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Hm, a very visual poem. I like the form, and I wonder whether you wrote it over an image of the Eiffel Tower or just eyeballed the shape. I don't know if there was any meaning to the repeated words at the beginning or if it was just necessary to achieve the shape. It also makes me wonder if the shape changes noticeably depending on which browser I'm using, or in the site's typesetting versus the author's word processor.
I like the way that when the second gap opens up in the middle, the words around it all have a commonality (they all start with "c"), and it set me up to look back and see if the first gap had a similar gimmick. Maybe it would have been nice to do something like that for all of them?
As to message, there's a nice mood to this. I can't tell whether the poem is supposed to be from the tower's perspective, or from the perspective of someone going up the tower, or... has nothing to do with the tower and all, and it's just being used as a metaphor. Fortunately, the way you just use single words and phrases instead of complete sentences lends itself to much easier choice in what lengths are needed to achieve the shape.
Pretty cool.
I like the way that when the second gap opens up in the middle, the words around it all have a commonality (they all start with "c"), and it set me up to look back and see if the first gap had a similar gimmick. Maybe it would have been nice to do something like that for all of them?
As to message, there's a nice mood to this. I can't tell whether the poem is supposed to be from the tower's perspective, or from the perspective of someone going up the tower, or... has nothing to do with the tower and all, and it's just being used as a metaphor. Fortunately, the way you just use single words and phrases instead of complete sentences lends itself to much easier choice in what lengths are needed to achieve the shape.
Pretty cool.
This feels like a dramatization of a tower defense game.
I don't know, I'm left feeling a bit odd about this. A few editing misses, and as we get pretty often in these things, the rhymes are a bit of a stretch, to where they'd sound okay spoken aloud but in written form are more obviously not quite there. But you start out talking about a ballista, which evokes rather old combat from centuries ago. Then you talk about exploding trip wires, which are unlikely to be used alongside a ballista, unless, again, this is from a particular game. So that made me think you were going to show the progression of military technology. Okay, net up is shredders. Don't really know what they are, but I could certainly see that being something more advanced than trip mines, so it still fits the pattern. But then "overrun" doesn't keep it going, and we're back to a ballista at the end, so I don't think that was the author's intent. I also don't know whether I'm supposed to read any significance into the repeated lines being shuffled into a different position in the next to last stanza.
This sets a nice mood of hopelssness and fatigue, but I'm not clear on how the details work.
I don't know, I'm left feeling a bit odd about this. A few editing misses, and as we get pretty often in these things, the rhymes are a bit of a stretch, to where they'd sound okay spoken aloud but in written form are more obviously not quite there. But you start out talking about a ballista, which evokes rather old combat from centuries ago. Then you talk about exploding trip wires, which are unlikely to be used alongside a ballista, unless, again, this is from a particular game. So that made me think you were going to show the progression of military technology. Okay, net up is shredders. Don't really know what they are, but I could certainly see that being something more advanced than trip mines, so it still fits the pattern. But then "overrun" doesn't keep it going, and we're back to a ballista at the end, so I don't think that was the author's intent. I also don't know whether I'm supposed to read any significance into the repeated lines being shuffled into a different position in the next to last stanza.
This sets a nice mood of hopelssness and fatigue, but I'm not clear on how the details work.
I can't help feeling like I'm missing something to this by not having seen a Mardi Gras parade or being familiar with the city's geography. Like that last bit seems to expect that I know what this place looks like rather than describing it to me.
The way it's structured does seem to have a bit of a rhythmic sense to it, though I always feel like with free verse, I don't know whether the choice of where to put line breaks is supposed to mean anything to me. I like how each stanza starts out with something depicting action, so it gives the whole thing a forward motion.
One homophone typo I see, "levy" versus "levee."
This one's good at creating a colorful and active mood; despite not being familiar with the ceremony, it still gives an air of actually being there. As to connection to the prompt, I don't know if "towers of Pontchartrain" are a real thing or just a mental image the prompt inspired you to come up with; If the former, then again, it expects the reader to know that already.
The way it's structured does seem to have a bit of a rhythmic sense to it, though I always feel like with free verse, I don't know whether the choice of where to put line breaks is supposed to mean anything to me. I like how each stanza starts out with something depicting action, so it gives the whole thing a forward motion.
One homophone typo I see, "levy" versus "levee."
This one's good at creating a colorful and active mood; despite not being familiar with the ceremony, it still gives an air of actually being there. As to connection to the prompt, I don't know if "towers of Pontchartrain" are a real thing or just a mental image the prompt inspired you to come up with; If the former, then again, it expects the reader to know that already.
Gosh, I can't even get indentation to work right half the time on these sites.
The form imparts a sense of a transformation. But is it something being split up, or put together? It depends where you begin reading.
The form imparts a sense of a transformation. But is it something being split up, or put together? It depends where you begin reading.
The mood of this is "fun". From the moment we "fall out of bed" we are swept away by extravagant activity and rally cries. The imagery is neither metaphorical nor allegorical, but is rather a sort of parody of fantasy.
There is a structure here and some very loose rhymes. I sometimes wonder what the relationship is between these things and actual poetry, which, after all, doesn't really have rules. Lots of great poetry uses slant rhyme, or doesn't rhyme at all. Prose can be "poetic".
When the discipline is loose, there is a certain quality of association--"one damned thing after another". With more care with form things begin to cohere in a different way. The mind can more easily grasp the poem as an object, and pore over it. Even those "loose" poems often enough evoke convention, in some sense. But you've got to practice with it first.
There is a structure here and some very loose rhymes. I sometimes wonder what the relationship is between these things and actual poetry, which, after all, doesn't really have rules. Lots of great poetry uses slant rhyme, or doesn't rhyme at all. Prose can be "poetic".
When the discipline is loose, there is a certain quality of association--"one damned thing after another". With more care with form things begin to cohere in a different way. The mind can more easily grasp the poem as an object, and pore over it. Even those "loose" poems often enough evoke convention, in some sense. But you've got to practice with it first.
>>Pascoite, >>Heavy_Mole
Awe Full
Thanks for the gold! Congrats to the co-medalists, and appy-olly-logies to Monokeras for invoking one of his peeves in the service of Aught.
I knew from the beginning that I wanted to try a visual poem with the form of a tower, as most poems are columnar anyway. I felt the iconic Eiffel was distinct enough to be recognized and not too complex to execute, nor so simple as to be dull to compose. I flailed around a bit for a topic, but being up high over everyone seemed thematic enough.
I brought up a page of images and referred to them as I constructed the poem; this was done by eye and not overlay. As BBCode is not really designed for precision layout, I cheated by using rows of white periods as spacers. The initial repetition was mainly to stretch the tower, as my choice of two letter words was limited.
Thanks to contributors and reviewers alike, and I shall hope to see you again next round.
Awe Full
Thanks for the gold! Congrats to the co-medalists, and appy-olly-logies to Monokeras for invoking one of his peeves in the service of Aught.
I knew from the beginning that I wanted to try a visual poem with the form of a tower, as most poems are columnar anyway. I felt the iconic Eiffel was distinct enough to be recognized and not too complex to execute, nor so simple as to be dull to compose. I flailed around a bit for a topic, but being up high over everyone seemed thematic enough.
I brought up a page of images and referred to them as I constructed the poem; this was done by eye and not overlay. As BBCode is not really designed for precision layout, I cheated by using rows of white periods as spacers. The initial repetition was mainly to stretch the tower, as my choice of two letter words was limited.
Thanks to contributors and reviewers alike, and I shall hope to see you again next round.