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Light Domination
A young sub named Randall sought scandal
When he said that he thought he could handle
Wax dripped on his skin,
But to his chagrin,
No one thought that he'd be worth the candle.
When he said that he thought he could handle
Wax dripped on his skin,
But to his chagrin,
No one thought that he'd be worth the candle.
My first though upon seeing the title was: "I wonder if this has anything to do with light bondage?" Then lo and behold, you have delivered. You people have corrupted me.
Anyway, this carries a nice double meaning for "light." I already mentioned on the other limerick how the structure was so good there. This one doesn't have quite the regular rhythm, but limericks are often mangled a bit, so it's probably a form where that's easier to forgive.
However, I feel like I'm missing a piece to the story. Why is he seeking scandal? I don't know what situation he's in that he thinks this declaration would be scandalous, why he'd want to cause it, or who the people are that he wants to shock. Nice joke, but it feels like it's only halfway telling me the story.
Anyway, this carries a nice double meaning for "light." I already mentioned on the other limerick how the structure was so good there. This one doesn't have quite the regular rhythm, but limericks are often mangled a bit, so it's probably a form where that's easier to forgive.
However, I feel like I'm missing a piece to the story. Why is he seeking scandal? I don't know what situation he's in that he thinks this declaration would be scandalous, why he'd want to cause it, or who the people are that he wants to shock. Nice joke, but it feels like it's only halfway telling me the story.
So:
Both our limericks this time around are candle related? Peculiar...
Of the two, the story tracks better for me on this one, but the meter's too jagged in that last line. Limericks are the most easy-going form in the Engish language, sure, but like a feghoot, the last line really needs to sing and zing. This one zings well enough, but it needs words that match the pattern of stresses.
Mike
Both our limericks this time around are candle related? Peculiar...
Of the two, the story tracks better for me on this one, but the meter's too jagged in that last line. Limericks are the most easy-going form in the Engish language, sure, but like a feghoot, the last line really needs to sing and zing. This one zings well enough, but it needs words that match the pattern of stresses.
Mike
Clever wordplay. Inconsistent meter. Randall seems unwicked in one sense. Not sure if his preferences count as wicked in another sense. Either away, mourning seems uninvolved. It also doesn't seem like a subversion or challenge to the prompt, so I guess inspired by?
Young Randall, the self-centered masochist,
Told his friends that he wouldn't wax pacifist,
But they did spurn
To deliver the burn.
Told his friends that he wouldn't wax pacifist,
But they did spurn
To deliver the burn.
>>Pascoite, >>Baal Bunny, >>LoftyWithers
Light Domination
Thanks for the comments!
I had nothing for this round all day, but late at night before bed I was determined to get something in, and so I patched this together. I skipped my usual morning edit for other reasons, and so it went.
Light Domination
Thanks for the comments!
I had nothing for this round all day, but late at night before bed I was determined to get something in, and so I patched this together. I skipped my usual morning edit for other reasons, and so it went.