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No Problems Today · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
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#1 · 1
There should be no problem writing today, then.
#2 · 1
I have mild concerns.
#3 · 5
Normally, writing squats right on top of my FRP gaming night. I had enough time this week to actually put together an idea that had been perking in the back of my mind for a few years now. Thanks!
#4 · 1
I ate too much cheery covered chocolates tonight. I regret it.
#5 ·
I won't be writing for this one but will be in the art round as usual.
#6 · 3
· on When Time's Not Running Out
Well. It's a good start. I'm trying to be optimistic and encouraging since every great writer has reached this particular point and moved on, and I've edited far, far worse.
--The grammar is pretty good. Really, it's better than I tend to do in first drafts. (I'm a comma-splatter)
--The plot is straightforward and understandable. That's really a sticky point on a lot of stories that wander around, and I've done that before.

Now for a few bad points.
--Dialogue is rough and difficult to get into character with. Try reading it out loud after you've written it.
--Pacing is a bit erratic

If you treated this as a first draft and did a few passes through it to smooth out transitions, that would help. Keeping the point of view character consistent as Lil' Cheese also. He needs to *feel* what is going on, even if he doesn't understand it.
#7 · 2
· on Crystal Constants
I'm going to start with a critique: The opening is hookless. We don't know what Cadence is after until several paragraphs down. If you started with her feeling guilty about sneaking out of the bedroom early, maybe thinking of it as a little white lie, you'd get the reader's curiosity going.

Same for the second section at Court. If she *starts* out thinking about Sombra and how he frightened all of the Crystal ponies and how she has to make absolutely sure she doesn't follow his example, she's walking a tightrope, and that cranks up the tension. That allows the reflection about Sombra later to have more weight.

The ending also would fit better reversed, showing that she *did* need to do it, as a responsibility of her position, and that she has to balance her work with her husband.
#8 · 2
· on The Big Rainbow Beam of Fix Everything
Could be smoother transitioning from the flight to the confrontation with the M6, and detailing out the targets of the Elements. The bananners threw me for a bit, and I don't think even an ancient artifact could put a dent into S1 Diamond Tiara.
#9 · 2
· · >>georg
I have arted.
To one degree or another.
#10 ·
>>GroaningGreyAgony "Sorry I ran out of time" made me laugh. Enjoyed it more than the others, actually.