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This poem's story made me laugh. Always wonder who and how an invasive critter or plant is figured out. Made me think how cellphones computer are useful tools, but I try really hard not to obey 'em.
Like this story even though I don't understand all of it. Guessing the person decide to travel and such. The prose is very fancy.
A tragic poem--life interrupted, wondrous visitors crushed. Do I sympathize with the speaker, who is stamped by ennui, or with the bug, who never saw it coming?
Sorry, had a busy weekend and didn't get time to vote or review before time ran out.
I take this that the seed not planted is the speaker himself, enabling him to wander instead of staying tied to home.
Mechanically, I only have a few small quibbles. The first stanza is the only one that uses female rhyme on the even lines, setting up the expectation that the rest will as well. It's often best to hold that kind of thing until later. But then it turns out not to be a rhyme. Planted/abandoned is enough of a slant rhyme that it seems to signal it was intended to be, then the rest of the stanzas don't rhyme those lines, so it again doesn't keep up what it appears to start. And you're experienced enough to know it's lazy to rhyme course with itself. A little of the rhythm is forced, but not much.
I take this that the seed not planted is the speaker himself, enabling him to wander instead of staying tied to home.
Mechanically, I only have a few small quibbles. The first stanza is the only one that uses female rhyme on the even lines, setting up the expectation that the rest will as well. It's often best to hold that kind of thing until later. But then it turns out not to be a rhyme. Planted/abandoned is enough of a slant rhyme that it seems to signal it was intended to be, then the rest of the stanzas don't rhyme those lines, so it again doesn't keep up what it appears to start. And you're experienced enough to know it's lazy to rhyme course with itself. A little of the rhythm is forced, but not much.
I like this, with both its theme of enjoying nature and the comical twist. The "red under white" and "all for the greater good" phrases don't quite fit in the stress pattern unless you force them. This was a fun read.
This work has been accepted for publication; I am taking the draft down. I will update this comment with more info later on.
>>Heavy_Mole, >>Pascoite, >>Griseus
This poem was accepted for publication in The Stillwater Review, vol 13.
This poem was accepted for publication in The Stillwater Review, vol 13.