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Before Mardi Gras
One after next, the towers of Pontchartrain
Sheen like a snake in the
Grass, set deeply as long, and
Onward to Maurepas.
Sequencing out of the city, see them in
Chain showing things from the
Past are yet equal to those in the
Future, plane-ward cast.
Spotting a gray in the distance I notice the
Sun, as still as the
Line, and everywhere shadowing
Sidewalks in turpentine.
Marching in place with the drones of the waterfront
Booming in time, the
Call for the second line beating in
Notes through the levy wall.
Bigger than life, the lakes in their gatekeeping
Break up the clime ‘twixt the
North and the south as the split of the
Shorelines is shouted forth!
Sheen like a snake in the
Grass, set deeply as long, and
Onward to Maurepas.
Sequencing out of the city, see them in
Chain showing things from the
Past are yet equal to those in the
Future, plane-ward cast.
Spotting a gray in the distance I notice the
Sun, as still as the
Line, and everywhere shadowing
Sidewalks in turpentine.
Marching in place with the drones of the waterfront
Booming in time, the
Call for the second line beating in
Notes through the levy wall.
Bigger than life, the lakes in their gatekeeping
Break up the clime ‘twixt the
North and the south as the split of the
Shorelines is shouted forth!
I can't help feeling like I'm missing something to this by not having seen a Mardi Gras parade or being familiar with the city's geography. Like that last bit seems to expect that I know what this place looks like rather than describing it to me.
The way it's structured does seem to have a bit of a rhythmic sense to it, though I always feel like with free verse, I don't know whether the choice of where to put line breaks is supposed to mean anything to me. I like how each stanza starts out with something depicting action, so it gives the whole thing a forward motion.
One homophone typo I see, "levy" versus "levee."
This one's good at creating a colorful and active mood; despite not being familiar with the ceremony, it still gives an air of actually being there. As to connection to the prompt, I don't know if "towers of Pontchartrain" are a real thing or just a mental image the prompt inspired you to come up with; If the former, then again, it expects the reader to know that already.
The way it's structured does seem to have a bit of a rhythmic sense to it, though I always feel like with free verse, I don't know whether the choice of where to put line breaks is supposed to mean anything to me. I like how each stanza starts out with something depicting action, so it gives the whole thing a forward motion.
One homophone typo I see, "levy" versus "levee."
This one's good at creating a colorful and active mood; despite not being familiar with the ceremony, it still gives an air of actually being there. As to connection to the prompt, I don't know if "towers of Pontchartrain" are a real thing or just a mental image the prompt inspired you to come up with; If the former, then again, it expects the reader to know that already.
