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Precipitance
Burning drops fall from the sky toward the sea
Not simple raindrops like you and like me.
We steam and boil when they get too near,
They spatter and cackle, they burble and jeer.
And at the sea's surface all finally meet,
And we all merge softly or splash as we greet
Our fate on the surface--And they scream and steam,
And sink to the bottom with embers agleam.
And when the sun shines and the surface is warm
We rise with the vapor, a new cloud to form.
But far down below in the dark of the sea,
Lie cold blackened ashes no sunbeam can free.
Not simple raindrops like you and like me.
We steam and boil when they get too near,
They spatter and cackle, they burble and jeer.
And at the sea's surface all finally meet,
And we all merge softly or splash as we greet
Our fate on the surface--And they scream and steam,
And sink to the bottom with embers agleam.
And when the sun shines and the surface is warm
We rise with the vapor, a new cloud to form.
But far down below in the dark of the sea,
Lie cold blackened ashes no sunbeam can free.
Structurally, this is pretty straightforward. The rhythm isn't very regular, but with this simple a structure, I guess it doesn't feel like it has to be.
As to meaning, I'm a little lost. Most of the imagery of these burning drops casts them as violent or malevolent, but "burble and jeer" strikes a pretty different tone than that, and maybe even "cackle" does as well. I think these burning drops are either supposed to be meteors or globs of lava from an eruption, but there may be a deeper symbolic meaning to them that I'm missing.
The ending leaves me a bit confused. The narrator seems to be making a value judgment, but since I'm not getting what the burning drops are about, I don't have a basis to agree with him or not, yet the narrator has roped me into being like-minded, calling me a fellow raindrop. I'm put into a position to empathize with him, but it's not giving me a reason to. So when he makes that contrast, I'm left seeing it as just a factual one rather than something to get meaning from. Maybe these burning drops like being confined to the sunless depths, just as much as the raindrops like the ability to cycle back up into clouds.
As to meaning, I'm a little lost. Most of the imagery of these burning drops casts them as violent or malevolent, but "burble and jeer" strikes a pretty different tone than that, and maybe even "cackle" does as well. I think these burning drops are either supposed to be meteors or globs of lava from an eruption, but there may be a deeper symbolic meaning to them that I'm missing.
The ending leaves me a bit confused. The narrator seems to be making a value judgment, but since I'm not getting what the burning drops are about, I don't have a basis to agree with him or not, yet the narrator has roped me into being like-minded, calling me a fellow raindrop. I'm put into a position to empathize with him, but it's not giving me a reason to. So when he makes that contrast, I'm left seeing it as just a factual one rather than something to get meaning from. Maybe these burning drops like being confined to the sunless depths, just as much as the raindrops like the ability to cycle back up into clouds.
I quite like:
The imagery here, and the message came through clearly enough: those who burble and jeer are headed straight to the bottom with no chance of return. Like >>Pascoite, though, I also would've liked a steadier rhythm and another stanza between the first and the second to set up more of a contrast between the behavior of the two groups on the way down. Nice stuff.
Mike
The imagery here, and the message came through clearly enough: those who burble and jeer are headed straight to the bottom with no chance of return. Like >>Pascoite, though, I also would've liked a steadier rhythm and another stanza between the first and the second to set up more of a contrast between the behavior of the two groups on the way down. Nice stuff.
Mike
This poem is about the pieces of the Death Star falling to the moon of Endor, burning in the atmosphere, and crashing into the sea. None mourn the wicked soldiers aboard, blackened and burned during atmospheric entry.
These descending specks of pyrotechnic pumice
Cause great havoc and take much from us,
But they sink and we rise
To semi-eternal reprise.
Cause great havoc and take much from us,
But they sink and we rise
To semi-eternal reprise.
>>Pascoite, >>Baal Bunny, >>LoftyWithers
Precipitance
Wow, thanks for the gold! 'Gratz to Señor Alta Cruz and Baal Bunny!
This was a Morning After piece, written at work during a short break period and submitted just before the deadline.
I conceived of the burning drops as being people consumed by negative emotions, who take delight in spreading those emotions to others, with the raindrops representing average people who mean well.
This is thus an optimistic view of the future, where over time the darker emotions drop away and we carry forward with the best our species has to offer the world.
Thanks again!
Precipitance
Wow, thanks for the gold! 'Gratz to Señor Alta Cruz and Baal Bunny!
This was a Morning After piece, written at work during a short break period and submitted just before the deadline.
I conceived of the burning drops as being people consumed by negative emotions, who take delight in spreading those emotions to others, with the raindrops representing average people who mean well.
This is thus an optimistic view of the future, where over time the darker emotions drop away and we carry forward with the best our species has to offer the world.
Thanks again!