicated, so no particular comments. It satisfies all the structural rules.
Seems like a sonnet, but the fifth and fourteenth lines have twelve syllables. I've seen "female rhyme," where you can have an unstressed eleventh syllable on the end (and the line rhymed with it should do the same), but I haven't heard of this before. And please/lease doesn't quite rhyme. On "lease," is there an extraneous period after it, or did you mean that to be an ellipsis?
I think I get the picture of what's being described. An antiquated collection of buildings that captures the speaker's interest, in contrast with the modern world around it. It's vividly described, and I like the mental picture it creates.
I think I get the picture of what's being described. An antiquated collection of buildings that captures the speaker's interest, in contrast with the modern world around it. It's vividly described, and I like the mental picture it creates.
There's something pleasantly onomatopoeic about the rhythm of this poem. The seond stanza is like the famous snipped balloon that was once used to describe the romantic movement, but leaves the reader with something rational: "Retreating with intent".
>>Pascoite
Oops, yes, two mistakes with the meter. It's odd how such simple things can get overlooked. Similarly, the extra period is a typo (noticed immediately after submission, prompting rage and dejection).
Please/lease is artistic lcense, a visual and slant rhyme in a place which I think is good for slanting, though it might very well be an anachronism.
Oops, yes, two mistakes with the meter. It's odd how such simple things can get overlooked. Similarly, the extra period is a typo (noticed immediately after submission, prompting rage and dejection).
Please/lease is artistic lcense, a visual and slant rhyme in a place which I think is good for slanting, though it might very well be an anachronism.