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Rescuer
Relating unrelated scattered thoughts and noises, poses poised, wordses toys;
said I into the call:
"In winter passing autumn rises summer meets the fall,
The spring forgets that not coveted; nothing meets the all.
For all the things we hid away
I knew I had to hold or stay
My course, my action, repetition
Languid motion's exhibition
Perfect but not perfunctory."
"Cool story,"
Replied
My brother
"Though it's the epitome of cringe:
Some things like poetry. one just ought not to binge."
At that I felt a tinge
Of sadness.
He the other
But don't you know:
Epitome rhymes with
Home.
said I into the call:
"In winter passing autumn rises summer meets the fall,
The spring forgets that not coveted; nothing meets the all.
For all the things we hid away
I knew I had to hold or stay
My course, my action, repetition
Languid motion's exhibition
Perfect but not perfunctory."
"Cool story,"
Replied
My brother
"Though it's the epitome of cringe:
Some things like poetry. one just ought not to binge."
At that I felt a tinge
Of sadness.
He the other
But don't you know:
Epitome rhymes with
Home.
Genre: Thank you Kanye, very cool!
I really enjoyed the first stanza, although I’m pretty sure ‘wordses’ is supposed to be ‘wordless’.
I’ll let it slide this once. 👀
I am very sorry, author, but after a couple of readings, I still cannot see the connection between epitome and home like you want us to. All in all this is a cute poem, but I don’t know where to place it on my slate. I’d love to know what the whole poem means afterwards.
Best line(s): “languid motion’s exhibition. Perfect but not Perfunctory.”
—
EDIT: I THINK I GET IT? Epitome is not supposed to rhyme with home, home is supposed to rhyme with epitome. To make ‘homey’.
If so, that’s clever, I’ll tell you that.
I really enjoyed the first stanza, although I’m pretty sure ‘wordses’ is supposed to be ‘wordless’.
I’ll let it slide this once. 👀
I am very sorry, author, but after a couple of readings, I still cannot see the connection between epitome and home like you want us to. All in all this is a cute poem, but I don’t know where to place it on my slate. I’d love to know what the whole poem means afterwards.
Best line(s): “languid motion’s exhibition. Perfect but not Perfunctory.”
—
EDIT: I THINK I GET IT? Epitome is not supposed to rhyme with home, home is supposed to rhyme with epitome. To make ‘homey’.
If so, that’s clever, I’ll tell you that.
Pfft. This one rolls off the tongue nicely.
But I agree with >>Anon Y Mous that the last stanza feels a bit weird.
https://ponyphonic.bandcamp.com/track/idioglossary ("wordses" pet theory: it's siblinguistic all the way down)
But I agree with >>Anon Y Mous that the last stanza feels a bit weird.
https://ponyphonic.bandcamp.com/track/idioglossary ("wordses" pet theory: it's siblinguistic all the way down)
>>Nemesis
You linking that song threw me back to 2015 when all I would listen to was that song. Don’t mind me as I listen to that and The Moon Rises on repeat for the next twenty hours.
That is a great theory you have and it would link back to all of the kid imagery mentioned. And if the author really did intend for that to be it, it would be great for them to hint at it and utilize that more often.
You linking that song threw me back to 2015 when all I would listen to was that song. Don’t mind me as I listen to that and The Moon Rises on repeat for the next twenty hours.
That is a great theory you have and it would link back to all of the kid imagery mentioned. And if the author really did intend for that to be it, it would be great for them to hint at it and utilize that more often.
>>Anon Y Mous
Fuck, the moon rises gives so many /feels/
Chills especially. We should talk pony music on Discord sometime!
Fuck, the moon rises gives so many /feels/
Chills especially. We should talk pony music on Discord sometime!
This one almost feels like a feghoot to me. Not that it ends on a pun, but that it was all leading to a line that didn't crystallize the story or make a point, but just end on something silly. If I try to come up with a meaning for it, I'd guess it's the speaker making fun of his brother.
The structure was pretty clever, but it's a little misleading. The first line of the quotation has such perfect meter that it set up my expectations, only for that to be by chance. It might be a good idea to break up the rhythm of that line just so it doesn't imply the rest will do so, since it was a little disappointing.
The rhyme scheme was nice, though. Even with the weak "perfunctory/story" rhyme, I liked what it was doing. If only the "but don't you know" line had followed the pattern as well.
Some of the meaning is lost on me, especially in the long stanza, which by design is the most poetic. I'm kind of with the brother, not really knowing what to make of it. It sounds great. It's just above my head, so I don't know what it means, but there's still value in that. It's like listening to a song in a foreign language, where you like the music even if you don't know what the words say.
The structure was pretty clever, but it's a little misleading. The first line of the quotation has such perfect meter that it set up my expectations, only for that to be by chance. It might be a good idea to break up the rhythm of that line just so it doesn't imply the rest will do so, since it was a little disappointing.
The rhyme scheme was nice, though. Even with the weak "perfunctory/story" rhyme, I liked what it was doing. If only the "but don't you know" line had followed the pattern as well.
Some of the meaning is lost on me, especially in the long stanza, which by design is the most poetic. I'm kind of with the brother, not really knowing what to make of it. It sounds great. It's just above my head, so I don't know what it means, but there's still value in that. It's like listening to a song in a foreign language, where you like the music even if you don't know what the words say.
This one definitely changes gears a few times, and while I think I enjoyed it when I could get into the swing of it, some of the transitions are a little rough to me.
In particular, I was never really sure if there was a rhythm that I should have been following. Some lines have a very clear beat, while others don't really have any kind of meter at all, and it appears that this was deliberate. IMO, poems are things of structure and expectations. It's a little hard to get into a flow when you change up the format so often. And while I'm pretty sure that this kind of transition work can be done effectively, I'm not familiar enough with writing poetry to really put my finger on why this case feels so disjointed.
I'm also having a hard time parsing out the meaning of this one, TBH, even with >>Anon Y Mous's explanation. From my understanding, we get our narrator reading a poem, and then his brother dismissing it. But that's really all I could figure out, and I'm sure there's another layer or meaning that's going over my head right now.
So overall, while there are definitely some lines and some rhymes that I like, I'm having a little trouble coming together and enjoying this as a whole.
In particular, I was never really sure if there was a rhythm that I should have been following. Some lines have a very clear beat, while others don't really have any kind of meter at all, and it appears that this was deliberate. IMO, poems are things of structure and expectations. It's a little hard to get into a flow when you change up the format so often. And while I'm pretty sure that this kind of transition work can be done effectively, I'm not familiar enough with writing poetry to really put my finger on why this case feels so disjointed.
I'm also having a hard time parsing out the meaning of this one, TBH, even with >>Anon Y Mous's explanation. From my understanding, we get our narrator reading a poem, and then his brother dismissing it. But that's really all I could figure out, and I'm sure there's another layer or meaning that's going over my head right now.
So overall, while there are definitely some lines and some rhymes that I like, I'm having a little trouble coming together and enjoying this as a whole.
The opening line reminded me of Crescent on the Water from the last poetry round. I don't know why, but I read the first stanza as a rap more than a poem haha.
Middle part is a little jarring. "Cool story," "cringe," "binge," etc. Very different tone from the beginning and the end of the poem.
Would like some explanation for the final stanza :)
Middle part is a little jarring. "Cool story," "cringe," "binge," etc. Very different tone from the beginning and the end of the poem.
Would like some explanation for the final stanza :)