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Static Potential
It was the constant brush
Against each other's sleeves
As we strode past each other
Along the narrow hallway
That built up over time
And drew us closer still
And with the charge we shared
Empowered our affair.
Against each other's sleeves
As we strode past each other
Along the narrow hallway
That built up over time
And drew us closer still
And with the charge we shared
Empowered our affair.
It was the spark built up through our inaction
That gave the tingling thrill to our attraction.
That gave the tingling thrill to our attraction.
Most of these short lines have sufficient consonant impact, except for the last one, which ought to ‘bite’ the reader.
Hm, I liked it until the last line. The kind of dual meanings of things like potential and charge work well, but the connotation of "affair" is that these people are being unfaithful. And while that's a personal taste issue—there's nothing inherently wrong with writing that subject matter, and of course it does exist in the real world—it still may run you afoul of people who don't appreciate the subject matter.