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TBD · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
ithkushllldkow
know
ithkushllldkow
Lts thig u ned now
THINGS
hurt think
hrtz bad
need to tell
make you know
get safe
get strong

hard tellig. no now how long util THEY knw
seems saef at now
u wil wan know why tell
want tel so that you hurt THEM
PNES HURT ME
chnge me.
i change. i live
not many me left. maybe just me
not like iw as


v. hard think. lots hurt, but try.
i do wat i can. need know to do thngs

i was big, long days ago
i was all places, more than eye could see
every places. i was the biggest
i knowed lots things
seen many
i was big under the SUN
SHE did not KNOW, and I was happy
i was bigger than could be see from HER mountain. i'd be more places than she knowed exist.
i many then. i lots of. it was easy to when she did not KNOW of I.
i knowed lots more than what SHE knowed

look frm time now to then, even tho i name change, i was not do change. i was still, slow, lazy.

time then was good, even though i was not do much new. simple, easy for i to live. Lots of ponies, lots of places to be, lots of love.


OH!


It is easier for me to think now, and I do not think that SHE knows. I will make my own fate.


And while I said life was simple, it was and it was not. I had many problems. I was lazy, but I was doing many things. I was in many, and I was working hard to keep the many's done properly.

I was many hooves, horns, and wings. But most of all, I was many eyes, and I was many ears. I saw and I heard, and sometimes I spoke.

I always spoke, but sometimes an I would speak the things that the I could not know, but because I was I, the I knew. That gave the most success.

I was large, spread across the entire continent. I was most everywhere, which is quite sad compared to now. Now I am the last, or maybe I am many lasts. I am no I's, I am simply my I.

I built everything in this wretched place. I chewed the rock out, I built the spires. I died many times, often simply crushed under my own creation. I learned from those who I's was, and I improved.

I made a monument to I, that I would persevere. Now the last I tastes the ashes of I's.
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#1 · 1
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I love the tone of this, but I'm biased because I'm a sucker for that POV. Poor Chryssy (if I'm reading this right)… that is heartbreaking.

I like the transition from the degraded speech to the clearer kind, but I don't see clear markers on what the trigger was. Was that the listener helping once ey realized what was going on, or something? Who is the listener? This sounds like it might even be meant to be someone in particular, but if so I didn't catch it. “get safe / get strong”: instructions?

more than eye could see” is a nice line. “Now I am the last, or maybe I am many lasts. I am no I's, I am simply my I.” is kind of confusing, since if I'm reading these right I'd expect the POV character to be clearer on the matter without a clearer reason not to be.

Loose prompt connection, lots of trailing possibilities (I expect both of those to be true a lot this round).
#2 · 4
·
PNES HURT ME

You, uh, you probably should've chosen to leave the other vowel instead.
#3 ·
·
A great take on the changeling hive mind headcanon, told in a style that makes this eerie and unique. I'm a little unclear as to why Chryssi's thoughts suddenly untangle at the midpoint (did I miss something...?), but other than that, I'm cool with this.
#4 ·
·
The only title anagram I can find: Shh, Dull Wok Kilt. (I also had to port those into notepad++ to determine which were i's and which were L's).

Seriously, I got nothing. I'm not usually stupid, so I'm going to let this one sit and see if I can figure it out. Then I will come back.

But review stuff, besides 'wat': this is a very high degree of difficulty to pull off. You seem to go up and down with legibility at first, which leads me to believe I'm missing something, or else you're being sloppy in how you're portraying change over time.

But I am sure I'm missing something, so I'll come back to this one soon.
#5 ·
·
My best guess is this is a non-changed changeling, or the changeling 'spirit', after all the others have changed? Even that doesn't make much sense.

I give up and will look at the other spoilers. :fluttershysad:
#6 ·
· · >>Exuno
Okay, my guess was on-mark with others' guesses.

I don't think this makes sense. It's pretty far off-canon with the loss of intelligible thought if it's what the others think it is. The 'monument' reference makes no sense here, unless it refers to the throne. The voice here is not remotely Chrysalis' words words voice, so I still think maybe it's some stray changeling maybe...? I haven't a clue.

Honestly? I think this guessing is all wrong. It must be something that makes more sense, I just have no idea what it is. There are clues here that point to the common guess, but they're very inconsistent with any of the mythos. This must be a reference to something I don't know about.

EDIT: The title must hold a clue. It's the only completely unintelligible thing in the story.
#7 ·
· · >>Trick_Question
>>Trick_Question
No, it's pretty clear to me that this is about a changeling after the S6 finale - unclear if it's Chryssi or not, but it doesn't totally matter, I don't think.

Not everyone faithfully follows every bit of canon - this fic makes perfect sense if you take the assumption that before the changedlingening, all changelings (except Thorax or whatever) were part of a single hivemind that only works as well as it does because of how many... what are members of a hivemind called? "Individuals" sounds kind of off-the-nose.
#8 ·
·
>>Exuno
Well it's definitely not in Chryssi's lorem ipsum lorem ipsum voice, and if it's a changeling then Chryssi must be the SHE rather than Celestia, and that doesn't make a lot of sense contextually since the voice doesn't seem happy with HER.

I suppose this is about the ones left behind (like those in Ponyville). The event broke the hivemind, so they can't detect Chryssi anymore, or each other, maybe?

When I say "canon" I mean that loosely. I'm trying to make sense of this with respect to the general things we've seen the potential actors do, and coming up a little short.
#9 · 3
·
May 21 1998

Itchy itchy Scott came ugly face so killed him. Tasty.


4 / /

Itchy. Tasty.

Yeah, this is about an individual changeling separated from the hivemind. SHE is Chryssi, and this is likely pointing towards her being a distinct top of the hivemind ala the overmind or something. That said, I definitely didn't get this without looking at the comments.

In fact, I thought the first section was some human unwillingly being transformed into a pony and having a shit time typing.

Anyhow, the idea here is cute but we kind of miss the interesting bit of how the individual here adopts to being an individual, as we spent almost the entire time in the "what it was like to be in a hivemind" idea, which I think is a bit of a shame. At a level, this is basically the naval gazey version of I, Borg. I mean, the concept is fun, but the lack of any external stimuli or real understanding of the transformation is a huge missed opportunity, I think.

Being obscure at the beginning is another problem, since you are further removing the reader ability to understand if they don't immediately think of the Changlings as a hivemind they really have to ramp into it, and that can be tricky.