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Reflections on the Passage of Time
"Sometimes I have to take a walk in the gardens to remind myself," Celestia said.
The night air was cool but not cold, just the right temperature to allow the shadowlilies to spread open, luminous petals reaching towards the sky. They spread out across the grass like a carpet, right up to the border of the imposing hedges where they made a striking contrast against the dark leaves.
Raven Quill followed behind Celestia, having to make two steps for her every one. Stillness stretched out as a soft blanket, so much so that when Raven broke the silence, it almost caught Celestia off guard. "Remind yourself of what?"
Celestia paused. Her elegant neck arched, tilting as she looked towards the sky, where the moon shone down between a scattering of low clouds. The dark image etched upon the moon's surface was all too familiar, even if ponies had already begun to forget. What once had been loud gossip had faded to whispers, and then simply myth.
"To remind myself of the past," Celestia said. She looked down again, wishing she could still shed a tear for her sister, but that acute grief had long ago dulled into a more sedate sorrow, locked in her heart. Instead, she continued onward into the garden, stopping at the base of a stone statue.
"Discord," Raven read aloud, looking up at the chimeric figure on the pedestal. She shivered.
Celestia's lips pressed in a thin line. This too was a decision that she had to recognize and live with. This too came with its share of regrets and might-have-beens. She could read a lot in the stone fangs of the master of chaos: pride and danger, but also joy and frivolity. "We must all remember the sacrifices we choose, both for ourselves and others," she whispered.
Raven had wandered over to look at another decorative plaque set into the ground. It was so old that dirt and grass obscured the face of the monument, and Raven had to hoof at it to read the engraving. "The Crystal Empire?"
Celestia let out the briefest of sighs. Some burdens were personal and others stretched to encompass thousands within their bounds. When balancing the scales of Equestria, are all ponies lives equal, nameless things to be measured against one another in pure utility? Or are some decisions always wrong, no matter what course is chosen?
Regardless, Celestia made a note to herself to see to the gardener about tending to this memorial. No decision should be forgotten, no price paid without being written in the ledger of her heart.
"Uh, Princess, it's just… Oh, but I couldn't ask…"
Celestia turned to Raven, smiling softly. "Go ahead, my little pony. Please."
"Well, it's just that I've read a lot about history and everything and…" Raven flushed red. "Don't you ever think you put an awful lot of your problems on hold without actually solving them?"
Celestia paused, momentarily stunned. Then she let out a laugh, the crystal clear sound catching Raven totally by surprise.
"I had never… Oh my."
Raven shuffled her hooves, not meeting Celestia's gaze. With one hoof, Celestia raised Raven's head to look into her eyes.
"You may be right, my little pony. And it's precisely that willingness to speak that sets you apart from the rest. I'm certainly glad that I chose you to be my next advisor, Raven Quill."
Raven froze.
Celestia raised an eyebrow.
"Th-thanks, Princess. But, uh, that's not my name."
Celestia blinked. "It's not?"
"Nope."
"Oh, of course! I'm so sorry, that was my previous advisor. Time makes fools of everypony, but that's something you'll learn with age too, Gingersnaps."
Gingersnaps (?) shook her head. "Not that either."
"Sable Spark?"
"Uh-uh."
"Lemony Gem?"
"Wrong."
"Creeping Ivy?"
"That's the gardener over there."
On the other side of the gardens, a pony looked up and waved. Then he got back to trimming the shrubbery sculpture of Tirek, who Celestia had imprisoned in Hades for ten thousand years.
"Uh," Celestia said, eyeing the pony's cutie mark. It was something abstract. Figures. "Um."
With a flash, a beam of light shot from her horn. Suddenly, in place of her advisor was a stone statue of a little pony.
Celestia rubbed her eyes with a hoof. "Oh dear. I should really apologize for that."
She paused, thinking.
"Maybe in another couple of centuries."
The night air was cool but not cold, just the right temperature to allow the shadowlilies to spread open, luminous petals reaching towards the sky. They spread out across the grass like a carpet, right up to the border of the imposing hedges where they made a striking contrast against the dark leaves.
Raven Quill followed behind Celestia, having to make two steps for her every one. Stillness stretched out as a soft blanket, so much so that when Raven broke the silence, it almost caught Celestia off guard. "Remind yourself of what?"
Celestia paused. Her elegant neck arched, tilting as she looked towards the sky, where the moon shone down between a scattering of low clouds. The dark image etched upon the moon's surface was all too familiar, even if ponies had already begun to forget. What once had been loud gossip had faded to whispers, and then simply myth.
"To remind myself of the past," Celestia said. She looked down again, wishing she could still shed a tear for her sister, but that acute grief had long ago dulled into a more sedate sorrow, locked in her heart. Instead, she continued onward into the garden, stopping at the base of a stone statue.
"Discord," Raven read aloud, looking up at the chimeric figure on the pedestal. She shivered.
Celestia's lips pressed in a thin line. This too was a decision that she had to recognize and live with. This too came with its share of regrets and might-have-beens. She could read a lot in the stone fangs of the master of chaos: pride and danger, but also joy and frivolity. "We must all remember the sacrifices we choose, both for ourselves and others," she whispered.
Raven had wandered over to look at another decorative plaque set into the ground. It was so old that dirt and grass obscured the face of the monument, and Raven had to hoof at it to read the engraving. "The Crystal Empire?"
Celestia let out the briefest of sighs. Some burdens were personal and others stretched to encompass thousands within their bounds. When balancing the scales of Equestria, are all ponies lives equal, nameless things to be measured against one another in pure utility? Or are some decisions always wrong, no matter what course is chosen?
Regardless, Celestia made a note to herself to see to the gardener about tending to this memorial. No decision should be forgotten, no price paid without being written in the ledger of her heart.
"Uh, Princess, it's just… Oh, but I couldn't ask…"
Celestia turned to Raven, smiling softly. "Go ahead, my little pony. Please."
"Well, it's just that I've read a lot about history and everything and…" Raven flushed red. "Don't you ever think you put an awful lot of your problems on hold without actually solving them?"
Celestia paused, momentarily stunned. Then she let out a laugh, the crystal clear sound catching Raven totally by surprise.
"I had never… Oh my."
Raven shuffled her hooves, not meeting Celestia's gaze. With one hoof, Celestia raised Raven's head to look into her eyes.
"You may be right, my little pony. And it's precisely that willingness to speak that sets you apart from the rest. I'm certainly glad that I chose you to be my next advisor, Raven Quill."
Raven froze.
Celestia raised an eyebrow.
"Th-thanks, Princess. But, uh, that's not my name."
Celestia blinked. "It's not?"
"Nope."
"Oh, of course! I'm so sorry, that was my previous advisor. Time makes fools of everypony, but that's something you'll learn with age too, Gingersnaps."
Gingersnaps (?) shook her head. "Not that either."
"Sable Spark?"
"Uh-uh."
"Lemony Gem?"
"Wrong."
"Creeping Ivy?"
"That's the gardener over there."
On the other side of the gardens, a pony looked up and waved. Then he got back to trimming the shrubbery sculpture of Tirek, who Celestia had imprisoned in Hades for ten thousand years.
"Uh," Celestia said, eyeing the pony's cutie mark. It was something abstract. Figures. "Um."
With a flash, a beam of light shot from her horn. Suddenly, in place of her advisor was a stone statue of a little pony.
Celestia rubbed her eyes with a hoof. "Oh dear. I should really apologize for that."
She paused, thinking.
"Maybe in another couple of centuries."
Beautiful. I had the whole "Welcome to Writeoff, Sad Sunbutt appears every round and is more overdone than a Golden Corral steak" and then it hit.
The actual resolution is not as funny as it could be, but this is how you execute a twist end. Good setup, good attention to detail, balances the tropes and draws me in for the strike. Good stuff, thanks for writing!
The actual resolution is not as funny as it could be, but this is how you execute a twist end. Good setup, good attention to detail, balances the tropes and draws me in for the strike. Good stuff, thanks for writing!
So, I laughed, but...
uh, what?
Or is this some unreliable narrator thing? If so, I'd suggest first-person, or much closer third. This totally threw me, and still only makes sense with what feels like a bit of a stretch.
Raven Quill followed behind Celestia, having to make two steps for her every one.
I'm certainly glad that I chose you to be my next advisor, Raven Quill."
"Th-thanks, Princess. But, uh, that's not my name."
uh, what?
Or is this some unreliable narrator thing? If so, I'd suggest first-person, or much closer third. This totally threw me, and still only makes sense with what feels like a bit of a stretch.
Doing my tour of stories with low count reviews.
Basically what >>Ranmilia said. A good twist of the overdone sad Celestia trope. While I was more surprised than amused, I must recognize that the execution is quite solid.
Now I wonder if this sentence was a clue for the twist:
Because it felt so much like LotR.
Basically what >>Ranmilia said. A good twist of the overdone sad Celestia trope. While I was more surprised than amused, I must recognize that the execution is quite solid.
Now I wonder if this sentence was a clue for the twist:
What once had been loud gossip had faded to whispers, and then simply myth.
Because it felt so much like LotR.
I really appreciated this story and was quite entertained by it. Not a laugh out loud kind of enjoyment, but you got certainly a giggle or two out of me.
The surprise was well prepared, you built up the right kind of expectations, and the prose itself was spot on. There isn't really much I can say, as the story does exactly what it intended to do. It isn't maybe as ambitious as some other entries, but it is rock solid and well written.
Thank you for it.
The surprise was well prepared, you built up the right kind of expectations, and the prose itself was spot on. There isn't really much I can say, as the story does exactly what it intended to do. It isn't maybe as ambitious as some other entries, but it is rock solid and well written.
Thank you for it.
Genre: Do The Twist
Thoughts: I have to say, I've reached the point where the twist endings in this Writeoff are getting to me. Consider this one: a lush and beautiful little story with gorgeous prose and striking depth and then the ending's all like, "Nope!"
This gets points for all the things it does well, which is everything before the end. Seriously, this had the makings of top-slate material. And like, you could totally do this idea and make a great story out of it. But as is, I can't get there.
Other reviews are making me think that it's just me who's seeing this in a troll light rather than as a comedy piece first and foremost. However, to some extent I think this has fallen victim to the limitations of the minific format. It's hard to pull off multiple tones in a single story in a minific round, and so much time is spent establishing the more serious tone that the swerve is much more jarring to me than I can follow emotionally.
Still, this gets points for being close to both either being a serious fic or a comedy.
Tier: Almost There
Thoughts: I have to say, I've reached the point where the twist endings in this Writeoff are getting to me. Consider this one: a lush and beautiful little story with gorgeous prose and striking depth and then the ending's all like, "Nope!"
This gets points for all the things it does well, which is everything before the end. Seriously, this had the makings of top-slate material. And like, you could totally do this idea and make a great story out of it. But as is, I can't get there.
Other reviews are making me think that it's just me who's seeing this in a troll light rather than as a comedy piece first and foremost. However, to some extent I think this has fallen victim to the limitations of the minific format. It's hard to pull off multiple tones in a single story in a minific round, and so much time is spent establishing the more serious tone that the swerve is much more jarring to me than I can follow emotionally.
Still, this gets points for being close to both either being a serious fic or a comedy.
Tier: Almost There
Go ahead, my little pony.
I love doing this in my stories. You get the Trixie Seal of Approval! :discordthumb:
I don't agree with >>CoffeeMinion at all on this one. I think the shift is perfect and does not deduct from the drama, precisely because it underscores the very problem Celestia has. This is a comical insight into her character, but there's something very serious behind it. I get a chuckle, but am left with a feeling of depth.
A couple of quibbles related to the timeline implications.
First, I'm guessing you intended to confuse the audience with Raven Quill instead of Raven Inkwell, but the name similarity made things pretty ambiguous as to your intent. I think it would make much more sense to make her Inkwell, then hint that she gets 'thawed' around the time Luna returns. Like, have the last thing she says be, "It's not Quill, it's Inkwell..." and then drop a clue about her return.
Second, I'm not sure Hades would get renamed to Tartarus, especially if it has the consistency to lodge somepony like Tirek for that long.
>>Trick_Question
I actually like the deep stuff very much here. The insight into Celestia's character is fair and well-presented. I guess the problem I have is specifically with turning mystery pone into stone and walking away thinking she'd deal with it in centuries. For me that goes OOC and into plain cruelty, which undercuts much of the value of exploring Celestia's character by being fundamentally at odds with her character.
I dunno.
I actually like the deep stuff very much here. The insight into Celestia's character is fair and well-presented. I guess the problem I have is specifically with turning mystery pone into stone and walking away thinking she'd deal with it in centuries. For me that goes OOC and into plain cruelty, which undercuts much of the value of exploring Celestia's character by being fundamentally at odds with her character.
I dunno.
>>CoffeeMinion
Ah, I see. I didn't think of it that way, which was my oversight.
I was thinking 'this pony had already dedicated her life to her new job so waking up in two centuries would be no big deal' but I forgot about family, etc.
Ah, I see. I didn't think of it that way, which was my oversight.
I was thinking 'this pony had already dedicated her life to her new job so waking up in two centuries would be no big deal' but I forgot about family, etc.
>>CoffeeMinion Yeah, same. I thought this was pretty moving, with the implication that Celestia was so long-lived that all her friends and familiar faces just blended together after a while, but then the story decided it was gonna be a comedy at the end, and I was like... something's been lost here.
It's like there are two stories based on two different interpretations of the same concept, and they've been mashed together into something that's... definitely funny... but not really organic.
It's like there are two stories based on two different interpretations of the same concept, and they've been mashed together into something that's... definitely funny... but not really organic.
Ah, procrastination at its finest.
This seems pretty squarely aimed at being silly, so I'm not sure that the fridge logic above really applies. I think that this is intentionally a comedy, so her casually leaving her there as a statue to put off dealing with the issue is funny.
This seems pretty squarely aimed at being silly, so I'm not sure that the fridge logic above really applies. I think that this is intentionally a comedy, so her casually leaving her there as a statue to put off dealing with the issue is funny.
A good twist, but I don't think the execution is quuuuuuuuuite punchy enough to really deliver. Might just be the hour, though. Took me two reads of the last handful of sentences to get the punchline, which really robbed it of its punch.
Prose needs a bit of cleaning, I think. While I generally assume the overwroughtness is intentional, it remains a little bit clunky instead of just merely overwrought, I think?
Still, I think this'll be pretty rad after a cleaning pass.
Prose needs a bit of cleaning, I think. While I generally assume the overwroughtness is intentional, it remains a little bit clunky instead of just merely overwrought, I think?
Still, I think this'll be pretty rad after a cleaning pass.