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Daring Do and the Ibis
A.K. Yearling returned home to find the walls blackened and melting. Splotches of shiny black ink slid slowly downwards, peeling the wallpaper off with them.
She dropped the newspaper on the floor, and was at a loss for words.
From down the hall came the clinking of glass on glass, and then came Ibis himself, galloping into the foyer, a pouch of ink wells tied behind his back. He had a look of determination on his face, not even hindered by the three paintbrushes stuck in his teeth, or the fact that he looked like a cow.
"Ibis?"
After some prolonged eye contact with his mother, the boy turned to a surviving portion of wallpaper and slashed at it with his paintbrushes.
With trembling legs, A.K. approached with caution, like the boy was one of Ahuizotl's tigers. "Ibis… Dear," she soothed, or at least tried to. "Let's… put down the—"
Ibis interrupted her with a hair flick. His mane had always shone like ink, but now it sprayed like it too.
A.K. wiped her glasses on her poncho. She exhaled anger and inhaled serenity. Now was not the time to be cross. After all, the only thing that made her feel worse than yelling at her son was being laughed at immediately afterwards.
No, today was a day for a new strategy.
"So… Are you… an octopus?"
"No."
"Oh. Then…?"
"I was an octopus. Now I'm a painter." He shot her a glare before returning to his work. "Obviously."
After plucking the implements out of the boy's mouth, A.K. pulled him inwards, ignoring his struggle. "That's funny… I could really use a painter right now. How about you and I paint all the walls today? Something nice, and bright, and… not black as pitch."
"I don't want to be a painter anymore," Ibis replied, paradoxically reaching for the paintbrushes with his teeth.
"Oh? And what do you want to be?"
Breaking free from his mother's wrestler-like embrace, he threw his cape-pouch on the ground and fished through it.
He withdrew a bat. A bat that A.K. had never, ever purchased for him.
"I wanna be a baseball player."
"I'd like to convince you otherwise."
But he was already off. He giggled and ran up the stairs, while his mother could only holler and give chase. The bat – sticking out the side of his mouth – dented every post in the railing.
"Come back here!" A.K. yelled, hobbling up the stairs. "Where are you go—NO!"
Ibis stood in front of a door that was padlocked shut. He held his bat triumphantly above his head. Staring directly into his mother's eyes, he struck, smashing the lock open, and tumbling into the darkness.
"Close your eyes!" A.K. shouted. "Back out of there slowly!"
But it was too late. When she caught up with him, he was already on his hooves, twirling in place, taking stock with his jaw fully unhinged. Surrounding him were shelves upon shelves of idols, masks, amulets – priceless gold coins and cheap gift shop trinkets. There was even a key to the city, though A.K. had long forgotten which city it was for.
Ibis turned to his mother.
And Daring Do knew this conversation had to come eventually.
"Ibis… There's something that Mommy needs to tell you."
"You're a Daring Do superfan!"
A.K. blinked. "What did you just call me?"
But Ibis was already doing an inventory of the room. He ran to her adventuring gear, ironed keenly and resting on a mannequin. It posed in mid-flight.
"Cosplay!"
He gathered up the masks and the amulets and threw them across the room.
"Collectibles!"
He bumped into the desk, and a stack of abandoned rough drafts fell on him. He threw some pages back in the air like they were water from a fountain.
"Fanfiction!"
Of all the false accusations, that one cut the deepest.
"Mom, why didn't you tell me? This is so cool!"
There were many reasons Daring Do hadn't told her son about this part of her life yet, but not any she could confess.
She plucked her hat off the mannequin with her teeth and flipped it over her head. Still a perfect fit.
"I didn't tell you because… I needed a baseball playing sidekick!"
Ibis raised his bat and grinned. A.K. Yearling wondered what in Equestria she had just said.
But he was already off.
"I mean—! A wallpaper repair sidekick! A napping sidekick? A sidekick whose special talent is being well-behaved!"
They ran.
She dropped the newspaper on the floor, and was at a loss for words.
From down the hall came the clinking of glass on glass, and then came Ibis himself, galloping into the foyer, a pouch of ink wells tied behind his back. He had a look of determination on his face, not even hindered by the three paintbrushes stuck in his teeth, or the fact that he looked like a cow.
"Ibis?"
After some prolonged eye contact with his mother, the boy turned to a surviving portion of wallpaper and slashed at it with his paintbrushes.
With trembling legs, A.K. approached with caution, like the boy was one of Ahuizotl's tigers. "Ibis… Dear," she soothed, or at least tried to. "Let's… put down the—"
Ibis interrupted her with a hair flick. His mane had always shone like ink, but now it sprayed like it too.
A.K. wiped her glasses on her poncho. She exhaled anger and inhaled serenity. Now was not the time to be cross. After all, the only thing that made her feel worse than yelling at her son was being laughed at immediately afterwards.
No, today was a day for a new strategy.
"So… Are you… an octopus?"
"No."
"Oh. Then…?"
"I was an octopus. Now I'm a painter." He shot her a glare before returning to his work. "Obviously."
After plucking the implements out of the boy's mouth, A.K. pulled him inwards, ignoring his struggle. "That's funny… I could really use a painter right now. How about you and I paint all the walls today? Something nice, and bright, and… not black as pitch."
"I don't want to be a painter anymore," Ibis replied, paradoxically reaching for the paintbrushes with his teeth.
"Oh? And what do you want to be?"
Breaking free from his mother's wrestler-like embrace, he threw his cape-pouch on the ground and fished through it.
He withdrew a bat. A bat that A.K. had never, ever purchased for him.
"I wanna be a baseball player."
"I'd like to convince you otherwise."
But he was already off. He giggled and ran up the stairs, while his mother could only holler and give chase. The bat – sticking out the side of his mouth – dented every post in the railing.
"Come back here!" A.K. yelled, hobbling up the stairs. "Where are you go—NO!"
Ibis stood in front of a door that was padlocked shut. He held his bat triumphantly above his head. Staring directly into his mother's eyes, he struck, smashing the lock open, and tumbling into the darkness.
"Close your eyes!" A.K. shouted. "Back out of there slowly!"
But it was too late. When she caught up with him, he was already on his hooves, twirling in place, taking stock with his jaw fully unhinged. Surrounding him were shelves upon shelves of idols, masks, amulets – priceless gold coins and cheap gift shop trinkets. There was even a key to the city, though A.K. had long forgotten which city it was for.
Ibis turned to his mother.
And Daring Do knew this conversation had to come eventually.
"Ibis… There's something that Mommy needs to tell you."
"You're a Daring Do superfan!"
A.K. blinked. "What did you just call me?"
But Ibis was already doing an inventory of the room. He ran to her adventuring gear, ironed keenly and resting on a mannequin. It posed in mid-flight.
"Cosplay!"
He gathered up the masks and the amulets and threw them across the room.
"Collectibles!"
He bumped into the desk, and a stack of abandoned rough drafts fell on him. He threw some pages back in the air like they were water from a fountain.
"Fanfiction!"
Of all the false accusations, that one cut the deepest.
"Mom, why didn't you tell me? This is so cool!"
There were many reasons Daring Do hadn't told her son about this part of her life yet, but not any she could confess.
She plucked her hat off the mannequin with her teeth and flipped it over her head. Still a perfect fit.
"I didn't tell you because… I needed a baseball playing sidekick!"
Ibis raised his bat and grinned. A.K. Yearling wondered what in Equestria she had just said.
But he was already off.
"I mean—! A wallpaper repair sidekick! A napping sidekick? A sidekick whose special talent is being well-behaved!"
They ran.
Pics
Genre: Latchkey Kid 3000
Thoughts: I can't help but wonder about A.K.'s home life given the sudden appearance of a son. Surely she doesn't just leave him alone for months at a time when she goes off on her adventures, but no one else seems to be watching him after she's been gone a while?
But then, while the first few paragraphs are lovely, they convey almost more of a horror tone than the rest of the story seems to want. I'm all for having an emotional journey in a story, but this borders on tonal whiplash right now.
I like the interplay between the two of them, though. Really, that's the strongest thing here. It's cute and fun once the story stops trying to head-fake toward horror or something. The quality of writing is pretty strong as well.
I find it hard to rate stories like this, where there's a lot of good that's balanced with distracting amounts of fridge logic. I want to go higher based on the good bits, but I kinda have to cap this for the other aspects.
Tier: Almost There.
Thoughts: I can't help but wonder about A.K.'s home life given the sudden appearance of a son. Surely she doesn't just leave him alone for months at a time when she goes off on her adventures, but no one else seems to be watching him after she's been gone a while?
But then, while the first few paragraphs are lovely, they convey almost more of a horror tone than the rest of the story seems to want. I'm all for having an emotional journey in a story, but this borders on tonal whiplash right now.
I like the interplay between the two of them, though. Really, that's the strongest thing here. It's cute and fun once the story stops trying to head-fake toward horror or something. The quality of writing is pretty strong as well.
I find it hard to rate stories like this, where there's a lot of good that's balanced with distracting amounts of fridge logic. I want to go higher based on the good bits, but I kinda have to cap this for the other aspects.
Tier: Almost There.
And that's why I don't have kids. I wouldn't want them stumbling upon my fanfiction.
I agree with >>CoffeeMinion, the first couple of paragraphs led me to believe this was going on a completely different direction. If I may be so bold as to suggest this, perhaps it would've been better if Ibis had stumbled upon mommy Yearling's stash of Daring Do memorabilia while hinting at his wrecking ball nature while fumbling through her stuff, if only so we could've gotten more mileage out of the misunderstanding.
I still liked it, though, and I'd like to read an expanded version.
I agree with >>CoffeeMinion, the first couple of paragraphs led me to believe this was going on a completely different direction. If I may be so bold as to suggest this, perhaps it would've been better if Ibis had stumbled upon mommy Yearling's stash of Daring Do memorabilia while hinting at his wrecking ball nature while fumbling through her stuff, if only so we could've gotten more mileage out of the misunderstanding.
I still liked it, though, and I'd like to read an expanded version.
The kid's destructive path might be just a little overdone.
The big problem I have with this story is it doesn't make sense that Daring wouldn't reveal to her son that she's the author of the Daring Do series. Of course she might not tell him that she's Daring Do, but what does she have to gain from hiding her alter ego?
The big problem I have with this story is it doesn't make sense that Daring wouldn't reveal to her son that she's the author of the Daring Do series. Of course she might not tell him that she's Daring Do, but what does she have to gain from hiding her alter ego?
And another tally mark in the “May I Never Be Blessed with Children” column for today.
Seriously, though, I couldn’t shake this feeling of detached horror as I read this piece. Yes, some of the interactions between Daring Do and Ibis are cute, but the wanton, willful destruction the kid rains upon the house knocks me right out of the story.
Like, my parents would have flayed me alive for even talking back to them like this, let alone the broader context of extensive property damage. Stack that staggering burden of suspension of disbelief on top of Daring Do, of all ponies, being so limp-wristed (limp-pasterned?) about discipline, and I just can’t buy it.
Sorry, Writer, but I bounced off of this hard. I will say that you do an excellent job - perhaps too excellent a job - of portraying Ibis’ willfulness. I agree with the other comments that this feels a lot like it could have been a horror story, and wrenching the narrative towards familial feel-good vibes halfway through doesn’t really work, at least for me.
Seriously, though, I couldn’t shake this feeling of detached horror as I read this piece. Yes, some of the interactions between Daring Do and Ibis are cute, but the wanton, willful destruction the kid rains upon the house knocks me right out of the story.
"I was an octopus. Now I'm a painter." He shot her a glare before returning to his work. "Obviously."
Like, my parents would have flayed me alive for even talking back to them like this, let alone the broader context of extensive property damage. Stack that staggering burden of suspension of disbelief on top of Daring Do, of all ponies, being so limp-wristed (limp-pasterned?) about discipline, and I just can’t buy it.
Sorry, Writer, but I bounced off of this hard. I will say that you do an excellent job - perhaps too excellent a job - of portraying Ibis’ willfulness. I agree with the other comments that this feels a lot like it could have been a horror story, and wrenching the narrative towards familial feel-good vibes halfway through doesn’t really work, at least for me.
>>CoffeeMinion
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>Trick_Question
>>Icenrose
>>Not_A_Hat
"Retreat is a strategy in itself! Until next time!"
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>Trick_Question
>>Icenrose
>>Not_A_Hat
"Retreat is a strategy in itself! Until next time!"
>>Miller Minus
Despite the two flaws I mentioned, this one was pretty high on my slate. Higher than several that made the cut, and I didn't even read half the stories. I'm kind of surprised.
Despite the two flaws I mentioned, this one was pretty high on my slate. Higher than several that made the cut, and I didn't even read half the stories. I'm kind of surprised.
Coming in a little late this round, sorry about that!
Since the first round was over, I'll come out and say this story came out right above the middle of my slate. There's a lot of things I like, the dynamic between Daring Do and Ibis coming out first and foremost. Like with another fic this round, the dynamic of mother and child reminded of the Lynne Ramsay film We Need To Talk About Kevin, which itself was adapted from a novel by Lionel Shriver. The unsettling vibe I had gotten from their exchange managed to draw me in, so it definitely set the bar high in terms of a strong opening. If there is one gripe I do have, it's this small moment of insight into Daring's thought process.
I think this portion of the story did dampen the tension a little. It revealed information about her thought process as a mother, and though I appreciate the insight, I wished you kept us guessing at how Daring's attempts at motherhood are going to be like instead. I think even without that section, we can connect the dots.
Past the halfway point, my biggest issue with the story came with Ibis stumbling upon her memorabilia. The sequence of events itself isn't bad by itself writing-wise, and I don't mind being duped into this story being fake-horror, but I just wished that somehow, there can be a connection of sorts that's more personal to her as a mother than her as an explorer. Something more tangible than 'he'll have to learn about this someday'. I came away with it thinking there's a more important and precise reason that Daring hid her adventuring life from his son that we aren't seeing.
Simply put, I've seen Daring Do as an explorer before. I want to see Daring Do as a mother.
That aside, this story definitely's one that stuck out to me, in that I didn't need to open it up in a new tab to remember what it's about. The dialogue between them is impeccable and, again, calling back vibes I had from the film I mentioned. One line stood out for me because of how 'Daring Do' it was.
Because of course, the first thing she thought of would be some weird sea creature from under the deep.
All in all, it's a story that hits the right spots in me more than it misses. Thanks for writing!
Since the first round was over, I'll come out and say this story came out right above the middle of my slate. There's a lot of things I like, the dynamic between Daring Do and Ibis coming out first and foremost. Like with another fic this round, the dynamic of mother and child reminded of the Lynne Ramsay film We Need To Talk About Kevin, which itself was adapted from a novel by Lionel Shriver. The unsettling vibe I had gotten from their exchange managed to draw me in, so it definitely set the bar high in terms of a strong opening. If there is one gripe I do have, it's this small moment of insight into Daring's thought process.
Now was not the time to be cross. After all, the only thing that made her feel worse than yelling at her son was being laughed at immediately afterwards.
No, today was a day for a new strategy.
I think this portion of the story did dampen the tension a little. It revealed information about her thought process as a mother, and though I appreciate the insight, I wished you kept us guessing at how Daring's attempts at motherhood are going to be like instead. I think even without that section, we can connect the dots.
Past the halfway point, my biggest issue with the story came with Ibis stumbling upon her memorabilia. The sequence of events itself isn't bad by itself writing-wise, and I don't mind being duped into this story being fake-horror, but I just wished that somehow, there can be a connection of sorts that's more personal to her as a mother than her as an explorer. Something more tangible than 'he'll have to learn about this someday'. I came away with it thinking there's a more important and precise reason that Daring hid her adventuring life from his son that we aren't seeing.
Simply put, I've seen Daring Do as an explorer before. I want to see Daring Do as a mother.
That aside, this story definitely's one that stuck out to me, in that I didn't need to open it up in a new tab to remember what it's about. The dialogue between them is impeccable and, again, calling back vibes I had from the film I mentioned. One line stood out for me because of how 'Daring Do' it was.
"So… Are you… an octopus?"
Because of course, the first thing she thought of would be some weird sea creature from under the deep.
All in all, it's a story that hits the right spots in me more than it misses. Thanks for writing!