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Pedagogy
Every day of his miserable life, Counsellor Thyme regretted his choice of vocation. The world of public service at the Fae Executive Management Agency had not turned out to be the life of fame and loose women he had expected. As it turned out, a desk job rubber stamping permits did not grant one prestige or impress the girls at the tavern. Even though the reality of Thyme’s mediocre career had set in long ago, Thyme still dreamed of smiling faces, meaningful work, and upward mobility.
That dream had been thoroughly beaten into submission by an unending torrent of irate citizen complaints, bureaucratic red tape, and incompetent councilmembers. From sun rise to sun set, Thyme’s office was besieged by mobs of dwarves, gnomes, and fairies ready to jump down his throat, mostly for things that weren’t his fault.
Today was no different. Instead of the smiling face of a buxom blonde elf greeting him at his kiosk, Thyme met the gaze of a scowling orc, who was neither buxom nor blonde. Her bloodshot squint let Thyme know that she was particularly peeved this fine morning.
“Human!” she bellowed.
Racial animus was typical orc behavior. Always human this and human that. Thyme was tempted to remark that he did, in fact, have a name that was printed clearly on the placard right in front of her. Filthy, filthy orcs and their racial prejudice.
“What is the meaning of this?!” She slapped a scroll down on Thyme’s desk hard enough to rattle the pens he stored in his Drink More Coffee mug.
It bore the Fae Seal, so at the very least she was in the right place. Thyme gingerly unraveled the scroll, all the while cautiously watching the orc. Couldn’t be too careful with those types.
“Ah. . .” Thyme feigned surprised. “It seems this is . . . an eviction notice.”
Great. The worst kind of notice. Thyme braced himself for a freak out.
“Let me see that!” The orc snatched the scroll out of Thyme’s hands.
Thyme sighed. “Ma’am, did you read the document before you came here?” He was asking rhetorically. Of course she hadn’t.
“Sorry! I lost my reading glasses last week after a fight with a pack a kobolds!” she said at full volume with the utmost stoicism. “I tried my best to read it, but I just ended up hurting my eyes!”
“I see.” Thyme nodded, honeying his words with his best customer-service voice. “If you’d like, I could read it to you.
The orc grunted affirmatively.
“Notice: Eviction. Due to the infestation of fire faeries and soot drakes, this house is no longer fit for human residence,” Thyme recited. “Thank for your time, signed—”
“But I’m not a human!” the orc protested.
“It’s a figure of speech, ma’am. It just means unfit to live in generally.”
“B-but… that’s not what an eviction is!”
“What?”
“Forgive me, I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Ogh’De’g’as’d’af, Esquire! I am an attorney specializing in adventurer’s rights!” Ogh’De’g’as’d’af said.
“Could you spell th—nevermind. What’s the problem with the document, ma’am?”
“An eviction is the legal act of expelling a person from a property which is categorically different from the physical condition or habitability of the premise itself! What was meant was the property was supposed to be condemned!” Ogh’De’g’as’d’af shouted.
“Oh.” Thyme bristled. Whoever screwed this up would have hell to pay he swore. “There must have been some kind of error in the processing. . . this was signed by . . .”
Dread blossomed in Thyme’s heart as he slowly realized that it was he himself who signed off on this particular document yesterday.
“. . . signed by Counsellor Parsley in the next office next door. Let me just amend that document real quick so everything is in order.” Thyme quickly scratched out his own name and replaced his signature with a facsimile imitation of Parsley’s.
“. . . that should be enough to put you on your way. I can’t handle paperwork that doesn’t come out of my office. This is Parsley’s responsibility. Be sure to let him have a piece of your mind.”
“Oh okay! Thank you very much! You’ve been very helpful!” Ogh’De’g’as’d’af smiled. It was a dreadful cacophony of protruding canines and incisors, but nonetheless somehow warmed Thyme’s heart.
She immediately trudged out of Thyme’s office and barged into Parsley’s.
“HUMAN!” she bellowed, obviously irritated.
Sometimes this job wasn’t that bad.
That dream had been thoroughly beaten into submission by an unending torrent of irate citizen complaints, bureaucratic red tape, and incompetent councilmembers. From sun rise to sun set, Thyme’s office was besieged by mobs of dwarves, gnomes, and fairies ready to jump down his throat, mostly for things that weren’t his fault.
Today was no different. Instead of the smiling face of a buxom blonde elf greeting him at his kiosk, Thyme met the gaze of a scowling orc, who was neither buxom nor blonde. Her bloodshot squint let Thyme know that she was particularly peeved this fine morning.
“Human!” she bellowed.
Racial animus was typical orc behavior. Always human this and human that. Thyme was tempted to remark that he did, in fact, have a name that was printed clearly on the placard right in front of her. Filthy, filthy orcs and their racial prejudice.
“What is the meaning of this?!” She slapped a scroll down on Thyme’s desk hard enough to rattle the pens he stored in his Drink More Coffee mug.
It bore the Fae Seal, so at the very least she was in the right place. Thyme gingerly unraveled the scroll, all the while cautiously watching the orc. Couldn’t be too careful with those types.
“Ah. . .” Thyme feigned surprised. “It seems this is . . . an eviction notice.”
Great. The worst kind of notice. Thyme braced himself for a freak out.
“Let me see that!” The orc snatched the scroll out of Thyme’s hands.
Thyme sighed. “Ma’am, did you read the document before you came here?” He was asking rhetorically. Of course she hadn’t.
“Sorry! I lost my reading glasses last week after a fight with a pack a kobolds!” she said at full volume with the utmost stoicism. “I tried my best to read it, but I just ended up hurting my eyes!”
“I see.” Thyme nodded, honeying his words with his best customer-service voice. “If you’d like, I could read it to you.
The orc grunted affirmatively.
“Notice: Eviction. Due to the infestation of fire faeries and soot drakes, this house is no longer fit for human residence,” Thyme recited. “Thank for your time, signed—”
“But I’m not a human!” the orc protested.
“It’s a figure of speech, ma’am. It just means unfit to live in generally.”
“B-but… that’s not what an eviction is!”
“What?”
“Forgive me, I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Ogh’De’g’as’d’af, Esquire! I am an attorney specializing in adventurer’s rights!” Ogh’De’g’as’d’af said.
“Could you spell th—nevermind. What’s the problem with the document, ma’am?”
“An eviction is the legal act of expelling a person from a property which is categorically different from the physical condition or habitability of the premise itself! What was meant was the property was supposed to be condemned!” Ogh’De’g’as’d’af shouted.
“Oh.” Thyme bristled. Whoever screwed this up would have hell to pay he swore. “There must have been some kind of error in the processing. . . this was signed by . . .”
Dread blossomed in Thyme’s heart as he slowly realized that it was he himself who signed off on this particular document yesterday.
“. . . signed by Counsellor Parsley in the next office next door. Let me just amend that document real quick so everything is in order.” Thyme quickly scratched out his own name and replaced his signature with a facsimile imitation of Parsley’s.
“. . . that should be enough to put you on your way. I can’t handle paperwork that doesn’t come out of my office. This is Parsley’s responsibility. Be sure to let him have a piece of your mind.”
“Oh okay! Thank you very much! You’ve been very helpful!” Ogh’De’g’as’d’af smiled. It was a dreadful cacophony of protruding canines and incisors, but nonetheless somehow warmed Thyme’s heart.
She immediately trudged out of Thyme’s office and barged into Parsley’s.
“HUMAN!” she bellowed, obviously irritated.
Sometimes this job wasn’t that bad.
Pics
Filthy, filthy orcs and their racial prejudice.
That’s hilarious.
Whoever screwed this up would have hell to pay he swore.
Let’s just assume this person forgot what that word was... Poor Parsely.
Pretty fun:
My only comments are minuscule at best. I would've thought a bureaucrat of Thyme's weaselitude would've long ago perfected an erasure spell for removing his name from documents when he discovered that he'd screwed something up rather than just scratching the name out. And unless Thyme can somehow see Parsley's door, I'd prefer we stay in Thyme's POV and not get a visual of the orc barging into Parsley's office. Just give us the sound of stomping orc feet, the door crashing open, and the mellifluous bellow.
Mike
My only comments are minuscule at best. I would've thought a bureaucrat of Thyme's weaselitude would've long ago perfected an erasure spell for removing his name from documents when he discovered that he'd screwed something up rather than just scratching the name out. And unless Thyme can somehow see Parsley's door, I'd prefer we stay in Thyme's POV and not get a visual of the orc barging into Parsley's office. Just give us the sound of stomping orc feet, the door crashing open, and the mellifluous bellow.
Mike
Alternate Title: The Boring Side of Fantasy
Something I liked:
Author, I have a confession to make: I'm not exactly a fan of fantasy. Or rather I'm not an enthusiast about it. That said, a story set in a high fantasy world which catches my eye is especially worth my time, and this entry is one of those. I like that Thyme feels like he could exist in our world, despite dealing with fantastical creatures all day. I also like the humor itself; this is perhaps the funniest entry of the lot, at least for me, which is saying something considering there are a couple other strong contenders.
Something I didn't like:
Somewhat minor, but I want to talk about POV here. I thought the narrator was supposed to be omniscient, like a narrator who is not attached to any in-story character, but there are a few times where I get the impression that we're actually getting Thyme's POV, but told in the first person. There are also a couple typos I couldn't help but notice on a second readinb, but nothing earth-shattering.
Verdict: Fun? Sure. Clever? Yes. One of my favorite entries? You bet.
Something I liked:
Author, I have a confession to make: I'm not exactly a fan of fantasy. Or rather I'm not an enthusiast about it. That said, a story set in a high fantasy world which catches my eye is especially worth my time, and this entry is one of those. I like that Thyme feels like he could exist in our world, despite dealing with fantastical creatures all day. I also like the humor itself; this is perhaps the funniest entry of the lot, at least for me, which is saying something considering there are a couple other strong contenders.
Something I didn't like:
Somewhat minor, but I want to talk about POV here. I thought the narrator was supposed to be omniscient, like a narrator who is not attached to any in-story character, but there are a few times where I get the impression that we're actually getting Thyme's POV, but told in the first person. There are also a couple typos I couldn't help but notice on a second readinb, but nothing earth-shattering.
Verdict: Fun? Sure. Clever? Yes. One of my favorite entries? You bet.
This was fun. I especially liked the way you handled contradictions. One was blatant (Thyme considering the orc racist) and one very subtle (a 'drink more coffee' mug that he doesn't use to drink from).
I can't fault much here, but there are two things I'd suggest. One, at the beginning, it's very expository. That's not unusual when you have to introduce the reader to your world, but there are often better ways of doing it. I think if you lumped all that description of what Thyme's job normally consists of into an actual customer transaction, it'll feel more topical and natural. You're using a limited narration, so the narration itself should be what Thyme is thinking about at the moment and where his attention is. It's not likely he'd have his mind on a kind of overview of his career to date. He might reasonably have his mind on a transaction he'd just facilitated that went typically poorly. That kind of specific interaction that's illustrative of the whole usually does a better job of establishing that exposition in a way that's consistent with the perspective and entertaining to the reader without resorting to an exposition dump.
And two, why does he pick on Parsley at the end? I have to assume he chose Parsley because of a personal grudge of some sort instead of it being totally random. Or maybe Parsley's the only other one in the office. Something to tell me why he chose Parsley would help add some meaning to the end and keep from making it feel like it's just plot convenience.
>>No_Raisin was confused about whether this was omniscient or limited viewpoint, and you may have to consider which one you wanted to use, but it definitely felt limited to me. I mean, lines like this wouldn't exist in omniscient:
I only saw one editing error: some missing closing quotation marks. And one place you probably should have added a comma.
I can't fault much here, but there are two things I'd suggest. One, at the beginning, it's very expository. That's not unusual when you have to introduce the reader to your world, but there are often better ways of doing it. I think if you lumped all that description of what Thyme's job normally consists of into an actual customer transaction, it'll feel more topical and natural. You're using a limited narration, so the narration itself should be what Thyme is thinking about at the moment and where his attention is. It's not likely he'd have his mind on a kind of overview of his career to date. He might reasonably have his mind on a transaction he'd just facilitated that went typically poorly. That kind of specific interaction that's illustrative of the whole usually does a better job of establishing that exposition in a way that's consistent with the perspective and entertaining to the reader without resorting to an exposition dump.
And two, why does he pick on Parsley at the end? I have to assume he chose Parsley because of a personal grudge of some sort instead of it being totally random. Or maybe Parsley's the only other one in the office. Something to tell me why he chose Parsley would help add some meaning to the end and keep from making it feel like it's just plot convenience.
>>No_Raisin was confused about whether this was omniscient or limited viewpoint, and you may have to consider which one you wanted to use, but it definitely felt limited to me. I mean, lines like this wouldn't exist in omniscient:
Couldn’t be too careful with those types.
I only saw one editing error: some missing closing quotation marks. And one place you probably should have added a comma.
... OK, now I know more about the difference between eviction and condemnation. The more you know!
That aside: you've pretty much done a good job here. Not perfect, sure: the orc's speech before and after she introduces herself changes way too fast from informal to formal even in a light-hearted slice-of-life like this, and the confusion over P.O.V. and lack of any more cues or descriptions when she barges into Parsley's room made the ending sag quite a bit. However, you've done everything else in top-notch fashion with succinct exposition/backstory that's relevant to the character, snarky mental snides from the human, to name two.
Overall, this is a great slice-of-life about not really making it but still being OK with it. Fun stuff!
That aside: you've pretty much done a good job here. Not perfect, sure: the orc's speech before and after she introduces herself changes way too fast from informal to formal even in a light-hearted slice-of-life like this, and the confusion over P.O.V. and lack of any more cues or descriptions when she barges into Parsley's room made the ending sag quite a bit. However, you've done everything else in top-notch fashion with succinct exposition/backstory that's relevant to the character, snarky mental snides from the human, to name two.
Overall, this is a great slice-of-life about not really making it but still being OK with it. Fun stuff!
Alright, so here's another comedic entry, which is usually where my reviewing skills fall flat and where the other reviewers have more valuable insight to provide than yours truly. I will say though, this is probably my favorite comedy of this round, mostly because I found Thyme as a character to be well-defined enough for me to truly sympathize with what he's going through. The first paragraph alone immediately establishes Thyme's background, personality, and motivation, which shows just how well-crafted the story is in general.
Sorry I can't contribute much to your story this time around. I think it's great as it is, really. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
Sorry I can't contribute much to your story this time around. I think it's great as it is, really. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
Pretty good story. I don't think there is much that I could say.
This was executed pretty well. Jokes were on point, and stung pretty well. Can't see any problems with the story at all.
Can't wait to see what you will right next.
This was executed pretty well. Jokes were on point, and stung pretty well. Can't see any problems with the story at all.
Can't wait to see what you will right next.
>>Anon Y Mous
>>Baal Bunny
>>No_Raisin
>>Pascoite
>>No_Raisin
>>TerrusStokkr
>>WritingSpirit
After nearly eight long years of toil, I've finally earned my first gold. Wowzers! All I had to do was get rid of that pesky bird Miller Minus, and suddenly the gravy train starts a-rollin'.
In all seriousness, I didn't expect to do nearly this well. I wrote this at around 1AM on Sunday with little time to edit (see: missing end quotes), half drunk off of white claws from earlier in the day, and right after I had flown back from Columbus to DC. I remarked in the Discord:
and finally
The thing that's always hard to tell with comedy is if you're actually being funny or not. Sometimes it clicks, and sometimes it doesn't. I wrote this story solely off of the idea trying to be a pedantic dick about >>Anon Y Mous's art entry (i.e. How can I turn an explanation about what "condemned" means into a story?). Hence the name Pedagogy.
I was also writing out of my typical genre, which made it a bit more difficult to figure out what should be explained and what shouldn't. I opted to include a lot of small details to give the reader something to bite on, such as what >>Pascoite points out, and hoped that the reader would be interested enough to catch on to how it all fit together (e.g. Ogh’De’g’as’d’af has bloodshot eyes from squinting because lost reading glasses which allows Thyme to sneak changing his name without her noticing; Thyme dreams of smiling faces, thinks of elves, orc scowls, ends up with smiling orc at end, etc.)
>>Baal Bunny
Fun fact: I had this exact same idea an hour past the deadline. I woke up on Sunday morning, looked over my entry, and I was like, "Fuck, I should have had the coffee mug filled with quills instead of pens and Thyme use an erasing spell instead of just scratching his name out."
Also everyone thought this was your entry, which allowed me to go completely undetected. I got ahead of this trend by immediately accusing you of writing it, and nobody except for >>Pascoite ever questioned it.
>>No_Raisin
>>Pascoite
>>Baal Bunny
The problem here is just that I didn't adequately communicate that yes, indeed, Parsley's office is directly adjacent to Thyme's. I wasn't trying to break perspective, I just didn't do a good job of explaining what was happening, partially due to word count, partially due to my lack of oversight. The gag was supposed to be that Thyme claims to our dear Ogh’De’g’as’d’af that he can't handle her paperwork when literally all he's doing is sending her to the room over, but I just didn't notice at the time that idea wasn't clearly communicated in the text.
Also it's definitely third person limited.
>>Pascoite
I didn't have an answer when I wrote the entry (because I knew I wouldn't have enough space to explain it anyways), but what I would imagine the answer being is that Thyme is just kind of a prick that takes joy in messing with Parsley and justifies it post hoc because he thinks Parsley is uppity or something.
Anyways, thanks for the support, and I'll try to write more stories half-drunk after a flight at 1AM.
>>Baal Bunny
>>No_Raisin
>>Pascoite
>>No_Raisin
>>TerrusStokkr
>>WritingSpirit
After nearly eight long years of toil, I've finally earned my first gold. Wowzers! All I had to do was get rid of that pesky bird Miller Minus, and suddenly the gravy train starts a-rollin'.
In all seriousness, I didn't expect to do nearly this well. I wrote this at around 1AM on Sunday with little time to edit (see: missing end quotes), half drunk off of white claws from earlier in the day, and right after I had flown back from Columbus to DC. I remarked in the Discord:
I am going to enter a terrible story
wow this story I wrote is truly awful and I should be punished for entering it
and finally
No raisin is actually the author of diary of a wimpy kid
The thing that's always hard to tell with comedy is if you're actually being funny or not. Sometimes it clicks, and sometimes it doesn't. I wrote this story solely off of the idea trying to be a pedantic dick about >>Anon Y Mous's art entry (i.e. How can I turn an explanation about what "condemned" means into a story?). Hence the name Pedagogy.
I was also writing out of my typical genre, which made it a bit more difficult to figure out what should be explained and what shouldn't. I opted to include a lot of small details to give the reader something to bite on, such as what >>Pascoite points out, and hoped that the reader would be interested enough to catch on to how it all fit together (e.g. Ogh’De’g’as’d’af has bloodshot eyes from squinting because lost reading glasses which allows Thyme to sneak changing his name without her noticing; Thyme dreams of smiling faces, thinks of elves, orc scowls, ends up with smiling orc at end, etc.)
>>Baal Bunny
would've thought a bureaucrat of Thyme's weaselitude would've long ago perfected an erasure spell for removing his name from documents when he discovered that he'd screwed something up rather than just scratching the name out.
Fun fact: I had this exact same idea an hour past the deadline. I woke up on Sunday morning, looked over my entry, and I was like, "Fuck, I should have had the coffee mug filled with quills instead of pens and Thyme use an erasing spell instead of just scratching his name out."
Also everyone thought this was your entry, which allowed me to go completely undetected. I got ahead of this trend by immediately accusing you of writing it, and nobody except for >>Pascoite ever questioned it.
>>No_Raisin
>>Pascoite
>>Baal Bunny
And unless Thyme can somehow see Parsley's door, I'd prefer we stay in Thyme's POV and not get a visual of the orc
barging into Parsley's office.
I thought the narrator was supposed to be omniscient, like a narrator who is not attached to any in-story character, but there are a few times where I get the impression that we're actually getting Thyme's POV, but told in the first person.
but it definitely felt limited to me.
The problem here is just that I didn't adequately communicate that yes, indeed, Parsley's office is directly adjacent to Thyme's. I wasn't trying to break perspective, I just didn't do a good job of explaining what was happening, partially due to word count, partially due to my lack of oversight. The gag was supposed to be that Thyme claims to our dear Ogh’De’g’as’d’af that he can't handle her paperwork when literally all he's doing is sending her to the room over, but I just didn't notice at the time that idea wasn't clearly communicated in the text.
Also it's definitely third person limited.
>>Pascoite
And two, why does he pick on Parsley at the end?
I didn't have an answer when I wrote the entry (because I knew I wouldn't have enough space to explain it anyways), but what I would imagine the answer being is that Thyme is just kind of a prick that takes joy in messing with Parsley and justifies it post hoc because he thinks Parsley is uppity or something.
Anyways, thanks for the support, and I'll try to write more stories half-drunk after a flight at 1AM.