Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Here Comes a Chopper
While the shadows around me constrict,
I refuse to believe that I'm licked!
Yes, my candles are gone,
But with minutes till dawn,
Unconcerned, I'll not mourn for the wicked!
I refuse to believe that I'm licked!
Yes, my candles are gone,
But with minutes till dawn,
Unconcerned, I'll not mourn for the wicked!
Clever wordplay there, with "wicked" being a single-syllable word. And kudos for making a limerick with the more traditional anapest instead of the amphibrach that many people assume is the standard.
My initial confusion was that the narrator was himself a candle, and I couldn't understand why the last line made him seem to comment more on his fellow candles' plight than his own, but now I think he's supposed to be a person who hoped his candle would last through the night. While I appreciate the last line's cleverness, it also suggests some level of sympathy he has for the candle, but there's no basis established for it, so it kind of comes across as reaching for a bigger emotional payoff than it earns, like it's going for the joke alone and not the meaning behind it.
But with flawless structure and the smart joke, I liked this.
My initial confusion was that the narrator was himself a candle, and I couldn't understand why the last line made him seem to comment more on his fellow candles' plight than his own, but now I think he's supposed to be a person who hoped his candle would last through the night. While I appreciate the last line's cleverness, it also suggests some level of sympathy he has for the candle, but there's no basis established for it, so it kind of comes across as reaching for a bigger emotional payoff than it earns, like it's going for the joke alone and not the meaning behind it.
But with flawless structure and the smart joke, I liked this.
As I said:
On the other limerick, the meter on this one's better, but I'd like a better idea of what situation the narrator's in at the beginning. I almost get the impression that there's some danger in the shadows that the candle is holding at bay, but I'm not sure. I know there's not a lot of room in a limerick, but I could use a bit more clarity as to what the set-up is.
Mike
On the other limerick, the meter on this one's better, but I'd like a better idea of what situation the narrator's in at the beginning. I almost get the impression that there's some danger in the shadows that the candle is holding at bay, but I'm not sure. I know there's not a lot of room in a limerick, but I could use a bit more clarity as to what the set-up is.
Mike
Good structure and clever use of homonym, but I have no idea what's going on here. My best guess is: a helicopter lands or hovers near an outside Chanukah display. The wind from the chopper knocks the menorah over. The candles, extinguished, come out of the menorah during the incident, but the menorah isn't concerned. With minutes to dawn, chanukah was almost over anyway.
Okay. I'm now convinced I've stumbled into the intended meaning. Change my mind.
Okay. I'm now convinced I've stumbled into the intended meaning. Change my mind.
With my fires aslumber, rage
Flows in me but I shall not take umbrage;
The ember of my very last taper
Shall suffice to enlighten my caper.
Flows in me but I shall not take umbrage;
The ember of my very last taper
Shall suffice to enlighten my caper.
>>Pascoite
>>LoftyWithers
>>GroaningGreyAgony
As I said:
This needs more development, but the first thing I thought of was using "wicked" in its monosyllabic meaning. Maybe a longer form would've been better--a sonnet's got more room for backstory... :)
But thanks, folks, and congrats to the other medalists!
Mike
>>LoftyWithers
>>GroaningGreyAgony
As I said:
This needs more development, but the first thing I thought of was using "wicked" in its monosyllabic meaning. Maybe a longer form would've been better--a sonnet's got more room for backstory... :)
But thanks, folks, and congrats to the other medalists!
Mike