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Eye Full
I
I
am
so
so
so
up
on
my
own
sky
high
tall
rise
takes
breath
away mute
blue apex
lofty .. vista
parts ... crowd
below ..... alone
I soar beyond them I
cannot hear anyone
they do not look up
remote I float all aloft
carried ............... circled
curling ................ crazily
currents ................ carressed
I draw air to shout but all is void I
cannot bring them to me to share
what I have seen and so I swallow
the scene and give myself to the sky
sighing I soar higher as blue darkens
receding up ...................... to unending
starlight .................................. sparkling
decreasing ..................................... atmosphere
everlasting .......................................... immensities
estrangement ................................................. imperishable
I
am
so
so
so
up
on
my
own
sky
high
tall
rise
takes
breath
away mute
blue apex
lofty .. vista
parts ... crowd
below ..... alone
I soar beyond them I
cannot hear anyone
they do not look up
remote I float all aloft
carried ............... circled
curling ................ crazily
currents ................ carressed
I draw air to shout but all is void I
cannot bring them to me to share
what I have seen and so I swallow
the scene and give myself to the sky
sighing I soar higher as blue darkens
receding up ...................... to unending
starlight .................................. sparkling
decreasing ..................................... atmosphere
everlasting .......................................... immensities
estrangement ................................................. imperishable
Hm, a very visual poem. I like the form, and I wonder whether you wrote it over an image of the Eiffel Tower or just eyeballed the shape. I don't know if there was any meaning to the repeated words at the beginning or if it was just necessary to achieve the shape. It also makes me wonder if the shape changes noticeably depending on which browser I'm using, or in the site's typesetting versus the author's word processor.
I like the way that when the second gap opens up in the middle, the words around it all have a commonality (they all start with "c"), and it set me up to look back and see if the first gap had a similar gimmick. Maybe it would have been nice to do something like that for all of them?
As to message, there's a nice mood to this. I can't tell whether the poem is supposed to be from the tower's perspective, or from the perspective of someone going up the tower, or... has nothing to do with the tower and all, and it's just being used as a metaphor. Fortunately, the way you just use single words and phrases instead of complete sentences lends itself to much easier choice in what lengths are needed to achieve the shape.
Pretty cool.
I like the way that when the second gap opens up in the middle, the words around it all have a commonality (they all start with "c"), and it set me up to look back and see if the first gap had a similar gimmick. Maybe it would have been nice to do something like that for all of them?
As to message, there's a nice mood to this. I can't tell whether the poem is supposed to be from the tower's perspective, or from the perspective of someone going up the tower, or... has nothing to do with the tower and all, and it's just being used as a metaphor. Fortunately, the way you just use single words and phrases instead of complete sentences lends itself to much easier choice in what lengths are needed to achieve the shape.
Pretty cool.
Gosh, I can't even get indentation to work right half the time on these sites.
The form imparts a sense of a transformation. But is it something being split up, or put together? It depends where you begin reading.
The form imparts a sense of a transformation. But is it something being split up, or put together? It depends where you begin reading.
>>Pascoite, >>Heavy_Mole
Awe Full
Thanks for the gold! Congrats to the co-medalists, and appy-olly-logies to Monokeras for invoking one of his peeves in the service of Aught.
I knew from the beginning that I wanted to try a visual poem with the form of a tower, as most poems are columnar anyway. I felt the iconic Eiffel was distinct enough to be recognized and not too complex to execute, nor so simple as to be dull to compose. I flailed around a bit for a topic, but being up high over everyone seemed thematic enough.
I brought up a page of images and referred to them as I constructed the poem; this was done by eye and not overlay. As BBCode is not really designed for precision layout, I cheated by using rows of white periods as spacers. The initial repetition was mainly to stretch the tower, as my choice of two letter words was limited.
Thanks to contributors and reviewers alike, and I shall hope to see you again next round.
Awe Full
Thanks for the gold! Congrats to the co-medalists, and appy-olly-logies to Monokeras for invoking one of his peeves in the service of Aught.
I knew from the beginning that I wanted to try a visual poem with the form of a tower, as most poems are columnar anyway. I felt the iconic Eiffel was distinct enough to be recognized and not too complex to execute, nor so simple as to be dull to compose. I flailed around a bit for a topic, but being up high over everyone seemed thematic enough.
I brought up a page of images and referred to them as I constructed the poem; this was done by eye and not overlay. As BBCode is not really designed for precision layout, I cheated by using rows of white periods as spacers. The initial repetition was mainly to stretch the tower, as my choice of two letter words was limited.
Thanks to contributors and reviewers alike, and I shall hope to see you again next round.