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Definitely Not Worth the Trouble
Rhyming is for losers
And poems are for wimps.
Words are all for wusses
And reading's just for shrimps.
What kinda freakin' nerd
Has time to care about
A bunch of strung-up words
That other nerds spit out!
There's sports and cars and stores,
And clothes and shoes and sun.
If you'd rather write or draw,
Then you're un-American!
Who's got time to ponder
Beneath a willow's shade?
Or find themselves a lover,
Compared to summers' days!
What kind of freak would like
A hand to hold their own,
While shooting stars and comets dance
With streaks as white as bone.
The silence of the winter;
The insect-songs of sun.
The difference 'tween a wine glass
And a tankard full of rum.
The itty-bitty silence
That follows every kiss.
When you try to throw your keys to her
And somehow fucking miss.
A freezer full of ice cream
And an attic full of stuff.
I could go on for ages
But I think I've said enough!
Who, why,
Who
... would care for these things?
And poems are for wimps.
Words are all for wusses
And reading's just for shrimps.
What kinda freakin' nerd
Has time to care about
A bunch of strung-up words
That other nerds spit out!
There's sports and cars and stores,
And clothes and shoes and sun.
If you'd rather write or draw,
Then you're un-American!
Who's got time to ponder
Beneath a willow's shade?
Or find themselves a lover,
Compared to summers' days!
What kind of freak would like
A hand to hold their own,
While shooting stars and comets dance
With streaks as white as bone.
The silence of the winter;
The insect-songs of sun.
The difference 'tween a wine glass
And a tankard full of rum.
The itty-bitty silence
That follows every kiss.
When you try to throw your keys to her
And somehow fucking miss.
A freezer full of ice cream
And an attic full of stuff.
I could go on for ages
But I think I've said enough!
Who, why,
Who
... would care for these things?
Oh, lovely folky casual style with the loose'n'sloppy trochaic/iambic/well, I don't actually know which would dominate in a serious analysis given the amount of optional beginning and ending syllables, but this isn't a serious analysis because I don't think it matters here, the rhythm is like what you'd sell on the sidewalk, this is like a hot dog stand, a hot dog stand in summer, the kind we can't have right now because the world is on fire but a hot dog stand nonetheless, the kind that makes you write comma splices to describe it because that's the sort of lazy structureless day that would contain that kind of hot dog stand. I should probably have waited until after breakfast to write these.
Bonus points for pounding on “American” with a very American hammer until it fit in the car.
This mainly lands as charming, ambiguously self-preening/self-parodying fun to me, ending with a fourth wall crash landing that stops before it can outstay its welcome. It feels like it overplays its hand in trope-y-ness by a few points, but it also leans on the social role of poems rather than falling into “nerds are always alone”, segueing into relationship slice-of-life. That aspect is lukewarm to me if I pause and think about it: I read it as implying a plot arc about a poet finding love and looking back on it, but the elements used don't quite connect up in the whirlwind of images.
That said, part of me is also wary about “writing for an audience of authors” becoming too much of a default, and I wonder why this one troubles me that way when the prompt was actively about writing, and when the other entries that were also about writing didn't get the same emotional reaction from me. I think I have murky worries about the effect of the self-preening interpretation; this specific work doesn't sound like it has its headwords up its own rhyme scheme to me, and the undercurrent of visceral honesty overpowers the “take that, anti-intellectualism!” side note, but there's this mental flag of “would I want to see every entry be like this?” that goes up.
Still, very nice.
Bonus points for pounding on “American” with a very American hammer until it fit in the car.
This mainly lands as charming, ambiguously self-preening/self-parodying fun to me, ending with a fourth wall crash landing that stops before it can outstay its welcome. It feels like it overplays its hand in trope-y-ness by a few points, but it also leans on the social role of poems rather than falling into “nerds are always alone”, segueing into relationship slice-of-life. That aspect is lukewarm to me if I pause and think about it: I read it as implying a plot arc about a poet finding love and looking back on it, but the elements used don't quite connect up in the whirlwind of images.
That said, part of me is also wary about “writing for an audience of authors” becoming too much of a default, and I wonder why this one troubles me that way when the prompt was actively about writing, and when the other entries that were also about writing didn't get the same emotional reaction from me. I think I have murky worries about the effect of the self-preening interpretation; this specific work doesn't sound like it has its headwords up its own rhyme scheme to me, and the undercurrent of visceral honesty overpowers the “take that, anti-intellectualism!” side note, but there's this mental flag of “would I want to see every entry be like this?” that goes up.
Still, very nice.
I like the fact that you went for something that depends so much on its own cadence/flow to carry it, and I do think that the break from rhythm at the end was a nice touch.
But, well, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what >>Light_Striker says about how this piece kind feels pandering. I mean, like, nobody is truly and seriously going to argue that "poems are for wimps", so it kind of feels like the poem is almost patting itself on the head. In the end, the poem comes off a bit cutsey, with the whole sing-song nature and the subject matter.
Thanks for entering!
But, well, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what >>Light_Striker says about how this piece kind feels pandering. I mean, like, nobody is truly and seriously going to argue that "poems are for wimps", so it kind of feels like the poem is almost patting itself on the head. In the end, the poem comes off a bit cutsey, with the whole sing-song nature and the subject matter.
Thanks for entering!
Kind of a devil's advocate or reverse psychology piece, but then you're preaching to the choir, right? Posting that in a poetry round isn't going to convince someone to change their mind, after all.
Still, it's an easy read, with no advanced structure to find or deeper meaning to dig for, no fancy word choice to decide whether it contains a nugget of wisdom or was there just because it sounded unusual. All the intended meaning is clear from the first stanza, so the rest doesn't add anything deeper, it just continues what's a pretty fun tone. It falls under that category of "not difficult to write, but fun to read."
Still, it's an easy read, with no advanced structure to find or deeper meaning to dig for, no fancy word choice to decide whether it contains a nugget of wisdom or was there just because it sounded unusual. All the intended meaning is clear from the first stanza, so the rest doesn't add anything deeper, it just continues what's a pretty fun tone. It falls under that category of "not difficult to write, but fun to read."
In each and every round,
I write a coffee ode,
Expressing through the ground
Where brassy brew has flowed.
To author I shall offer
A bracing cup of joe,
And pause now for a breather,
Since none are left to go!
I write a coffee ode,
Expressing through the ground
Where brassy brew has flowed.
To author I shall offer
A bracing cup of joe,
And pause now for a breather,
Since none are left to go!
Thanks for the reviews, everyone!
Yeah, I really could have done a better job with the meter, here, even with just a little bit more effort. Like, I was reading this the morning after submissions closed, and I noticed two or three places where I could have just instantly made things much better with a couple of substitutions. That's on me; I was being lazy.
Also, I continue to try to unabashedly ape the style of Shel Silverstein.
>>Light_Striker
Thanks for your thoughts!
In terms of the imagery, I was really just trying to capture a bunch of unrelated things in life that could inspire poetry. I originally envisioned each of those stanzas having a reference to a well-known poem, but I kinda gave up after "compared to summers' days" and made things up as I went.
>>Pascoite
Yeah, this really does come off as self-congratulatory, ha. As for it being a simple piece, that's probably another thing I borrow from Silverstein. I tend to like poems that are immediately and easily readable, because I have the attention span of a small child. :P
Thanks for your review!
>>GroaningGreyAgony
It's ironic that this has a more robust rhyme scheme than I bothered to use in the poem, ha. Thanks for leaving your thoughts!
>>Spectral
It must not be coincidence that I watched Bo Burnham's comedy special on Netflix just a little while back. I do like that man's sense of irony/sarcasm. Thank you for the comment!
Yeah, I really could have done a better job with the meter, here, even with just a little bit more effort. Like, I was reading this the morning after submissions closed, and I noticed two or three places where I could have just instantly made things much better with a couple of substitutions. That's on me; I was being lazy.
Also, I continue to try to unabashedly ape the style of Shel Silverstein.
>>Light_Striker
Thanks for your thoughts!
In terms of the imagery, I was really just trying to capture a bunch of unrelated things in life that could inspire poetry. I originally envisioned each of those stanzas having a reference to a well-known poem, but I kinda gave up after "compared to summers' days" and made things up as I went.
>>Pascoite
Yeah, this really does come off as self-congratulatory, ha. As for it being a simple piece, that's probably another thing I borrow from Silverstein. I tend to like poems that are immediately and easily readable, because I have the attention span of a small child. :P
Thanks for your review!
>>GroaningGreyAgony
It's ironic that this has a more robust rhyme scheme than I bothered to use in the poem, ha. Thanks for leaving your thoughts!
>>Spectral
It must not be coincidence that I watched Bo Burnham's comedy special on Netflix just a little while back. I do like that man's sense of irony/sarcasm. Thank you for the comment!