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No Problems Today · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
Show rules for this event
When Time's Not Running Out
~ ~ ~ OUR STORY BEGINS! ~ ~ ~

The sun was high in the sky as it heated the streets of the now peaceful village. Summertime was well underway as colts and fillies played outside. One in particular with a yellow coat and a pink curly afro was reading his comic books under a shady tree. The super cute looking colt had spent hours reading them with an ever increasing frown forming on his face.

These stories were boring! If he was a normal colt living in a normal town with normal parents? Maybe these comics would be good? The reality was different. He was living in Ponyville, which was known to have a near disaster every month or used to. He was far from being a normal pony. Not with the parents he had compared to his friends.

Speaking of which, one of them popped her head out from the branches of the tree.

“Lil' Cheese! Here you are! You were late for lunch and I was looking all over for you. I first tried the pond because I knew it was going to be so hot today and went there. But you weren't there. Then I remember you took your new comic books with you and I look for you at places that would be quiet, like the library or the Hay Burger!” the pink mare exclaimed.

“Oh mom, sorry! Should have told you I was going to be here right outside. I lost track of time,” her son answered with a smile.

The pink pony with pink curly hair dropped from the branches and landed softly on her hooves. From the depths of her hair she pulled out a peanut butter sandwich on a plate. For any other creature this would have been weird, but being Pinkie Pie this was normal.

“What, no Cheese Sandwich?” Lil' Cheese joked.

Just then, behind the same tree, a yellow stallion with brown curly hair popped out. “You called champ?”

“Yeah dad!” Lil' Cheese smiled.

The family talked and threw around puns as the colt finished his lunch. When it was time to leave, Lil' Cheese left his comics behind. His parents noticed this.

“Heh son? Are you forgot something?” Cheese pointed to the stack.

“You don't want to forget your comics that you bought with your allowance, honey!” Pinkie added.

Lil' Cheese looked at his comics. “Oh yeah. I'll take care of these.”

He picked the books, put them in his hair (it's a family thing – don't ask) and walked to their home. When the family got back inside, Lil' Cheese dumped them in trash.

Watching this, his parents were confused as to why their son would do that. Seeing his parents confusion on their faces the colt replied. “They were super lame and not super fun to read.”

“What do you mean? I thought you liked Power Ponies?” Pinkie asked.

“And isn't Batstallion your favorite too?” Cheese chimed in.

“Yeah, Power Pony now has one issue of awesome fights or action. Great! But then it's like five issues of talking and walls of text. Batstallion? He is really mean to Gryphon in this series!” Lil' Cheese exclaimed with frustration.

“Sweetie, you still shouldn't be throwing those away. That's very wasteful! I'm sure there would be other colts and fillies who you could at least give these to?” Pinkie suggested.

“My friends gave me half of these. They think these comics are lame too,” the colt sighed.

“I'm sorry to hear that bud. Anyway... you want to help me out with my work now?” the father asked.

“Sure!” the son answered.

They both left the room as Pinkie looked at the pile of comics in the trash with concern.

“Huh, that can't be that bad can they? Think I'll go take a look at them,” the mother thought to herself out loud as she picked them up and then put them away in her hair.

~ ~ ~ THE NEXT DAY... ~ ~ ~

Pinkie Pie entered Hay Burger just as the morning sun rose above the horizon. Inside there was a young teenage dragon with purple scales. He was finishing cleaning off the tables as the mare waved to him.

“Hiya Spike! How are you today?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“I'm doing well... Pinkie,” Spike yawn. “I stayed up a little late. But, I'll be fine to open up soon. Anything I can get you?”

“Oh yeah. Could you tell me if you've read these before?” Pinkie asked as she drop a ton of comics on the table.

The dragon leafed though them curiously. “Wow, you got a lot here. Let me see. Yeah I have. Why do you ask?”

“Well Lil' Cheese thinks these are not so super buber duper, I read them last night, then came to the same conclusion. You know what? I figure out that I could write my own comic that is better than these!”

“Huh. Well I have been thinking that half the comics coming out the last few months have been dour or stale. It's a cycle with them. Kinda boring, but considering I used to live an exciting life...”

“Oh, oh you do! Or did?” Pinkie interrupted.

“... any comic coming out would be dull in comparison,” Spike said as he was halfway done sweeping the floor.

“My thoughts exactly! And I figured you could help me Spiky.”

“As a writer?”

“Editor!”

“Good enough for me,” Spike shrugged.

“Yeah, and I'm planning on basing the comic on some of our recent adventures. Except that I haven't had anything adventurous happen to me, Lil' Cheese, my hubby dubby, the Cakes or really any creature. It’s been boring really!”

“Pinkie, are you sure that nothing weird has happened to you, that you can write about? I mean... we are talking about you. No offense,” Spike laughed a bit as he put the broom down.

“None taken! Oh Spike, of course weird stuff still happens to me. It's just the run of the mill normal weird stuff that wouldn't be interesting in a comic, things I wouldn’t want to share with foals or would not make a good story. I don't think,” Pinkie answered.

“Oh. Well my life has been pretty good but to be honest...”

“Not exciting?” Pinkie interpreted again.

“... that's correct. Last couple of months have been smooth sailing. Been hanging out with Gabby, reading comics a little bit, playing O and O with Gabby along with some other friends, working here, going to movies with Gabby and I'm starting my first day as assistant manager.” Spike finished.

“Congratulations Spike!”

“Thank you. Got an important job. Hayburger is coming out with its new Spicy Tofu Burger today and I'm making sure it all goes smoothly.”

“Well, looks like customers are starting to arrive and I think I'll let you get back to work. I'll go ask the girls and see if they have stories that can inspire me! I'll get back to you later. Take care Spike,” Pinkie said as she left the business.

Spike waved to her and went to the back to check to see if everything was okay. The other employees were busy and in good spirits. He did notice the boxes of tofu were not in the refrigerator room. The dragon knew some types didn't need it, but the Hayburger ones did. He couldn't recall if he put them away last night, if they were just taken out or what.

Spike opened one of the boxes. “Oh good! These were packed with ice and they are still cold,” he chuckled and sighed with relief. The rest of his day went smoothly!

~ ~ ~ MEANWHILE AROUND PONYVILLE ~ ~ ~

Applejack and her extended family were quietly doing chores when Pinkie Pie came to visit the farm. The pink pony asked the orange pony if anything was new? Was there anything exciting or were there problems going on? The answer from Applejack was nothing was new under Twilight's sun. The farm pony was doing fine and the farm was out of debt for a couple years by this point. A certain rainbow pegasus was being more than helpful. With Rainbow Dash and the others at the farm helping out, the future looked bright.

Next, Pinkie Pie hopped over to Fluttershy's place to see if any chaos was going on. She figured there would be, since the yellow pegasus mare ran this above the board, a totally legal animal sanctuary filled with all sorts of animals. And if it wasn't so legal by some weird chance? Wouldn't matter because Fluttershy's bestest, best friend was The God of Chaos. The local law would not make a stink. No one really wanted to deal with Discord.

So there was chaos all about? No, because Fluttershy ran a tight operation and Discord was acting very unlike himself. He was behaving himself for some reason and wasn't going to tell Pinkie why. That would spoil the fun! Though when Pinkie asked Fluttershy, she just giggled goofily and shrugged. It all wasn't all for nothing because Fluttershy did agree to help draw the comic along with Discord agreeing to do the inking and printing it.

Still looking for more inspiration, Pinkie slide on over to the train station and caught a ride to Canterlot... while nothing weird happen in Ponyville while she was gone!

~ ~ ~ IN THE CAPITAL CITY OF CANTERLOT ~ ~ ~

Rarity, the white unicorn mare with a heart of gold, was NOT working at her Canterlot clothes boutique today. She was busy running her store in Manehattan, yet she had prepared a message for Pinkie Pie. How did this message get here from there? Magic!

“Dear Pinkie Pie,

Pardon me for not being here darling. I had other urgent business elsewhere. Please go see our friend Twilight instead of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Nothing fun or exciting has happened to them this month or the last. Nor to me as well. They and I wish to keep it that way.

If you are wondering why I would know as to why you are here? I wouldn't really. But while my keen intuition is not as strong as your Pinkie Senses, Spike had the foresight to send me a message via dragon fire. I wish you luck on your venture and hope you have no problems.

Your Truly,
Rarity Belle

P.S. That hat looks wonderful on you!

Rarity was right as Pinkie Pie looked at the hat she tried on in the boutique. She made its purchase and then headed over to Canterlot Castle.

She has no issues getting in because the guards knew and feared her reputation as a weirdness magnet. Plus it was not like she was an enemy of the state. Far from that! Pinkie Pie was a national hero and as long as she kept the personal and property damages reasonable (for Pinkie), she could do very little wrong. Besides, the cheerful mare always did know how to bring a smile to their faces.

“Hello there Pinkie,” Princess Twilight Sparkle greeted as the pink pony entered the throne room.

“Hiya Twilight! I could use your help on something. My Lil' Cheese read some comic books and he thought they were lame, he threw them out but I picked them out of the trash but that's okay because it was empty, not icky, and then I read them and I agreed they were lame. By the way did you get a letter from Spike?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Uhm no?”

“Anyway, I figured I could do better! Why? I don't know but the look on his face made me sad inside, and then I realized that if I could make a comic that was better, everything would be better.”

“That wouldn't be necessarily true though Pinkie.”

“I know that for real-sees but this is how I cope with things. Plus my life has been pretty boring. Don't get me wrong, it's good but...”

“You needed a little challenge in your life?” Twilight suggested.

“... yuper!” Pinkie agreed.

“Before we continue, let me read those comics.”

Pinkie Pie hoofed them over to Twilight. The princesses nodded and disappeared in a flash for a minute. She returned just as suddenly with a slight frown.
“These are pretty mediocre all things considering...” Twilight started.

“Where did you go Twilight?” Pinkie interrupted.

“Oh go? I went to a temporary pocket space outside of time that allows me to read books and important documents, or take a break to consider things without losing time in this world.”

“Is it dangerous?”

“I developed this with Discord, so not really,” she replied as Pinkie gave her a doubting look. “The only real downside is for every hour I spend in there, I have promised to spend an hour equally watching Discord's child. Babysitting really.”

“What?” Pinkie asked, confused.

“It's really not a pain. Good kid,” Twilight replied with a soft smile.

“What?” Pinkie asked again, still confused.

“It involves some time travel stuff I would rather not get into. So don't think too hard about it.”

“Okey dokey lokey Twilight! Err... who's the mom?"

"Discord is the mother and again, I rather not get into the details. Time travel stuff. Anyhow, what can I help you with?"

"Well I'm trying to get inspiration for my comic. I figured I would go to my bestest, best friends or a select few..."

"Very wise of you."

"... see if anything exciting has happened to them lately. So far it's been a big nope!"

"I can tell you that my life has been pretty routine with running things and delegating other creatures to help me run things. Honestly I do very little compared to the literal bureaucratic army I have at my command, and I'm thankful for that."

"Oh..." Pinkie replied in disappointment.

"Not the response I was expecting."

"Twilight, I just need new stories and ideas. Want to be inspired by new exciting life experiences! Plus I was thinking making the comic based off our adventures, but I'm pretty sure they have already been written."

"No, they have not Pinkie Pie."

"Are you sure Twilight Sparkle?"

"At least not in this timeline," Twilight chuckled.

"O-kay?"

"Even if they were, you could put your own interpretation on our adventures. Though I would rather if you didn't use us directly in the stories. Not one to one translation to characters, really. Just change the names around... a lot, and tweak them so creatures don't get the idea that they are based off us. Okay?"

"Okay!"

And that's how Pinkie Pie decided not to go over board with her idea! Pretty anti climatic, huh? Maybe a little lame?

~ ~ ~ ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL ~ ~ ~

So Pinkie and Twilight chatted some more before the pink pony left the purple alicorn to her duties. She caught the next train home without issues. Pinkie told her son Lil' Cheese her idea and he was ecstatic. Her husband Cheese Sandwich was very supportive of this venture. Literally too, as he took out a small loan with her to get the comic funded. He's great like that!

All and all there were no problems that day, today.

As for the future? Of course there were going to be problems and issues in a non comic sense. Issues like rewriting a story a couple of times to get it just right or the ink machine exploding because it was filled with frosting. And other pitfalls too! Not literal ones though! This was going to be a long journey, but I think it was go to be well worth it. Though these would be some stories for another time!
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#1 · 3
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Well. It's a good start. I'm trying to be optimistic and encouraging since every great writer has reached this particular point and moved on, and I've edited far, far worse.
--The grammar is pretty good. Really, it's better than I tend to do in first drafts. (I'm a comma-splatter)
--The plot is straightforward and understandable. That's really a sticky point on a lot of stories that wander around, and I've done that before.

Now for a few bad points.
--Dialogue is rough and difficult to get into character with. Try reading it out loud after you've written it.
--Pacing is a bit erratic

If you treated this as a first draft and did a few passes through it to smooth out transitions, that would help. Keeping the point of view character consistent as Lil' Cheese also. He needs to *feel* what is going on, even if he doesn't understand it.