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Is this a haiku? It roughly looks like one, but only the first line has the right number of syllables. The sentiment is nice, how the speaker takes refuge from the outside world in games, which is probably not an uncommon thing.
Nice sentiment that what is considered wasted time might be the most valuable time of all. Structurally, it's pretty sound, with the swapping rhymes each stanza. The only weak spots are that "again" is kind of a stretch as a rhyme, and "my sparse resume" doesn't fit the stress pattern. I bet with a few more minutes' thought, you could fix that up. Nicely done.
Ah, a companion piece? Depending on circumstances, these can be against the rules. For my part, I'll just take it as a standalone thing as if I hadn't read "All the Time There Is: first.
It has a similar theme of not taking things too seriously, but it's harder to tease a narrative out of it for me. I don't really see a point it's making, and it seems to be more randomness than anything else. Structurally similar, but with a different rhyme scheme. There's richer imagery in this one, but the other had a clearer message and a more demanding structure (though this one sticks to its structure better).
Ah, no, three different authors, so it was just coincidence that two of you chose to use the prompt as the first line. I guess being in iambic tetrameter already does lend itself to be useful that way. Whoever submitted the prompt (really, only one person submitted one?), did you plan it that way?
It has a similar theme of not taking things too seriously, but it's harder to tease a narrative out of it for me. I don't really see a point it's making, and it seems to be more randomness than anything else. Structurally similar, but with a different rhyme scheme. There's richer imagery in this one, but the other had a clearer message and a more demanding structure (though this one sticks to its structure better).
Ah, no, three different authors, so it was just coincidence that two of you chose to use the prompt as the first line. I guess being in iambic tetrameter already does lend itself to be useful that way. Whoever submitted the prompt (really, only one person submitted one?), did you plan it that way?
>>Pascoite
I think the meter is exactly what it was, and I thought it was neat to have two entries grown from the same 'seed'.
The line "I've wasted all the time I can" has a note of paradox to me; as in, "I've wasted all the time I can (If only I could put more time and effort into the matter!)" So I tried to develop some imagery along the lines of 'saving time by going down a rabbit hole', 'ruining a joke for fun', etc.
I had a friend say once: "It's easier to find humor from the seat of seriousness than seriousness from the seat of humor." The fox sits at the seat of humor.
I think the meter is exactly what it was, and I thought it was neat to have two entries grown from the same 'seed'.
The line "I've wasted all the time I can" has a note of paradox to me; as in, "I've wasted all the time I can (If only I could put more time and effort into the matter!)" So I tried to develop some imagery along the lines of 'saving time by going down a rabbit hole', 'ruining a joke for fun', etc.
I had a friend say once: "It's easier to find humor from the seat of seriousness than seriousness from the seat of humor." The fox sits at the seat of humor.
The rhyme structure itself has a quality of cyclicity. The lines "Of scattered seeds, so few began/to grow, and my sparse résumé" break up the rhythm, but intentionally, I think, like a crack in the spoke of a wheel.
I think this gets off to a good start. The problem line for me is "Can't hurt me like people". You must find the same equality for 'people' that you did for Time in the first two lines. Then you will have a bangin' haiku.
>>Pascoite, >>Heavy_Mole
Timeless
Thanks, I am glad you liked it.
On the 19th, I was watching a butterfly dechrysalize while packing the car for a 15 hour trip. I had a sense of trying to sweetly stave off the inevitable, and with the limited time I had in the day, I produced this little thing.
It may be a tell, but I often try to submit metric prompts, and so it worked out on this occasion. Incorporating it as the starting and ending line here was partly a time saving technique.
Timeless
Thanks, I am glad you liked it.
On the 19th, I was watching a butterfly dechrysalize while packing the car for a 15 hour trip. I had a sense of trying to sweetly stave off the inevitable, and with the limited time I had in the day, I produced this little thing.
It may be a tell, but I often try to submit metric prompts, and so it worked out on this occasion. Incorporating it as the starting and ending line here was partly a time saving technique.