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To Be Decided
Friends are like cakes: we say we love them all, but there's always that one secret favourite we have. Me, I have the opposite problem: I have several favourite cakes and can't choose between them.
“Umm, Pinkie Pie, can I have some muffins?” sample A asks. I call her Lemon Shyness: sweet and delicate, perfect for quiet afternoons. Adorable as a kitten’s sugar whiskers, she's a cake best admired in private.
“Sure thing!” I smile and hop to fetch her a bagful. “Discord visiting again?”
“Umm, yes.” Lemon Shyness smiles. “He says he finds your muffins chaotic.” She blushes.
“Ha! That guy’s just a freeloader!” Blue Frosting cuts in. Always cool and light as air, she has a tendency to be gone before you know it. On the other hoof she’s she's fun to be with anywhere anytime, and you just can't beat frosting. “Why do you still put up with him?! Oh, hey, Pinkie.”
“Hey.” I grin. She's also great to play pranks on ponies, but today she's here for something else. “Your super special pancakes are waiting for you in the kitchen. Just give me a sec and I'll—“
“Nah, I’ll get it,” she says casually looking in the opposite direction. “I hope you didn't put any orange mousse. You know I don't like that girly stuff!”
“No sirree!” My smile widens. Of course there's mousse and plenty of it. I know she loves it and she knows I know. “Not one bit! Huh-uh! Absolutely none!”
“Good!” She nods, then dashes into the kitchen as always. I know she'll use the back door to fly off, but I don't care. I know she'll be back for something else in a few hours.
Lemon Shyness takes the bag of surprise muffins and puts them in her saddlebags. She squeaks her thanks to me in the sweetest voice, then neatly places the bits in front if me and leaves.
“Good morning, darlings!” The door swings open as Marzipan Blazé makes her attention known. She's the type of cake that in any room aims to outshine them all. Sophisticated and refined, she makes her way to my counter. “Pinkie Pie, be a darling and recommend some party sweets,” she says with a voice that can melt ponies in their hooves. “My sister has a few friends over and it's simply unforgivable not to have anything to offer.”
“Whatever you say, you Sweetness Dispenser, you.” I wink and rush to grab a few of my treat packages. I hear her giggle behind me. Before I have the time to reach the sweets, the door opens once more.
“I tell ya, that foreign sugar is mighty suspicious!” I immediately make out the voice of Classic Fudge. The world around me might change ten times over, yet I can rely on her remaining the same—reliable, familiar, and an honest to ten stars delight. “No sister of mine will be eating them fancy—“
“Tut, tut, tut!” Marzipan interrupts. She's always one to clash with Fudge even if they compliment each other so well. “Not in the store, please. Pinkie Pie has an exhausting day as it is without you adding to it.”
“Me? What about you?” Fudge points at Marzipan’s face, her hoof almost touching.
“Aww, I knew you cared!” I give them each a large box of preset sweets. “Caramel apple delight.” I announce laughing on the side at their confusion. “Be sure to enj—“
“Pinkie Pie!” A flash of purple poofs beside me. “Please tell me you have Celestial Cake!” Perfect Pudding nearly yells in panic as she grabs me. A desert of perfect proportions she cannot help but wobble at the slightest pressure. She's suitable for everywhere as long as you keep her stable. “The Princess is about to come for a visit and I completely forgot to check if—“
I don't let her finish, taking a double decker cake from my mane onto her back.
“Already ahead of you.” I wink. “And don't worry, I'll just add it to your tab.”
Perfect Pudding, only has time to hug me I'm thanks before disappearing with the care once more. I giggle. It's the same every month. Fudge and Marzipan exchange a few looks, then take their sweets and leave to argue outside. I smile, then go back to the counter and sigh. Another day and I still haven't made up my mind. Of all the cakes which will be the one for me?
“Oh well,” I shrug. “I can always decide tomorrow.”
“Umm, Pinkie Pie, can I have some muffins?” sample A asks. I call her Lemon Shyness: sweet and delicate, perfect for quiet afternoons. Adorable as a kitten’s sugar whiskers, she's a cake best admired in private.
“Sure thing!” I smile and hop to fetch her a bagful. “Discord visiting again?”
“Umm, yes.” Lemon Shyness smiles. “He says he finds your muffins chaotic.” She blushes.
“Ha! That guy’s just a freeloader!” Blue Frosting cuts in. Always cool and light as air, she has a tendency to be gone before you know it. On the other hoof she’s she's fun to be with anywhere anytime, and you just can't beat frosting. “Why do you still put up with him?! Oh, hey, Pinkie.”
“Hey.” I grin. She's also great to play pranks on ponies, but today she's here for something else. “Your super special pancakes are waiting for you in the kitchen. Just give me a sec and I'll—“
“Nah, I’ll get it,” she says casually looking in the opposite direction. “I hope you didn't put any orange mousse. You know I don't like that girly stuff!”
“No sirree!” My smile widens. Of course there's mousse and plenty of it. I know she loves it and she knows I know. “Not one bit! Huh-uh! Absolutely none!”
“Good!” She nods, then dashes into the kitchen as always. I know she'll use the back door to fly off, but I don't care. I know she'll be back for something else in a few hours.
Lemon Shyness takes the bag of surprise muffins and puts them in her saddlebags. She squeaks her thanks to me in the sweetest voice, then neatly places the bits in front if me and leaves.
“Good morning, darlings!” The door swings open as Marzipan Blazé makes her attention known. She's the type of cake that in any room aims to outshine them all. Sophisticated and refined, she makes her way to my counter. “Pinkie Pie, be a darling and recommend some party sweets,” she says with a voice that can melt ponies in their hooves. “My sister has a few friends over and it's simply unforgivable not to have anything to offer.”
“Whatever you say, you Sweetness Dispenser, you.” I wink and rush to grab a few of my treat packages. I hear her giggle behind me. Before I have the time to reach the sweets, the door opens once more.
“I tell ya, that foreign sugar is mighty suspicious!” I immediately make out the voice of Classic Fudge. The world around me might change ten times over, yet I can rely on her remaining the same—reliable, familiar, and an honest to ten stars delight. “No sister of mine will be eating them fancy—“
“Tut, tut, tut!” Marzipan interrupts. She's always one to clash with Fudge even if they compliment each other so well. “Not in the store, please. Pinkie Pie has an exhausting day as it is without you adding to it.”
“Me? What about you?” Fudge points at Marzipan’s face, her hoof almost touching.
“Aww, I knew you cared!” I give them each a large box of preset sweets. “Caramel apple delight.” I announce laughing on the side at their confusion. “Be sure to enj—“
“Pinkie Pie!” A flash of purple poofs beside me. “Please tell me you have Celestial Cake!” Perfect Pudding nearly yells in panic as she grabs me. A desert of perfect proportions she cannot help but wobble at the slightest pressure. She's suitable for everywhere as long as you keep her stable. “The Princess is about to come for a visit and I completely forgot to check if—“
I don't let her finish, taking a double decker cake from my mane onto her back.
“Already ahead of you.” I wink. “And don't worry, I'll just add it to your tab.”
Perfect Pudding, only has time to hug me I'm thanks before disappearing with the care once more. I giggle. It's the same every month. Fudge and Marzipan exchange a few looks, then take their sweets and leave to argue outside. I smile, then go back to the counter and sigh. Another day and I still haven't made up my mind. Of all the cakes which will be the one for me?
“Oh well,” I shrug. “I can always decide tomorrow.”
I want to thank you.
It's been quite a while since I've actually laughed outloud. Well, it was technically more of a series of short guffaws at each of the cake names, but you get my point.
Anyway, this is a prime example of a slice of life that is well done. You have a simple premise (Pinkie compares her firends to cakes) and you execute it excellently. No high stakes, no drama, no last minute twists. Just a solid story with a nice theme and leaves me with a grin.
I'm definitely giving this a high spot.
Also, I want it to be noted that I avoided a cheap slice/cake joke.
It's been quite a while since I've actually laughed outloud. Well, it was technically more of a series of short guffaws at each of the cake names, but you get my point.
Anyway, this is a prime example of a slice of life that is well done. You have a simple premise (Pinkie compares her firends to cakes) and you execute it excellently. No high stakes, no drama, no last minute twists. Just a solid story with a nice theme and leaves me with a grin.
I'm definitely giving this a high spot.
Also, I want it to be noted that I avoided a cheap slice/cake joke.
Wow. This is amazingly good. I actually didn't fully see the analogy as complete until about halfway through the story (before the 'hoof' reference, but after a lot of text), despite the initial line. I might suggest dropping the 'friends' mention altogether from the initial part, because it's much more interesting for the reader to figure out the analogy without being hoofed it.
The one thing that kind of unsettles me is the one-sided nature of how Pinkie views relationships. She might be deciding which cake best suits her, but making a choice isn't that simple. It involves both parties involved. There's also some Rarijack going on here which seems to further callous Pinkie's thought processes. She isn't thinking at all about what the cakes want, and that's very out of character for who she is.
The one thing that kind of unsettles me is the one-sided nature of how Pinkie views relationships. She might be deciding which cake best suits her, but making a choice isn't that simple. It involves both parties involved. There's also some Rarijack going on here which seems to further callous Pinkie's thought processes. She isn't thinking at all about what the cakes want, and that's very out of character for who she is.
This is not a POV I would have expected, or a take on that particular POV that I could ever have imagined working. But we've all seen how EQG!Pinkie's mind works, so I guess Pinkie Pie thinking of her friends in cake terms... makes sense. And there's a charm to the way she envisions all her friends functioning in this little metaphor she's put together.
Another great little slice of life... one which made me hungry when I was reading it. Thanks a lot, author.
Another great little slice of life... one which made me hungry when I was reading it. Thanks a lot, author.
I can't tell if this is ship-teasing or just cake-friendshipping, but I fear it extends the central metaphor past the point where I can follow it. Good overall structure and execution other than some obvious typos that should buff out. Overall I have the sense that I'm not in the target audience, which is probably more on me than the story.
Tier: Abstain
Tier: Abstain
... I see what you did there, with the inspiration for this piece. Well played, well played. Better than the original for sure.
Now, the second major reference, I don't know if that's intentional or I'm just making it up. We'll find out. For now, I'll leave it as an exercise to other readers to figure out what I'm talking about.
Anyway, this is a decent character piece that makes a valiant attempt to include the full Mane Six in a mini. The arc is a bit lacking, though, it's more of just a gallery. Pinkie herself remains static in the role of passing out cakes, and while I do love to see this sort of take on her (the hardest working of the six!) I wish that there was a little more effort put into making her an active character. Instead of just showing us what she thinks of her friends, do something with that perspective! The ending has a small hint of her seeking a relationship with one of the others, but too little too late - if that was the intended arc, it's way too subtle throughout the main body and should be built up to a little more overtly.
Time for another mini Ran-t though: I see a lot of other comments calling this slice of life, and I can't agree. Slice of Life does not mean "low stakes, low narrative action." In fact quite the opposite, Slice of Life is one of the genres that relies most on having a strong narrative to function! It deals with mundane settings, and makes them interesting by treating them with the same narrative gravitas that more fantastic stories get.
What's a good example here... Friends, the sitcom? Every episode of that show is titled "The One Where (something something)!" Every episode has a main plot, and multiple sideplots, and makes sure to communicate to the audience at every moment of every scene the fact that something is happening, and to whom and why if you watch longer than a few seconds.
When you write slice of life, you have to turn the "narrative to background flavor" ratio up, not down, or else you end up with a boring mess that barely even qualifies as fiction. There's no room for that in storytelling. (In essays, maybe, and that goes back to my first comments... But I think this one is more on the lines of trying to have a narrative and not quite getting there.)
Anyway: good hustle, good mini, definitely getting there on the scale. This is also a very good example of using fanfiction, canon, and implied background information for good rather than for evil, which will also be a relevant comparison to several other finalists. Props, and thanks for writing!
Now, the second major reference, I don't know if that's intentional or I'm just making it up. We'll find out. For now, I'll leave it as an exercise to other readers to figure out what I'm talking about.
Anyway, this is a decent character piece that makes a valiant attempt to include the full Mane Six in a mini. The arc is a bit lacking, though, it's more of just a gallery. Pinkie herself remains static in the role of passing out cakes, and while I do love to see this sort of take on her (the hardest working of the six!) I wish that there was a little more effort put into making her an active character. Instead of just showing us what she thinks of her friends, do something with that perspective! The ending has a small hint of her seeking a relationship with one of the others, but too little too late - if that was the intended arc, it's way too subtle throughout the main body and should be built up to a little more overtly.
Time for another mini Ran-t though: I see a lot of other comments calling this slice of life, and I can't agree. Slice of Life does not mean "low stakes, low narrative action." In fact quite the opposite, Slice of Life is one of the genres that relies most on having a strong narrative to function! It deals with mundane settings, and makes them interesting by treating them with the same narrative gravitas that more fantastic stories get.
What's a good example here... Friends, the sitcom? Every episode of that show is titled "The One Where (something something)!" Every episode has a main plot, and multiple sideplots, and makes sure to communicate to the audience at every moment of every scene the fact that something is happening, and to whom and why if you watch longer than a few seconds.
When you write slice of life, you have to turn the "narrative to background flavor" ratio up, not down, or else you end up with a boring mess that barely even qualifies as fiction. There's no room for that in storytelling. (In essays, maybe, and that goes back to my first comments... But I think this one is more on the lines of trying to have a narrative and not quite getting there.)
Anyway: good hustle, good mini, definitely getting there on the scale. This is also a very good example of using fanfiction, canon, and implied background information for good rather than for evil, which will also be a relevant comparison to several other finalists. Props, and thanks for writing!
I disagree with >>Ranmilia
Before I get into this, I'm unsure if the ending lines are meant to suggest shipping, but I think the story's much more interesting with it than without. Assuming she's only talking about picking a "favorite friend" at face value, then the fic is indeed pretty static. Just some cute descriptions of her friends, then repeating the intro, and that's it. But if it is about romance, I think this has this much understated power. (so that's the version I'll review)
The idea here is that Pinkie feels like she needs to pick someone to love, but she can't. Or rather, she doesn't want to, and she's content with delaying that choice so she doesn't have to make it. There's no conflict, just a question that she can't answer. and I think that's the strength of Slice of Life stories, when they illustrate and examine these questions in our daily lives that have no correct answers.
This minific is smart for presenting that as a simple little twist. You think she's just admiring her best friends, but she's really talking about potential romance. I think a common fatal mistake would be to "show" that buildup as some kind of argument (or to put it bluntly, the protagonist angsts the whole time). This story puts the dilemma at the very end, then spreads all the evidence before it. Before you know what the question is, you've already shared in the experience of how Pinkie appreciates each friend in unique ways, so now you know why she can't solve this.
I think the delivery could be made stronger, though. LIke I said, the shipping aspect is slightly ambiguous, and it shouldn't be. Conversely, there's too much shipping in the center of the story, making the "twist" muddled. It's easy to see Rarity and AJ arguing all the time as romantic tension, and Fluttershy blushing over Discord also appears the same under that light. It's unclear what Pinkie thinks about any of that, whether before or after we know how she feels about them. That leads to another thing I feel is missing, but is impossible for me to tell the author how it should be done -- what surprises are revealed by reaching the end, then going back to re-examine? Not quite foreshadowing, but mysteries with double meaning.
This is the kind of slice of life that fits perfectly into a minific, because it doesn't need a narrative arc or conflict. It's embracing an everyday life that's made of magic, filled with special people and interesting observations, even when nothing's happening.
Before I get into this, I'm unsure if the ending lines are meant to suggest shipping, but I think the story's much more interesting with it than without. Assuming she's only talking about picking a "favorite friend" at face value, then the fic is indeed pretty static. Just some cute descriptions of her friends, then repeating the intro, and that's it. But if it is about romance, I think this has this much understated power. (so that's the version I'll review)
The idea here is that Pinkie feels like she needs to pick someone to love, but she can't. Or rather, she doesn't want to, and she's content with delaying that choice so she doesn't have to make it. There's no conflict, just a question that she can't answer. and I think that's the strength of Slice of Life stories, when they illustrate and examine these questions in our daily lives that have no correct answers.
This minific is smart for presenting that as a simple little twist. You think she's just admiring her best friends, but she's really talking about potential romance. I think a common fatal mistake would be to "show" that buildup as some kind of argument (or to put it bluntly, the protagonist angsts the whole time). This story puts the dilemma at the very end, then spreads all the evidence before it. Before you know what the question is, you've already shared in the experience of how Pinkie appreciates each friend in unique ways, so now you know why she can't solve this.
I think the delivery could be made stronger, though. LIke I said, the shipping aspect is slightly ambiguous, and it shouldn't be. Conversely, there's too much shipping in the center of the story, making the "twist" muddled. It's easy to see Rarity and AJ arguing all the time as romantic tension, and Fluttershy blushing over Discord also appears the same under that light. It's unclear what Pinkie thinks about any of that, whether before or after we know how she feels about them. That leads to another thing I feel is missing, but is impossible for me to tell the author how it should be done -- what surprises are revealed by reaching the end, then going back to re-examine? Not quite foreshadowing, but mysteries with double meaning.
This is the kind of slice of life that fits perfectly into a minific, because it doesn't need a narrative arc or conflict. It's embracing an everyday life that's made of magic, filled with special people and interesting observations, even when nothing's happening.
This story feels excessively flat. The idea of Pinkie Pie thinking about her friends as desserts is cute, but if there is meant to be a central conflict here, it doesn't come through very clearly. The end seems to hint at Pinkie Pie wanting something more, having some sort of decision to make, which possibly indicates shipping, but if so, it doesn't really come through very well in the rest of the piece - there's nothing wrong with setting up a subtle, secret conflict then revealing it at the end to recontextualize the rest of the piece, but I'm not even sure if that's what this piece is trying to do, or if it is just supposed to be a fluff piece that shows how adorable Pinkie Pie is and how she thinks of her friends.
Also, I'm not sure if I understand why Fluttershy is Lemon Shyness; lemons are sweet and sour, but Fluttershy is just sweet, and the story doesn't seem to add much context to why Lemon and not something else, doubly so as some of the other characters don't actually match their colors.
Also, I'm not sure if I understand why Fluttershy is Lemon Shyness; lemons are sweet and sour, but Fluttershy is just sweet, and the story doesn't seem to add much context to why Lemon and not something else, doubly so as some of the other characters don't actually match their colors.
This is cute, but as others noted, it’s essentially a soufflé: a big piece of fluff. There’s little story here, even if the core idea is charming.
What is that quote from Merlin in Boorman’s Excalibur? “Looking at the cake is like looking at the future, until you've tasted it what do you really know? And then, it’s too late…”
What is that quote from Merlin in Boorman’s Excalibur? “Looking at the cake is like looking at the future, until you've tasted it what do you really know? And then, it’s too late…”
You know how your mouth starts to feel when you have something really, really sweet to eat? Like, you just take a bit and your mouth starts to throb because of how rich and how much the dessert is? This story is kinda that for me.
The idea is cute and I think quite solid for the character, but the metaphor just ends up feeling overwhelming here. She is selling cakes and thinking about cakes and naming her friends after cakes and... well, nothing else really, but I feel like that is enough. It's a lot to deal with.
The idea is cute and I think quite solid for the character, but the metaphor just ends up feeling overwhelming here. She is selling cakes and thinking about cakes and naming her friends after cakes and... well, nothing else really, but I feel like that is enough. It's a lot to deal with.