I don't really know a lot about the long-form variants of haikus, but what I can say is that I really like the back-and-forth feeling that this one builds up. From 'dull monotony', to 'ansty', to 'maybe I'll go fish', there's a real sense of a lazy, spiraling train of thought that does a good job of evoking the doldrums of summer.

If I had to lay some critique, I'd say that I was initially a little confused on how the mood of these worked. To what I understand, haikus usually have some kind of revelation or 'cutting' aspect in their third lines, but here, it's less about new insight and more about building the mood. Not necessarily bad at all, but worth noting, I guess.

Thanks for entering!

Is this what renku is like?

Very atmospheric triptych, managing to cohere through the simplicity. Three presentations of either the same event or similar events, but with one element (the weather) and its effects changing, leaving it ambiguous whether they're part of the same day, spread across multiple years, spread across alternate imaginations…

And the fish at the end feels like it ties the clouds and rain in with other parts of the water cycle, giving a delicious glimpse of expanded perspective.

I think this is my favorite this round. I wouldn't have expected it to be, based on the past quality of surface-similar works, and I think that only makes it more my favorite.

These Japanese forms have some subtle differences that I don't know much about. Everyone here has probably had this happen: call something a haiku and get a paragraph back about why it isn't one. It fits the syllable count, at least.

What I like about this one is the change of attitude. Summer bores the author at first, but once the rain starts and takes away his ability to do something outside, he suddenly wants to, and then once he has the opportunity, he's happy to take it, but still doing an activity that's slow-paced and relaxing. I think that was the right choice, as haiku never feel right when they're very active. They're supposed to be more observational and insightful, so this evolving mindset of the author is nice. It reminds me of how children will have no interest in a particular toy until another kid shows some, then suddenly it's the only thing they want.

The thing with poetry is it's very easy to ascribe a lot more intent to it than the author ever had, so I have no idea how much of the effect was planned and how much was serendipitous, but I love this simple, understated, gradual change from boredom to enjoyment.

air shimmers, light dance
above clear blue pool
take the dive

cool shock in
splash like flower
wrapped in small words

Thanks for the reviews, I appreciate it.

>>Pascoite

it's very easy to ascribe a lot more intent to it than the author ever had

I like that about more abstract art, it's really in the eye of the beholder. It's a nice interpretation you've got.

>>Light_Striker
>>Bachiavellian
>>GroaningGreyAgony

I had a theme in mind when writing. Death of the author & all that, but if you're interested, the rain is a metaphor.