Well, that was macabre.

Not really sure about this one. Um, there's a few uncapitalized 'I's in there. The beginning was strong; the MC's mood, paired with the officer showing up, worked well for me; the contrast carried it. However, once the 'meat based diet' thing came up, it was pretty obvious what was going on. Neat idea with the chicken; herbivores would have no experience with white and dark meat, which I thought was clever.

The ending, though, doesn't really do much for me; it just carries on from the realization 'this pony killed a mare and is eating her'. There's no real further development, and that weakens things a bit. I'd suggest either moving the reveal closer to the end, and trying to heighten the tension between the MC and the officer, or adding another twist somewhere, to keep the feeling of progression going somehow. Not sure what that would look like, though.

Anyways, I did rather like this. The plot doesn't seem to carry all the way through, but what's there is good, and the gruesomeness is definitely worth something.

I agree that the ending that everybody reading already knew what was going on. I think this fic could have worked better if the ending was left up to interpretation and the 'chicken' part a bit more pushed to the side to make this a bit more mysterious.

This is... hard for me to give a clear rating to. The twist is telegraphed early on, almost from the get-go, and there's some questionable logic going on with the narrative itself. Like, why is the cop interviewing the protagonist, specifically, when there doesn't seem to be a clear reason to do so? They met each other in the supermarket a couple days ago; is that enough to make Cupcakes here a pony of interest in the investigation?

I'm not too clear what's going on with the world, itself, either. It doesn't gel very effectively with the world we see in the show. I don't just mean the Cupcakes plot; I can get over that, honestly. But there's TV, and there're police cars with strobe lights, and carnivorous diets are commonplace enough that the cop doesn't even bat an eyelash at the revelation that Cupcakes is eating chicken...

...pizza is served in bags...

This feels like it needs a lot of work, and some more thought put into its premise, to really sell it.

Aside from what has been already said, with which I agree, there is one big problem wiith this.

we played Monopoly

we played Monopoly

we played Monopoly

I can't believe you wasted a chance to do an obvious, but refined, pun here (Molopony/Monopony). How could you? :(

I like this story Out of all of the stuff that I've read thus far it stood out the most. It's unique and the only one I can remember without having to pull up the story again. I think whatever flaws it really has could be hashed out with a few more words and just some general editing.

All in all though, I had a good time reading it. Frankly, for me that's the main thing.

Unlike Misternick all I could remember about this one was "Oh this one has a protagonist whose name is White something right?"

I guess I never got on board with the Cupcakes setting in the first place but mostly when I read this I have a hard time thinking of it as a pony story. Bud's Buds? TV adverts? Kebabs? Gotta agree with Posh's comment on that.

I would have been more sold on this though if the protagonist wasn't so inconsistent with her moods as well. If you're asking me to suspend my disbelief over this setting then please commit to the crazy! Don't smile internally, White Vase, grin like a mad pony! Struggle to contain yourself! Call the bloody sight glorious rather than grisly, or maybe gloriously grisly! Make me feel like you barely got away with it and you're giddy with it. I'd have much more fun with it that way.

>>Not_A_Hat
>>Astrarian
>>Misternick
>>Fenton
>>Posh
>>dragon discord
Thank you all for reading my first fic ever! I really appreciate all of this feedback!!

>>dragon discord
>>Not_A_Hat
Thank you! I did this all on my phone, so that is why I think there is a few uncapitalized "i"s in there. :'/

I think I might upload a longer version of this fic, without the chicken part and without the basement scene in the end. Just to keep you vaguely unsure of what actually happened.

>>Posh

carnivorous diets are commonplace enough that the cop doesn't even bat an eyelash at the revelation that Cupcakes is eating chicken...

You're so right about that rip.

Also,,, you don't eat pizza from bags? Do you have leftovers? xd

>>Fenton
I-I'm so sorry sir. Please,, can you forgive me?

>>Misternick
Thank you so much! I'm glad you really liked this :D

>>Astrarian

Make me feel like you barely got away with it and you're giddy with it. I'd have much more fun with it that way.

Don't worry ;) its gonna be a lot more suspenseful when I edit this.

>>Anon Y Mous

Also,,, you don't eat pizza from bags? Do you have leftovers? xd

I eat my leftover pizza from the garbage can like a proper opossum.