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No Stomach for Diplomacy
“The Neighponese are really just looking for a token gesture of comradere here, Princess. Just eat, smile, bow when appropriate—you’ve done this countless times before, I don’t know why I’m briefing you—“
Celestia smiled. “I always appreciate your input, Proper Ettiquette. You’ve saved me from making many a social faux pas during these social events. Why, just the other day you had to remind me that the rules for houseguests in this country had changed since my last visit; I would have made a complete fool of myself otherwise.”
“Please, Princess, they would not have held it against you if you had actually asked for a larger cushion—Besides, you’re royalty, they would have been pleased to serve.”
“Either way, I am glad for your assistance. Now, tell me about this banquet I’m to attend.”
“Seven courses, you’ll need to pace yourself. Don’t take anything you won’t finish, but make sure you take at least one item per course, or you’ll insult their cooking. Accept a glass of, but beware of, their wine, it's potent. Otherwise, just eat, make small talk, see if there’s any food aid we can lend since they had that typhoon that damaged their crops this season, and you’ll do well, as always.”
Celestia placed a hoof on Proper Etiquette’s withers. “With your help, I’m sure I’ll do fine.”
“One more thing princess,” Etiquette said, “course six consists mostly of cakes... just... remember there’s a seventh course.”
Celestia frowned. She would never live that Foal Free Press article down.
The Neighponese prime minister, Sunrise, was an absolute delight. She regaled Celestia with tales of enhanced public services, community success stories, and the possibilities of increased trade with Equestria.
The first several courses were gone before Celestia had even realized it. She was pretty sure there was a flavored bread involved, a soup and... a light salad? Definitely a light salad. She looked down to what she was currently eating and saw that it was some kind of fried noodles.
“Do you have any suggestions, Princess?”
Celestia had thankfully been paying attention, despite her sudden preoccupation with calculating numbers of courses, calories per course, and number of laps around Canterlot Castle to burn them back off. “Equestria would be more than happy to donate enough food to more than cover your losses during the disaster.”
Sunrise seemed most overjoyed at the news. “I would like to announce it to everypony at the end of the meal, Princess. My ponies will be so relieved.”
Celestia agreed as her empty pasta plate was cleared from the table.
The main course was an assortment of sautéed vegetables with a flavorful sauce. Celestia was most impressed with the skill of the chefs and mentioned it to Sunrise. They seemed overjoyed to be able to send compliments back to the kitchen.
As the assorted cakes were brought to the table, Celestia felt a slight discomfort in her gut. She chalked it up to eating a little too quickly and resolved to slow down. That resolve quickly evaporated when she spied no less than three cake slices that appealed to her.
The Neighponese bakers knew how to make flavorful pastry, that was for sure. Each slice was ecstasy, but with each one, her stomach’s discomfort grew.
The final course was just fruit and Celestia wasted no time trying to use it to calm her digestive tract.
All the while, Sunrise continued to talk, but now Celestia was not listening. She put a hoof to her mouth as her gorge tried to rise. She was going to have to excuse herself, social faux pas or not; there was no way she could—
And Sunrise had stood and clinked a glass for everypony’s attention. They started talking, and Celestia could only feel the rumbling and gurgling of her midsection increase. She heard the clapping of hooves and saw Sunrise looking at her with a large smile on their face... and a sprig of broccoli stuck right in their incisors.
What had taken nearly an hour to eat found its way onto the Neighponese prime minister in less than ten seconds.
After having herself quickly flown back to Canterlot, Celestia found a couch outside her’s and Luna’s rooms, grabbed a waste bin, and laid down.
Luna exited her room and spotted Celestia on the couch. “Sister? Back from the dinner so soon?
Celestia quickly explained the evening’s events.
“Well... at least it wasn't any worse?”
At least Clestia could smile at that.
Celestia smiled. “I always appreciate your input, Proper Ettiquette. You’ve saved me from making many a social faux pas during these social events. Why, just the other day you had to remind me that the rules for houseguests in this country had changed since my last visit; I would have made a complete fool of myself otherwise.”
“Please, Princess, they would not have held it against you if you had actually asked for a larger cushion—Besides, you’re royalty, they would have been pleased to serve.”
“Either way, I am glad for your assistance. Now, tell me about this banquet I’m to attend.”
“Seven courses, you’ll need to pace yourself. Don’t take anything you won’t finish, but make sure you take at least one item per course, or you’ll insult their cooking. Accept a glass of, but beware of, their wine, it's potent. Otherwise, just eat, make small talk, see if there’s any food aid we can lend since they had that typhoon that damaged their crops this season, and you’ll do well, as always.”
Celestia placed a hoof on Proper Etiquette’s withers. “With your help, I’m sure I’ll do fine.”
“One more thing princess,” Etiquette said, “course six consists mostly of cakes... just... remember there’s a seventh course.”
Celestia frowned. She would never live that Foal Free Press article down.
The Neighponese prime minister, Sunrise, was an absolute delight. She regaled Celestia with tales of enhanced public services, community success stories, and the possibilities of increased trade with Equestria.
The first several courses were gone before Celestia had even realized it. She was pretty sure there was a flavored bread involved, a soup and... a light salad? Definitely a light salad. She looked down to what she was currently eating and saw that it was some kind of fried noodles.
“Do you have any suggestions, Princess?”
Celestia had thankfully been paying attention, despite her sudden preoccupation with calculating numbers of courses, calories per course, and number of laps around Canterlot Castle to burn them back off. “Equestria would be more than happy to donate enough food to more than cover your losses during the disaster.”
Sunrise seemed most overjoyed at the news. “I would like to announce it to everypony at the end of the meal, Princess. My ponies will be so relieved.”
Celestia agreed as her empty pasta plate was cleared from the table.
The main course was an assortment of sautéed vegetables with a flavorful sauce. Celestia was most impressed with the skill of the chefs and mentioned it to Sunrise. They seemed overjoyed to be able to send compliments back to the kitchen.
As the assorted cakes were brought to the table, Celestia felt a slight discomfort in her gut. She chalked it up to eating a little too quickly and resolved to slow down. That resolve quickly evaporated when she spied no less than three cake slices that appealed to her.
The Neighponese bakers knew how to make flavorful pastry, that was for sure. Each slice was ecstasy, but with each one, her stomach’s discomfort grew.
The final course was just fruit and Celestia wasted no time trying to use it to calm her digestive tract.
All the while, Sunrise continued to talk, but now Celestia was not listening. She put a hoof to her mouth as her gorge tried to rise. She was going to have to excuse herself, social faux pas or not; there was no way she could—
And Sunrise had stood and clinked a glass for everypony’s attention. They started talking, and Celestia could only feel the rumbling and gurgling of her midsection increase. She heard the clapping of hooves and saw Sunrise looking at her with a large smile on their face... and a sprig of broccoli stuck right in their incisors.
What had taken nearly an hour to eat found its way onto the Neighponese prime minister in less than ten seconds.
After having herself quickly flown back to Canterlot, Celestia found a couch outside her’s and Luna’s rooms, grabbed a waste bin, and laid down.
Luna exited her room and spotted Celestia on the couch. “Sister? Back from the dinner so soon?
Celestia quickly explained the evening’s events.
“Well... at least it wasn't any worse?”
At least Clestia could smile at that.
Pics
Why is this the second fic in a row I've reviewed that involves Japanese stereotypes? What a weirdly specific thing to see more than once during this writeoff.
But anyway, this was... okay? There were a few jokes in there, but none of them really landed for me, and while I do appreciate the idea of Celestia being unfamiliar with a different culture, or not feeling like she's in control, there's something missing here.
There were also some obvious spelling and grammar mistakes (you misspelled Etiquette at least once) that distracted me from the reading, but at least it was sound enough overall in that department.
The joke toward the end was good, though. Didn't make me laugh, but I liked it.
I'm feeling a decent to strong 6 on this.
But anyway, this was... okay? There were a few jokes in there, but none of them really landed for me, and while I do appreciate the idea of Celestia being unfamiliar with a different culture, or not feeling like she's in control, there's something missing here.
There were also some obvious spelling and grammar mistakes (you misspelled Etiquette at least once) that distracted me from the reading, but at least it was sound enough overall in that department.
The joke toward the end was good, though. Didn't make me laugh, but I liked it.
I'm feeling a decent to strong 6 on this.
Hmm... Possible reference to the Bush Sr. vomiting incident? The broccoli definitely seems like a tip-off there.
This one's more of a between-meal snack than a seven-course dinner, even by minific standards. There's just not much there, at least not in comparison to the final event that washes out the taste of everything that came before it. (And it doesn’t do so with water.) Between the typos and Sunrise’s mid-dinner shift to genderlessness, it could’ve done with another round of prep work before being served.
This one's more of a between-meal snack than a seven-course dinner, even by minific standards. There's just not much there, at least not in comparison to the final event that washes out the taste of everything that came before it. (And it doesn’t do so with water.) Between the typos and Sunrise’s mid-dinner shift to genderlessness, it could’ve done with another round of prep work before being served.
I disagree with the above comment that this story involves "stereotypes". I think it's done more respectfully than that makes it sound. But it seems maybe like you held back a bit? The foods you described, for example, all sound like north american foods. Where's the sushi, sashimi, and other assortments of fish. I'm an idiot. But, okay, no, there are vegetarian options in Japan too! I feel like seaweed could have at least made an appearance. It would play in to Celestia's stomach's inability to process this newfangled food it's suddenly taking in. And how about a little cup of green pasty stuff that looks kind of nice and soothing and MADE OF HELLFIRE.
But anyways, my point is that it felt a little reserved to reference the fact that this is Equestria's Japan and then not make it very Japanese. Lean into it! Respectfully, tho.
I also felt the ending scene didn't need to be there. It felt like you were worried you didn't fit the prompt enough and needed to reference it somehow. At least you didn't have Celestia flat out say "It could have gone better," though!
But all of that aside... I am just marvelling at the ponification of the word 'Japanese' here. Let me get this straight... you used the Japanese word for Japan (Nippon), then added in the neigh for the standard Equestrian switcheroo, but then you kept going, tagging on the -ese at the end to make it sound like 'Japanese' all over again. It's like an impossible cube of a pun. It's gorgeous.
But anyways, my point is that it felt a little reserved to reference the fact that this is Equestria's Japan and then not make it very Japanese. Lean into it! Respectfully, tho.
I also felt the ending scene didn't need to be there. It felt like you were worried you didn't fit the prompt enough and needed to reference it somehow. At least you didn't have Celestia flat out say "It could have gone better," though!
But all of that aside... I am just marvelling at the ponification of the word 'Japanese' here. Let me get this straight... you used the Japanese word for Japan (Nippon), then added in the neigh for the standard Equestrian switcheroo, but then you kept going, tagging on the -ese at the end to make it sound like 'Japanese' all over again. It's like an impossible cube of a pun. It's gorgeous.
Having been in Japan for a few months at a time, I see nothing particularly stereotypical about this, although I agree with >>Miller Minus that's it's not particularly Japanese either. I also don't see anything particularly eye-catching. I might have appreciated it more if the reason for Celestia's illness was more transparent (the wasabi, perhaps?).
What did the opening scene do for the overall story? You could have started with the dinner and been fine, even had more word room to spice it up.
On the whole, it's not bad, but it doesn't stand out either. Firm middle ground placement for me.
On an unrelated note, I can confirm that the Japanese really know how to make cake. Seriously, their desserts are awesome.
What did the opening scene do for the overall story? You could have started with the dinner and been fine, even had more word room to spice it up.
On the whole, it's not bad, but it doesn't stand out either. Firm middle ground placement for me.
On an unrelated note, I can confirm that the Japanese really know how to make cake. Seriously, their desserts are awesome.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one old enough to date myself by having lived through the Bush Sr. antics in Japan.
Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one old enough to date myself by having lived through the Bush Sr. antics in Japan.
In all honesty, I'm not a fan of gross humour. And, Neighponese worldbuilding aside, that's all I seem to get out of this fic. It relies on me finding it funny that Celestia vomited on someone, and just typing that out, I feel wrong.
Scales and balances: I'll fully admit I might be missing something, like a subtle theme or good comedic construction. I don't not see the latter, if you get what I mean. It builds up to the moment of shame with craftsmanship. Certainly, the rest of the fic seems mostly smooth in the writing, and the note about the good-natured diplomacy over the disaster is at least a pleasant one in and of itself. But all I can think of after reading is that the whole thing is basically an excuse for some non-insightful gross humour, and if a fic has no thematic or worldbuilding substance strong enough to alleviate that, it's a problem for me.
If I don't rate this one low, I might abstain from it. I want to be helpful in this review, if nothing else, but I doubt I can add much more to what other commenters have already said. I'm sorry, amigo. :(
Scales and balances: I'll fully admit I might be missing something, like a subtle theme or good comedic construction. I don't not see the latter, if you get what I mean. It builds up to the moment of shame with craftsmanship. Certainly, the rest of the fic seems mostly smooth in the writing, and the note about the good-natured diplomacy over the disaster is at least a pleasant one in and of itself. But all I can think of after reading is that the whole thing is basically an excuse for some non-insightful gross humour, and if a fic has no thematic or worldbuilding substance strong enough to alleviate that, it's a problem for me.
If I don't rate this one low, I might abstain from it. I want to be helpful in this review, if nothing else, but I doubt I can add much more to what other commenters have already said. I'm sorry, amigo. :(
The story is well-told, but the ending is rather weak. Maybe more time could be spent creating a touching moment with Luna.
Genre: Lunch's Labors Lost
Thoughts: For me, the most enjoyable part of this was the prose. It keeps things both interesting and moving right along. "Engaging" might be the word I'm looking for. It's a very strong underpinning for the actual plot.
Speaking of, there's close to the right amount of plot for a minific here. It's straightforward and a bit light but ultimately fun. What's lacking, though, IMO, is strength in the resolution. Right now it just kinda ends without either tying back to the beginning or to the overall goals of the diplomatic meeting. Now granted, the moment with Luna helps it resolve at least from the perspective of Celestia's feelings and experience. But doing a bit more with that would help make this more satisfying.
Tier: Almost There
Thoughts: For me, the most enjoyable part of this was the prose. It keeps things both interesting and moving right along. "Engaging" might be the word I'm looking for. It's a very strong underpinning for the actual plot.
Speaking of, there's close to the right amount of plot for a minific here. It's straightforward and a bit light but ultimately fun. What's lacking, though, IMO, is strength in the resolution. Right now it just kinda ends without either tying back to the beginning or to the overall goals of the diplomatic meeting. Now granted, the moment with Luna helps it resolve at least from the perspective of Celestia's feelings and experience. But doing a bit more with that would help make this more satisfying.
Tier: Almost There
The prose of this story is very strong. It's effectively descriptive where it should be, but it also manages to become invisible where it needs to be. That kind of writing makes it very easy to read from start to finish without loss of attention.
Honestly, though, I'm having a little trouble trying to figure out what the payoff of this story is supposed to be. There is a definite build-up of tension throughout the story, but the moment of the vomiting itself is a single sentence that's fairly detached in tone. Which makes it hard for it to strike me as funny. Gross-out humor needs to be squelchy and descriptive, after all.
So in the end, I'm just not really sure what I'm supposed to be taking away from this. The story definitely doesn't feel insubstantial (the prose helps with that a lot, IMO), but at the same time it does feel to me that an awful lot was accomplished.
Honestly, though, I'm having a little trouble trying to figure out what the payoff of this story is supposed to be. There is a definite build-up of tension throughout the story, but the moment of the vomiting itself is a single sentence that's fairly detached in tone. Which makes it hard for it to strike me as funny. Gross-out humor needs to be squelchy and descriptive, after all.
So in the end, I'm just not really sure what I'm supposed to be taking away from this. The story definitely doesn't feel insubstantial (the prose helps with that a lot, IMO), but at the same time it does feel to me that an awful lot was accomplished.
Ok, so first off, thank you everyone who reviewed the fic. I do plan on an expansion/rewrite, and will be using a lot of the advice here to help fix it up. Everyone suggested something that will make the fic work better in some way, shape, or form.
Secondly... for once, I was not going for a comedy or feghoot.
O_O I know, right?
Celestia knows, my first few story iterations were about various comedic blunders. They all felt incredibly bland and banal, so I opted to set hoof into new and uncharted territory.
I was trying, and definitely failed, to make a sort of serious political slice-of-life. The focus was to be on how events that are normal for somepony else can have implied or exaggerated significance for a politician. The George Bush Sr. incident stood out prominently as something to reference. The guy just gets sick at a meal, which can happen to anyone, but the fallout from the event? It’s 2018, and people STILL remember it. The idea fascinated me.
I just wish I’d thought of it before 12am.
Now, if I hadn’t gone through ten iterations of “Celestia eats all the cake at a diplomatic function and starts pony war III,” I might have had time to trim enough off the front end to fit in a nice length resolution. And enough time to probably fix all the genderlessness and the spelling errors, which were painfully obvious to me the day after, :facehoof: that randomly occurred throughout.
I am very glad that I didn’t go the straight comedy route, because I use it as a crutch far too often, and I am horrible at it. But also, it was fun to broaden my horizons and try something new.
While not 100% satisfied with the results, I think a lot of the problems are due to lack of editing and prep time on my part. I definitely want to expand this to full length, so I can post it on Fimfiction.
>>No_Raisin
I wanted some Japanese flavor without just making a walking stereotype. I didn’t include any physical features and only touched slightly on some things because, honestly, they’re all just ponies in the end.
What joke? Sometimes I am unaware that I have even made one sometimes...
>>FanOfMostEverything
This is 100% a reference to the George Bush Sr. vomiting incident in Japan.
On the plus side, my dish didn’t make you vomit.
>>Miller Minus
Yeah, I was being conservative because everyone has a different line for what constitutes description vs stereotype, and I didn’t want to tread too much on it since I felt it was really incidental to the story when I was writing. I’m probably going to expand or refine though, since the majority of reviews call for it being more plain to see.
Wasabi is definitely a good contender for random stomach distress. At the same time, I kinda wanted the exact cause to not overshadow that this is just something that happens sometimes. Maybe it’s the flu, maybe it was the Wasabi, maybe it was food poisoning from breakfast. But I can see now that the lack of transparency distracts from everything else, because it unintentionally becomes a mystery as everyone wonders what caused it.
I decided on the word once I’d decided to recreate the Bush Sr. incident. I only noticed the multiple levels of pun after I typed the word the first time. It was just uncanny how well it worked... I can’t be the first person to use that word, can I?
>>PaulAsaran
Yeah, the rewrite is going to incorporate parts of the introduction into some internal dialogue for the princess. The intro is a lot more problematic being there than if it just has itself incorporated in.
I’m going to have to figure out how to work on making it more transparent there.
The cakes are incredible. O_O
>>BlueChameleonVI
Well, it’s not meant as a comedy. I purposefully only spent one sentence on the act, because I get sympathy stomach sickness if I see it happening, hear it happening, or even read any details about it happening.
More work will be done to address the focus.
>>Trick_Question
I agree the ending is weak. I chalk this up to having too big an intro, and not having the time to rearrange. I did want a more comprehensive scene with Luna at the end.
>>CoffeeMinion
You know me and my prose pretty well by now, I’d be surprised if you didn’t already guessed this was me. I find myself smiling at the verdict because most of my writeoff fics end up in your “almost there” category.
>>Bachiavellian
The payoff is supposed to happen at the end and... didn’t. I get grossed out by descriptive vomit wording, and tried to steer clear since it wasn’t a comedy, but the touching moment at the end, the fallout from the event, was eaten by word limit and time, unfortunately.
Secondly... for once, I was not going for a comedy or feghoot.
O_O I know, right?
Celestia knows, my first few story iterations were about various comedic blunders. They all felt incredibly bland and banal, so I opted to set hoof into new and uncharted territory.
I was trying, and definitely failed, to make a sort of serious political slice-of-life. The focus was to be on how events that are normal for somepony else can have implied or exaggerated significance for a politician. The George Bush Sr. incident stood out prominently as something to reference. The guy just gets sick at a meal, which can happen to anyone, but the fallout from the event? It’s 2018, and people STILL remember it. The idea fascinated me.
I just wish I’d thought of it before 12am.
Now, if I hadn’t gone through ten iterations of “Celestia eats all the cake at a diplomatic function and starts pony war III,” I might have had time to trim enough off the front end to fit in a nice length resolution. And enough time to probably fix all the genderlessness and the spelling errors, which were painfully obvious to me the day after, :facehoof: that randomly occurred throughout.
I am very glad that I didn’t go the straight comedy route, because I use it as a crutch far too often, and I am horrible at it. But also, it was fun to broaden my horizons and try something new.
While not 100% satisfied with the results, I think a lot of the problems are due to lack of editing and prep time on my part. I definitely want to expand this to full length, so I can post it on Fimfiction.
>>No_Raisin
I wanted some Japanese flavor without just making a walking stereotype. I didn’t include any physical features and only touched slightly on some things because, honestly, they’re all just ponies in the end.
What joke? Sometimes I am unaware that I have even made one sometimes...
>>FanOfMostEverything
This is 100% a reference to the George Bush Sr. vomiting incident in Japan.
On the plus side, my dish didn’t make you vomit.
>>Miller Minus
Yeah, I was being conservative because everyone has a different line for what constitutes description vs stereotype, and I didn’t want to tread too much on it since I felt it was really incidental to the story when I was writing. I’m probably going to expand or refine though, since the majority of reviews call for it being more plain to see.
Wasabi is definitely a good contender for random stomach distress. At the same time, I kinda wanted the exact cause to not overshadow that this is just something that happens sometimes. Maybe it’s the flu, maybe it was the Wasabi, maybe it was food poisoning from breakfast. But I can see now that the lack of transparency distracts from everything else, because it unintentionally becomes a mystery as everyone wonders what caused it.
I decided on the word once I’d decided to recreate the Bush Sr. incident. I only noticed the multiple levels of pun after I typed the word the first time. It was just uncanny how well it worked... I can’t be the first person to use that word, can I?
>>PaulAsaran
Yeah, the rewrite is going to incorporate parts of the introduction into some internal dialogue for the princess. The intro is a lot more problematic being there than if it just has itself incorporated in.
I’m going to have to figure out how to work on making it more transparent there.
The cakes are incredible. O_O
>>BlueChameleonVI
Well, it’s not meant as a comedy. I purposefully only spent one sentence on the act, because I get sympathy stomach sickness if I see it happening, hear it happening, or even read any details about it happening.
More work will be done to address the focus.
>>Trick_Question
I agree the ending is weak. I chalk this up to having too big an intro, and not having the time to rearrange. I did want a more comprehensive scene with Luna at the end.
>>CoffeeMinion
You know me and my prose pretty well by now, I’d be surprised if you didn’t already guessed this was me. I find myself smiling at the verdict because most of my writeoff fics end up in your “almost there” category.
>>Bachiavellian
The payoff is supposed to happen at the end and... didn’t. I get grossed out by descriptive vomit wording, and tried to steer clear since it wasn’t a comedy, but the touching moment at the end, the fallout from the event, was eaten by word limit and time, unfortunately.
>>Moosetasm
I suspected this one might be yours, but I didn't get around to formally guessing due to the site disruption. You seem to relish writing a cake-obsessed Celestia, which this had shades of. The real "tell" for me, though, was your comment about the Bush incident (>>Moosetasm). It stood out as looking like you were responding to FOME without leaving a review, which... while not unheard of, seemed at least suspicious. :-p
I'm otherwise quite awful at the author guessing game, though. Like I'm somewhat confident that I can pick out georg's finalist entry this time, but that's about it!
I suspected this one might be yours, but I didn't get around to formally guessing due to the site disruption. You seem to relish writing a cake-obsessed Celestia, which this had shades of. The real "tell" for me, though, was your comment about the Bush incident (>>Moosetasm). It stood out as looking like you were responding to FOME without leaving a review, which... while not unheard of, seemed at least suspicious. :-p
I'm otherwise quite awful at the author guessing game, though. Like I'm somewhat confident that I can pick out georg's finalist entry this time, but that's about it!
>>CoffeeMinion
I left a few comments that weren’t reviews on other stories to throw off the scent. :raritywink:
And... I think I know which is you, you also have a few tells. I look forward to knowing if it’s you come Friday.
I left a few comments that weren’t reviews on other stories to throw off the scent. :raritywink:
And... I think I know which is you, you also have a few tells. I look forward to knowing if it’s you come Friday.