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Merry Christmas, everypony! If you’re like me and have some time off over the holidays, this is a great chance to come together & crank out some horsewords. Even if you don’t have time off, it’s always time for Pony Time.
As always, a key goal of Friendship is Short Shorts is to run contests of lengths that make it easy to port stories over to FimFiction afterwards. In that spirit, I’m experimenting with a few tweaks to the “longer Short Shorts” format that we did a couple rounds ago. I think we all wrote some good stuff that last time, but the finals round proved to be less motivating than I’d expected. Lesson learned—it’s gone now. We also tended to skew shorter on overall word length, so I’m making like Fluttershy and leaning into that. The writing period is also a bit shorter, but it ought to be more than long enough for the word count.
So: gather your most festive prompts, put your opened presents aside, and gird yourself for writing!
As always, a key goal of Friendship is Short Shorts is to run contests of lengths that make it easy to port stories over to FimFiction afterwards. In that spirit, I’m experimenting with a few tweaks to the “longer Short Shorts” format that we did a couple rounds ago. I think we all wrote some good stuff that last time, but the finals round proved to be less motivating than I’d expected. Lesson learned—it’s gone now. We also tended to skew shorter on overall word length, so I’m making like Fluttershy and leaning into that. The writing period is also a bit shorter, but it ought to be more than long enough for the word count.
So: gather your most festive prompts, put your opened presents aside, and gird yourself for writing!
Finally, another opportunity to embarrass myself before my peers in a sado-masochistic fashion.
I reaaaally hope I get to participate in one of these before the year is over.
Here's hoping!
Here's hoping!
Only two fics? Alas, that just means it’s easier to read and review them all!
Who will win? Can the plucky Bachi scoop another gold, or will the evil Emperor of FiSS at last achieve Writeoff domination?
Get to voting! Only you canprevent forest fires decide!
Who will win? Can the plucky Bachi scoop another gold, or will the evil Emperor of FiSS at last achieve Writeoff domination?
Get to voting! Only you can
So despite being the longer of our two entries this round, this one actually felt shorter to read to me. Which speaks a lot to the ease of the reading experience and the overall flow. There's good forward momentum throughout, which took me from beginning to end pretty effortlessly.
I will have to mention, though, that when I did get to the end, it felt a tad abrupt to me. This might be a matter of personal taste, but I did feel like the fic wrapped up its arc a little too quickly. We spend a lot of time introducing the conflict and characters (the bulk of the story, really), and in comparison we get about four or five paragraphs of dialogue dedicated to bring Vinyl's epiphany across the finish line. I'm a little torn about whether it would be better to trim the beginning or pad the end, but I did feel that there's some lopsidedness overall.
My second, more minor, concern is that while I really love how well Vinyl fits her part here, I'm having more trouble squishing Discord into the role of a even-headed source of down-to-earth life advice. I know that we do get the lines about him becoming a more mature person vis-a-vis Fluttershy, but I'm still kind of left feeling that this piece never really played to his strengths. What makes Discord interesting (at least to me) is his unconventional way of perceiving the world. So the fact that he's giving Vinyl a straight talking-to without any kind of twist or joke to it kind of feels like a missed opportunity to me.
Overall, I still like the guts of this one, and like I mentioned earlier, I really enjoyed how it read. The payoff is already here, but I think that just a little bit of touching up could make it come across much more clearly.
Thank you for submitting!
I will have to mention, though, that when I did get to the end, it felt a tad abrupt to me. This might be a matter of personal taste, but I did feel like the fic wrapped up its arc a little too quickly. We spend a lot of time introducing the conflict and characters (the bulk of the story, really), and in comparison we get about four or five paragraphs of dialogue dedicated to bring Vinyl's epiphany across the finish line. I'm a little torn about whether it would be better to trim the beginning or pad the end, but I did feel that there's some lopsidedness overall.
My second, more minor, concern is that while I really love how well Vinyl fits her part here, I'm having more trouble squishing Discord into the role of a even-headed source of down-to-earth life advice. I know that we do get the lines about him becoming a more mature person vis-a-vis Fluttershy, but I'm still kind of left feeling that this piece never really played to his strengths. What makes Discord interesting (at least to me) is his unconventional way of perceiving the world. So the fact that he's giving Vinyl a straight talking-to without any kind of twist or joke to it kind of feels like a missed opportunity to me.
Overall, I still like the guts of this one, and like I mentioned earlier, I really enjoyed how it read. The payoff is already here, but I think that just a little bit of touching up could make it come across much more clearly.
Thank you for submitting!
The holidays ate me nooooo
I guess they ate a lot of people though, from the looks of it?
I guess they ate a lot of people though, from the looks of it?
It seems to me:
Author, that if you're going to start with a filly named Twilight sitting reading beside Princess Celestia, then you're purposefully wanting to induce a bit of confusion in the reader. Which is fine, but I'd recommend making that confusion more a part of the story by having Celestia not quite sure for a moment which little filly this is considering all the myriad little fillies she's had reading beside her over the millennia.
And give us more of the title the way Bad Horse does in his classic "The Gathering." As it is, I don't feel a lick of doubt when Celestia says, "I would trade eons of existence as a star for minutes with you," and given the title, I'd like more of a sense that she does miss something about the celestial life.
Still, a nice story.
Mike
Author, that if you're going to start with a filly named Twilight sitting reading beside Princess Celestia, then you're purposefully wanting to induce a bit of confusion in the reader. Which is fine, but I'd recommend making that confusion more a part of the story by having Celestia not quite sure for a moment which little filly this is considering all the myriad little fillies she's had reading beside her over the millennia.
And give us more of the title the way Bad Horse does in his classic "The Gathering." As it is, I don't feel a lick of doubt when Celestia says, "I would trade eons of existence as a star for minutes with you," and given the title, I'd like more of a sense that she does miss something about the celestial life.
Still, a nice story.
Mike
One thing that always:
Bothers me in stories is coincidence. Sure, it happens all the time in real life, but I hold fiction to a more rigorous standard than non-fiction, and for Discord here to say, "I was passing through dimensions and couldn’t help but overhear..." makes my neck hair get all bristly. Especially when it's Discord. I mean, if he doesn't have a scheme going on, who does?
Now, granted, it could be that his new "do one good deed every day" policy has him on the lookout for ponies in need or something, but I'd like it to be more than random happenstance that brings Discord and Vinyl together. I'd also agree with >>Bachiavellian that more needs to be going on in the rest of the story. Discord trying to help but just making things worse would be kind of a cliche, but it'd be more of a story...
Mike
Bothers me in stories is coincidence. Sure, it happens all the time in real life, but I hold fiction to a more rigorous standard than non-fiction, and for Discord here to say, "I was passing through dimensions and couldn’t help but overhear..." makes my neck hair get all bristly. Especially when it's Discord. I mean, if he doesn't have a scheme going on, who does?
Now, granted, it could be that his new "do one good deed every day" policy has him on the lookout for ponies in need or something, but I'd like it to be more than random happenstance that brings Discord and Vinyl together. I'd also agree with >>Bachiavellian that more needs to be going on in the rest of the story. Discord trying to help but just making things worse would be kind of a cliche, but it'd be more of a story...
Mike
I'm fated to like the idea of this one, considering my huge Celestia-fan status. I do like the voicing and the feel of Celestia's narration, overall.
I think it's worth mentioning that I did have some trouble with the pacing at spots. Like I mentioned in my review of our other fic, this one definitely felt longer to me, and I think it has a lot to do with the big talky paragraphs. Which are a necessity given the concept of the fic, but I do think they could have been implemented/executed in a way that makes them fit in with the rest of the pacing a little better.
Also, I basically agree with everything >>Baal Bunny brings up, especially in regards to "Twilight". I'm not quite sure how I feel about the twist reveal, since it's not all that central to the payoff but still takes up a fair bit of attention/energy. I think either making it a bigger part of the story or making it feel less of an investment would both take it out of the weird middle-ground it's in right now.
So overall, I think that while I like where this story goes and the bulk of how it gets there, I think that there are some unfortunately distracting execution choices at work. This piece could really use a second draft before it becomes what it's intended to be.
I think it's worth mentioning that I did have some trouble with the pacing at spots. Like I mentioned in my review of our other fic, this one definitely felt longer to me, and I think it has a lot to do with the big talky paragraphs. Which are a necessity given the concept of the fic, but I do think they could have been implemented/executed in a way that makes them fit in with the rest of the pacing a little better.
Also, I basically agree with everything >>Baal Bunny brings up, especially in regards to "Twilight". I'm not quite sure how I feel about the twist reveal, since it's not all that central to the payoff but still takes up a fair bit of attention/energy. I think either making it a bigger part of the story or making it feel less of an investment would both take it out of the weird middle-ground it's in right now.
So overall, I think that while I like where this story goes and the bulk of how it gets there, I think that there are some unfortunately distracting execution choices at work. This piece could really use a second draft before it becomes what it's intended to be.
Wow! This is a fully realized nightscape with great mixes of color, shapes, and action. The equine figures don’t blend quite as well due to their metallized texture, but that also gives them greater contrast amid the big background.
Definitely my top art pick.
Definitely my top art pick.
It’s funny: both art pieces this time centered on similar concepts related to the same fic. Maybe that’s inevitable given the limited pool of participation this time, but typically we don’t see concepts hit so closely together.
I mention this because it’s hard to avoid comparing the two pieces directly. This is a much simpler composition overall, and it’s easier to miss the key detail that the whole thing hangs on. With that said, I actually rather appreciate the simplicity with which this goes after its concept. Casting Celestia’s cutie mark as an actual star might be a stretch, but it’s expressive.
Sadly not my top pick, but that’s due to the other piece’s more fully developed execution of something in the same ball park. Visually pleasing, though!
I mention this because it’s hard to avoid comparing the two pieces directly. This is a much simpler composition overall, and it’s easier to miss the key detail that the whole thing hangs on. With that said, I actually rather appreciate the simplicity with which this goes after its concept. Casting Celestia’s cutie mark as an actual star might be a stretch, but it’s expressive.
Sadly not my top pick, but that’s due to the other piece’s more fully developed execution of something in the same ball park. Visually pleasing, though!
I’ll keep my thoughts brief due to the late hour. I’m definitely glad to see competition in our fic round this time, but I fear that this currently feels rather distractingly random. It’s well-enough constructed for the most part, but it hangs on a lot of coincidence and convenience that limit the satisfaction of its delivery.
I’m sure that’s fixable, though!
I’m sure that’s fixable, though!
I’ll keep my thoughts brief due to the late hour. This one’s a beaut, though. I’ll complain just slightly about the way the story plays coy with little Twilight’s identity for most of it; the twist is well-executed for the most part, but it perhaps distracted from the core of emotional connection that I otherwise saw Celestia going for. I suspect that the fix isn’t to take out the twist, but maybe to focus in on that moment a bit more. Right now Celestia’s display of emotions is affecting, though, so kudos for that.
I dunno. I like the imagery and worldbuilding here. The twist kind of distracts me from that. But there’s a lot to recommend here.
I dunno. I like the imagery and worldbuilding here. The twist kind of distracts me from that. But there’s a lot to recommend here.
Stars in my pocket like grains of sand...
Pretty and ambiguous, this one conceals the shuriken-star needed for full comprehension. It can take only one place on my slate. Thanks for creating it, Artist!
Pretty and ambiguous, this one conceals the shuriken-star needed for full comprehension. It can take only one place on my slate. Thanks for creating it, Artist!
This appears to be an edited photo, a pretty nightscape with added figures. I enjoy the abstractions. There is only one place it can take on my slate; thanks for creating it, Artist!
First off, thank you for doing art of my story!
I like the idea of doing these outlines against a starry backdrop, and the contrast between the two figures with color works well.
There are just a couple of things that I'm not sure if I understand, though. For instance, I don't quite get what the white outline around the figure I'm presuming is Luna is supposed to represent.
Overall though, liked it very much. Thanks for submitting!
I like the idea of doing these outlines against a starry backdrop, and the contrast between the two figures with color works well.
There are just a couple of things that I'm not sure if I understand, though. For instance, I don't quite get what the white outline around the figure I'm presuming is Luna is supposed to represent.
Overall though, liked it very much. Thanks for submitting!
Always a great feeling to get art for a fic, so thank you very much!
It took me a moment or two to actually notice what was going on, but when I did I ended up giving a second look at all the other stars as well.
The piece itself ends up being a simple one, but I think it does its job. My only quibble is that the light in the upper right corner (which I presume is a nearby star) doesn't quite look round to me. There-s something about the lower left bit that gives me a triangular impression.
But nitpicks asside, I liked this one as well. Thanks for entering!
It took me a moment or two to actually notice what was going on, but when I did I ended up giving a second look at all the other stars as well.
The piece itself ends up being a simple one, but I think it does its job. My only quibble is that the light in the upper right corner (which I presume is a nearby star) doesn't quite look round to me. There-s something about the lower left bit that gives me a triangular impression.
But nitpicks asside, I liked this one as well. Thanks for entering!
>>CoffeeMinion, >>Bachiavellian
Explorers
Thanks for the kind remarks!
I selected a Creative Commons image of the night sky, and immediately decided that the goldish streak would be Celestia and the silverish streak Luna. I used the Liquefy filter in Photoshop to paint, tweak and twirl on the image, add the 'comet', and play with the ground forms to make them more ambiguous. Having started to mold the silver outline around Luna's shape, I decided to continue it all the way around.
Explorers
Thanks for the kind remarks!
I selected a Creative Commons image of the night sky, and immediately decided that the goldish streak would be Celestia and the silverish streak Luna. I used the Liquefy filter in Photoshop to paint, tweak and twirl on the image, add the 'comet', and play with the ground forms to make them more ambiguous. Having started to mold the silver outline around Luna's shape, I decided to continue it all the way around.
All The Retro Down
Hey all. Thank you for the gold here! I can safely say that I didn't expect this story to get that.
Some of my core thoughts about this story ended up over here. I'll reproduce a few and expand them. Basically, this story was born rather late at night and at the tail-end of a busy weekend; hardly ideal writing time. I tried to take a run at a story idea that's been percolating for a long time... and failed. If you want to see a story that is a much closer fit for what I was trying to write, look here.
IMO, this story's saving grace came from me choosing to write Vinyl and Discord. I love writing those guys, and (evidently) I can do it even when I'm tired and a bit dragged-out. But having Discord randomly insert himself was dumb and I knew it, yet I found myself low enough on time that I decided to proceed and hope for the best.
Sometimes that works!
>>Bachiavellian
Discord-as-straight-man is something I like to do when I can get away with it. It can be cheesy, but it can also work when he of all people can highlight the absurdity of a situation by no-selling it.
I don't think it quite worked here, though. First, he just breaks in too randomly. And second, I think I overdid it. Your comment answered my question of whether I was able to get away with that by just leaning into it regardless. Sometimes you try something and it doesn't work out!
>>Baal Bunny
Yeah, the coincidence factor here is off the charts. I think it's salvageable, especially if I tie it back to Fluttershy having Discord go check in on Vinyl because he shares some blame. But something definitely needs to happen with it.
Quick Retro Thing:
Thank you >>GroaningGreyAgony and >>Bachiavellian for your comments! I’m still very much a n00b at creating art, and it’s a victory every time I produce something not virulently horrible. In this case I mixed some digitally-generated star & light effects with a vector of Celestia’s cutie mark that I created from scratch in Inkscape. I believe there’s also a layer or two of additional lighting & effects via Inkscape to help bring Celestia’s sun into the light corona of the nearby bigger stars. I also doubled-up and blurred her sun slightly to create a motion effect, trying to make it a more organic fit for the other stars.
I’unno, this was fun!
Thank you >>GroaningGreyAgony and >>Bachiavellian for your comments! I’m still very much a n00b at creating art, and it’s a victory every time I produce something not virulently horrible. In this case I mixed some digitally-generated star & light effects with a vector of Celestia’s cutie mark that I created from scratch in Inkscape. I believe there’s also a layer or two of additional lighting & effects via Inkscape to help bring Celestia’s sun into the light corona of the nearby bigger stars. I also doubled-up and blurred her sun slightly to create a motion effect, trying to make it a more organic fit for the other stars.
I’unno, this was fun!