Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Paper Trail
“Admit that I was right.”
“Luna, you’re not helping!” Celestia screamed, conjuring yet another fire extinguisher before proceeding to combat the flames that steadily poured in through the throne room door. The heat was intense, but the princess stood her ground.
Behind her, in the crumbling throne room proper, her inconsiderate sibling quietly sipped from a porcelain teacup, a smug grin plastered on her face. “Admit that I was right, then I will help you.”
Celestia ignored her and continued her feeble struggle against the flames. Rolling her eyes, Luna conceded that she needed to act, magically invoking the doorway floor to rise up, until an enormous wall of stone sealed them both away from the chaos outside.
“Sister,” Celestia growled, her composure hanging by a thread. “That’s not going to put out the inferno currently raging throughout the castle.”
“I was merely concerned for your safety, Tia.” Luna took another sip. “Fire is hot. Remember that, it will be on the upcoming test.”
It took all of Celestia’s willpower to not blast her sister into the back wall. A puff of steam blew from her nostrils.
“I can’t believe you! You’re making jokes at a time like this? All of Equestria is literally on fire! Bandits are raiding towns, ancient evils are terrorizing the countryside, and Princess Twilight is nowhere to be found!”
“And all of this could have been avoided, had you simply listened to reason.”
“Don’t you dare--!”
Luna donned her most mockingly convincing Celestia voice. She looked off to the left, crossing her eyes. “Oh, but think of all the time you and I will save when we outsource to the bureaucracy! We can tour Equestria together as sisters, inspire the nation with our personal take on leadership, and level with our citizens, not as princess to commoner, but pony to pony, while our legion of information custodians deliver only the most necessary intelligence to us.”
She turned her head to the right, her voice returning to normal. “But sister, that sounds like a lot of needless automation. Our jobs are not that difficult, and bureaucracies tend to be unreliable. Surely you’re trying to solve a problem that doesn’t actually exist?”
“Luna, I swear--!”
To the left again. “You can never be sure of anything, Luna. The bureaucracy can be trusted. We need only give them a chance. It’s not like any link in this chain consisting of thousands of overworked, underpaid ponies who couldn’t care less for the safety of Equestria could ever fail to deliver critical information, like...d’oh, I ‘unno, bandits raiding towns, ancient evils reawakening and terrorizing the countryside, or even a corrupt accountant swiping every last bit from the royal treasury with a bothersome paper trail of forged royal documents. How crazy would that be?”
To the right again. “Tia, you’re starting to scare me.”
To the left again. She cackled this time. “Ho-ho! I am the eldest sister, and have ruled Equestria for a thousand years in your absence! My decisions are the best decisions. Nopony makes decisions better than me! Therefore, we are going to trust them almost unconditionally. It’s not like I’m growing senile, or anything. Not at all! Be a dear, sister, and pass me my medication. I’m going to take it while I stuff my face with neapolitan ice cream in the bathtub tonight.”
The older princess was visibly seething with suppressed rage, only to be pulled free from her boiling temper as the entire castle shook when a nova of dark magicks flattened half of Canterlot, followed by the maniacal laughter of some once-banished dark lord echoing amidst the pandemonium. At this rate, there wouldn’t be an Equestria left to save if Luna wasn’t at her side.
“...fine.” Celestia sighed. “I admit it. You were right. Will you help me now?”
“Hmm...” Luna quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t believe you.”
She conjured a stack of papers, all of them written diligently in what could only be described as legalese. A quill and ink well appeared. “Read and sign these please, in triplicate. I’ll have them sent through the queue and let one of my information custodians judge if your confession is genuine in my stead.”
Celestia gave her a flat look. “And when we’re all dead before then, when can I expect an audience with Princess Luna’s ghost to let her know just how stubborn she was?”
“With a bureaucracy like yours in place...” Luna shrugged. “On a date to be determined, I’m sure.”
“Luna, you’re not helping!” Celestia screamed, conjuring yet another fire extinguisher before proceeding to combat the flames that steadily poured in through the throne room door. The heat was intense, but the princess stood her ground.
Behind her, in the crumbling throne room proper, her inconsiderate sibling quietly sipped from a porcelain teacup, a smug grin plastered on her face. “Admit that I was right, then I will help you.”
Celestia ignored her and continued her feeble struggle against the flames. Rolling her eyes, Luna conceded that she needed to act, magically invoking the doorway floor to rise up, until an enormous wall of stone sealed them both away from the chaos outside.
“Sister,” Celestia growled, her composure hanging by a thread. “That’s not going to put out the inferno currently raging throughout the castle.”
“I was merely concerned for your safety, Tia.” Luna took another sip. “Fire is hot. Remember that, it will be on the upcoming test.”
It took all of Celestia’s willpower to not blast her sister into the back wall. A puff of steam blew from her nostrils.
“I can’t believe you! You’re making jokes at a time like this? All of Equestria is literally on fire! Bandits are raiding towns, ancient evils are terrorizing the countryside, and Princess Twilight is nowhere to be found!”
“And all of this could have been avoided, had you simply listened to reason.”
“Don’t you dare--!”
Luna donned her most mockingly convincing Celestia voice. She looked off to the left, crossing her eyes. “Oh, but think of all the time you and I will save when we outsource to the bureaucracy! We can tour Equestria together as sisters, inspire the nation with our personal take on leadership, and level with our citizens, not as princess to commoner, but pony to pony, while our legion of information custodians deliver only the most necessary intelligence to us.”
She turned her head to the right, her voice returning to normal. “But sister, that sounds like a lot of needless automation. Our jobs are not that difficult, and bureaucracies tend to be unreliable. Surely you’re trying to solve a problem that doesn’t actually exist?”
“Luna, I swear--!”
To the left again. “You can never be sure of anything, Luna. The bureaucracy can be trusted. We need only give them a chance. It’s not like any link in this chain consisting of thousands of overworked, underpaid ponies who couldn’t care less for the safety of Equestria could ever fail to deliver critical information, like...d’oh, I ‘unno, bandits raiding towns, ancient evils reawakening and terrorizing the countryside, or even a corrupt accountant swiping every last bit from the royal treasury with a bothersome paper trail of forged royal documents. How crazy would that be?”
To the right again. “Tia, you’re starting to scare me.”
To the left again. She cackled this time. “Ho-ho! I am the eldest sister, and have ruled Equestria for a thousand years in your absence! My decisions are the best decisions. Nopony makes decisions better than me! Therefore, we are going to trust them almost unconditionally. It’s not like I’m growing senile, or anything. Not at all! Be a dear, sister, and pass me my medication. I’m going to take it while I stuff my face with neapolitan ice cream in the bathtub tonight.”
The older princess was visibly seething with suppressed rage, only to be pulled free from her boiling temper as the entire castle shook when a nova of dark magicks flattened half of Canterlot, followed by the maniacal laughter of some once-banished dark lord echoing amidst the pandemonium. At this rate, there wouldn’t be an Equestria left to save if Luna wasn’t at her side.
“...fine.” Celestia sighed. “I admit it. You were right. Will you help me now?”
“Hmm...” Luna quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t believe you.”
She conjured a stack of papers, all of them written diligently in what could only be described as legalese. A quill and ink well appeared. “Read and sign these please, in triplicate. I’ll have them sent through the queue and let one of my information custodians judge if your confession is genuine in my stead.”
Celestia gave her a flat look. “And when we’re all dead before then, when can I expect an audience with Princess Luna’s ghost to let her know just how stubborn she was?”
“With a bureaucracy like yours in place...” Luna shrugged. “On a date to be determined, I’m sure.”
I see what you aimed for with this story and I enjoyed it.
However, not knowing what the two sisters are arguing about holds me from granting it some additional bonus points. Working around such constraints is hard and adding the reason for the arguing probably couldn't fit in the story as it is.
Moreover, bureaucracy criticism isn't a new topic and this story doesn't have a new take on this subject, but the sisters' voices sound right.
Thank you for sharing.
However, not knowing what the two sisters are arguing about holds me from granting it some additional bonus points. Working around such constraints is hard and adding the reason for the arguing probably couldn't fit in the story as it is.
Moreover, bureaucracy criticism isn't a new topic and this story doesn't have a new take on this subject, but the sisters' voices sound right.
Thank you for sharing.
Hot damn, this is funny. Obvious, but funny. And I'm a fan of "noodle incident" stories, so I'm not really bothered by the fact that I have no clue how vesting greater power in the bureaucracy leads to the utter annihilation of the universe's natural order.
This'll probably stay close to the top of my slate for a while.
This'll probably stay close to the top of my slate for a while.
This is... cute(?) amid the darkness. The voices are amusing, and the action realistic.
The random is just too over-the-top for my taste. I can't appreciate drama if it isn't anchored to something, and neither character is acting sensibly, or in character. Even the backstory doesn't make much sense, because with Luna back her load is lessened, so why would Celestia want to outsource, then? Celie is not typically the center of crazy ideas.
This kind of goes into the same bucket as the Spelling Bee story, except here it isn't as clear that you're trying to be ridiculous, so the darkness is even less palatable. You could have told this story without all the death and grim, relying on realism rather than extremeness, and I think it would have been much more relatable.
The random is just too over-the-top for my taste. I can't appreciate drama if it isn't anchored to something, and neither character is acting sensibly, or in character. Even the backstory doesn't make much sense, because with Luna back her load is lessened, so why would Celestia want to outsource, then? Celie is not typically the center of crazy ideas.
This kind of goes into the same bucket as the Spelling Bee story, except here it isn't as clear that you're trying to be ridiculous, so the darkness is even less palatable. You could have told this story without all the death and grim, relying on realism rather than extremeness, and I think it would have been much more relatable.
Well, this was a joy to read, but then again, I have a soft spot for the intricacies of bureaucratic work.
Over the top, yeah, but I feel that was part of the point. To show the inefficiencies of a convoluted administrative system by taking them to their logical extreme.
All in all, a great entry, and top five material for me.
>>Posh
We've only had modern, clusterfucky bureaucracies for a couple of centuries. Give it time.
Over the top, yeah, but I feel that was part of the point. To show the inefficiencies of a convoluted administrative system by taking them to their logical extreme.
All in all, a great entry, and top five material for me.
>>Posh
I have no clue how vesting greater power in the bureaucracy leads to the utter annihilation of the universe's natural order.
We've only had modern, clusterfucky bureaucracies for a couple of centuries. Give it time.
Having to work with a giant, pointless, inefficient, illogical bureaucracy every day, I totally understand the sentiment behind this story. My only issue is with how over the top it, and the disconnect between the level of destruction and Luna's attitude. I know it's being played for laughs here, but for some reason it just doesn't quite work for me. If the level of disaster / apocalypse was just a notch or two lower, or Luna's refusal to help a bit less vigorous, I think it would feel a bit more reasonable. As it stands, Luna sitting there watching the world burn makes her seem less like a clever protagonist giving her foolish sister her comeuppance... And more like a heartless, arrogant bitch.
Still quite enjoyable though, and going towards the top of my slate!
Still quite enjoyable though, and going towards the top of my slate!
Uh... huh. Is this a thing from the recent show? It seems like this might be a thing from the recent show, which I haven't seen. Or just a bash fic.
If things are as bad as Luna says, her inaction is surely causing more damage and maybe costing lives. For spite. So she's not really very funny to me here. And what happened to Twilight and the Elements? How did things even get to this point?
Not sure why so many of the comments are talking about it as a criticism of bureaucracy. The bureaucracy barely exists in the story, most of it's about Celestia and Luna's relationship.
I dunno. This piece goes to some unfun places. It doesn't work for me as either comedy or drama. It comes off as mean-spirited, intentionally towards Celestia and unintentionally towards Luna. The basic idea of Equestria collapsing and the sisters arguing like this... I'm not sure that ever works for me as drama, not without some other major revamps. As comedy (which I think was the aim?) it needs to tone the devastation way down, play up the bureaucracy or similar elements more, put the sisters more in character (Luna less vicious, Celestia less of a lump) and maybe set it in the moment of an incident rather than after everything's gone south.
Evidently other people are seeing something different in it, so, cool, peace be with you all, this may just be me. And thank you for writing!
If things are as bad as Luna says, her inaction is surely causing more damage and maybe costing lives. For spite. So she's not really very funny to me here. And what happened to Twilight and the Elements? How did things even get to this point?
Not sure why so many of the comments are talking about it as a criticism of bureaucracy. The bureaucracy barely exists in the story, most of it's about Celestia and Luna's relationship.
I dunno. This piece goes to some unfun places. It doesn't work for me as either comedy or drama. It comes off as mean-spirited, intentionally towards Celestia and unintentionally towards Luna. The basic idea of Equestria collapsing and the sisters arguing like this... I'm not sure that ever works for me as drama, not without some other major revamps. As comedy (which I think was the aim?) it needs to tone the devastation way down, play up the bureaucracy or similar elements more, put the sisters more in character (Luna less vicious, Celestia less of a lump) and maybe set it in the moment of an incident rather than after everything's gone south.
Evidently other people are seeing something different in it, so, cool, peace be with you all, this may just be me. And thank you for writing!
This story didn't seem to have much to say, nor is "bureaucracy is bad" really new ground. This didn't feel like it did anything really interesting with the idea, and it didn't even play up the bureaucracy as much as it might have, such as Luna dragging it all out via bureaucratic stopgaps that upset her.
I agree somewhat with TD here. Besides, —okay I nitpick — I don’t think Celestia or Luna would’ve let the situation go that bad before doing something. I get you went overboard for the sake of the comedy, but then I’m not really sure this is a real comedy, because if it were the case I’d have expected a different ending (e.g.: Celestia wakes up to realising all she just lived was just a dream set up by her sister in order to make her cave in).
I really feel this would've bee funnier if Luna got banished back to the moon at the very end. Canonically possible? Nah. Funny though? Sure.
I was amused, but there was a distinct undercurrent of "bad feel" to that amusement with how strongly one-sided this piece is. Basically, at the end, I'm actively rooting against Luna because she is laying it on so thick and in such an assholish manner that it falls out of being funny and into being kinda sad.
Basically, you know how Bonbon got creamed at the end of Calamity from the Skies? That sort of catharsis is missing, because, from the structure of the story, Celestia doesn't need comeuppance because we can't tell if what happened is really her fault and she is trying to do something about it, while Luna is being an unhelpful ass.
I was amused, but there was a distinct undercurrent of "bad feel" to that amusement with how strongly one-sided this piece is. Basically, at the end, I'm actively rooting against Luna because she is laying it on so thick and in such an assholish manner that it falls out of being funny and into being kinda sad.
Basically, you know how Bonbon got creamed at the end of Calamity from the Skies? That sort of catharsis is missing, because, from the structure of the story, Celestia doesn't need comeuppance because we can't tell if what happened is really her fault and she is trying to do something about it, while Luna is being an unhelpful ass.