Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Color Less
It was that moment - the flash of light, brilliant and blazing - which was Celestia’s last sensation of color.
The streak flamed up against her face, a fierce white light piercing, burning, driving right into her eyes. Her eyelids flickered downwards, trying to shield her retinas. Even as her head flew back, she could feel the eyelashes burning, flickering away in ash.
She sucked in a breath, superheated air hissing down her throat. It burned, a river of flame roasting her from the inside out. Crackling, the hair covering her body blazed in a torrent of orange, yellow and red.
Alone in the burning light, her horn brightened, fizzling. Her magic welled up, and reached out.
Then, everything exploded.
She screamed.
Celestia could feel somepony peeling her hooves back from her face. She pressed them there more insistently. They paused for a moment, then pulled them down a bit more.
She moaned as her burnt skin ground against the ashy ground, letting out a raspy gasp. It hurt - by the stars, it hurt. Somepony gripped her head, shifting it gently onto their lap.
“It’s okay - Celestia, it’s okay, I’m here, you’ll be okay-” Luna’s voice, normally calm and collected, was shaking.
She whimpered. “Lu-”
“Don’t say anything - I’m right here. I’ll always be here, okay?”
Something cool flowed over her horn. She scrunched her eyelids slightly more shut.
Luna was here.
It would be okay.
Somepony touched her with something -
She lost herself to the dark.
Her ear flickered.
…
Her ear flickered again, more insistently.
…
Something was beeping. She pinned her ears back against her head.
…
It didn’t help.
“Lun-” Her voice scratched out of her throat. “Luna?”
A hoof quickly held hers. “I’m right here, okay?”
Celestia let out a shaky breath. She could feel the cloth wrapped around her head, pressing around her muzzle. Her eyes were forced shut under the soft wraps. One of her hooves was being supported by some sort of strap, and her wings were pinned to her sides. She wiggled. “Lu-”
“Don’t speak. I’m right here.” Luna gripped her harder. “I’m right here.”
Celestia let out a long sigh, the cloth whispering around her mouth. She waited, the synchronous contact with her sister enough to sate her.
They stayed like that until she fell asleep.
Celestia woke with a raging headache.
Of course, that was the least of her problems, but sometimes it was the little things that kept your mind off the big ones.
She managed to croak out a request. “Water?”
A glass was pressed to her lips, a trickle flowing into her mouth. She sipped, before pinching her mouth closed.
Beneath the cloth, her eyes flickered. “Are you… okay?”
“I am.” Luna put down the cup with an audible clink. “It’s been a rough week.”
Celestia tried to nod, but some of the wraps around her neck held it in place. Pain flashed up her neck, and she fell back.
“The doctors say that you should be better soon.” Celestia could almost feel her sister’s eyes not looking at her. “Alicorn physiology is far superior, after all.”
“Yes, it is.” She tilted her head hopefully. “Can I have more water?”
The glass was pressed against her lips again, the trickle returning until the glass was placed back on the desk.
“We’ve had a thaumatologist here, and he says that you should not cast spells for another month after you lose the cast, but you should be fine after.”
She tried to nod again, forgetting that she couldn’t. She winced. “That sounds good.”
“And you-” Luna’s voice stopped. “You...”
Celestia’s wings twitched. “Yes?”
“You should… get some rest, okay?”
She remembered not to nod this time. “Okay.”
She felt the wind blow as Luna left the room.
On her fifth day awake, they said that they could take off the wrap on her face.
Celestia had already been standing for two days, various casts keeping her legs inoperable being removed prior. While still unable to see or smell properly, she had relished the ability to walk about.
It was a miracle, the doctors and Twilight had said. Nopony they had ever treated had healed so quickly.
Celestia wasn’t surprised, but she was irritated at being cooped up.
She was sitting, fidgeting in her hospital bed, when Luna came in. “They’re planning on taking off your face mask.”
“I know.” One of her hooves came up and played with one of the loose ends. “You have no idea how irritating it is to not see anything.”
Luna stood still next to the bed. “Yes, well, sometimes things happen.”
Celestia shrugged, and wrapped a wing around her sister. “It’ll be okay. You know that.”
Luna whimpered. “But what if it is not?”
If she could move her eyelids, Celestia would have blinked. “It will be. We’re here, together. Nothing will change that.”
“Do you promise?” It was plaintive, much more than Celestia expected.
“I do.”
Luna nuzzled into her chest. “Thank you.”
She could hear the doctors enter the room. “Your Majesty. We are going to remove your face mask.”
She nodded as regally as possible. “Please.”
Luna stayed beneath her wing as magic tugged at the white strips, unravelling them. She could feel the cloth slide across her face, nose finally free to take a breath. The last of them were lifted from around her horn and she-
She-
She opened her-
She stood still for a moment, frowning.
Her hoof tapped up on her face trying to feel for cloth. As steadily as she could, she spoke. “Are they all off?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
She couldn’t see him nod.
She turned her face towards her sister. She was there under her wing. She felt her eyelids flutter upwards-
She couldn’t see her.
She couldn’t see anything.
“Luna?” Her voice was shaking.
“I’m right here, sister.” Luna stayed pressed against her side. “I’m right here.”
“Luna…” She gulped. “Why can’t I see?”
“You aren’t... going to.” Luna pressed a hoof against hers on the floor.
“Am… am I blind?”
There was a moment of stillness.
She felt the nod against her chest.
She couldn’t see it.
She wouldn’t see it.
She gripped Luna harder.
The doctor cleared his throat. “It was a possibility. We didn’t think… with your recovery…”
“There was nothing you could have done.” Celestia took a deep breath. “Can you leave us? For a moment?”
“Yes, of course.” She heard the hoofsteps as he left the room, door creaking as it shut behind him.
She waited there for a moment, face gazing outwards. “So… you knew?”
Luna shrugged. “They did not think it would happen. I wanted to believe them.”
“I… this is happening, isn’t it?”
Silence was her only response.
Her sister’s soft coat anchored her in the dark.
The sun was calling.
She could feel it, perched on the edge of the world. She felt her horn sing, longing to reach out and touch it again, feel the comfort of the light.
Then, Luna pushed it, and the sensation was gone.
“You’re not going to get better if you don’t practice.” Twilight poked Celestia in the side. “I know you want to wait for your horn to come back, but it’s a good idea to have a backup if that doesn’t work.”
Celestia simply grumbled, and curled up tighter, pulling the blanket up around her shoulders. “I don’ wanna.”
“You have to, Celestia.” Twilight pushed at her, more firmly this time. “You have to keep going. It’s what all the doctors suggest!”
She turned her head around to look, eyelids opening-
Damnit.
“I can’t see anything, Twilight!”
“You don’t have to!” Twilight grabbed her hoof. “There are plenty of blind ponies that act as normal citizens!”
“I am a Princess, Twilight, not a normal citizen.”
Twilight actually growled. “Right, you aren’t a normal citizen, which is why you should stop moping about a problem that happens to be so common that one out of every two hundred ponies suffer from it!”
Celestia blinked. “One in two hundred ponies are blind?”
“Yes!”
They stared at each other - as much as they could, at any rate.
“If you are trying to beat me in a staring contest, I can assure you it is no longer going to work. Ever.” Celestia delivered the line in as dry a tone as she could.
Twilight snorted, then choked trying to hold it back. “I… sorry, Celestia.”
Celestia sighed, drooping her head. “It’s fine. I need to get up, you’re right.” She stretched her limbs out, feeling to the edge of the bed.
The darkness was scary. It was like everything she used to do had suddenly become undoable, locked behind corridors and reading and going to the bathroom. It wasn’t like someone covered her eyes - it was like someone had cast Tenebris over her head. She guessed the old maxim was correct - you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
Fortunately, as bad as the situation was, Twilight was there to help.
“Okay, it says that the first step is to fluff your wings.”
She did so, letting the wind of the room flow underneath. Wind curled around the tips of her feathers, giving her a sense of wind direction and power. She took a deep breath, slowing letting the air out.
Twilight patted her on the shoulder, a flare of sensation in the dark. “Good. Now, get a good feel for the air. Where is it coming from?”
Celestia could tell, through the darkness, that a wind was roaring around the parapet and through the window. Her wings twitched slightly to the left, and she tilted her head, letting the air eddy. She pointed a hoof off to her right. “There. The window, I think.”
“Good. Can you tell me anything else?”
She shifted, hooves moving in the encompassing blackness. She always felt like she was on the edge of a cliff, despite the floor rising to meet her every time. She ignored the sensation, and focused on the wind. “It’s… going around the room. The door is there.” She pointed, hoof going out into the dark.
“Right.” A hoof met her extended one, and lowered it to the floor. “Can you get there?”
Celestia twitched. “I…” It was far. She knew that. “I think maybe?” She crouched a little. “Do I have to?”
“You should, Celestia.” Twilight put a wing over her back. “I know that you are probably thinking this is a bad idea, but if you don’t, you’ll never get there.”
She gulped, and lifted a hoof. She lowered it slowly - the floor was still there. Her hooves started their slow methodical journey.
Halfway through, she felt a shift. The wind was flowing around something, giving her the impression of a barrier. She turned her head towards the breathing she could hear in the air. “Twilight?”
“Yes?”
“Is there something in front of me?”
“Try reaching your hoof out.”
She did, bumping into something. “A dresser?”
“Right. Can you go around it?”
She concentrated, ignoring the dark. It was easy visualizing a picture when there were no distractions. “I think so.” She turned, taking several more steps. “This doesn’t seem too - ah!” There was a thunk as her horn ran into something. “Twilight?”
“Oh, I didn’t think- okay, just a minute.” Celestia waited as hooves sat on her shoulders. “You somehow got your horn stuck. How did you even-?” There was a pause. “Alright. I’ll open it up, you pull down.”
She clenched her fetlock, hissing as pain radiated down from her horn. She yanked down, horn sliding out from between something wooden.
The hooves left, and she was alone again.
It was here, in the dark, that she slumped. “I can’t do anything right.”
Twilight’s voice cut through the darkness. “Yes you can.” There was a touch. “I’m not blind, so I can’t say I understand. But you’re one of the strongest ponies I know. Possibly literally.”
Celestia sighed, then reached over and pulled the startled pony into a hug. She couldn’t see, but she could feel. “Thank you.”
The response was muffled. “You’re welcome.”
Her captive smelled of lavender.
Celestia stood, looking over at the horizon. Pink and purple blurred the orange glow gleaming from the sun. Below, the waves crashed on the cliffside, white flecks fizzing on the grey stone.
Her horn lit, a shimmering yellow light cast out into the sky, and began to push the sun down and away. The light faded away, and then she waited.
Why was it still dark?
“Hello?”
The silence was deafening. She scooted back, huddling, trying to light her horn. Nothing was happening, it was still dark-
Her hooves scooted off the edge of the cliff, scrabbling at the edge as she fell back, terrified, and then she was falling and where was she?
She whipped around, looking, straining through the wind to see-
She jerked upwards, chest heaving. Hooves scrabbled against soft blankets, gripping, but she still couldn’t do anything and it didn’t matter. She choked.
She felt something wet run down her cheek. She could taste something salty enter her mouth.
She couldn’t see it.
“So, all you need to do is push out a permeable barrier, and you should be able to turn the feedback into something useful.” Twilight stood next to her, wings twitching. “Unfortunately, I don’t know what it will do, since most accounts were vague.”
“Okay, Twilight.” She lit her horn, concentrating the energy into a flat plane. It rippled outwards, extending. She could feel it returning, running back into her horn and-
It was exceedingly strange.
Lines danced, giving an image of distance. She knew where the walls were, and where objects were located, but none of it had depth, as if she was watching a movie. It all happened in the dark, nothing lighting. There was no color.
A voice cut through her introspection. “So? What did it feel like?”
She thought for a moment, then shrugged. “I have no idea.”
All she got back was a frustrated moan.
The sun was calling.
Luna gripped her hoof as support. “You are sure you are ready?”
She nodded silently.
Her horn grew warm, channeling magic as she pulled it up from within. The wind around them began to stir, and she reached out across the abyss. She knew it was there, on the other side, watching, waiting, asking. She intensified the spell, reaching out, trying to pierce through the dark. She gripped her sister’s hoof, soft coat anchoring her in the dark.
Then, she touched the sun.
It was there. The darkness stayed, but the sun, bright and burning, was felt in her magic. Light, yet not. Dark, yet not. Static, yet not.
She felt something wet run down her cheek.
The light she couldn’t see burnt bright on the horizon, but she gripped it, and pretended that maybe, someday…
…it would come back in color.
The streak flamed up against her face, a fierce white light piercing, burning, driving right into her eyes. Her eyelids flickered downwards, trying to shield her retinas. Even as her head flew back, she could feel the eyelashes burning, flickering away in ash.
She sucked in a breath, superheated air hissing down her throat. It burned, a river of flame roasting her from the inside out. Crackling, the hair covering her body blazed in a torrent of orange, yellow and red.
Alone in the burning light, her horn brightened, fizzling. Her magic welled up, and reached out.
Then, everything exploded.
She screamed.
Celestia could feel somepony peeling her hooves back from her face. She pressed them there more insistently. They paused for a moment, then pulled them down a bit more.
She moaned as her burnt skin ground against the ashy ground, letting out a raspy gasp. It hurt - by the stars, it hurt. Somepony gripped her head, shifting it gently onto their lap.
“It’s okay - Celestia, it’s okay, I’m here, you’ll be okay-” Luna’s voice, normally calm and collected, was shaking.
She whimpered. “Lu-”
“Don’t say anything - I’m right here. I’ll always be here, okay?”
Something cool flowed over her horn. She scrunched her eyelids slightly more shut.
Luna was here.
It would be okay.
Somepony touched her with something -
She lost herself to the dark.
Her ear flickered.
…
Her ear flickered again, more insistently.
…
Something was beeping. She pinned her ears back against her head.
…
It didn’t help.
“Lun-” Her voice scratched out of her throat. “Luna?”
A hoof quickly held hers. “I’m right here, okay?”
Celestia let out a shaky breath. She could feel the cloth wrapped around her head, pressing around her muzzle. Her eyes were forced shut under the soft wraps. One of her hooves was being supported by some sort of strap, and her wings were pinned to her sides. She wiggled. “Lu-”
“Don’t speak. I’m right here.” Luna gripped her harder. “I’m right here.”
Celestia let out a long sigh, the cloth whispering around her mouth. She waited, the synchronous contact with her sister enough to sate her.
They stayed like that until she fell asleep.
Celestia woke with a raging headache.
Of course, that was the least of her problems, but sometimes it was the little things that kept your mind off the big ones.
She managed to croak out a request. “Water?”
A glass was pressed to her lips, a trickle flowing into her mouth. She sipped, before pinching her mouth closed.
Beneath the cloth, her eyes flickered. “Are you… okay?”
“I am.” Luna put down the cup with an audible clink. “It’s been a rough week.”
Celestia tried to nod, but some of the wraps around her neck held it in place. Pain flashed up her neck, and she fell back.
“The doctors say that you should be better soon.” Celestia could almost feel her sister’s eyes not looking at her. “Alicorn physiology is far superior, after all.”
“Yes, it is.” She tilted her head hopefully. “Can I have more water?”
The glass was pressed against her lips again, the trickle returning until the glass was placed back on the desk.
“We’ve had a thaumatologist here, and he says that you should not cast spells for another month after you lose the cast, but you should be fine after.”
She tried to nod again, forgetting that she couldn’t. She winced. “That sounds good.”
“And you-” Luna’s voice stopped. “You...”
Celestia’s wings twitched. “Yes?”
“You should… get some rest, okay?”
She remembered not to nod this time. “Okay.”
She felt the wind blow as Luna left the room.
On her fifth day awake, they said that they could take off the wrap on her face.
Celestia had already been standing for two days, various casts keeping her legs inoperable being removed prior. While still unable to see or smell properly, she had relished the ability to walk about.
It was a miracle, the doctors and Twilight had said. Nopony they had ever treated had healed so quickly.
Celestia wasn’t surprised, but she was irritated at being cooped up.
She was sitting, fidgeting in her hospital bed, when Luna came in. “They’re planning on taking off your face mask.”
“I know.” One of her hooves came up and played with one of the loose ends. “You have no idea how irritating it is to not see anything.”
Luna stood still next to the bed. “Yes, well, sometimes things happen.”
Celestia shrugged, and wrapped a wing around her sister. “It’ll be okay. You know that.”
Luna whimpered. “But what if it is not?”
If she could move her eyelids, Celestia would have blinked. “It will be. We’re here, together. Nothing will change that.”
“Do you promise?” It was plaintive, much more than Celestia expected.
“I do.”
Luna nuzzled into her chest. “Thank you.”
She could hear the doctors enter the room. “Your Majesty. We are going to remove your face mask.”
She nodded as regally as possible. “Please.”
Luna stayed beneath her wing as magic tugged at the white strips, unravelling them. She could feel the cloth slide across her face, nose finally free to take a breath. The last of them were lifted from around her horn and she-
She-
She opened her-
She stood still for a moment, frowning.
Her hoof tapped up on her face trying to feel for cloth. As steadily as she could, she spoke. “Are they all off?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
She couldn’t see him nod.
She turned her face towards her sister. She was there under her wing. She felt her eyelids flutter upwards-
She couldn’t see her.
She couldn’t see anything.
“Luna?” Her voice was shaking.
“I’m right here, sister.” Luna stayed pressed against her side. “I’m right here.”
“Luna…” She gulped. “Why can’t I see?”
“You aren’t... going to.” Luna pressed a hoof against hers on the floor.
“Am… am I blind?”
There was a moment of stillness.
She felt the nod against her chest.
She couldn’t see it.
She wouldn’t see it.
She gripped Luna harder.
The doctor cleared his throat. “It was a possibility. We didn’t think… with your recovery…”
“There was nothing you could have done.” Celestia took a deep breath. “Can you leave us? For a moment?”
“Yes, of course.” She heard the hoofsteps as he left the room, door creaking as it shut behind him.
She waited there for a moment, face gazing outwards. “So… you knew?”
Luna shrugged. “They did not think it would happen. I wanted to believe them.”
“I… this is happening, isn’t it?”
Silence was her only response.
Her sister’s soft coat anchored her in the dark.
The sun was calling.
She could feel it, perched on the edge of the world. She felt her horn sing, longing to reach out and touch it again, feel the comfort of the light.
Then, Luna pushed it, and the sensation was gone.
“You’re not going to get better if you don’t practice.” Twilight poked Celestia in the side. “I know you want to wait for your horn to come back, but it’s a good idea to have a backup if that doesn’t work.”
Celestia simply grumbled, and curled up tighter, pulling the blanket up around her shoulders. “I don’ wanna.”
“You have to, Celestia.” Twilight pushed at her, more firmly this time. “You have to keep going. It’s what all the doctors suggest!”
She turned her head around to look, eyelids opening-
Damnit.
“I can’t see anything, Twilight!”
“You don’t have to!” Twilight grabbed her hoof. “There are plenty of blind ponies that act as normal citizens!”
“I am a Princess, Twilight, not a normal citizen.”
Twilight actually growled. “Right, you aren’t a normal citizen, which is why you should stop moping about a problem that happens to be so common that one out of every two hundred ponies suffer from it!”
Celestia blinked. “One in two hundred ponies are blind?”
“Yes!”
They stared at each other - as much as they could, at any rate.
“If you are trying to beat me in a staring contest, I can assure you it is no longer going to work. Ever.” Celestia delivered the line in as dry a tone as she could.
Twilight snorted, then choked trying to hold it back. “I… sorry, Celestia.”
Celestia sighed, drooping her head. “It’s fine. I need to get up, you’re right.” She stretched her limbs out, feeling to the edge of the bed.
The darkness was scary. It was like everything she used to do had suddenly become undoable, locked behind corridors and reading and going to the bathroom. It wasn’t like someone covered her eyes - it was like someone had cast Tenebris over her head. She guessed the old maxim was correct - you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
Fortunately, as bad as the situation was, Twilight was there to help.
“Okay, it says that the first step is to fluff your wings.”
She did so, letting the wind of the room flow underneath. Wind curled around the tips of her feathers, giving her a sense of wind direction and power. She took a deep breath, slowing letting the air out.
Twilight patted her on the shoulder, a flare of sensation in the dark. “Good. Now, get a good feel for the air. Where is it coming from?”
Celestia could tell, through the darkness, that a wind was roaring around the parapet and through the window. Her wings twitched slightly to the left, and she tilted her head, letting the air eddy. She pointed a hoof off to her right. “There. The window, I think.”
“Good. Can you tell me anything else?”
She shifted, hooves moving in the encompassing blackness. She always felt like she was on the edge of a cliff, despite the floor rising to meet her every time. She ignored the sensation, and focused on the wind. “It’s… going around the room. The door is there.” She pointed, hoof going out into the dark.
“Right.” A hoof met her extended one, and lowered it to the floor. “Can you get there?”
Celestia twitched. “I…” It was far. She knew that. “I think maybe?” She crouched a little. “Do I have to?”
“You should, Celestia.” Twilight put a wing over her back. “I know that you are probably thinking this is a bad idea, but if you don’t, you’ll never get there.”
She gulped, and lifted a hoof. She lowered it slowly - the floor was still there. Her hooves started their slow methodical journey.
Halfway through, she felt a shift. The wind was flowing around something, giving her the impression of a barrier. She turned her head towards the breathing she could hear in the air. “Twilight?”
“Yes?”
“Is there something in front of me?”
“Try reaching your hoof out.”
She did, bumping into something. “A dresser?”
“Right. Can you go around it?”
She concentrated, ignoring the dark. It was easy visualizing a picture when there were no distractions. “I think so.” She turned, taking several more steps. “This doesn’t seem too - ah!” There was a thunk as her horn ran into something. “Twilight?”
“Oh, I didn’t think- okay, just a minute.” Celestia waited as hooves sat on her shoulders. “You somehow got your horn stuck. How did you even-?” There was a pause. “Alright. I’ll open it up, you pull down.”
She clenched her fetlock, hissing as pain radiated down from her horn. She yanked down, horn sliding out from between something wooden.
The hooves left, and she was alone again.
It was here, in the dark, that she slumped. “I can’t do anything right.”
Twilight’s voice cut through the darkness. “Yes you can.” There was a touch. “I’m not blind, so I can’t say I understand. But you’re one of the strongest ponies I know. Possibly literally.”
Celestia sighed, then reached over and pulled the startled pony into a hug. She couldn’t see, but she could feel. “Thank you.”
The response was muffled. “You’re welcome.”
Her captive smelled of lavender.
Celestia stood, looking over at the horizon. Pink and purple blurred the orange glow gleaming from the sun. Below, the waves crashed on the cliffside, white flecks fizzing on the grey stone.
Her horn lit, a shimmering yellow light cast out into the sky, and began to push the sun down and away. The light faded away, and then she waited.
Why was it still dark?
“Hello?”
The silence was deafening. She scooted back, huddling, trying to light her horn. Nothing was happening, it was still dark-
Her hooves scooted off the edge of the cliff, scrabbling at the edge as she fell back, terrified, and then she was falling and where was she?
She whipped around, looking, straining through the wind to see-
She jerked upwards, chest heaving. Hooves scrabbled against soft blankets, gripping, but she still couldn’t do anything and it didn’t matter. She choked.
She felt something wet run down her cheek. She could taste something salty enter her mouth.
She couldn’t see it.
“So, all you need to do is push out a permeable barrier, and you should be able to turn the feedback into something useful.” Twilight stood next to her, wings twitching. “Unfortunately, I don’t know what it will do, since most accounts were vague.”
“Okay, Twilight.” She lit her horn, concentrating the energy into a flat plane. It rippled outwards, extending. She could feel it returning, running back into her horn and-
It was exceedingly strange.
Lines danced, giving an image of distance. She knew where the walls were, and where objects were located, but none of it had depth, as if she was watching a movie. It all happened in the dark, nothing lighting. There was no color.
A voice cut through her introspection. “So? What did it feel like?”
She thought for a moment, then shrugged. “I have no idea.”
All she got back was a frustrated moan.
The sun was calling.
Luna gripped her hoof as support. “You are sure you are ready?”
She nodded silently.
Her horn grew warm, channeling magic as she pulled it up from within. The wind around them began to stir, and she reached out across the abyss. She knew it was there, on the other side, watching, waiting, asking. She intensified the spell, reaching out, trying to pierce through the dark. She gripped her sister’s hoof, soft coat anchoring her in the dark.
Then, she touched the sun.
It was there. The darkness stayed, but the sun, bright and burning, was felt in her magic. Light, yet not. Dark, yet not. Static, yet not.
She felt something wet run down her cheek.
The light she couldn’t see burnt bright on the horizon, but she gripped it, and pretended that maybe, someday…
…it would come back in color.
A slightly more literal take on (perceived) darkness than some of the submissions I've seen. You're clearly going for sadness as the primary intended reaction.
It's unclear what exactly happened at the beginning of the fic, and to an extent, it's irrelevant quite what went wrong. What is more relevant, and also poorly explained, is why retinas, or whatever the issue was, cannot regenerate, if other parts of an alicorn's body can. It's a major plot point that this is an unsolvable problem, but you haven't provided much reason for why that should be the case.
The last line is another spot that I'm not sure what to think about. It looks like it's supposed to be optimistic, but the rest of the story indicates that that's not going to happen any time soon.
There are things this story does well - the navigation scene is a nice touch - but it is unsatisfying in a couple of (to me) critical ways.
It's unclear what exactly happened at the beginning of the fic, and to an extent, it's irrelevant quite what went wrong. What is more relevant, and also poorly explained, is why retinas, or whatever the issue was, cannot regenerate, if other parts of an alicorn's body can. It's a major plot point that this is an unsolvable problem, but you haven't provided much reason for why that should be the case.
The last line is another spot that I'm not sure what to think about. It looks like it's supposed to be optimistic, but the rest of the story indicates that that's not going to happen any time soon.
There are things this story does well - the navigation scene is a nice touch - but it is unsatisfying in a couple of (to me) critical ways.
Well that was depressing. I'm pretty sure that's what you were going for, so awesome job!
I feel very wary of a blind Celestia still attempting to wield the sun (perhaps practice on the moon, or a small meteor first). Then again, blind people can do a lot of amazing things and it's largely the outside attitudes and culture toward blindness that increases the effects of the disability.
Still, this was a nice, sad story.
I feel very wary of a blind Celestia still attempting to wield the sun (perhaps practice on the moon, or a small meteor first). Then again, blind people can do a lot of amazing things and it's largely the outside attitudes and culture toward blindness that increases the effects of the disability.
Still, this was a nice, sad story.
I think the above, particularly Trumpet, really go into it. Why do her eyes not regenerate when everything else does? Sure, we can just accept it, but when you go on and on about alicorn regeneration otherwise being so amazing, it is a hole.
I do, however, think there should be clarity as to the calamity that causes it. Noble sacrifice? Disease? Did she go rushing into an active volcano? Walk into a superheated reactor? Stand at grand zero of a nuke? I mean, how it happened casts everything to come in various different shades; if she were a victim of an accident, then her reactions here make sense. If she were fighting some form of foe and won at a terrible cost, then there should be a reflection of that; if she were attacked and defeated, reflect that, and so on - so the origin does matter.
The magical sonar and pegasus windreading were definitely cool takes on how those two tribes might deal with blindness. Ultimately, though, in some ways? Much as I love Sunhorse stories, I feel as if this might be better if Twilight were the one in question. Celestia, well - I feel she'd take it more in stride than this. Upset, certainly. Sad, certainly. But she...curls inwards in a way that the story will want to build credence for. Why is she so incredibly shaken? What makes this so much worse? She is reacting like Rainbow Dash learning that she won't fly again, but unlike Dash we're not given to see her place incredible value in colors as a deep part of her personality.
Tier : Solid, though could use polishing and reflection
I do, however, think there should be clarity as to the calamity that causes it. Noble sacrifice? Disease? Did she go rushing into an active volcano? Walk into a superheated reactor? Stand at grand zero of a nuke? I mean, how it happened casts everything to come in various different shades; if she were a victim of an accident, then her reactions here make sense. If she were fighting some form of foe and won at a terrible cost, then there should be a reflection of that; if she were attacked and defeated, reflect that, and so on - so the origin does matter.
The magical sonar and pegasus windreading were definitely cool takes on how those two tribes might deal with blindness. Ultimately, though, in some ways? Much as I love Sunhorse stories, I feel as if this might be better if Twilight were the one in question. Celestia, well - I feel she'd take it more in stride than this. Upset, certainly. Sad, certainly. But she...curls inwards in a way that the story will want to build credence for. Why is she so incredibly shaken? What makes this so much worse? She is reacting like Rainbow Dash learning that she won't fly again, but unlike Dash we're not given to see her place incredible value in colors as a deep part of her personality.
Tier : Solid, though could use polishing and reflection
I’m going to have to join the chorus asking what makes eyes so special. (Caution: kind of gory: And given the wonders of alicorn regeneration, I can’t help but wonder if it might be better to just pull out the defective ones in the hope that a replacement pair will grow in.)
There are definitely some interesting concepts here, but it just never meshed for me. As Morning Sun noted, understanding just what was hot and bright enough to blind and burn Sunbutt would do a lot to provide context for the rest of the story. Indeed, switching to a different pony would likely help as well. I’m not saying Celestia is or should be emotionally invulnerable, but seeing her this dejected feels… off. Very off.
There are definitely some interesting concepts here, but it just never meshed for me. As Morning Sun noted, understanding just what was hot and bright enough to blind and burn Sunbutt would do a lot to provide context for the rest of the story. Indeed, switching to a different pony would likely help as well. I’m not saying Celestia is or should be emotionally invulnerable, but seeing her this dejected feels… off. Very off.
I really like the prose here, with the short paragraphs and simple descriptions. It's does a great job of highlighting the mood in an understated way, and it stays invisible throughout. From a tonal perspective, this story succeeds at basically every level. It feels weighty, it makes the character's struggles seem more prominent, and it helps the readers get invested in what could otherwise be a pretty melodramatic topic.
My biggest critique of this story is that there simply isn't very much of it. And I'm not just talking about word count. We get neither an explanation for the first scene nor an ending that feels like it completely resolves things. Celestia doesn't really have a character arc--it's more like a single moment where she decides to deal with her problem. And while there's some interesting world-building here regarding alternatives to sight, things are only explored at the most surface level.
In the end, this feels less like a complete story and more like an isolated idea. I'd say that you need more meat on your bones, but I actually think it's the other way around. You need a skeletal system--a story framework to build your ideas on.Otherwise, things like the tone and the prose and the characters don't quite feel like they're connecting with each other to form a cohesive whole. In other words, give us a conflict and it's resolution instead of just a scenario.
My biggest critique of this story is that there simply isn't very much of it. And I'm not just talking about word count. We get neither an explanation for the first scene nor an ending that feels like it completely resolves things. Celestia doesn't really have a character arc--it's more like a single moment where she decides to deal with her problem. And while there's some interesting world-building here regarding alternatives to sight, things are only explored at the most surface level.
In the end, this feels less like a complete story and more like an isolated idea. I'd say that you need more meat on your bones, but I actually think it's the other way around. You need a skeletal system--a story framework to build your ideas on.Otherwise, things like the tone and the prose and the characters don't quite feel like they're connecting with each other to form a cohesive whole. In other words, give us a conflict and it's resolution instead of just a scenario.
I believe your intention was to handwave the specific cause of Celestia's accident in lieu of just serving to kickstart the plot.
I... am actually ok with that. I've no real issue with leaving the details of the incident purposefully vague as long as the story treats the fallout and aftermath in a compelling way, and while I think the groundwork is there, the story doesn't quite go all the way.
Plus, Celestia's initial reactions seem a bit off to me.
Yeah, even after a traumatic experience and the loss of a sense, I don't see (heh...) Celestia acting like that.
I... am actually ok with that. I've no real issue with leaving the details of the incident purposefully vague as long as the story treats the fallout and aftermath in a compelling way, and while I think the groundwork is there, the story doesn't quite go all the way.
Plus, Celestia's initial reactions seem a bit off to me.
Celestia simply grumbled, and curled up tighter, pulling the blanket up around her shoulders. “I don’ wanna.”
“You don’t have to!” Twilight grabbed her hoof. “There are plenty of blind ponies that act as normal citizens!”
“I am a Princess, Twilight, not a normal citizen.”
Yeah, even after a traumatic experience and the loss of a sense, I don't see (heh...) Celestia acting like that.
>>Zaid Val'Roa
I actually thought that was one of the better parts, myself.
Though, I also have a soft spot for the princesses acting like petulant pouty children, because the juxtaposition is adorable. And, on a more serious note, if Celestia drops her perfect persona enough /to/ act like that you know it's big.
I actually thought that was one of the better parts, myself.
Though, I also have a soft spot for the princesses acting like petulant pouty children, because the juxtaposition is adorable. And, on a more serious note, if Celestia drops her perfect persona enough /to/ act like that you know it's big.
Genre: Differently-abled sun goddesses
Thoughts: This had an incredibly strong concept and high quality prose. It hooked me at the beginning and quickly established itself as something I wanted to like. Having a blind Celestia was different and compelling. Sign me up for more.
And I did like it for the most part, though I think the biggest weakness was Celestia's character voice; it just didn't sound like her to me. I can understand her being deeply affected by what happened, but the petulance in her tone feels off to me. And unfortunately, given that so much of this relies on being inside her head, the weakness of that voice makes a big difference.
I also wish we knew what happened in the beginning, as it's too narratively significant of an event to just dismiss. I also wish the ending was stronger; right now it kinda just stops.
But the descriptive language was strong, and the concept was strong, and I think this is the beginning of something with a lot of potential.
Tier: Almost There
(EDIT: Re-reading this, it seems like a lot of my quibbles could be more personal preference than objective issues with the story. Hmm.)
Thoughts: This had an incredibly strong concept and high quality prose. It hooked me at the beginning and quickly established itself as something I wanted to like. Having a blind Celestia was different and compelling. Sign me up for more.
And I did like it for the most part, though I think the biggest weakness was Celestia's character voice; it just didn't sound like her to me. I can understand her being deeply affected by what happened, but the petulance in her tone feels off to me. And unfortunately, given that so much of this relies on being inside her head, the weakness of that voice makes a big difference.
I also wish we knew what happened in the beginning, as it's too narratively significant of an event to just dismiss. I also wish the ending was stronger; right now it kinda just stops.
But the descriptive language was strong, and the concept was strong, and I think this is the beginning of something with a lot of potential.
Tier: Almost There
(EDIT: Re-reading this, it seems like a lot of my quibbles could be more personal preference than objective issues with the story. Hmm.)
I am extremely late to this party, author, so I hope you'll forgive me if my review doesn't cover as much ground as the others who have responded to Color Less. Fact is that my own issues with the story have already been sufficiently covered. Celestia's voice doesn't feel like it fits her character. It might suit Luna, or Twilight, but not Celestia.
I like the idea of a vulnerable Celestia having to rely on those closest to her during an extended convalescence, but I think there should be more awkwardness to her interplay with Twilight than there actually is. With Luna, I think Celestia being so nakedly emotionally available works just fine. They're sisters, and they're close, and there probably aren't that many walls between them. With Twilight, though, the dynamic is still very much that of a mentor and her student, even after everything Twilight has accomplished. The fact that their roles have been reversed, that Twilight is in a position of authority over her, should be brought up, and there should be a greater sense of of the awkwardness and the difficulty in that shift in dynamic. The strain it has on both of them. I understand that the story is about Celestia, but I would have liked to see some insight into Twilight's reaction. She's being thrust into the role of seeing-eye pone for someone she idolizes. That has to take some kind of a toll on her.
I like the idea of a vulnerable Celestia having to rely on those closest to her during an extended convalescence, but I think there should be more awkwardness to her interplay with Twilight than there actually is. With Luna, I think Celestia being so nakedly emotionally available works just fine. They're sisters, and they're close, and there probably aren't that many walls between them. With Twilight, though, the dynamic is still very much that of a mentor and her student, even after everything Twilight has accomplished. The fact that their roles have been reversed, that Twilight is in a position of authority over her, should be brought up, and there should be a greater sense of of the awkwardness and the difficulty in that shift in dynamic. The strain it has on both of them. I understand that the story is about Celestia, but I would have liked to see some insight into Twilight's reaction. She's being thrust into the role of seeing-eye pone for someone she idolizes. That has to take some kind of a toll on her.
This is another one that seems less like a story and more like just something that happened. You made Celestia blind, but you didn't actually do much of anything with that idea. You could have replaced Celestia with anypony else and the story would have been almost exactly the same, you'd just have to take out the parts about healing from the other injuries and the use of pegasus and/or unicorn magic.
Actually, the story might have been more interesting if it was about someone like Rarity going blind. Blindness would be a bigger obstacle for her, and while you probably couldn't end the story with the hope of one day being healed, you could end it with her overcoming the challenges of going blind and still making beautiful dresses, which could easily be more uplifting. And then you wouldn't have us all wondering why Celestia's eyes were the only things that didn't heal.
Actually, the story might have been more interesting if it was about someone like Rarity going blind. Blindness would be a bigger obstacle for her, and while you probably couldn't end the story with the hope of one day being healed, you could end it with her overcoming the challenges of going blind and still making beautiful dresses, which could easily be more uplifting. And then you wouldn't have us all wondering why Celestia's eyes were the only things that didn't heal.