Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.

The Strong and Binding Load · Poetry Minific ·
Organised by Anon Y Mous
Word limit 15–1000
Show rules for this event
On the Dreariness of Carrying a Hod of Bricks Downhill
At the top of the pole in your hand
Is the box with the bricks that are swaying
And your steps hammer hard on the land,
With the off-balanced load you're conveying.

And so you may sidestep and slip
Past the rocks and the crags and the flowers
But you need all your care not to trip,
As the joy of the enterprise sours.

You may wish to catch breath for a while,
Or to cool in the soft breezes flowing...
But momentum cares not for your trial,
And it's down, down and down you are going.
« Prev   1   Next »
#1 · 1
As you stomp, jump and sway down the hill
And the bricks scatter wide from the hod,
You may reach the conclusion--you'll still
Make the same size of hole in the sod.
#2 · 2
A fun little scene, enhanced by the swaying rhythm between pairs of line endings. Excellent choice!
I also adore how the "sidestep and slip" line steps out of the default metre and trips me up while reading.
#3 · 2
Cathartic. Rhythmic, especially the phrase, “down, down and down”. These would make good lyrics for a heavy metal tune.

If someone is carrying bricks uphill, they are going against gravity, and so working against opposition, or perhaps their own well-being. I’m not sure what working downhill suggests. It would seem the easier way to go about business. It’d be hard to blame the worker for it. For me, carrying a hod of bricks anywhere would be dreary!
#4 · 2
Dammit, I missed a poetry event. Well, I can comment after the fact.

Great meter, especially that the even lines always have female rhyme. It's one of those "joke is in the title" things, but it still conveys a nicely humorous image. It's even more humorous if I read it that he loses his balance and is falling down the stairs yet talking about it so matter-of-factly.