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Princesshood Not Included
"Miss Sparkle, a word with you."
"What do you need, ma'am?"
"My name is Proper Attire. I am a member of the Prestigiously Pretentious Panel of Pointless Parsimony, and it has come to our attention that you've recently acquired a pair of wings. This is far from out of the ordinary and perfectly within your legal bounds, so we thought nothing of it. However, when we spotted your name in the Manehatten Times being referred to as 'Princess' Twilight Sparkle, we felt obligated to correct them. After all, we at the PPPPP keep records of all members of the royal family, and we know for a fact that you have neither taken nor passed the Legitimate Limited Liability Leadership License exam."
"Wait, what?"
"I'm sorry, Miss Sparkle, but you must take this exam in order for your role as an Equestrian monarch to be legitimized. It was through our bureau that the other princesses were legitimized, and it would hardly be fitting for you to be made exempt of this test when those before you were subjected to it. Now, if you'll please fill out this application, and we can begin."
"You've got to be joking."
"Oh no, Miss Sparkle. We're quite serious."
"Why do I have to take this test?"
"I already told you, Miss Sparkle. It's because--"
"Because you and your companions run a bureau regarding such matters, I get that. What I don't get is what legitimizes you to decide who is and isn't royalty."
"Don't be naive, my dear. You don't think that the likes of Princess Platinum and her descendants would so easily entrust their rightful place as this great nation's leaders without at least having some say in who replaces them, yes?"
"So--"
"Just take the test, Miss Sparkle. Don't worry too much about it. Even Princess Flurry Heart took it."
"Wait, really?"
"Quite."
"Fine, I'll take it."
Testing happens.
"Well, Miss Sparkle, the results do look promising thus far. You say that you helped hatch and raise a baby dragon from the early age of six?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Quite fascinating. And you also claim to be one of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony themselves? Truly marvelous that a mare your age should achieve so much in so little time and with so few faculties."
"What did you just say?"
"Don't give me that look, Miss Sparkle. You were born a commoner, after all."
"Don't even--"
"Biting your tongue already? Good."
"..."
"Oh my. It seems that there's an issue with your test."
"And that is?"
"It says here that one of your best friends is an...earth pony."
"Two of them, actually."
"Yes, well, fraternizing with the lowborn is highly unorthodox and isn't permitted withing the terms and conditions of this agreement."
"Why not?"
"They're lowborn, Miss Sparkle. What did you expect?"
"I thought we were past this kind of thing."
"I don't write the laws, Miss Sparkle."
"Is there any way we can fix this?"
"Yes, quite easily in fact. All you have to do is simply stop being friends with the horrid mudponies and everything will be in order."
"Why you--"
"Now, now, Miss Sparkle. I've already been lenient with you. Wouldn't want to lose your title, now would you?"
"You can take the damn title. If the price of it is tribalism, I want no part in it."
"That is a shame, Miss Sparkle. I'd hoped you'd be more mature than this."
"Take that stupid title and shove it up where the sun doesn't shine, you heartless harpy."
"My, how vulgar! You must've picked that up from the mudponies."
"Get out! Now!"
"I will posthaste, Miss Sparkle. But first, I'll be needing those wings."
"Why you can't--"
"I can, Miss Sparkle. Just because you're an alicorn now doesn't mean you have the power to resist every unicorn in Canterlot. We can do this peacefully or we can do this by force, but either way your wings are property of the PPPPP and not yours to wear."
"Wait until Princess Celestia hears of this!"
"She already has, Miss Sparkle. Even she isn't above the law, and running to her won't do you any good. Now either we can do this peacefully, or I can come back with a dozen battlemages and rip those wings right out by the roots."
"..."
"Would you rather it be your horn?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"No."
"Good, then let's begin."
And Blueblood is crowned princess three months later.
The End.
"What do you need, ma'am?"
"My name is Proper Attire. I am a member of the Prestigiously Pretentious Panel of Pointless Parsimony, and it has come to our attention that you've recently acquired a pair of wings. This is far from out of the ordinary and perfectly within your legal bounds, so we thought nothing of it. However, when we spotted your name in the Manehatten Times being referred to as 'Princess' Twilight Sparkle, we felt obligated to correct them. After all, we at the PPPPP keep records of all members of the royal family, and we know for a fact that you have neither taken nor passed the Legitimate Limited Liability Leadership License exam."
"Wait, what?"
"I'm sorry, Miss Sparkle, but you must take this exam in order for your role as an Equestrian monarch to be legitimized. It was through our bureau that the other princesses were legitimized, and it would hardly be fitting for you to be made exempt of this test when those before you were subjected to it. Now, if you'll please fill out this application, and we can begin."
"You've got to be joking."
"Oh no, Miss Sparkle. We're quite serious."
"Why do I have to take this test?"
"I already told you, Miss Sparkle. It's because--"
"Because you and your companions run a bureau regarding such matters, I get that. What I don't get is what legitimizes you to decide who is and isn't royalty."
"Don't be naive, my dear. You don't think that the likes of Princess Platinum and her descendants would so easily entrust their rightful place as this great nation's leaders without at least having some say in who replaces them, yes?"
"So--"
"Just take the test, Miss Sparkle. Don't worry too much about it. Even Princess Flurry Heart took it."
"Wait, really?"
"Quite."
"Fine, I'll take it."
Testing happens.
"Well, Miss Sparkle, the results do look promising thus far. You say that you helped hatch and raise a baby dragon from the early age of six?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Quite fascinating. And you also claim to be one of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony themselves? Truly marvelous that a mare your age should achieve so much in so little time and with so few faculties."
"What did you just say?"
"Don't give me that look, Miss Sparkle. You were born a commoner, after all."
"Don't even--"
"Biting your tongue already? Good."
"..."
"Oh my. It seems that there's an issue with your test."
"And that is?"
"It says here that one of your best friends is an...earth pony."
"Two of them, actually."
"Yes, well, fraternizing with the lowborn is highly unorthodox and isn't permitted withing the terms and conditions of this agreement."
"Why not?"
"They're lowborn, Miss Sparkle. What did you expect?"
"I thought we were past this kind of thing."
"I don't write the laws, Miss Sparkle."
"Is there any way we can fix this?"
"Yes, quite easily in fact. All you have to do is simply stop being friends with the horrid mudponies and everything will be in order."
"Why you--"
"Now, now, Miss Sparkle. I've already been lenient with you. Wouldn't want to lose your title, now would you?"
"You can take the damn title. If the price of it is tribalism, I want no part in it."
"That is a shame, Miss Sparkle. I'd hoped you'd be more mature than this."
"Take that stupid title and shove it up where the sun doesn't shine, you heartless harpy."
"My, how vulgar! You must've picked that up from the mudponies."
"Get out! Now!"
"I will posthaste, Miss Sparkle. But first, I'll be needing those wings."
"Why you can't--"
"I can, Miss Sparkle. Just because you're an alicorn now doesn't mean you have the power to resist every unicorn in Canterlot. We can do this peacefully or we can do this by force, but either way your wings are property of the PPPPP and not yours to wear."
"Wait until Princess Celestia hears of this!"
"She already has, Miss Sparkle. Even she isn't above the law, and running to her won't do you any good. Now either we can do this peacefully, or I can come back with a dozen battlemages and rip those wings right out by the roots."
"..."
"Would you rather it be your horn?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"No."
"Good, then let's begin."
And Blueblood is crowned princess three months later.
The End.
As much as I like the alliteration, I find it hard to believe anyone would willingly name a committee “the Prestigiously Pretentious Panel of Pointless Parsimony.”
… Yeah, no. This does not mesh with Equestria as we know it. At all. It just feels pointlessly mean-spirited, and the very nearly all-dialogue format does it no favors. Sorry, but I can’t see any way to make this work for me. Of course, given the nature of the piece, I clearly wasn’t the intended audience.
… Yeah, no. This does not mesh with Equestria as we know it. At all. It just feels pointlessly mean-spirited, and the very nearly all-dialogue format does it no favors. Sorry, but I can’t see any way to make this work for me. Of course, given the nature of the piece, I clearly wasn’t the intended audience.
The premise for this one is just too harsh for me, and has no justification except that it's trying to be funny. It works occasionally too, but Twilight losing Princess status for no reason doesn't really sell me a story, and the ending didn't make me laugh, it made me cringe.
I'm sure that some will enjoy, but I am not one of them. Sorry.
I'm sure that some will enjoy, but I am not one of them. Sorry.
Ha. This is rather funny, in a silly way. I think the core idea is good, but the execution is sorely lacking. FoME is right in saying that the talking-heads format is baneful here. Also, the "testing happens" line (instead of a section break) is a bit jarring. The whole story feels very sketchy.
I think you should recast your story into a more conventional framing, like Twilight Sparkle being summoned in the P5 bureau, and describing the P5's employee better, adding details about the decor, Twilight's expressions, moot questions in the test, etc.
As it stands now, you've a good core concept for a zany story, but it's still in its very early stage.
I think you should recast your story into a more conventional framing, like Twilight Sparkle being summoned in the P5 bureau, and describing the P5's employee better, adding details about the decor, Twilight's expressions, moot questions in the test, etc.
As it stands now, you've a good core concept for a zany story, but it's still in its very early stage.
I also found the story cringey. Twilight has to be constantly dribbling [on] the idiot ball for this to work. Presented as Blueblood daydreaming, perhaps...
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Gotta agree with this.
This would work better if at the very end the Pedantic Pony of Pointless Pomposity is Posthaste Powered Protesting Past the Portcullis by Posterior-Placed Propulsion.
Gotta agree with this.
This would work better if at the very end the Pedantic Pony of Pointless Pomposity is Posthaste Powered Protesting Past the Portcullis by Posterior-Placed Propulsion.
Personally:
I find it difficult to believe that Twilight objected to taking a test. This is obviously some imposter or possibly an alternate universe or maybe even that most dreaded of combinations known as an imposternate universe.
Mike
I find it difficult to believe that Twilight objected to taking a test. This is obviously some imposter or possibly an alternate universe or maybe even that most dreaded of combinations known as an imposternate universe.
Mike
I can't really say that the jokes landed for me. The premise isn't as much humorously ridiculous as it is simply unbelievable. And all of the characters are basically taking it in stride, aside from the one subdued outburst from Twi about pony-racism. It just doesn't set up a great environment for comedy, IMO.