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Manifest Destiny
With every Crystalling the Crystal Heart grew stronger. Thus the borders of the empire expanded, some dozens of meters for each newborn. By the fifth year of Princess Cadance’s rule, warm weather could be felt throughout the peaceful vale the empire was nestled within. By the seventh, homes and farmsteads were built atop the foothills of the Yaket Range.
On the day of the 382nd Crystalling (by Cadance Reckoning), sunlight touched the root of Mount Everhoof for the first time in uncounted millennia.
Three days later, the crystal ponies awoke to find themselves under siege.
Gigantic bipedal creatures of blue-white ice lined the northern border of the empire. They stood over a hundred hooves high, all hard angles and sharp features. They made no move to enter the empire, but their sudden appearance was impossible to ignore.
The Royal Guard mobilized to maintain a perimeter as the denizens of the northern reach fled into the city. Grand Wizard Sunburst was summoned to court and tasked by Prince Shining Armor himself to discover the creatures’ intent, and find a solution if they proved hostile. Sunburst departed at once, while the prince stayed behind to assist Princess Cadance with the preparations for the Crystalling of their newborn son.
Sunburst arrived at the northern border to find a frigid stalemate. The ice giants had advanced no farther than the line of permafrost that marked the edge of the Crystal Heart’s influence, while the guardsponies stood at rapt attention on thawed ground.
A howling sleet storm raged above the giants, but where Sunburst stood, there was little more than a cool breeze to take the edge off the warm sunlight upon his back. He cleared his throat, opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again as he craned his neck back to address the closest giant.
“Hello,” he managed to croak. He cleared his throat again. “W-what, ah, what can I do for you?” He winced at a snort from a guard behind him.
The next giant over detached himself from the line and moved towards Sunburst, joints cracking and groaning beneath the weight of its ponderous gait. Sunburst heard the guards behind him stiffen as they readied their weapons.
It halted at the edge of the sunlight a dozen hoofsteps before him, and with a groan, knelt down. In a voice akin to a calving glacier, it said, “You are killing us. Please stop.”
Sunburst blinked. “Um, what?”
There was an audible crunch as the giant spoke again. “Your lands are not our lands. We cannot live in the heat. We cannot abide the sun.” As it spoke, small chunks of ice shaved off its face and fell to the thawing ground below. “The ground softens. We soften. We rot, and we die.”
Sunburst looked closer at the giant. Its ice was brittle and pitted, and he could see trickles of water start to slough off of its broad back and shoulders. As he realized the giant was melting away before him, he sputtered, “Then go! Don’t stay out here in the sun, go back north! Stay where the weather is still cold!”
The giant shook its head as it stood. “This mountain is the last of our home. There is nowhere else to go.” Its shoulder creaked as it pointed to the west. “The yaks kill us.” It pointed north. “Beyond these mountains lies the sea. Your lands grow larger with every moon.” Water streamed off of its limbs as it stepped back beyond the Crystal Heart’s reach.
Something clicked in Sunburst’s mind, and his eyes widened as he shouted, “No! No no, you have to leave! Now!”
Again, the giant shook its head. “We have to make ponies see. Perhaps you will stop if you see us.”
Sunburst stepped forward. “No, you don’t understand, you have to–”
A wall of blue-white light raced up from the south, shoving back the heavy black clouds by a half kilometer. It tingled as it lent Sunburst’s coat a prismatic tint, but it slammed into the ice giants with the force of a tidal wave. As one, they staggered back a step, then collapsed in on themselves with a crash.
Sunburst stood agape as rivulets of water traced paths past his hooves.
In the coming years, the crystal ponies would learn that crops would never taste so sweet as when they were grown from the soil on which the ice giants died.
On the day of the 382nd Crystalling (by Cadance Reckoning), sunlight touched the root of Mount Everhoof for the first time in uncounted millennia.
Three days later, the crystal ponies awoke to find themselves under siege.
Gigantic bipedal creatures of blue-white ice lined the northern border of the empire. They stood over a hundred hooves high, all hard angles and sharp features. They made no move to enter the empire, but their sudden appearance was impossible to ignore.
The Royal Guard mobilized to maintain a perimeter as the denizens of the northern reach fled into the city. Grand Wizard Sunburst was summoned to court and tasked by Prince Shining Armor himself to discover the creatures’ intent, and find a solution if they proved hostile. Sunburst departed at once, while the prince stayed behind to assist Princess Cadance with the preparations for the Crystalling of their newborn son.
Sunburst arrived at the northern border to find a frigid stalemate. The ice giants had advanced no farther than the line of permafrost that marked the edge of the Crystal Heart’s influence, while the guardsponies stood at rapt attention on thawed ground.
A howling sleet storm raged above the giants, but where Sunburst stood, there was little more than a cool breeze to take the edge off the warm sunlight upon his back. He cleared his throat, opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again as he craned his neck back to address the closest giant.
“Hello,” he managed to croak. He cleared his throat again. “W-what, ah, what can I do for you?” He winced at a snort from a guard behind him.
The next giant over detached himself from the line and moved towards Sunburst, joints cracking and groaning beneath the weight of its ponderous gait. Sunburst heard the guards behind him stiffen as they readied their weapons.
It halted at the edge of the sunlight a dozen hoofsteps before him, and with a groan, knelt down. In a voice akin to a calving glacier, it said, “You are killing us. Please stop.”
Sunburst blinked. “Um, what?”
There was an audible crunch as the giant spoke again. “Your lands are not our lands. We cannot live in the heat. We cannot abide the sun.” As it spoke, small chunks of ice shaved off its face and fell to the thawing ground below. “The ground softens. We soften. We rot, and we die.”
Sunburst looked closer at the giant. Its ice was brittle and pitted, and he could see trickles of water start to slough off of its broad back and shoulders. As he realized the giant was melting away before him, he sputtered, “Then go! Don’t stay out here in the sun, go back north! Stay where the weather is still cold!”
The giant shook its head as it stood. “This mountain is the last of our home. There is nowhere else to go.” Its shoulder creaked as it pointed to the west. “The yaks kill us.” It pointed north. “Beyond these mountains lies the sea. Your lands grow larger with every moon.” Water streamed off of its limbs as it stepped back beyond the Crystal Heart’s reach.
Something clicked in Sunburst’s mind, and his eyes widened as he shouted, “No! No no, you have to leave! Now!”
Again, the giant shook its head. “We have to make ponies see. Perhaps you will stop if you see us.”
Sunburst stepped forward. “No, you don’t understand, you have to–”
A wall of blue-white light raced up from the south, shoving back the heavy black clouds by a half kilometer. It tingled as it lent Sunburst’s coat a prismatic tint, but it slammed into the ice giants with the force of a tidal wave. As one, they staggered back a step, then collapsed in on themselves with a crash.
Sunburst stood agape as rivulets of water traced paths past his hooves.
In the coming years, the crystal ponies would learn that crops would never taste so sweet as when they were grown from the soil on which the ice giants died.
The concept of this story is fantastic but I feel as if the conversation should have had more of an impact or been drawn out a bit more. It is only a few lines and then the story ends really abruptly.
That being said, this is really good.
That being said, this is really good.
Grand Wizard Sunburst
uhhhhhhhh
Otherwise, yeah, this was pretty cool. I'm not sure about the title—Manifest Destiny was more purposefully cruel than this—but it is terribly tragic, and I always love a well-written Sunburst. Prose is cool, and I like the ice giants as peaceful, rather than angry invader-types. Coolio. I'll be happy to see this go up on FiM.
EDIT:
Fridge Thought: Do they say in the show that there's a time limit for Crystallings? Like, a baby needs to go through the ceremony within a certain time period after birth? If not, why would they schedule a Crystalling, knowing that they're obviously at the brink of war because of the Crystallings?
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
For what does happen, Grand Wizard does fit the tone. Considering the last sentence, the crystal ponies don't seem too perturbed.
For what does happen, Grand Wizard does fit the tone. Considering the last sentence, the crystal ponies don't seem too perturbed.
>>bloons3
If it turns out that was intention, I will eat at least 1/28th of a sock. Also, I will still argue against it.
If it turns out that was intention, I will eat at least 1/28th of a sock. Also, I will still argue against it.
Damn, that was good. The only thing I can think of is to add more, as it feels kinda short. I really hope this goes onto Fimfic.
Tier: Top contender.
Tier: Top contender.
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
That was my reading too, that the ponies didn't realize (and were horrified when they found out) what they were doing. I think the last line was the "cold comfort" part of the fic.
Makes for a sad but powerful story, IMHO.
That was my reading too, that the ponies didn't realize (and were horrified when they found out) what they were doing. I think the last line was the "cold comfort" part of the fic.
Makes for a sad but powerful story, IMHO.
Solidly well done, but I get hung up on the point that maybe the ice giants should have mentioned something -before- the next advancement meant genocide. Like, there is solid stuff here, and ignorance of the damage caused is a thing worthy of consideration, but I can't help feeling a bit... well... "You had like, 7 years to bring this up, ice giants." And then I kinda fridge logic into thinking that maybe we should be considering the horrifying environmental effects of pony global warming in general, because boy is that area gonna explode - or not, because weird pony relationship with nature.
Also, what part of Sunburst makes him at all qualified to potentially negotiate with a hostile force? I mean, he's an awkward nerd AND not that great at magic. He doesn't have a ton to offer on his own! :p
Anyhow. That kind of sums it up, really. There is some good prose and clever stuff in here, but it runs into the problem of making me think and then having me immediately trip over that thinking.
Also, what part of Sunburst makes him at all qualified to potentially negotiate with a hostile force? I mean, he's an awkward nerd AND not that great at magic. He doesn't have a ton to offer on his own! :p
Anyhow. That kind of sums it up, really. There is some good prose and clever stuff in here, but it runs into the problem of making me think and then having me immediately trip over that thinking.
This was pretty good. Hindsight makes me wonder what they were thinking, though; if the Ice Giants were obviously staying just outside the border, and they knew they Crystaling would expand the border, then even without knowing the expansion would kill them, sending Sunburst to negotiate just as the border expanded seems a bit... like strong-arm tactics at best, and throwing your negotiator into a pinch at worst. The story still worked for me, but in hindsight, that seems like the sort of thing Shining or Cadence should have taken into account, unless they had no choice in the matter. I dunno. Maybe the Ice Giants were closer than they'd thought?
The twist is well set-up in text, though, and it has a good impact. It wasn't until I was done reading that I wondered about that.
The twist is well set-up in text, though, and it has a good impact. It wasn't until I was done reading that I wondered about that.
Pretty good. I was momentarily reminded of the events in Cynewulf's The Night is Passing. Although I question why the giants didn't bother to say anything in all this time, or why Shining and Cadance would continue with the Crystalling when it's abundantly clear that the expansion of the empire's borders is what caught the giant's attention in the first place. And that ending line feels more 'slapped on' than anything.
Still, overall a pretty good story. Definitely one of the better ones for this round.
Still, overall a pretty good story. Definitely one of the better ones for this round.
This story was superbly written. I feel like a lot of the issues with it stem from the fact that it was forced to become a minific. I'm not saying this should become an epic—but like a decent number of other fics I really liked this round, this one could benefit from some minor tweaking and added context that would push it to just over a thousand words to make it something incredible.
Great job with this one.
Great job with this one.
Manifest Destiny - A Retrospective
Congrats to Cold in Gardez, Haze, and Pascoite on their medals!
>>Whitbane
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>bloons3
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Bremen
>>AndrewRogue
>>Not_A_Hat
>>PaulAsaran
>>regidar
Wow! I’m really pleased with how well received this story was, as well as the amount of great feedback it received! It’s a pretty huge confidence boost to have the first story I write for the Writetoff in over a year be my best ranked story yet. Doubly so, considering how many amazing stories there were this round!
There were a few comments wondering why x faction didn’t just act on y information, which tells me I didn’t do a good job of conveying the root nature of the conflict: noone really knew anything. As far as the giants knew, the Brightlands expanded at seemingly random intervals for no apparent reason, and the citizens of the Crystal Empire didn’t even know the ice giants existed until that very morning. And it’s worth pointing out that most Crystallings don’t involve the entire empire showing up en masse to empower the Crystal Heart, so the expansion of the borders would have been a gradual thing. The giants had no way of knowing that they were putting themselves in such a hopeless situation until it was too late. I think one of the main flaws of the story is that I'm relying too much on comparatively minor notes of the Crystalling episodes as being important to the plot.
As for why the Crystalling continued as planned in the face of a perceived impending invasion, well, the Crystal Heart is an artifact that is empowered to protect the Empire - it’s explicitly stated at the beginning of S6E1. Not to mention performing a Royal Crystalling wound up saving the empire from certain doom last time around, so Shining Armor and Cadance decided to play what they perceived to be a safe hand while simultaneously keeping up the morale of the populace.
All of this is stuff I plan on expanding on in the updated story, rather than crossing my fingers that the implicature would come across like I did here. A lot of you said that the piece feels rushed/short/cramped, which is true - I look forward to having the opportunity to give things more breathing room when I update it for Fimfiction. I have a lot to think about, but I have a decent idea of where to start shoring things up.
Oh, and regarding this:
Court Wizard! Court Wizard, damn it all! I could have sworn someone teasingly addressed Sunburst by that title at some point during those episodes, but of course DHX wouldn’t be that colossally stupid. -_- I can’t believe I completely forgot that Grand Wizard, as a title, has been indelibly ruined. Anyhoo, thanks for pointing that out, Dubs. No sock-eating necessary. ^^
Thanks again, everypony! I’ll see you all next round!
Congrats to Cold in Gardez, Haze, and Pascoite on their medals!
>>Whitbane
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>bloons3
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Bremen
>>AndrewRogue
>>Not_A_Hat
>>PaulAsaran
>>regidar
Wow! I’m really pleased with how well received this story was, as well as the amount of great feedback it received! It’s a pretty huge confidence boost to have the first story I write for the Writetoff in over a year be my best ranked story yet. Doubly so, considering how many amazing stories there were this round!
There were a few comments wondering why x faction didn’t just act on y information, which tells me I didn’t do a good job of conveying the root nature of the conflict: noone really knew anything. As far as the giants knew, the Brightlands expanded at seemingly random intervals for no apparent reason, and the citizens of the Crystal Empire didn’t even know the ice giants existed until that very morning. And it’s worth pointing out that most Crystallings don’t involve the entire empire showing up en masse to empower the Crystal Heart, so the expansion of the borders would have been a gradual thing. The giants had no way of knowing that they were putting themselves in such a hopeless situation until it was too late. I think one of the main flaws of the story is that I'm relying too much on comparatively minor notes of the Crystalling episodes as being important to the plot.
As for why the Crystalling continued as planned in the face of a perceived impending invasion, well, the Crystal Heart is an artifact that is empowered to protect the Empire - it’s explicitly stated at the beginning of S6E1. Not to mention performing a Royal Crystalling wound up saving the empire from certain doom last time around, so Shining Armor and Cadance decided to play what they perceived to be a safe hand while simultaneously keeping up the morale of the populace.
All of this is stuff I plan on expanding on in the updated story, rather than crossing my fingers that the implicature would come across like I did here. A lot of you said that the piece feels rushed/short/cramped, which is true - I look forward to having the opportunity to give things more breathing room when I update it for Fimfiction. I have a lot to think about, but I have a decent idea of where to start shoring things up.
Oh, and regarding this:
Grand Wizard Sunburst
uhhhhhhhh
Court Wizard! Court Wizard, damn it all! I could have sworn someone teasingly addressed Sunburst by that title at some point during those episodes, but of course DHX wouldn’t be that colossally stupid. -_- I can’t believe I completely forgot that Grand Wizard, as a title, has been indelibly ruined. Anyhoo, thanks for pointing that out, Dubs. No sock-eating necessary. ^^
Thanks again, everypony! I’ll see you all next round!