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Rising From the Ashes · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
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Mortality
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#1 · 1
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa
Hmmm, very interesting.

Drawing, colors, subject and visual expression are well handled. Very inspiring. Still don't know if I'll choose it for writing but it has earned its potential place.

Top-tier contender.

PS: that music immediately came to my mind when I saw it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyknBTm_YyM
#2 · 1
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa
Huh. I guess he's offering a hoof? The forelegs on the skeleton look weird to me, like they're missing the feet, but I guess I'm not used to looking at bones.

The background draws more attention than it should, I think, because it's got an obviously repeating pattern. Softening that, or scaling it up, might bring the focus into the foreground more strongly.

If I'm supposed to know who that pony is, I'm missing it.

Very nicely done on the technical side. The lines are good, the proportions seem very well done, and the colors work well. Composition - wise, I'm not sure it's quite as strong, since I'm not entirely certain how they're interacting, but it's still very good; they obviously are interacting, and Green Suit is obviously (and understandably) shocked because of it.
#3 · 1
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa
This art style seems very familiar to me, but I can't remember who it might be.

I also feel like I should recognize that pony, but I don't.

Even after looking at some pictures of horse skeletons, I don't really know what's going on with those legs. I think it's missing a few bones on the one that we can see fully. Then again, that could be a plot hook for someone.

And are those ponies supposed to be anthro? If so, maybe you should make that a bit more clear (the position of the left arm seems a bit off, for example). If not, maybe you should make that a bit more clear (the fact that they're both upright and the glove both suggest anthro to me). And if you were trying to be ambiguous...good job.
(On that note, I can't recall ever seeing an anthro story in a writeoff. Huh.)
#4 · 1
· · >>QuillScratch >>Zaid Val'Roa
I like the skeleton. I like the poses.

I'm not a huge fan of the background, though; I'm not sure what it is supposed to be. I also feel like, while the pony's outfit is nice, I'm not super fond of the pony's actual flesh.

That said, this is going up near the top of my rankings.
#5 · 3
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa
>>TitaniumDragon
The background looks like an unfocused wallpaper pattern to me. Similar patterns aren't uncommon—this one (edit: four months later, I return to discover that the image hosted at that link has changed completely. Oops.) showed up on my first page of google results!—and match the general airs of pretentiousness I'm getting from the outfit.
#6 · 1
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa
If you were attempting to give me a chilling feeling with that background, then nice job. If you weren't... well... you should work on it. Given the foreground, though, I'm pretty sure it's the former.
#7 · 3
·
@caption_rates
This is a Spotted Poefoot Monologue. Extinct in the wild since the 1840s, but a breeding program in poetry magazines has preserved the beauty of the species for future generations. 14/10
#8 · 1
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa
Dear artist,

I don't know if you caught me mention this in the Discord chat a while back, but I very nearly entered a story based on this pic. It really inspired me, and I'm hoping to expand on what I wrote for fimfiction. This is easily one of my favourites this round, and I just wanted you to know that before the time ran out! <3
#9 · 1
·
I feel as though the pony skeleton's arm is missing a few bones to make it complete. Probably intentional, but it's taking a lot of my focus.

Craft-wise, I think this is spectacular. The proportions are perfect, and the vertebrae look super realistic. I don't know if I'm a fan of the background and symmetric composition though, but that's just personal preference of course.
#10 · 2
· · >>Zaid Val'Roa
I practiced a policy of not reviewing all the art for this round to make it harder to guess which ones I did. This was perhaps overprecaution in retrospect. I regret now that this was one of the ones I skipped reviewing.

This piece was number one for me. I love the characterization, the expressions and the execution, the little details like the hoofglove with a strap, the gorgeous rendition of a pony skeleton, the suggestion of ominous faces in the background. This one should have gotten a medal. Thank you for creating it, Zaid, and I hope to see more of your work.
#11 · 4
· · >>CoffeeMinion >>MLPmatthewl419
What do you mean it's already April, why didn't anybody tell me? Oh, well. Overdue retrospective incoming.

I didn't have much time to draw, otherwise I would have tried a few more sketches with the stallion and the skeleton in different poses and with better composition. Under my circumstances--about three hours of leisure time a day--I decided to run with my very first draft. Also, as I drew this a story idea popped up in my mind, and I believe thinking about that particular story may have influenced in the way the drawing developed, and in turn made it not as great as a general inspiration piece. Sorry about that.

Here's my story idea, which I'll eventually write: Imagine an Equestrian scientist in whatever the equivalent to the Victorian era was for ponies. In an effort to find a way to immortality, they experimented with imbuing ponies with the magic essence of phoenixes. In a shocking twist of events, it backfires (heh) and it creates fire undead ponies. Pony dies, burst into flames, keeps going because of the phoenix magic, but doesn't quite regenerate because equine and avian magic don't mix and is left as shell of who it used to be filled with pain and regret.

Think less zombie apocalypse and more existential dread and wondering about the nature of life--Hence the horrified expression of the other pony--and lots of incidental killing as well.

I was also thinking about ways of tying it to the core of current FiM canon. Fast forward to the present, and some cult/idiot passer-by releases the same disease/curse/whatever, and it's up to Twilight and the M6 to figure out how to solve it and find out how the ponies from the past solved it. Both the past and present stories would develop simultaneously, probably alternating every chapter.

I'd have to polish this idea much more before it can become something readable, as well as deciding if I want to keep it a self-contained story about Equestria's past.

I'm still more or less satisfied with how this image turned out save for a few points that I'll mention in a moment.

First off, thanks for your kind words and general feedback.

>>Fenton
How curious, I was listening to Funeral March for a Marionette while colouring it.

>>Not_A_Hat
>>The_Letter_J
like they're missing the feet

Ok, funny story about doing the best with what you got. I drew the skeleton using pics off of Google as a reference, but as I drew the leg, I realised I drew it out of proportion in comparison with the pony in front of it. Instead of erasing it and trying again (because I pressed the pencil a bit too hard) I decided to show the bone slowly fading into ashes, thus better tying it to the prompt. However, the result didn't translate too well to digital and I had to scrap it.

Whoops.

Also, they're not supposed to be anthro, I just drew them sitting too upright. Had I had the time to properly draw the hind legs, perhaps this whole misunderstanding could've been avoide but alas, lack of time.


>>TitaniumDragon
>>QuillScratch
>>Kritten
Ah, yes. The background. Remember how I said I had to scratch the idea of the bones fading into ash? Yeah, the background is another aspect I had to discard lest I missed the deadline. In the end I did have to use a random victorian wallpaper and start tinkering with it in Photoshop so I could present something other than just a blank background, which may have worked if I had tried a solid color with some minor shading.

A similar background is what I had in mind for the final piece, but actually drawn, and with other elements that tied the idea of "old-timey science experiment gone wrong" in a better way.

>>QuillScratch
>>GroaningGreyAgony
I glad you liked it so much. I only wish I could've polished it up a bit more. Maybe I'll get to that once I write out the story I have in mind.

Anyway, even if this inspired no stories--yet--I sitll had a lot of fun, and I'll definitely try to draw again, and maybe actually write something!

I wish the best to those still in the running!
#12 · 1
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>>Zaid Val'Roa
That story concept sounds awesome. :coolphoto:
#13 · 1
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>>Zaid Val'Roa
Ya know, that story concept does sound amazing. You should work on that one day.