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I can't tell if this is supposed to be dark, a comedy, or a dark comedy... but I love it.
"Sorrow's Council"? "Hiemsurb"? Are you capturing Writeoffers and sealing their souls in cards here? :P ...or, is this a meta-commentary on 'writeoffs used to be more fun'? This feels like it wants to be comedy, like Yu-Gi-Oh abridged or something, but I think it's playing things too straight for that. Not that that can't work, but this feels like it's caught between being a drama and a comedy.
EDIT: Story references I noticed:
Donal's cards:
Sorrow's Council - Not_A_Hat - A Word of Warning
Agent of a Foreign Power - Cold in Gardez - Staring Into the Abyss
Reynard's Cards:
Hiemsurb - Anonymous - That Winter Feeling
Noblesse Oblige - Baal Bunny - Has That Always Been There?
Crepuscular - Xephyr - The Twilight Zone
The Path - Novel Idea - Rising From the Ashes
Also, google says Caorthannach is from Irish folklore. Also also, Reynard means fox, and he plays Vixens. Plusalso, I'd team up with CiG any day. Although if he's been sealed in a card, the only logical explanation is that Horizon is the bad guy. :P
EDIT: Story references I noticed:
Donal's cards:
Sorrow's Council - Not_A_Hat - A Word of Warning
Agent of a Foreign Power - Cold in Gardez - Staring Into the Abyss
Reynard's Cards:
Hiemsurb - Anonymous - That Winter Feeling
Noblesse Oblige - Baal Bunny - Has That Always Been There?
Crepuscular - Xephyr - The Twilight Zone
The Path - Novel Idea - Rising From the Ashes
Also, google says Caorthannach is from Irish folklore. Also also, Reynard means fox, and he plays Vixens. Plusalso, I'd team up with CiG any day. Although if he's been sealed in a card, the only logical explanation is that Horizon is the bad guy. :P
Goddammit. Not only is this amusing to me on a personal level, but the prose is also technically solid, and almost all the jokes land. My only recourse is to pick a fistfight with the author. Come at me, bro.
If I can lobby a critique of it, it's that the subject material probably won't resonate as strongly with people who have never played games like Magic the Gathering, or are a middle-aged French man . It's most likely too niche for the general write-off crowd.
The gimmick of adding other people's stories is a fun little touch. Story told good for the format, paced well, exposition unobtrusive, we have an ending that calls back to the themes established in the beginning. Textbook examples of writing for quality. Goddammit.
Probably the biggest weakness of this entry is the detail that goes into explaining how the functions of the cards work in the dialogue. I understand that this is a jab at every card game show ever, but to most people (especially those unfamiliar with MTG), their eyes will likely just glaze over and not get the in-joke. The extensive focus on creating these in-jokes I think will end up hurting this story's ratings with other people.
Also this is a comedy. I don't know how anyone could be mistaken on that. The joke is the contrast between the drawn out, over the top Donal with the blase and grounded straight-man Reynard, in a somewhat affectionate parody of television shows like Yu-Gi-Oh. This isn't rocket science, guys.
If I can lobby a critique of it, it's that the subject material probably won't resonate as strongly with people who have never played games like Magic the Gathering, or are a middle-aged French man . It's most likely too niche for the general write-off crowd.
The gimmick of adding other people's stories is a fun little touch. Story told good for the format, paced well, exposition unobtrusive, we have an ending that calls back to the themes established in the beginning. Textbook examples of writing for quality. Goddammit.
Probably the biggest weakness of this entry is the detail that goes into explaining how the functions of the cards work in the dialogue. I understand that this is a jab at every card game show ever, but to most people (especially those unfamiliar with MTG), their eyes will likely just glaze over and not get the in-joke. The extensive focus on creating these in-jokes I think will end up hurting this story's ratings with other people.
Also this is a comedy. I don't know how anyone could be mistaken on that. The joke is the contrast between the drawn out, over the top Donal with the blase and grounded straight-man Reynard, in a somewhat affectionate parody of television shows like Yu-Gi-Oh. This isn't rocket science, guys.
I actually laughed at this. Someone getting annoyed that a card game has become the Yu-Gi-Oh show or whatever (I've never watched Yu-Gi-Oh, I just am assuming that's sort of what this is poking fun at) is amusing, and the idea of someone getting annoyed that some DARK DUELLIST is using broken new cards to try and beat them, as well as getting screwed by topdecking a land CRYSTAL is amusing.
Anyway, this worked well for me. I'm familiar with a number of card games and this was darkly amusing. The whole blazeness of it all, the player complaining... it all just worked really well.
Anyway, this worked well for me. I'm familiar with a number of card games and this was darkly amusing. The whole blazeness of it all, the player complaining... it all just worked really well.
I think the story is technically fine. It's supposed to be a comedy with the over the top antagonist and all. I didn't personally find it funny. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I don't play card games, watch card games, watch shows about card games etc.
So, when I read the story it didn't draw me in in the slightest. I'm sure this story will have its fans and I'm sure it will do well with folks. It just didn't work for me.
So, when I read the story it didn't draw me in in the slightest. I'm sure this story will have its fans and I'm sure it will do well with folks. It just didn't work for me.
At last, #32, the end of the list for me. .... And it's ANOTHER meta gaming deal? Huh. Interesting that we have two. Well, my comments for this are pretty much the same as for that, but I don't want to just up and spoil which one that was so hrm.
This is a gimmick. It's funny once you get the gimmick, and not very fun if you don't. The skeleton otherwise is... skeletal, so once you get the gimmick and get your laughs from it, there's not too much else to see. The plot really is just "two guys play a card game and one of them wins." This is a bit better than the other game one, it has some references that resonate a bit more generally, but still on the weak side as an overall entry. Gets its smiles and takes its leave. Thanks for writing, though!
This is a gimmick. It's funny once you get the gimmick, and not very fun if you don't. The skeleton otherwise is... skeletal, so once you get the gimmick and get your laughs from it, there's not too much else to see. The plot really is just "two guys play a card game and one of them wins." This is a bit better than the other game one, it has some references that resonate a bit more generally, but still on the weak side as an overall entry. Gets its smiles and takes its leave. Thanks for writing, though!
I’m with >>Misternick and >>Ranmilia here. As >>Cassius correctly suspected, this left me totally unconcerned.
Now we both had a short but interesting bantering about this fic and Laborious. Both are clearly “insiders’” fics that take for granted that the reader is familiar with a background. Cassius thinks Laborious is highbrow and this one is much more funny and relatable to.
While I can easily see where Cassius comes from, I can’t agree. Laborious builds on a part of our cultural heritage that we should all be familiar with, at least everyone interested in literature, and if they doesn't, it is quite easy to find out the info that underpins the story (which does not mean you can grasp its meaning as easily, but at least you can muster the necessary elements to).
This story, on the other hand, appeals only to a tiny demographics which is familiar with MtG. Acquiring the knowledge to be able to enjoy this story would mean learn how to play, and prolly play a bunch of games, too. The WriteOff references are fun, but here also, you're pandering to a minute audience, and one could even accuse you of flouting the rules in the sense that this fic is meaningless outside that very narrow context. It’s like a pony fic, except it doesn't feature pony, but writers. l
For all these reasons, I can't rate that fic very high in my slate. Sorry author. (That being said, this story is my current bet for the most controversial award).
Now we both had a short but interesting bantering about this fic and Laborious. Both are clearly “insiders’” fics that take for granted that the reader is familiar with a background. Cassius thinks Laborious is highbrow and this one is much more funny and relatable to.
While I can easily see where Cassius comes from, I can’t agree. Laborious builds on a part of our cultural heritage that we should all be familiar with, at least everyone interested in literature, and if they doesn't, it is quite easy to find out the info that underpins the story (which does not mean you can grasp its meaning as easily, but at least you can muster the necessary elements to).
This story, on the other hand, appeals only to a tiny demographics which is familiar with MtG. Acquiring the knowledge to be able to enjoy this story would mean learn how to play, and prolly play a bunch of games, too. The WriteOff references are fun, but here also, you're pandering to a minute audience, and one could even accuse you of flouting the rules in the sense that this fic is meaningless outside that very narrow context. It’s like a pony fic, except it doesn't feature pony, but writers. l
For all these reasons, I can't rate that fic very high in my slate. Sorry author. (That being said, this story is my current bet for the most controversial award).
I wanted to think of something clever and insightful to say here because I love me some gaming based writing, but I got nothing.
Basically, take >>Ranmilia's review, stick it here, and pretend I wrote it.
Basically, take >>Ranmilia's review, stick it here, and pretend I wrote it.
Right, I need to do one of these retrospective things that no one reads.
Uh... I certainly didn't expect to win a medal with this. Not because I was unhappy with it or thought it was bad or anything, but more because I just thought the appeal of this story was going to be pretty limited because it pretty much requires you both be familiar with CCGs AND enjoy YGO. I didn't think the story would totally flop after Galactic Conquest had a shocking number of people identify Twilight Imperium, but still.
Honestly, there is less to say here than you'd expect this time around. I like tabletop stuff. I started playing MtG back in FALLEN EMPIRES. I've played tons of other CCGs since. I enjoy the YGO anime immensely because I feel it is everything a show about card games should be: stupid and over the top. I have, in fact, been watching YGO GX while taking care of my daughter which is why writing something about card games has been on my brain. Honestly, I think the show's biggest flaw is it doesn't really hammer home some of the more entertaining possibilities for card games (for example, losing to terrible topdecks - as presented here).
Basically, I've long wanted to do something that better mingles the... mundanity of card games with the extreme silliness of YGO. For example, they are actually sitting a table, a detail I couldn't quite get in the way I wanted, which is just a silly image. Seriously, imagine your local card shop and a goddamn Nazgul looking thing is sitting there flopping cards. Besides, I've been wanting to experiment with games as the subject of stories more because... well, I love games.
So here we are. Game design is a weird combo of Magic and Legend of the Five Rings (which has been on my brain because the LCG was finally getting concrete a week or so after the Writeoff started), with the aesthetics of an anime game (high tribal themes, etc).
This story is LOADED with referential bullshit, because I was feeling cheeky. So let's get to that.
Donal was a quick pull from Irish as the card game's background is being based on druidic traditions (hence the rezzing of Caorthannach, an Irish devil... for values of hence). Reynard is following the proud YGO tradition of having a name that is stupidly tied to your deck type. Vixens for his deck was originally picked because I wanted to see how aggressively I could earmark a story as containing elements from other things I've written, and demi-human gals are a pretty common thing for me.
Speaking of earmarking a story as mine, I had originally intended to actually make each card an subtle (airquotes maybe) reference to one of my Writeoff stories, (for example, Vixen Paladin for Fox, Flame & Frozen Blade, Unfortunate Accident for Ars Vivendi, Late Night Music for Music After Midnight, etc), but I decided that might be pushing the bounds of rules acceptability, so I decided to just be cute and reference OTHER Writeoff stories. The full list (Hat ALMOST got them all):
The Path - Novel Idea - Rising From the Ashes
Agent of a Foreign Power - Cold in Gardez - Staring Into the Abyss
Fortune - PaulAsaran - Staring Into the Abyss
Crepuscular - Xephyr - The Twilight Zone
Greatness - Cassius - The Endless Struggle
Noblesse Oblige - Baal Bunny - Has That Always Been There?
Hiemsurb - Anonymous - That Winter Feeling
Sorrow's Council - Not_A_Hat - A Word of Warning
Apologies to all of you. Hopefully I offended no one and amused at least a couple of you. Originally I had been planning to use one story from every round I'd been in, but I again started to wonder if that was being too cheeky, then I lost the list of names I wanted to use, and everything was just terrible, so I just used those.
And... that's it. I had to actually do some aggressive word chopping to reach the requirements because, shockingly, having to narrate game effects eats space. Kind of a unique card game issue.
>>MLPmatthewl419
It's pure comedy. If you're worried about Reynard's ultimate fate, he does not have to spend the rest of eternity trapped as Fortune, Vixen Heroine. He and the others turn against Donal, giving the main protagonist an extra turn (which is totally unfair and cheating in every form) to pull out the win, freeing their souls and stopping Conny's resurrection.
He learns nothing and continues to play with a deck comprised entirely of underdressed fox-girls.
>>Not_A_Hat
I can sort of see the complaint re: drama vs comedy, primarily because I wanted to take the opposite approach to mocking YGO and the like by sandbagging the silliness, rather than play up the silliness. That's why I ran Reynard as such a straight man.
Good job on sorting most of my little referential amusements! :p
>>Cassius
Cassius pretty accurately states my expected results on this story.
I am sad to say that the explaining cards was not, in fact, a jab at the genre but more me exploring how you actually do this sort of thing. I still, honestly, have no idea how you really approach writing a non-action game (especially a non-real one). And yeah, the parody here is hugely affectionate.
EDIT: Fight me, bro.
>>TitaniumDragon
Thankies!
>>Misternick
I sort of expected more of this sort of review. >>
>>Ranmilia
</3 (But I really can't disagree with anything said here)
>>Monokeras
I would have been SHOCKED had you not bottom or near-bottom slated this. I think I'm predisposed to write stories that don't work for you, and consider it a bit exceptional when I do.
>>AndrewRogue
Fake reviews are hard.
Uh... I certainly didn't expect to win a medal with this. Not because I was unhappy with it or thought it was bad or anything, but more because I just thought the appeal of this story was going to be pretty limited because it pretty much requires you both be familiar with CCGs AND enjoy YGO. I didn't think the story would totally flop after Galactic Conquest had a shocking number of people identify Twilight Imperium, but still.
Honestly, there is less to say here than you'd expect this time around. I like tabletop stuff. I started playing MtG back in FALLEN EMPIRES. I've played tons of other CCGs since. I enjoy the YGO anime immensely because I feel it is everything a show about card games should be: stupid and over the top. I have, in fact, been watching YGO GX while taking care of my daughter which is why writing something about card games has been on my brain. Honestly, I think the show's biggest flaw is it doesn't really hammer home some of the more entertaining possibilities for card games (for example, losing to terrible topdecks - as presented here).
Basically, I've long wanted to do something that better mingles the... mundanity of card games with the extreme silliness of YGO. For example, they are actually sitting a table, a detail I couldn't quite get in the way I wanted, which is just a silly image. Seriously, imagine your local card shop and a goddamn Nazgul looking thing is sitting there flopping cards. Besides, I've been wanting to experiment with games as the subject of stories more because... well, I love games.
So here we are. Game design is a weird combo of Magic and Legend of the Five Rings (which has been on my brain because the LCG was finally getting concrete a week or so after the Writeoff started), with the aesthetics of an anime game (high tribal themes, etc).
This story is LOADED with referential bullshit, because I was feeling cheeky. So let's get to that.
Donal was a quick pull from Irish as the card game's background is being based on druidic traditions (hence the rezzing of Caorthannach, an Irish devil... for values of hence). Reynard is following the proud YGO tradition of having a name that is stupidly tied to your deck type. Vixens for his deck was originally picked because I wanted to see how aggressively I could earmark a story as containing elements from other things I've written, and demi-human gals are a pretty common thing for me.
Speaking of earmarking a story as mine, I had originally intended to actually make each card an subtle (airquotes maybe) reference to one of my Writeoff stories, (for example, Vixen Paladin for Fox, Flame & Frozen Blade, Unfortunate Accident for Ars Vivendi, Late Night Music for Music After Midnight, etc), but I decided that might be pushing the bounds of rules acceptability, so I decided to just be cute and reference OTHER Writeoff stories. The full list (Hat ALMOST got them all):
The Path - Novel Idea - Rising From the Ashes
Agent of a Foreign Power - Cold in Gardez - Staring Into the Abyss
Fortune - PaulAsaran - Staring Into the Abyss
Crepuscular - Xephyr - The Twilight Zone
Greatness - Cassius - The Endless Struggle
Noblesse Oblige - Baal Bunny - Has That Always Been There?
Hiemsurb - Anonymous - That Winter Feeling
Sorrow's Council - Not_A_Hat - A Word of Warning
Apologies to all of you. Hopefully I offended no one and amused at least a couple of you. Originally I had been planning to use one story from every round I'd been in, but I again started to wonder if that was being too cheeky, then I lost the list of names I wanted to use, and everything was just terrible, so I just used those.
And... that's it. I had to actually do some aggressive word chopping to reach the requirements because, shockingly, having to narrate game effects eats space. Kind of a unique card game issue.
>>MLPmatthewl419
It's pure comedy. If you're worried about Reynard's ultimate fate, he does not have to spend the rest of eternity trapped as Fortune, Vixen Heroine. He and the others turn against Donal, giving the main protagonist an extra turn (which is totally unfair and cheating in every form) to pull out the win, freeing their souls and stopping Conny's resurrection.
He learns nothing and continues to play with a deck comprised entirely of underdressed fox-girls.
>>Not_A_Hat
I can sort of see the complaint re: drama vs comedy, primarily because I wanted to take the opposite approach to mocking YGO and the like by sandbagging the silliness, rather than play up the silliness. That's why I ran Reynard as such a straight man.
Good job on sorting most of my little referential amusements! :p
>>Cassius
Cassius pretty accurately states my expected results on this story.
I am sad to say that the explaining cards was not, in fact, a jab at the genre but more me exploring how you actually do this sort of thing. I still, honestly, have no idea how you really approach writing a non-action game (especially a non-real one). And yeah, the parody here is hugely affectionate.
EDIT: Fight me, bro.
>>TitaniumDragon
Thankies!
>>Misternick
I sort of expected more of this sort of review. >>
>>Ranmilia
</3 (But I really can't disagree with anything said here)
>>Monokeras
I would have been SHOCKED had you not bottom or near-bottom slated this. I think I'm predisposed to write stories that don't work for you, and consider it a bit exceptional when I do.
>>AndrewRogue
Fake reviews are hard.