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Melatonin
The unholy half-light of the predawn sky filtered around the edges of the drawn blinds and lightened the ceiling by a shade. Sunset stared at it, dry eyes bloodshot and burning, and knew she had grievously erred. The cheer she took from the string of lights wound around the banister that bracketed her loft bed was long gone, replaced with the dread of having to face school on less than two hours of sleep.
It had been days since the Friendship Games, and still, whenever she tried to wind down for the night, she found herself reliving her confrontation with Midnight Sparkle over and over again. It always came to the same conclusion.
If it hadn’t been for Spike, Midnight Sparkle’s unbridled lust for knowledge would have overpowered Sunset, and all would have been lost.
This was how the thought spiral always began – the notion that blind luck and happenstance had carried Sunset and her friends to victory as much as their own skills and determination. Was that really something that could be relied upon? She still understood so little about how magic worked in this world. She had a reasonable idea of what her friends were capable of, but what of the magic that slowly suffused their world? What new catastrophes would be dropped on her friends? How long would she be able to flounder in ignorance before the next doom fell upon them? What if magic went haywire on the far side of the planet, with her and her friends completely unable to do anything about it? And around and around her mind went, faster and faster, with no end in sight.
Which was why she once again found herself staring at her ceiling at 5:38am, incapable of sleep.
She sighed in disgust as she closed her eyes and rolled onto her side. If she could just–
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP
Sunset jolted awake at the blare of her alarm, then rolled onto her back with a groan. Bright morning sunshine glowed around the edges of her blinds. A new day beckoned.
“Shit.”
Sunset took her customary spot at the lunchtime cafeteria table with the gang without a word and began to mechanically eat her salad. The rest of the crew exchanged glances, which Sunset pretended not to notice.
Rarity spoke first. “Sunset, dear, please don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re looking rather… out of sorts, this morning.”
Sunset snorted. “That bad, huh?”
Twilight Sparkle leaned in to try to catch Sunset’s eye, glasses slipping in the process. “Is everything okay?” She pushed her glasses back up to the bridge of her nose.
Sunset sighed, then forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just stayed up too late last night.” Twilight, sweetheart that she was, didn’t need to hear the source of her exhaustion.
“Up late?” Rainbow Dash spoke around a mouthful of apple. “You look like you pulled an all-nighter.” Her eyes widened. “Oh shit, did we have a test this afternoon?”
“Aheh. No, nothing like that,” Sunset said, “I just couldn’t sleep last night, is all.” She took a sip from her milk carton. “I’ve always been kind of a night owl. I guess it’s finally catching up with me.”
“That seems to be happening a lot more often lately,” Applejack said. “Have ya thought about maybe gettin’ somethin’ to help with that?”
Pinkie Pie made a face. “No way, man. Prescription sleep aids are the worst. Maud and I both went on them a few years back, and neither of us lasted more than a week.” She pulled a candy bar from her hair and unwrapped it as she spoke. “Sleepwalking, night terrors, sleep paralysis – not worth it. Like, at all.”
Rainbow Dash stared at her blankly. “But, you’re like, the most energetic one out of all of us.”
Pinkie Pie shrugged, then proceeded to hom-nom-nom her candy bar with relish.
Applejack smirked. “Gee, I can’t imagine why.”
Fluttershy piped up as a giggle went around the table. “Maybe Sunset doesn’t need to go that far. I’ve taken an over-the-counter melatonin supplement to help me sleep when I get too stressed out.”
“Oh, that’s right!” Rarity smiled at Fluttershy. “You were the one to suggest it to me to help with my seasonal affective disorder! Still grateful for that, by the by.”
Sunset blinked at them. “Do you really think that would work?”
“Mmhmm.” Fluttershy nodded. “If you’re sleep schedule is all wrong, it will help get it back on track. Just make sure to take it an hour before you go to bed, and you can spend at least eight hours asleep.”
Rarity nodded as well. “That last part is important, too. If you take it too late, or have to wake up early, you’ll feel like hell warmed over. Eight hours, no less.”
“Hmm.” Sunset felt a genuine smile tug at her lips. “Well, I’m willing to try anything at this point.”
The first night went reasonably well – after taking a pill at around ten o’clock, Sunset found herself drowsy enough to turn in some time after midnight, with a minimum of existential dread. It wasn’t quite the eight hours of sleep promised, but it was certainly better than one.
The second night went even better. Within an hour of taking the pill, Sunset found herself crawling beneath the covers of her bed. She allowed herself a small smile as she drifted off.
In the morning, she awoke on her own, feeling quite well-rested. Sunlight streamed through her window, and it promised to be a gorgeous day.
She turned to see Twilight Sparkle sitting on the side of her bed. She was wrapped in a fluffy white towel, barely large enough to cover herself with. Aside from her glasses, she was wearing absolutely nothing else.
“Whoa!” Sunset sat bolt upright and pressed herself against the wall to her back. “T-Twilight! Wha-what are you doing here?”
Twilight reached out and placed her hand over Sunset’s. “It’s okay,” she said, though a tightness was in her voice.
It was then that Sunset noticed the tears brimming in Twilight’s eyes. “Twilight?”
“It’s okay,” she said again as she slid closer to Sunset. As she did, the towel slipped a bit, exposing more of Twilight’s lavender skin.
Sunset, adrenaline replacing the blood in her veins, tried to force coherent words out of her mouth. “Uh, what? What’s okay?”
“Everything.” Twilight sniffed away a tear as another ran down her cheek. “Everything is okay.”
Everything was not okay. “Um, Twilight–”
With a sob, Twilight buried her face in Sunset’s shoulder, and the towel slipped further down, revealing a broad expanse of Twilight’s bare back.
“Uh.” Sunset, hands out to the sides, fought to control many, many conflicting urges. Eventually she settled on trying to comfort Twilight, so she carefully brought her arms up around to give her a hug. She kept her hands tightly closed as she embraced–
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP
Sunset’s eyes flew open. She found herself staring at her ceiling, barely lightened by the wan light coming from around the blinds. She was breathing heavily, and trembling as the adrenaline ran its course through her system.
“What. The fuck.”
As Sunset sat at the cafeteria table, Twilight beamed at her. “You’re looking well-rested today.”
For the twentieth time, Sunset reminded herself that last night was just a dream. “Yep! First full night’s sleep in a long time.”
“That’s excellent, darling!” Rarity clasped her hands in front of herself. “I’m so glad to see you doing so much better so soon.”
“Did you have any trouble getting out of bed?” Fluttershy asked. “Grogginess when you first wake up is one of the most common side effects.”
“Ha, nope,” Sunset said as she fought the urge to glance at Twilight, “I was wide awake when I woke up.”
“Good,” Rarity said. “Just remember, there’s no shame in indulging in a little pick-me-up to help get you started if you need it. I don’t know what I’d do without my morning cup of tea.”
“Hey, there’s no shame in waking up naturally, either,” Rainbow Dash said, mouth stuffed with taco. “Not all of us snort Pixie Stix to wake up in the morning like Pinkie Pie.”
“Hey!” Pinkie Pie leveled a candy bar at Rainbow Dash. “I do NOT snort Pixie Stix! That’s, like, the most terriblest way to eat them!”
Applejack quirked an eyebrow. “And how d’you know that?”
Pinkie Pie planted her hands on her hips with a huff. “I just know, okay?”
“Um,” Sunset looked from Fluttershy to Rarity, “did you two have weird dreams when you first started taking it?”
Rarity’s eyes widened. “Oh yes! I remember they were particularly vivid at the start.”
Fluttershy nodded. “Mmhmm. Very much so. They get better after a week or two, though.”
“I see.” Sunset poked at her spaghetti. “What did you dream about?”
A silence fell over the table as Rarity bit her lip. A flush crept up Fluttershy’s neck to redden her cheeks.
Rainbow Dash sat up a little straighter. “Whoa, hang on. Were these sexy dreams you two had?”
Rarity cleared her throat. “A lady does not does not discuss such things.” The corner of her mouth twitched upwards as a blush tinged the edges of her makeup.
Fluttershy’s blush deepened as she hid behind her hair.
Rainbow Dash looked as though Hearth’s Warming Eve had come early. “Oh, this is too good. Rarity I get, but you, Fluttershy?” She gasped. “Was it with anyone we know?”
Fluttershy’s leg struck the table with a bang as she stood. From behind her hair, she said, “I’ll see you all later in class.” She hurried away, favoring her right knee as she fled.
“Aw, what? Fluttershy, come back,” Rainbow Dash called after her. “I didn’t mean it!” She turned back to the table with a snicker.
Rarity was no longer smiling. “Really, Rainbow Dash, that was quite unnecessary.” She left the table and followed after Fluttershy.
“Wh–hey, c’mon,” Rainbow Dash said, “I was only teasing! I’m sorry!” She failed to suppress a grin as she turned back to the table.
Applejack clucked her tongue. “You ain’t sorry at all.”
“I am a little bit! I didn’t want Fluttershy to actually leave.” Rainbow Dash took another bite of her taco. “It’s just fun to tease her about that stuff sometimes.”
Sunset frowned at her. “Well, she clearly isn’t having fun.”
“Yeah, I’ll stop. I should talk to her later, she doesn’t usually get that bent out of shape.” Rainbow Dash looked at the door Fluttershy had left through, then looked back to Sunset with a sly grin. “What about you though? Any sexy times in your dreams?” She waggled her eyebrows.
Sunset made a conscious effort to not look at Twilight, and silently cursed herself for the beginnings of the blush she felt on her face. “Um, not exactly.”
Twilight reached out her hand. “Did you want to talk–”
Sunset recoiled as though stung. “Y’know what, I’d better take off too. I’ve got some, ah, studying I need to catch up on.” She forced another smile as she pointed a finger gun at them. “I’ll see you guys later!”
She didn’t miss Applejack narrowing her eyes at her as she left.
The wind howled through the barren apple orchard as it blew a fresh layer of snow across the ground. Sunset stood with Applejack at the foot of a handful of graves, the latest victims of the endless winter. Tears ran down their faces, and froze before they hit the ground.
“It don’t seem right,” Applejack said dully.
Sunset shook her head. “I wish I’d spent more time with them.”
Applejack’s face hardened. “Well, now y’can’t.” She choked back an angry sob. “An’ I can’t neither.”
Sunset placed a hand on Applejack’s back. “I’m sorry, Applejack.”
Applejack broke down as she buried her face in Sunset’s shoulder. “It just hurts so much!”
Sunset’s voice was unsteady as she said, “I know.”
Applejack pulled back. “Do you?” The accusatory glare in her eyes was full of rage, hurt, and betrayal, and it bored straight into Sunset’s soul.
A harsh braying echoed on the wind, and the world grew colder.
Sunset shrank back from the heat of Applejack’s gaze. “I–”
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP
Sunset woke with a gasp, tears still streaming down her face. Applejack’s eyes floated before her in her mind’s eye, all pain and sadness, and Sunset helt a hand over her mouth to keep her chin from trembling. Apparently even consoling a grieving friend was beyond her capacity.
She squeezed the last of the tears from her eyes and wrestled her breathing back into some semblance of normalcy. “Damn it all to Tartarus,” she swore as she hauled herself out of bed.
Sunset had successfully avoided everyone for the entirety of the school day, and with the weekend ahead, she was sure she could get to grips with herself and face them on Monday. She donned her jacket and backpack, then shut her locker door to reveal Applejack’s frowning face.
“Gah!” Sunset looked away, but not in time to avoid seeing Applejack glaring at her in the snow. She tried to force cheer into her voice as she stared at the floor. “Oh hey, Applejack! What’s up?”
“Don’t you ‘what’s up’ me, Sunset Shimmer,” Applejack said, hands on her hips. “I need ya to level with me – why’ve you been avoiding us all day?”
“Nothing! I mean, I’ve just been, um.” Sunset shook her head. She wasn’t going to sink so low as to lie to Applejack’s face. “Look, it’s stupid.”
“It can’t be that stupid if it’s got you runnin’ from yer friends.” Applejack folded her arms across her chest. “C’mon, what’s the struggle?”
Sunset looked up at Applejack, whose smile clashed violently with the vision in Sunset’s head. She felt heat build behind her eyes, and she looked away again. “It’s really stupid.”
Applejack’s stance immediately softened. After a moment’s pause, she said, “Hey, Granny Smith keeps a pitcher of mulled cider for Applebloom an’ me in the school kitchen for when we’ve gotta stay late for studyin’ an such. How’s about you tell me what’s got you all worked up over a mug?”
Sunset couldn’t keep a quiver out of her voice as she said, “Okay.”
Applejack stared at Sunset from across the cafeteria table, hands clasped around her now-empty mug. “Wow. That’s pretty fucked up, Sunset, not gonna lie.”
“Yeah.” Sunset sniffed. “I know.”
Applejack winced. “I mean, I don’t mean that you said what you did, just that your brain is messin’ with you so much.”
Sunset shook her head as she tried to keep her voice level. “I still should have come up with something better.”
“Darlin’, there ain’t nothin’ to say at times like that. Just bein’ there is enough.”
“Yeah. And I know you wouldn’t– I mean, I know it’s not–” Sunset rubbed a tear out of her eye with the palm of her hand. “It just felt so real.”
Applejack leaned in and grabbed Sunset’s hands in her own. “Hey, Sunset. Look at me.”
Sunset obeyed, and fought to keep dream-Applejack out of her mind’s eye.
“I’m real. I’m right here. And I’m tellin’ you, for real, that you have nothin’ to be sorry for.” Applejack put a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “You’re awesome, you’re one of my best friends, and I love ya dearly. Okay?”
A fresh hotness of tears began to trickle down Sunset’s cheeks and drowned any words she might say, so she simply nodded.
“Okay. Now c’mere.” Applejack stood and pulled Sunset into a hug.
Sunset clung to Applejack’s solid frame as she choked back a sob. When she trusted herself not to cry anymore, she pulled back with a sniff. “Thanks, Applejack.” She dried the rest of her tears on the sleeve of her hoodie. “Ugh, I feel so stupid for getting all worked up over a dream.”
Applejack chuckled. “Don’t be gettin’ down on yourself now. I’ve got a whole brainful o’ issues, just the same as Rainbow, just the same as Rarity, just the same as Fluttershy and Pinkie and Twilight, bless their hearts.” She gave Sunset a reassuring smile. “It’s okay to–”
Applejack was interrupted by a chime from her hip. She checked her phone, then said, “Ah, shoot. I gotta git, evenin’ chores are gonna be’ a handful.” She stood and headed towards the door, then turned and waved. “I’ll see ya later, Sunset. Feel better!”
Sunset waved back. “Sure, see ya.”
As soon as Applejack was out of sight, Sunset sighed and rested her head on her arms. “I’ll talk to all of them tomorrow.”
The sky was the dull red of a sunset during a forest fire. Sunset’s breath was loud in her ears as she ran, heart racing, eyes wild as she searched for an escape route, or at the very least, a good place to hide.
She ducked down a darkened alleyway. Halfway through she paused to lean against the wall to catch her breath. Her limbs were on fire, and she knew she couldn’t keep running for long.
She heard the slap of footsteps approach the end of the alley, and Sunset looked up to see Rainbow Dash careen around the corner.
“Sunset! She just got another one, we have to–”
A yellow and pink blur descended from on high and slammed Rainbow Dash to the ground. Fluttershy, belly distended beneath her bloodstained tank top from her feasting thus far, unfurled her gigantic bat wings and screeched at Sunset.
Sunset froze, then looked around for some sort of weapon. She spotted a pile of half-rotted pallets next to a dumpster across the alley. She rushed over to try to pull one free–
“Help!” Rainbow Dash reached out towards her. “Sunset, help me!”
Before Sunset could react, Fluttershy snapped her head forward and sank her fangs deep into Rainbow Dash’s shoulder.
“Aaaaaagkh–” In a matter of moments, Rainbow Dash’s body withered, utterly drained of vitality.
Fluttershy cast aside the empty husk and leveled her furious blood-red gaze on Sunset.
Sunset, eyes brimming with tears, managed to tear free a board with a few nails still attached and leveled it at Fluttershy. “You’re not getting my blood, you monster!”
Fluttershy’s response was to inhale deeply, then let loose a skull-splitting screech that shattered every window in the alleyway.
Waves of near-hypersonic noise washed over Sunset, and it felt as though her eyes were going to explode in their sockets. She dropped her weapon as she clutched at the sides of her head and felt blood trickle from her shattered eardrums–
Sunset awoke to find herself still clutching her head. She sat up and snapped her fingers on either side of her to make sure she hadn’t actually gone deaf. Satisfied, she sniffed away the last of her unshed tears and grabbed her phone from the nightstand.
She opened up the chat app and sent a message to Fluttershy and Rarity.
I need to talk to you.
Due to Fluttershy’s work at the animal shelter and Rarity being saddled with babysitting duty, it wasn’t until dinnertime that Sunset was able to meet with them. Rarity had the idea to check out a new restaurant downtown, the Tasty Treat, and they all met up there just after sundown.
They had gone through half the naan and their dishes had already been served by the time Sunset finished explaining everything to them.
Rarity frowned at her. “Dear, I know being hard on yourself is kind of your ‘thing’, but this is excessive even by your standards.”
Sunset blinked at her. “How do you mean?”
Fluttershy spoke as she soaked up some of her curry with naan. “Well, it’s not as though you can help it, really, but each of your dreams has a common theme of, um, failure.” She took a bite. “Mmm, this is really good. Wanna try some?”
Sunset frowned at them. “So, that’s it? I just need to lighten up?”
Rarity and Fluttershy exchanged a glance. “Not quite that reductive, darling,” said Rarity. “I just think you shouldn’t put so much stock in silly dreams, that’s all. Tough it out, as it were.” She took a bite of Fluttershy’s naan. “Mmm, this is good. Have some, Sunset.”
Sunset accepted a piece. As she chewed, she couldn’t deny the tension easing from her shoulders a bit. She sighed, then said, “I guess I am getting worked up over nothing. It’s not like Fluttershy’s going to turn into a bat anytime soon.” She left unsaid the part where a few weeks ago Princess Twilight had related an anecdote of how Fluttershy’s Equestrian counterpart had done precisely that.
Fluttershy perked up. “Ooh, I’ve always thought it would be neat to be a bat! Echolocation is such a neat ability, and, um.” She looked from Sunset to Rarity, then slunk lower in the booth with a bashful grin. “That’s not really relevant, though.”
Rarity smirked at Fluttershy. “It’s interesting that Rainbow Dash would be the target of your depredations.”
“You’re thinking of werewolves.” Fluttershy flushed. “Also, shut up.”
Sunset glanced between the two of them, then smirked herself. “Fluttershy, is there something going on between you and Rainbow–”
Both of the other girls said, “No,” in unison. Fluttershy slunk lower still as Rarity patted her on the shoulder.
Sunset held up her hands with a laugh, then took a bite of her paneer tikka masala and allowed the unctuous warmth of the spices flood her palate. She sighed contentedly. “This was a really good idea, Rarity.”
“Thank you, dear. And please know, I’m very sorry your experiences with side-effect dreams haven’t been as positive as mine and Fluttershy’s have been.” Rarity failed to suppress a salacious grin. “Goodness knows they’ve done me a world of good.”
They all shared a laugh at that, and conversation turned away from the subject of dreams as the meals were consumed. By the time Sunset returned to her apartment, she was warm through and through, and barely gave taking her dose a second thought.
Sunset walked with Princess Twilight down the street towards CHS, talking about how the past week had gone. An autumn chill was in the air, and Sunset pulled on the drawstrings of her hoodie to ward it off.
Twilight, wearing a long cloak over her usual clothes, didn’t seem to mind the cold. “Interesting. So your friends all supported you, and even pointed out that you had nothing to be sorry for, or worry about.”
“Yep! Everything is under control,” Sunset said. “I’ve just gotta power through these last few days until the pills find an equilibrium with my system, and everything should be great!”
Twilight snorted. “You think so, huh?”
Sunset’s smile faltered. “Yeah. I mean, don’t you think I’m doing okay?”
Twilight stopped at the final turn and gestured down the street. “You tell me.”
Sunset rounded the corner and stopped cold. There, where the high school should have been, was a titanic sinkhole a mile wide.
Twilight turned to Sunset, face an impassive mask. “Let’s get a closer look, shall we?”
Sunset found herself standing at the edge of the pit, too deep to see the bottom. The wind howled, blowing detritus into the hole, where it was swallowed and forgotten. Jagged rocks periodically broke away from the walls of the cliff surround the hole and tumbled down until the noise of their fall could no longer be heard.
Dread pressed in on Sunset like a vise, and she found it difficult to breath. She felt her guts turn to water as she turned to Twilight. “What is this?”
“A fathomless depth replacing the familiar form and structure that guided your education for so long,” Twilight said dryly. “How apt.”
Vertigo spun down from her chest and settled deep in her stomach. Her guts roiled in consternation, and Sunset clutched at her stomach with a groan.
Twilight turned to her. “If you need to take care of something, go. I’ll still be here when you get back.”
Sunset sat bolt upright in bed, disoriented and reeling. “Holy shit.”
Despite wanting nothing more than to fall right back and let oblivion take her, the noises that came from her guts spurred her to action. Although her limbs felt lined with lead, she hurried down the stairs of her loft, ducked into the bathroom, and slammed the door behind her.
Sunset resolved to call a priest in the morning to exorcise her bathroom, then crawled wearily back into bed. She was sweaty, nauseous, and thoroughly exhausted. All she wanted to do was fall asleep and wake up at some point in the next decade.
Sunset looked at her clock, which read 3:27am. She groaned as she faceplanted her pillow. She couldn’t rightly recall ever being so bone-tired. Darkness took her, and her apartment, then the bed, fell away.
“Ugh!” Sunset slammed into the cliff face and slid several feet, jagged rocks tearing holes in her pajamas before her scrabbling hands finally found purchase. Desperately she clung to the bare rocks as frigid winds beckoned her to the bottomless void below.
Princess Twilight appeared at the edge and looked down upon her. “To think I had such high hopes for how this was going to play out.”
“Twilight!” Sunset shouted to be heard over the wind. “What is going on?”
Twilight frowned. “I’d say that your suffering the consequences of ignoring your problems instead of dealing with them, and operating under the delusion that one good day means everything is magically fine.”
“What are you talking about? Help me up!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Sunset. You’re the only one who can get you out of that pit.” Twilight picked up a stone and chucked it into the void. “At the rate you’re going, that doesn’t seem likely.”
Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Princess Twilight would never be so callous. Who are you?”
Twilight snorted. “Isn’t it obvious?” She unclasped her cloak and tossed it aside with a flourish. Standing where Twilight had been a moment before was Sunset Shimmer herself, wearing the same clothes as the night of the Fall Formal.
“Great,” Sunset said, “I’m gonna die having an existential argument with my evil self.”
“I’m your subconscious, genius,” Sunset said. “I’m the celebration of each of your victories, and the guilt of each of your defeats. I’m just taking the opportunity to talk to you directly, now that your mind is marinating in both melatonin and masala.”
“Why the disguise as Twilight, then?”
Subconscious Sunset shrugged. “I thought you’d actually listen to her. You’re right, though, I didn’t try very hard.” She gestured at the pit. “This was a more direct way to get my point across.”
Sunset was about to retort, but one of her handholds gave way. With a yelp, she slid several inches before she caught herself again.
She heard a scoff from above. “Look at yourself! Base survival instinct is all that’s keeping you attached to that cliff! You’re better than this, Sunset!”
“I’m barely hanging on!” True to her words, Sunset felt her handholds crumble beneath her fingers. She slid another few inches before her foot caught on an outcrop.
“Stop doubting yourself!” Sunset’s voice shouted from above. “Yes, the world needs saving, but you don’t need to carry the weight of it on your shoulders! You already have all you need to get yourself back on solid ground, you just need to believe it!”
Sunset’s heart sank, and she slid another foot. “Then I’m as good as dead! I can’t save the world by myself!”
“Sun and stars above,” Sunset shouted, “who said you had to save it by yourself?”
Sunset stared at herself. “Oh!”
A raspy voice shouted from behind her. “Well, it’s about fucking time!”
Sunset risked a look over her shoulder. “Rainbow Dash!”
“The one and only!” Rainbow Dash hovered behind her, wings beating too fast to be seen. She looked up to the edge of the cliff and cupped her hands around her mouth. “Hey! She’s down here!”
A rope slapped against the cliff next to Sunset. She looked up to see Applejack hop over the edge and rappel down to be level with her.
“Hey there, sugarcube! Didja miss us?”
“More than you know,” Sunset said. It was more than just the wind that made her eyes water.
“Well, strap yourself in, partner! The rest of the girls are waitin’ for us!”
With careful assistance from Rainbow Dash, Sunset was able to loop the rope around herself and tie herself to Applejack.
“We got her,” Rainbow Dash shouted, “Haul them up!”
Above, a chorus of voices yelled, “Heave!” With a jerk, the rope pulled taut and slowly pulled Sunset up. From the safety of Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s arms, the cliff didn’t seem so high. Soon enough, Sunset rolled over the edge, whereupon she was immediately swarmed by the rest of her friends.
“Are you okay?” Twilight asked. “We came as fast as we could.”
Fluttershy said, “We were so worried. Are you hurt?”
“Good heavens, darling,” Rarity tutted as she threw a blanket over Sunset’s shoulders, “let’s get you into some warmer clothes!”
Pinkie Pie shoved a chocolate bar into Sunset’s hands. “Quick! Eat this! It’ll make everything better!”
Sunset laughed. “Girls, seriously, I’m fine. Thanks to you, at least.”
The girls all smiled at her, then parted to allow the other Sunset to approach and stand before her.
She smirked as she asked, “Was that really so hard?”
“Well, I didn’t make it easy on myself.”
She snorted. “Now you’re getting it.” She gestured to her friends. “Remember this. Remember them. Because of your belief in each other, there’s nothing you can’t do.”
Sunset smiled. “I know.”
Sunset winked at herself. “I believe in you, too.”
“Yeah,” Sunset said as she winked back, “I do.”
Sunset hugged herself, and as Sunset melted into Sunset, the world was suffused with a golden glow.
Golden morning sunshine flooded through the window as birds chattered to each other in the tree just outside. Sunset indulged in a luxurious stretch, took a deep breath, and smiled.
It was going to be a beautiful day.
It had been days since the Friendship Games, and still, whenever she tried to wind down for the night, she found herself reliving her confrontation with Midnight Sparkle over and over again. It always came to the same conclusion.
If it hadn’t been for Spike, Midnight Sparkle’s unbridled lust for knowledge would have overpowered Sunset, and all would have been lost.
This was how the thought spiral always began – the notion that blind luck and happenstance had carried Sunset and her friends to victory as much as their own skills and determination. Was that really something that could be relied upon? She still understood so little about how magic worked in this world. She had a reasonable idea of what her friends were capable of, but what of the magic that slowly suffused their world? What new catastrophes would be dropped on her friends? How long would she be able to flounder in ignorance before the next doom fell upon them? What if magic went haywire on the far side of the planet, with her and her friends completely unable to do anything about it? And around and around her mind went, faster and faster, with no end in sight.
Which was why she once again found herself staring at her ceiling at 5:38am, incapable of sleep.
She sighed in disgust as she closed her eyes and rolled onto her side. If she could just–
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP
Sunset jolted awake at the blare of her alarm, then rolled onto her back with a groan. Bright morning sunshine glowed around the edges of her blinds. A new day beckoned.
“Shit.”
Sunset took her customary spot at the lunchtime cafeteria table with the gang without a word and began to mechanically eat her salad. The rest of the crew exchanged glances, which Sunset pretended not to notice.
Rarity spoke first. “Sunset, dear, please don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re looking rather… out of sorts, this morning.”
Sunset snorted. “That bad, huh?”
Twilight Sparkle leaned in to try to catch Sunset’s eye, glasses slipping in the process. “Is everything okay?” She pushed her glasses back up to the bridge of her nose.
Sunset sighed, then forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just stayed up too late last night.” Twilight, sweetheart that she was, didn’t need to hear the source of her exhaustion.
“Up late?” Rainbow Dash spoke around a mouthful of apple. “You look like you pulled an all-nighter.” Her eyes widened. “Oh shit, did we have a test this afternoon?”
“Aheh. No, nothing like that,” Sunset said, “I just couldn’t sleep last night, is all.” She took a sip from her milk carton. “I’ve always been kind of a night owl. I guess it’s finally catching up with me.”
“That seems to be happening a lot more often lately,” Applejack said. “Have ya thought about maybe gettin’ somethin’ to help with that?”
Pinkie Pie made a face. “No way, man. Prescription sleep aids are the worst. Maud and I both went on them a few years back, and neither of us lasted more than a week.” She pulled a candy bar from her hair and unwrapped it as she spoke. “Sleepwalking, night terrors, sleep paralysis – not worth it. Like, at all.”
Rainbow Dash stared at her blankly. “But, you’re like, the most energetic one out of all of us.”
Pinkie Pie shrugged, then proceeded to hom-nom-nom her candy bar with relish.
Applejack smirked. “Gee, I can’t imagine why.”
Fluttershy piped up as a giggle went around the table. “Maybe Sunset doesn’t need to go that far. I’ve taken an over-the-counter melatonin supplement to help me sleep when I get too stressed out.”
“Oh, that’s right!” Rarity smiled at Fluttershy. “You were the one to suggest it to me to help with my seasonal affective disorder! Still grateful for that, by the by.”
Sunset blinked at them. “Do you really think that would work?”
“Mmhmm.” Fluttershy nodded. “If you’re sleep schedule is all wrong, it will help get it back on track. Just make sure to take it an hour before you go to bed, and you can spend at least eight hours asleep.”
Rarity nodded as well. “That last part is important, too. If you take it too late, or have to wake up early, you’ll feel like hell warmed over. Eight hours, no less.”
“Hmm.” Sunset felt a genuine smile tug at her lips. “Well, I’m willing to try anything at this point.”
The first night went reasonably well – after taking a pill at around ten o’clock, Sunset found herself drowsy enough to turn in some time after midnight, with a minimum of existential dread. It wasn’t quite the eight hours of sleep promised, but it was certainly better than one.
The second night went even better. Within an hour of taking the pill, Sunset found herself crawling beneath the covers of her bed. She allowed herself a small smile as she drifted off.
In the morning, she awoke on her own, feeling quite well-rested. Sunlight streamed through her window, and it promised to be a gorgeous day.
She turned to see Twilight Sparkle sitting on the side of her bed. She was wrapped in a fluffy white towel, barely large enough to cover herself with. Aside from her glasses, she was wearing absolutely nothing else.
“Whoa!” Sunset sat bolt upright and pressed herself against the wall to her back. “T-Twilight! Wha-what are you doing here?”
Twilight reached out and placed her hand over Sunset’s. “It’s okay,” she said, though a tightness was in her voice.
It was then that Sunset noticed the tears brimming in Twilight’s eyes. “Twilight?”
“It’s okay,” she said again as she slid closer to Sunset. As she did, the towel slipped a bit, exposing more of Twilight’s lavender skin.
Sunset, adrenaline replacing the blood in her veins, tried to force coherent words out of her mouth. “Uh, what? What’s okay?”
“Everything.” Twilight sniffed away a tear as another ran down her cheek. “Everything is okay.”
Everything was not okay. “Um, Twilight–”
With a sob, Twilight buried her face in Sunset’s shoulder, and the towel slipped further down, revealing a broad expanse of Twilight’s bare back.
“Uh.” Sunset, hands out to the sides, fought to control many, many conflicting urges. Eventually she settled on trying to comfort Twilight, so she carefully brought her arms up around to give her a hug. She kept her hands tightly closed as she embraced–
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP
Sunset’s eyes flew open. She found herself staring at her ceiling, barely lightened by the wan light coming from around the blinds. She was breathing heavily, and trembling as the adrenaline ran its course through her system.
“What. The fuck.”
As Sunset sat at the cafeteria table, Twilight beamed at her. “You’re looking well-rested today.”
For the twentieth time, Sunset reminded herself that last night was just a dream. “Yep! First full night’s sleep in a long time.”
“That’s excellent, darling!” Rarity clasped her hands in front of herself. “I’m so glad to see you doing so much better so soon.”
“Did you have any trouble getting out of bed?” Fluttershy asked. “Grogginess when you first wake up is one of the most common side effects.”
“Ha, nope,” Sunset said as she fought the urge to glance at Twilight, “I was wide awake when I woke up.”
“Good,” Rarity said. “Just remember, there’s no shame in indulging in a little pick-me-up to help get you started if you need it. I don’t know what I’d do without my morning cup of tea.”
“Hey, there’s no shame in waking up naturally, either,” Rainbow Dash said, mouth stuffed with taco. “Not all of us snort Pixie Stix to wake up in the morning like Pinkie Pie.”
“Hey!” Pinkie Pie leveled a candy bar at Rainbow Dash. “I do NOT snort Pixie Stix! That’s, like, the most terriblest way to eat them!”
Applejack quirked an eyebrow. “And how d’you know that?”
Pinkie Pie planted her hands on her hips with a huff. “I just know, okay?”
“Um,” Sunset looked from Fluttershy to Rarity, “did you two have weird dreams when you first started taking it?”
Rarity’s eyes widened. “Oh yes! I remember they were particularly vivid at the start.”
Fluttershy nodded. “Mmhmm. Very much so. They get better after a week or two, though.”
“I see.” Sunset poked at her spaghetti. “What did you dream about?”
A silence fell over the table as Rarity bit her lip. A flush crept up Fluttershy’s neck to redden her cheeks.
Rainbow Dash sat up a little straighter. “Whoa, hang on. Were these sexy dreams you two had?”
Rarity cleared her throat. “A lady does not does not discuss such things.” The corner of her mouth twitched upwards as a blush tinged the edges of her makeup.
Fluttershy’s blush deepened as she hid behind her hair.
Rainbow Dash looked as though Hearth’s Warming Eve had come early. “Oh, this is too good. Rarity I get, but you, Fluttershy?” She gasped. “Was it with anyone we know?”
Fluttershy’s leg struck the table with a bang as she stood. From behind her hair, she said, “I’ll see you all later in class.” She hurried away, favoring her right knee as she fled.
“Aw, what? Fluttershy, come back,” Rainbow Dash called after her. “I didn’t mean it!” She turned back to the table with a snicker.
Rarity was no longer smiling. “Really, Rainbow Dash, that was quite unnecessary.” She left the table and followed after Fluttershy.
“Wh–hey, c’mon,” Rainbow Dash said, “I was only teasing! I’m sorry!” She failed to suppress a grin as she turned back to the table.
Applejack clucked her tongue. “You ain’t sorry at all.”
“I am a little bit! I didn’t want Fluttershy to actually leave.” Rainbow Dash took another bite of her taco. “It’s just fun to tease her about that stuff sometimes.”
Sunset frowned at her. “Well, she clearly isn’t having fun.”
“Yeah, I’ll stop. I should talk to her later, she doesn’t usually get that bent out of shape.” Rainbow Dash looked at the door Fluttershy had left through, then looked back to Sunset with a sly grin. “What about you though? Any sexy times in your dreams?” She waggled her eyebrows.
Sunset made a conscious effort to not look at Twilight, and silently cursed herself for the beginnings of the blush she felt on her face. “Um, not exactly.”
Twilight reached out her hand. “Did you want to talk–”
Sunset recoiled as though stung. “Y’know what, I’d better take off too. I’ve got some, ah, studying I need to catch up on.” She forced another smile as she pointed a finger gun at them. “I’ll see you guys later!”
She didn’t miss Applejack narrowing her eyes at her as she left.
The wind howled through the barren apple orchard as it blew a fresh layer of snow across the ground. Sunset stood with Applejack at the foot of a handful of graves, the latest victims of the endless winter. Tears ran down their faces, and froze before they hit the ground.
“It don’t seem right,” Applejack said dully.
Sunset shook her head. “I wish I’d spent more time with them.”
Applejack’s face hardened. “Well, now y’can’t.” She choked back an angry sob. “An’ I can’t neither.”
Sunset placed a hand on Applejack’s back. “I’m sorry, Applejack.”
Applejack broke down as she buried her face in Sunset’s shoulder. “It just hurts so much!”
Sunset’s voice was unsteady as she said, “I know.”
Applejack pulled back. “Do you?” The accusatory glare in her eyes was full of rage, hurt, and betrayal, and it bored straight into Sunset’s soul.
A harsh braying echoed on the wind, and the world grew colder.
Sunset shrank back from the heat of Applejack’s gaze. “I–”
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP
Sunset woke with a gasp, tears still streaming down her face. Applejack’s eyes floated before her in her mind’s eye, all pain and sadness, and Sunset helt a hand over her mouth to keep her chin from trembling. Apparently even consoling a grieving friend was beyond her capacity.
She squeezed the last of the tears from her eyes and wrestled her breathing back into some semblance of normalcy. “Damn it all to Tartarus,” she swore as she hauled herself out of bed.
Sunset had successfully avoided everyone for the entirety of the school day, and with the weekend ahead, she was sure she could get to grips with herself and face them on Monday. She donned her jacket and backpack, then shut her locker door to reveal Applejack’s frowning face.
“Gah!” Sunset looked away, but not in time to avoid seeing Applejack glaring at her in the snow. She tried to force cheer into her voice as she stared at the floor. “Oh hey, Applejack! What’s up?”
“Don’t you ‘what’s up’ me, Sunset Shimmer,” Applejack said, hands on her hips. “I need ya to level with me – why’ve you been avoiding us all day?”
“Nothing! I mean, I’ve just been, um.” Sunset shook her head. She wasn’t going to sink so low as to lie to Applejack’s face. “Look, it’s stupid.”
“It can’t be that stupid if it’s got you runnin’ from yer friends.” Applejack folded her arms across her chest. “C’mon, what’s the struggle?”
Sunset looked up at Applejack, whose smile clashed violently with the vision in Sunset’s head. She felt heat build behind her eyes, and she looked away again. “It’s really stupid.”
Applejack’s stance immediately softened. After a moment’s pause, she said, “Hey, Granny Smith keeps a pitcher of mulled cider for Applebloom an’ me in the school kitchen for when we’ve gotta stay late for studyin’ an such. How’s about you tell me what’s got you all worked up over a mug?”
Sunset couldn’t keep a quiver out of her voice as she said, “Okay.”
Applejack stared at Sunset from across the cafeteria table, hands clasped around her now-empty mug. “Wow. That’s pretty fucked up, Sunset, not gonna lie.”
“Yeah.” Sunset sniffed. “I know.”
Applejack winced. “I mean, I don’t mean that you said what you did, just that your brain is messin’ with you so much.”
Sunset shook her head as she tried to keep her voice level. “I still should have come up with something better.”
“Darlin’, there ain’t nothin’ to say at times like that. Just bein’ there is enough.”
“Yeah. And I know you wouldn’t– I mean, I know it’s not–” Sunset rubbed a tear out of her eye with the palm of her hand. “It just felt so real.”
Applejack leaned in and grabbed Sunset’s hands in her own. “Hey, Sunset. Look at me.”
Sunset obeyed, and fought to keep dream-Applejack out of her mind’s eye.
“I’m real. I’m right here. And I’m tellin’ you, for real, that you have nothin’ to be sorry for.” Applejack put a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “You’re awesome, you’re one of my best friends, and I love ya dearly. Okay?”
A fresh hotness of tears began to trickle down Sunset’s cheeks and drowned any words she might say, so she simply nodded.
“Okay. Now c’mere.” Applejack stood and pulled Sunset into a hug.
Sunset clung to Applejack’s solid frame as she choked back a sob. When she trusted herself not to cry anymore, she pulled back with a sniff. “Thanks, Applejack.” She dried the rest of her tears on the sleeve of her hoodie. “Ugh, I feel so stupid for getting all worked up over a dream.”
Applejack chuckled. “Don’t be gettin’ down on yourself now. I’ve got a whole brainful o’ issues, just the same as Rainbow, just the same as Rarity, just the same as Fluttershy and Pinkie and Twilight, bless their hearts.” She gave Sunset a reassuring smile. “It’s okay to–”
Applejack was interrupted by a chime from her hip. She checked her phone, then said, “Ah, shoot. I gotta git, evenin’ chores are gonna be’ a handful.” She stood and headed towards the door, then turned and waved. “I’ll see ya later, Sunset. Feel better!”
Sunset waved back. “Sure, see ya.”
As soon as Applejack was out of sight, Sunset sighed and rested her head on her arms. “I’ll talk to all of them tomorrow.”
The sky was the dull red of a sunset during a forest fire. Sunset’s breath was loud in her ears as she ran, heart racing, eyes wild as she searched for an escape route, or at the very least, a good place to hide.
She ducked down a darkened alleyway. Halfway through she paused to lean against the wall to catch her breath. Her limbs were on fire, and she knew she couldn’t keep running for long.
She heard the slap of footsteps approach the end of the alley, and Sunset looked up to see Rainbow Dash careen around the corner.
“Sunset! She just got another one, we have to–”
A yellow and pink blur descended from on high and slammed Rainbow Dash to the ground. Fluttershy, belly distended beneath her bloodstained tank top from her feasting thus far, unfurled her gigantic bat wings and screeched at Sunset.
Sunset froze, then looked around for some sort of weapon. She spotted a pile of half-rotted pallets next to a dumpster across the alley. She rushed over to try to pull one free–
“Help!” Rainbow Dash reached out towards her. “Sunset, help me!”
Before Sunset could react, Fluttershy snapped her head forward and sank her fangs deep into Rainbow Dash’s shoulder.
“Aaaaaagkh–” In a matter of moments, Rainbow Dash’s body withered, utterly drained of vitality.
Fluttershy cast aside the empty husk and leveled her furious blood-red gaze on Sunset.
Sunset, eyes brimming with tears, managed to tear free a board with a few nails still attached and leveled it at Fluttershy. “You’re not getting my blood, you monster!”
Fluttershy’s response was to inhale deeply, then let loose a skull-splitting screech that shattered every window in the alleyway.
Waves of near-hypersonic noise washed over Sunset, and it felt as though her eyes were going to explode in their sockets. She dropped her weapon as she clutched at the sides of her head and felt blood trickle from her shattered eardrums–
Sunset awoke to find herself still clutching her head. She sat up and snapped her fingers on either side of her to make sure she hadn’t actually gone deaf. Satisfied, she sniffed away the last of her unshed tears and grabbed her phone from the nightstand.
She opened up the chat app and sent a message to Fluttershy and Rarity.
I need to talk to you.
Due to Fluttershy’s work at the animal shelter and Rarity being saddled with babysitting duty, it wasn’t until dinnertime that Sunset was able to meet with them. Rarity had the idea to check out a new restaurant downtown, the Tasty Treat, and they all met up there just after sundown.
They had gone through half the naan and their dishes had already been served by the time Sunset finished explaining everything to them.
Rarity frowned at her. “Dear, I know being hard on yourself is kind of your ‘thing’, but this is excessive even by your standards.”
Sunset blinked at her. “How do you mean?”
Fluttershy spoke as she soaked up some of her curry with naan. “Well, it’s not as though you can help it, really, but each of your dreams has a common theme of, um, failure.” She took a bite. “Mmm, this is really good. Wanna try some?”
Sunset frowned at them. “So, that’s it? I just need to lighten up?”
Rarity and Fluttershy exchanged a glance. “Not quite that reductive, darling,” said Rarity. “I just think you shouldn’t put so much stock in silly dreams, that’s all. Tough it out, as it were.” She took a bite of Fluttershy’s naan. “Mmm, this is good. Have some, Sunset.”
Sunset accepted a piece. As she chewed, she couldn’t deny the tension easing from her shoulders a bit. She sighed, then said, “I guess I am getting worked up over nothing. It’s not like Fluttershy’s going to turn into a bat anytime soon.” She left unsaid the part where a few weeks ago Princess Twilight had related an anecdote of how Fluttershy’s Equestrian counterpart had done precisely that.
Fluttershy perked up. “Ooh, I’ve always thought it would be neat to be a bat! Echolocation is such a neat ability, and, um.” She looked from Sunset to Rarity, then slunk lower in the booth with a bashful grin. “That’s not really relevant, though.”
Rarity smirked at Fluttershy. “It’s interesting that Rainbow Dash would be the target of your depredations.”
“You’re thinking of werewolves.” Fluttershy flushed. “Also, shut up.”
Sunset glanced between the two of them, then smirked herself. “Fluttershy, is there something going on between you and Rainbow–”
Both of the other girls said, “No,” in unison. Fluttershy slunk lower still as Rarity patted her on the shoulder.
Sunset held up her hands with a laugh, then took a bite of her paneer tikka masala and allowed the unctuous warmth of the spices flood her palate. She sighed contentedly. “This was a really good idea, Rarity.”
“Thank you, dear. And please know, I’m very sorry your experiences with side-effect dreams haven’t been as positive as mine and Fluttershy’s have been.” Rarity failed to suppress a salacious grin. “Goodness knows they’ve done me a world of good.”
They all shared a laugh at that, and conversation turned away from the subject of dreams as the meals were consumed. By the time Sunset returned to her apartment, she was warm through and through, and barely gave taking her dose a second thought.
Sunset walked with Princess Twilight down the street towards CHS, talking about how the past week had gone. An autumn chill was in the air, and Sunset pulled on the drawstrings of her hoodie to ward it off.
Twilight, wearing a long cloak over her usual clothes, didn’t seem to mind the cold. “Interesting. So your friends all supported you, and even pointed out that you had nothing to be sorry for, or worry about.”
“Yep! Everything is under control,” Sunset said. “I’ve just gotta power through these last few days until the pills find an equilibrium with my system, and everything should be great!”
Twilight snorted. “You think so, huh?”
Sunset’s smile faltered. “Yeah. I mean, don’t you think I’m doing okay?”
Twilight stopped at the final turn and gestured down the street. “You tell me.”
Sunset rounded the corner and stopped cold. There, where the high school should have been, was a titanic sinkhole a mile wide.
Twilight turned to Sunset, face an impassive mask. “Let’s get a closer look, shall we?”
Sunset found herself standing at the edge of the pit, too deep to see the bottom. The wind howled, blowing detritus into the hole, where it was swallowed and forgotten. Jagged rocks periodically broke away from the walls of the cliff surround the hole and tumbled down until the noise of their fall could no longer be heard.
Dread pressed in on Sunset like a vise, and she found it difficult to breath. She felt her guts turn to water as she turned to Twilight. “What is this?”
“A fathomless depth replacing the familiar form and structure that guided your education for so long,” Twilight said dryly. “How apt.”
Vertigo spun down from her chest and settled deep in her stomach. Her guts roiled in consternation, and Sunset clutched at her stomach with a groan.
Twilight turned to her. “If you need to take care of something, go. I’ll still be here when you get back.”
Sunset sat bolt upright in bed, disoriented and reeling. “Holy shit.”
Despite wanting nothing more than to fall right back and let oblivion take her, the noises that came from her guts spurred her to action. Although her limbs felt lined with lead, she hurried down the stairs of her loft, ducked into the bathroom, and slammed the door behind her.
Sunset resolved to call a priest in the morning to exorcise her bathroom, then crawled wearily back into bed. She was sweaty, nauseous, and thoroughly exhausted. All she wanted to do was fall asleep and wake up at some point in the next decade.
Sunset looked at her clock, which read 3:27am. She groaned as she faceplanted her pillow. She couldn’t rightly recall ever being so bone-tired. Darkness took her, and her apartment, then the bed, fell away.
“Ugh!” Sunset slammed into the cliff face and slid several feet, jagged rocks tearing holes in her pajamas before her scrabbling hands finally found purchase. Desperately she clung to the bare rocks as frigid winds beckoned her to the bottomless void below.
Princess Twilight appeared at the edge and looked down upon her. “To think I had such high hopes for how this was going to play out.”
“Twilight!” Sunset shouted to be heard over the wind. “What is going on?”
Twilight frowned. “I’d say that your suffering the consequences of ignoring your problems instead of dealing with them, and operating under the delusion that one good day means everything is magically fine.”
“What are you talking about? Help me up!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Sunset. You’re the only one who can get you out of that pit.” Twilight picked up a stone and chucked it into the void. “At the rate you’re going, that doesn’t seem likely.”
Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Princess Twilight would never be so callous. Who are you?”
Twilight snorted. “Isn’t it obvious?” She unclasped her cloak and tossed it aside with a flourish. Standing where Twilight had been a moment before was Sunset Shimmer herself, wearing the same clothes as the night of the Fall Formal.
“Great,” Sunset said, “I’m gonna die having an existential argument with my evil self.”
“I’m your subconscious, genius,” Sunset said. “I’m the celebration of each of your victories, and the guilt of each of your defeats. I’m just taking the opportunity to talk to you directly, now that your mind is marinating in both melatonin and masala.”
“Why the disguise as Twilight, then?”
Subconscious Sunset shrugged. “I thought you’d actually listen to her. You’re right, though, I didn’t try very hard.” She gestured at the pit. “This was a more direct way to get my point across.”
Sunset was about to retort, but one of her handholds gave way. With a yelp, she slid several inches before she caught herself again.
She heard a scoff from above. “Look at yourself! Base survival instinct is all that’s keeping you attached to that cliff! You’re better than this, Sunset!”
“I’m barely hanging on!” True to her words, Sunset felt her handholds crumble beneath her fingers. She slid another few inches before her foot caught on an outcrop.
“Stop doubting yourself!” Sunset’s voice shouted from above. “Yes, the world needs saving, but you don’t need to carry the weight of it on your shoulders! You already have all you need to get yourself back on solid ground, you just need to believe it!”
Sunset’s heart sank, and she slid another foot. “Then I’m as good as dead! I can’t save the world by myself!”
“Sun and stars above,” Sunset shouted, “who said you had to save it by yourself?”
Sunset stared at herself. “Oh!”
A raspy voice shouted from behind her. “Well, it’s about fucking time!”
Sunset risked a look over her shoulder. “Rainbow Dash!”
“The one and only!” Rainbow Dash hovered behind her, wings beating too fast to be seen. She looked up to the edge of the cliff and cupped her hands around her mouth. “Hey! She’s down here!”
A rope slapped against the cliff next to Sunset. She looked up to see Applejack hop over the edge and rappel down to be level with her.
“Hey there, sugarcube! Didja miss us?”
“More than you know,” Sunset said. It was more than just the wind that made her eyes water.
“Well, strap yourself in, partner! The rest of the girls are waitin’ for us!”
With careful assistance from Rainbow Dash, Sunset was able to loop the rope around herself and tie herself to Applejack.
“We got her,” Rainbow Dash shouted, “Haul them up!”
Above, a chorus of voices yelled, “Heave!” With a jerk, the rope pulled taut and slowly pulled Sunset up. From the safety of Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s arms, the cliff didn’t seem so high. Soon enough, Sunset rolled over the edge, whereupon she was immediately swarmed by the rest of her friends.
“Are you okay?” Twilight asked. “We came as fast as we could.”
Fluttershy said, “We were so worried. Are you hurt?”
“Good heavens, darling,” Rarity tutted as she threw a blanket over Sunset’s shoulders, “let’s get you into some warmer clothes!”
Pinkie Pie shoved a chocolate bar into Sunset’s hands. “Quick! Eat this! It’ll make everything better!”
Sunset laughed. “Girls, seriously, I’m fine. Thanks to you, at least.”
The girls all smiled at her, then parted to allow the other Sunset to approach and stand before her.
She smirked as she asked, “Was that really so hard?”
“Well, I didn’t make it easy on myself.”
She snorted. “Now you’re getting it.” She gestured to her friends. “Remember this. Remember them. Because of your belief in each other, there’s nothing you can’t do.”
Sunset smiled. “I know.”
Sunset winked at herself. “I believe in you, too.”
“Yeah,” Sunset said as she winked back, “I do.”
Sunset hugged herself, and as Sunset melted into Sunset, the world was suffused with a golden glow.
Golden morning sunshine flooded through the window as birds chattered to each other in the tree just outside. Sunset indulged in a luxurious stretch, took a deep breath, and smiled.
It was going to be a beautiful day.
candy bar with relish
I will pass, thanks. :) Pinkie would probably just shrug and scarf it.
This story is a pleasant heartwarmer, a oven-warm cookie with chocolate chunks of Friendship power and macadamia nuts of sleep-disorder advice. It treads no fresh or exciting ground, but is comforting on a cold day. I’m placing it in my mid-tier.
You're a good writer (and I think I know who you are), but I have a lot to critique here. Apologies if any of this seems harsh but it needs to be said. There are two issues I had with the story: the conflict not being well-defined or matching the resolution, and (to a lesser extent) the character voicing.
I feel like the conflict that the story resolved never fully materialized at the outset. I would have preferred if the conflict Sunset was having was not entirely internal, because this isn't supposed to be a story about overcoming insomnia; it's supposed to be a story about overcoming personal demons—and those should affect your ability to handle significant issues in the real world in a larger way than simple fatigue.
There's a bigger problem here, though: the dreams don't match what you're trying to use them to convey. The sexuality of the initial dream was a non sequitur red herring: the next day, the story informs us that everypony gets sexual dreams from melatonin, and the reader will expect that to be the primary focus of the story. Then that focus shifts abruptly and the romantic subtext never returns. More generally, I don't feel like the main dreams in any way resemble the conflict resolved in the final dream. Sunset isn't avoiding or ignoring help from her friends in the main dreams: if anything, her reliance on her friends is the problem in those dreams, because her friends aren't reliable. If you want "you're not alone" to be the message, she should be doing something in those dreams to illustrate her mental hangup. Currently, the final dream is resolving a conflict we never get to see play out in the story.
There are some small problems with character voicing. I think you're trying too hard to overtly voice the characters when you should be paying more attention to subtler things that would make their personalities come across. Rarity says "darling" three times in the short story, and she doesn't need to say it once to be Rarity. Applejack says "sugarcube" even though Sunset has never met Pony!AJ. On the other hoof, Rarity mentions having a serious mental illness in an excited tone, without any grace; Applejack casually says "fucked up" even though excessive politeness is a major part of her Southern character; Fluttershy responds to embarrassment with "also, shut up", when embarrassment is never what triggers her rage; Sunset laughs at Fluttershy being emotionally hurt by her friends when she criticized Dash for doing the same thing two days prior.
I guess my message is try to work on more subtlety in character voicing. The choices characters make (including word choice) are what evoke their personalities to the reader, and you can't actually be too subtle in characterization. For example, even when readers don't consciously notice it, AJ's politeness when she says, "beggin' your pardon" or "may" or "might" will still give them the feeling of her character. That's one of the great things about mood and characterization—you're appealing to the reader's subconscious, which gives you a lot more latitude to reach them.
Aside, I'm not sure I get Fluttershy's argument about werewolves, andI am a werewolves aren't real and we don't exist, but vampires are seen at least as contagious in fiction. Maybe it's supposed to be a frail argument because she's reacting out of shame, though.
I feel like the conflict that the story resolved never fully materialized at the outset. I would have preferred if the conflict Sunset was having was not entirely internal, because this isn't supposed to be a story about overcoming insomnia; it's supposed to be a story about overcoming personal demons—and those should affect your ability to handle significant issues in the real world in a larger way than simple fatigue.
There's a bigger problem here, though: the dreams don't match what you're trying to use them to convey. The sexuality of the initial dream was a non sequitur red herring: the next day, the story informs us that everypony gets sexual dreams from melatonin, and the reader will expect that to be the primary focus of the story. Then that focus shifts abruptly and the romantic subtext never returns. More generally, I don't feel like the main dreams in any way resemble the conflict resolved in the final dream. Sunset isn't avoiding or ignoring help from her friends in the main dreams: if anything, her reliance on her friends is the problem in those dreams, because her friends aren't reliable. If you want "you're not alone" to be the message, she should be doing something in those dreams to illustrate her mental hangup. Currently, the final dream is resolving a conflict we never get to see play out in the story.
There are some small problems with character voicing. I think you're trying too hard to overtly voice the characters when you should be paying more attention to subtler things that would make their personalities come across. Rarity says "darling" three times in the short story, and she doesn't need to say it once to be Rarity. Applejack says "sugarcube" even though Sunset has never met Pony!AJ. On the other hoof, Rarity mentions having a serious mental illness in an excited tone, without any grace; Applejack casually says "fucked up" even though excessive politeness is a major part of her Southern character; Fluttershy responds to embarrassment with "also, shut up", when embarrassment is never what triggers her rage; Sunset laughs at Fluttershy being emotionally hurt by her friends when she criticized Dash for doing the same thing two days prior.
I guess my message is try to work on more subtlety in character voicing. The choices characters make (including word choice) are what evoke their personalities to the reader, and you can't actually be too subtle in characterization. For example, even when readers don't consciously notice it, AJ's politeness when she says, "beggin' your pardon" or "may" or "might" will still give them the feeling of her character. That's one of the great things about mood and characterization—you're appealing to the reader's subconscious, which gives you a lot more latitude to reach them.
Aside, I'm not sure I get Fluttershy's argument about werewolves, and
>>Trick_Question already mentioned the vagueness of the conflict and the characters, so I'll skip most of that. I just expected Sci-Twi to have a significant part in the story, but nothing came out of it. Same with the events of the Friendship Games. They're brought up at the start, made to seem important, then dropped.
My biggest criticism overall is the dialogue. The scene in the restaurant stands out as a point where the dialogue simply doesn't flow well. The insistence to try some food feels forced, honestly. The conversation could have seamlessly shifted away from dreams without explicitly telling the reader that's what happened. Fluttershy getting excited about bats and echolocation actually was relevant, even if tangentially. However, you forced the subject back to dreams, going against the natural flow of the conversation. The best fix for this would be to extend the conversation. Let it flow from dreams to bats, to Rainbow Dash, to Fluttershy's dreams, back to Sunset's dreams. A few extra paragraphs might seem like a lot for a conversation that has only a minor impact, but the readers won't notice at all. In my experience, reading dialogue that only lasts a few sentences feels empty, even if the necessary information is provided.
Some of the word choices are questionable, particularly the adjectives. You don't need to use fancy words to convey a feeling. Overuse of them can actually do the opposite, or make the story seem purple-ish. Since this story is from Sunset's perspective, try to stick to words she would use, with sentences structured in the way she would say them.
Also: I think you were trying to go with a motif of heat, but it didn't appear to serve any obvious purpose. I kept looking for a deeper meaning that either wasn't there or was too vague to see. Or maybe I'm dumb, that's always a possibility.
Also Also: It doesn't really fit the prompt, now that I think about it. If I'm wrong, someone please tell me.
My biggest criticism overall is the dialogue. The scene in the restaurant stands out as a point where the dialogue simply doesn't flow well. The insistence to try some food feels forced, honestly. The conversation could have seamlessly shifted away from dreams without explicitly telling the reader that's what happened. Fluttershy getting excited about bats and echolocation actually was relevant, even if tangentially. However, you forced the subject back to dreams, going against the natural flow of the conversation. The best fix for this would be to extend the conversation. Let it flow from dreams to bats, to Rainbow Dash, to Fluttershy's dreams, back to Sunset's dreams. A few extra paragraphs might seem like a lot for a conversation that has only a minor impact, but the readers won't notice at all. In my experience, reading dialogue that only lasts a few sentences feels empty, even if the necessary information is provided.
Some of the word choices are questionable, particularly the adjectives. You don't need to use fancy words to convey a feeling. Overuse of them can actually do the opposite, or make the story seem purple-ish. Since this story is from Sunset's perspective, try to stick to words she would use, with sentences structured in the way she would say them.
Also: I think you were trying to go with a motif of heat, but it didn't appear to serve any obvious purpose. I kept looking for a deeper meaning that either wasn't there or was too vague to see. Or maybe I'm dumb, that's always a possibility.
Also Also: It doesn't really fit the prompt, now that I think about it. If I'm wrong, someone please tell me.
Genre: Sleeping Pill (I kid, I kid...)
Thoughts: I feel like >>Trick_Question and >>2Merr have already made excellent points about this story's funky character voicing and lack of clarity about what the plot and message ultimately are trying to be. And I really, really, really hate making that my staring point here, because the quality and vividness of the prose are significant. Like seriously, a lot of writing skill is clearly evident here. My main objection is that it doesn't seem to add up to something internally consistent.
I think having Evil!Twilight suddenly reveal herself as Good!Sunset at the end is what throws this for me. It's a left turn that throws out all of the subconscious themes of failure (and random sexy dreams?) that the story was kind enough to call out for us in very explicit terms. It robs Sunset of the chance to face and defeat the negative internal voices that the sleeping pills have brought to light. Honestly I think having her wake up right in the middle of it is a golden opportunity to give her a chance to come back to the "final battle" fully equipped and ready to rock, and it's disappointing that her adversary basically just says "Nah" instead.
...but but But BUTT
While I've been mostly negative here, I do it because I see a lot of potential in this story. There is wonderful material here that might just need more than 72 hours to develop fully, and that's completely fine! I think with some tighter steering this could be a knockout.
Tier: Keep Developing
Thoughts: I feel like >>Trick_Question and >>2Merr have already made excellent points about this story's funky character voicing and lack of clarity about what the plot and message ultimately are trying to be. And I really, really, really hate making that my staring point here, because the quality and vividness of the prose are significant. Like seriously, a lot of writing skill is clearly evident here. My main objection is that it doesn't seem to add up to something internally consistent.
I think having Evil!Twilight suddenly reveal herself as Good!Sunset at the end is what throws this for me. It's a left turn that throws out all of the subconscious themes of failure (and random sexy dreams?) that the story was kind enough to call out for us in very explicit terms. It robs Sunset of the chance to face and defeat the negative internal voices that the sleeping pills have brought to light. Honestly I think having her wake up right in the middle of it is a golden opportunity to give her a chance to come back to the "final battle" fully equipped and ready to rock, and it's disappointing that her adversary basically just says "Nah" instead.
...but but But BUTT
While I've been mostly negative here, I do it because I see a lot of potential in this story. There is wonderful material here that might just need more than 72 hours to develop fully, and that's completely fine! I think with some tighter steering this could be a knockout.
Tier: Keep Developing
I enjoyed this story. Which brings me some conflict, because I wanted to love it.
>>Trick_Question Covered my main problem with the story. The dreams have no impact on the plot at all. They hold no deeper meaning about Sunset's psyche and are ultimately little more than non-sequiteurs.
That? That's clever. All the dreams should've had more of that. What does the dream of a morning after with Twilight say about Sunset's relationship with her newest friend? Does the loss AJ suffers mirrors how Sunset feels about the Equestrian life she's left behind? Does sunset have a vampire fetish? You can use the dreams and their inherent nonsensical nature to explore Sunset's insecurities in creative ways.
Right now, the story is okay, but it can be great with a bit of work poured into it.
>>Trick_Question Covered my main problem with the story. The dreams have no impact on the plot at all. They hold no deeper meaning about Sunset's psyche and are ultimately little more than non-sequiteurs.
“A fathomless depth replacing the familiar form and structure that guided your education for so long,” Twilight said dryly. “How apt.”
That? That's clever. All the dreams should've had more of that. What does the dream of a morning after with Twilight say about Sunset's relationship with her newest friend? Does the loss AJ suffers mirrors how Sunset feels about the Equestrian life she's left behind? Does sunset have a vampire fetish? You can use the dreams and their inherent nonsensical nature to explore Sunset's insecurities in creative ways.
Right now, the story is okay, but it can be great with a bit of work poured into it.
Melatonin - A Retrospective
Ah, crumb. “To think I had such high hopes for how this was going to play out.” ^^
But no, I don’t think this story deserves to be in the finals, either. There’s a lot of excellent stories this round, and mine is an incoherent mess. A few good ideas strung together in the loosest possible terms do not a decent story make, let alone a good one.
A big part of the problem is that the first dream is the original seed for the story, and (aside from the fact that it wasn’t Twilight in my dream) line for line it’s a transcription of one of the first melatonin dreams I had. My plan was to see where the narrative took me, then go back and retroactively massage the first dream into place, or cut it and replace it with something else. As has so often happened before, once the story was finished I promptly forgot to do so and switched to copy-editing mode. I’ve always had a problem with missing the forest for the trees in my stories, and sometimes (like this round) it’s more apparent than others.
Still! I’m pretty confident I can turn this into something great - you’ve all provided feedback that allows me to have a pretty clear roadmap for how to do so.
>>GroaningGreyAgony
I meant “relish” as in, “enthusiasm”, but considering it’s Pinkie Pie, I should probably have chosen a better phrase. I think scarfing it down will suffice too. I’m glad you found the story a pleasant read!
>>Trick_Question
I have never once thought your feedback on one of my stories was unduly harsh, and I’ve always appreciated the lengths you go to when providing feedback on stories you see potential in. You’re spot-on regarding how the conflict in the first set of dreams doesn’t gel with the final one, and I’ve got some thinking to do on how I want to tie everything together more seamlessly.
What stung was your feedback on character voicing, as that’s usually something I pride myself on. But you’re absolutely right - having Rarity say “darling” three times in five thousand words is inexcusable, and having Applejack swear for a one-off expedited transition doesn’t make sense. It’s important to keep in mind, especially in fanfiction rounds, and I appreciate you bringing it to my attention.
Oh, and the werewolves line - I read somewhere at some point that werewolves always attack those closest to them in their normal human lives first. I think it’s been awhile since modern media has portrayed them like that, though, and the line barely makes sense anyways. It’ll be one of the things on the chopping block when I start hacking away.
Thanks again for your feedback!
>>2Merr
The Tasty Treat scene was probably re-written more than any other scene in the story, and it shows. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. And word choice needs work too - Sunset isn’t Twilight, and that’s something to bear in mind when narrating.
Using heat as a motif was never a conscious thought in my mind while writing, but now that you mention it, I that could be interesting to explore. I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks for your feedback!
>>CoffeeMinion
I appreciate the love, yo. ^^ I had a feeling the climax was going to be a sticking point - anytime you write “you’re right, I didn’t try very hard” as a handwave in any context is probably a bad sign. I like the notion of having an antagonist right up until the very end, rather than a ham-fisted lesson on realizing you’re not alone. It’s definitely something to bear in mind.
Thanks again for your advice!
>>Zaid Val'Roa
Yep. All of this, yep. The dreams deserve better treatment than face value lip service to the final conflict, what little of that there is as the story stands. I appreciate you calling out the Twilight line, because that’s one of the few things I was pretty pleased with, too. Going back and making the other dreams just as relevant is the top priority for the rewrite. Thanks for thoughts on how to do so!
I have pretty high hopes for Melatonin 2.0. Until then, congrats to all the finalists, and best of luck!
Ah, crumb. “To think I had such high hopes for how this was going to play out.” ^^
But no, I don’t think this story deserves to be in the finals, either. There’s a lot of excellent stories this round, and mine is an incoherent mess. A few good ideas strung together in the loosest possible terms do not a decent story make, let alone a good one.
A big part of the problem is that the first dream is the original seed for the story, and (aside from the fact that it wasn’t Twilight in my dream) line for line it’s a transcription of one of the first melatonin dreams I had. My plan was to see where the narrative took me, then go back and retroactively massage the first dream into place, or cut it and replace it with something else. As has so often happened before, once the story was finished I promptly forgot to do so and switched to copy-editing mode. I’ve always had a problem with missing the forest for the trees in my stories, and sometimes (like this round) it’s more apparent than others.
Still! I’m pretty confident I can turn this into something great - you’ve all provided feedback that allows me to have a pretty clear roadmap for how to do so.
>>GroaningGreyAgony
I meant “relish” as in, “enthusiasm”, but considering it’s Pinkie Pie, I should probably have chosen a better phrase. I think scarfing it down will suffice too. I’m glad you found the story a pleasant read!
>>Trick_Question
I have never once thought your feedback on one of my stories was unduly harsh, and I’ve always appreciated the lengths you go to when providing feedback on stories you see potential in. You’re spot-on regarding how the conflict in the first set of dreams doesn’t gel with the final one, and I’ve got some thinking to do on how I want to tie everything together more seamlessly.
What stung was your feedback on character voicing, as that’s usually something I pride myself on. But you’re absolutely right - having Rarity say “darling” three times in five thousand words is inexcusable, and having Applejack swear for a one-off expedited transition doesn’t make sense. It’s important to keep in mind, especially in fanfiction rounds, and I appreciate you bringing it to my attention.
Oh, and the werewolves line - I read somewhere at some point that werewolves always attack those closest to them in their normal human lives first. I think it’s been awhile since modern media has portrayed them like that, though, and the line barely makes sense anyways. It’ll be one of the things on the chopping block when I start hacking away.
Thanks again for your feedback!
>>2Merr
The Tasty Treat scene was probably re-written more than any other scene in the story, and it shows. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. And word choice needs work too - Sunset isn’t Twilight, and that’s something to bear in mind when narrating.
Using heat as a motif was never a conscious thought in my mind while writing, but now that you mention it, I that could be interesting to explore. I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks for your feedback!
>>CoffeeMinion
I appreciate the love, yo. ^^ I had a feeling the climax was going to be a sticking point - anytime you write “you’re right, I didn’t try very hard” as a handwave in any context is probably a bad sign. I like the notion of having an antagonist right up until the very end, rather than a ham-fisted lesson on realizing you’re not alone. It’s definitely something to bear in mind.
Thanks again for your advice!
>>Zaid Val'Roa
Yep. All of this, yep. The dreams deserve better treatment than face value lip service to the final conflict, what little of that there is as the story stands. I appreciate you calling out the Twilight line, because that’s one of the few things I was pretty pleased with, too. Going back and making the other dreams just as relevant is the top priority for the rewrite. Thanks for thoughts on how to do so!
I have pretty high hopes for Melatonin 2.0. Until then, congrats to all the finalists, and best of luck!
>>Icenrose
It's easy to get in the zone with characters and miss a beat. I hate it when readers point out that my voicing is off, but it still happens from time to time.
Rarity's darlings aren't really a problem, they were intended as an illustration of overt voicing not being needed, because I thought it might help to focus on subtle details more. (I learned that from listening to bookplayer feedback, actually.)
It's easy to get in the zone with characters and miss a beat. I hate it when readers point out that my voicing is off, but it still happens from time to time.
Rarity's darlings aren't really a problem, they were intended as an illustration of overt voicing not being needed, because I thought it might help to focus on subtle details more. (I learned that from listening to bookplayer feedback, actually.)
Late audio review. Sorry.
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1xPB_xaYlP6OUFm0o8DNBsCD7qcU5AAso
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1xPB_xaYlP6OUFm0o8DNBsCD7qcU5AAso
>>AndrewRogue
No worries, yo! I appreciate the feedback all the same. You made some excellent points, particularly regarding how the climax, being set in a dream, is really more self-actualization than anything else. That's definitely something to bear in mind.
And the whole base premise of the story itself being obscure side effects of an uncommon non-prescription drug doesn't do the story any favors, of course, but for the sake of not scrapping the story entirely I may just let that one ride. ^^ I can only say that when I first started taking it, I had weirdly intense and unsettling dreams for a week, and then kinda nothing afterwards. That has confirmation bias written all over it though, so /shrug, haha.
No worries, yo! I appreciate the feedback all the same. You made some excellent points, particularly regarding how the climax, being set in a dream, is really more self-actualization than anything else. That's definitely something to bear in mind.
And the whole base premise of the story itself being obscure side effects of an uncommon non-prescription drug doesn't do the story any favors, of course, but for the sake of not scrapping the story entirely I may just let that one ride. ^^ I can only say that when I first started taking it, I had weirdly intense and unsettling dreams for a week, and then kinda nothing afterwards. That has confirmation bias written all over it though, so /shrug, haha.
>>Icenrose
Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about the side effect thing. it is apparently common enough that when I searched it it immediately popped into autofill, so my particular ignorance of the subject might be somewhat unique. Just thought I would mention it.
Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about the side effect thing. it is apparently common enough that when I searched it it immediately popped into autofill, so my particular ignorance of the subject might be somewhat unique. Just thought I would mention it.