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And now the thing is set, so post a prompt,
To range the props and backdrops on the stage,
Then write until our circumstance is pomp'd
With Bardic ballads for a modern age.
To range the props and backdrops on the stage,
Then write until our circumstance is pomp'd
With Bardic ballads for a modern age.
by the by
I have written
the poems
that were in
the comments
and which
probably made
you question
my sanity
no apologies
so delicious
so moist
and so suggestive
I have written
the poems
that were in
the comments
and which
probably made
you question
my sanity
no apologies
so delicious
so moist
and so suggestive
I think I should preface this review of mine by saying I'm not exactly a poet at heart. Many of the opinions I have about this kinda stem from a mix of theatre history—what little of it I can recall from my lectures anyway—along with some techniques I've picked up from acting class, so don't just take my word as gospel. Get a second opinion, preferably from someone with more knowledge in verse than I am like Pascoite or GGA. Those are the two I can name off the top of my head, though I'm sure there's more.
So here we have a quatrain. Simple and rather straightforward until one gets a closer look, though that can come later. I think most of my issues of immersion with this particular entry is really the subject matter at the core of this story, which is about Shakespeare's wife. It's a pretty meta approach to talk about her in verse but sadly it's not the only meta entry this round so yeah. A lot of the references are a little lost to me though, and if it weren't for Google they would probably still be that way. Nonetheless, I think it's a nice way to approach it. Definitely creative despite its flaws. With how it's handled, however, that means a lot of what would change my experience with this entry is really the execution of the verse itself.
So how was it? A bit dull, if you ask me.
The structure starts to get in the way of things after subsequent reads. It's fine with the four-line-per-stanza approach that it currently is. The way the line endings are utilised is pretty neat too on occasion. My issue's really with the minor details that kinda hampered my experience, from the mismatched syllable count to the flippant switching between various rhyming schemes. All the technical stuff is definitely out of my league—again, second opinions are much appreciated—but there's something else that I'm picking up that could probably pinpoint why I don't enjoy this in the first place.
Whenever I'm reading this, I'm reading this aloud. I'm doing that to basically try and see if I could capture the subtext of this entry. It's fine if you're not thinking about it; this isn't something writers are fully aware of when they're writing, though being aware of it can certainly help in all forms of writing, even in non-fiction mediums. Nevertheless, I couldn't really get a satisfying read from it because looking at the way this story tells us about Shakespeare's wife, it feels like it's just informing us about the circumstances of their relationship and not doing much else. It's not attempting to convince me that Shakespeare's love for her is genuine. It's not protesting the fact that so little knew about who Shakespeare's wife was. It's just telling us a loose chain of events that happened. As if it was a precursor to something more substantial.
Frankly, I don't think such a passive approach works with the format, or at least I don't think I enjoy a poem (or anything else, really) that tells me about something that is happening or has happened. I'm of the mind that it has to do more than that to really win me over. It's written pretty well, I'd say. I just think it has to be approached with something more than with conventional methods of storytelling to really make it stand out.
Which reminds me, there is a pair of lines in this piece that does stand out to me, context notwithstanding.
I loved these two lines together. The repetition, the points of stress, the line ending, I loved it. All of it creates a wonderful subtext that I wished was more prevalent in the rest of the poem. Maybe you could hone in on the emotions surrounding these particular lines and expand them throughout. I think it would definitely give this poem the razor-sharp edge it needs to wrest my complete attention.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
So here we have a quatrain. Simple and rather straightforward until one gets a closer look, though that can come later. I think most of my issues of immersion with this particular entry is really the subject matter at the core of this story, which is about Shakespeare's wife. It's a pretty meta approach to talk about her in verse but sadly it's not the only meta entry this round so yeah. A lot of the references are a little lost to me though, and if it weren't for Google they would probably still be that way. Nonetheless, I think it's a nice way to approach it. Definitely creative despite its flaws. With how it's handled, however, that means a lot of what would change my experience with this entry is really the execution of the verse itself.
So how was it? A bit dull, if you ask me.
The structure starts to get in the way of things after subsequent reads. It's fine with the four-line-per-stanza approach that it currently is. The way the line endings are utilised is pretty neat too on occasion. My issue's really with the minor details that kinda hampered my experience, from the mismatched syllable count to the flippant switching between various rhyming schemes. All the technical stuff is definitely out of my league—again, second opinions are much appreciated—but there's something else that I'm picking up that could probably pinpoint why I don't enjoy this in the first place.
Whenever I'm reading this, I'm reading this aloud. I'm doing that to basically try and see if I could capture the subtext of this entry. It's fine if you're not thinking about it; this isn't something writers are fully aware of when they're writing, though being aware of it can certainly help in all forms of writing, even in non-fiction mediums. Nevertheless, I couldn't really get a satisfying read from it because looking at the way this story tells us about Shakespeare's wife, it feels like it's just informing us about the circumstances of their relationship and not doing much else. It's not attempting to convince me that Shakespeare's love for her is genuine. It's not protesting the fact that so little knew about who Shakespeare's wife was. It's just telling us a loose chain of events that happened. As if it was a precursor to something more substantial.
Frankly, I don't think such a passive approach works with the format, or at least I don't think I enjoy a poem (or anything else, really) that tells me about something that is happening or has happened. I'm of the mind that it has to do more than that to really win me over. It's written pretty well, I'd say. I just think it has to be approached with something more than with conventional methods of storytelling to really make it stand out.
Which reminds me, there is a pair of lines in this piece that does stand out to me, context notwithstanding.
He gave her his second-best bed with the furniture after he died
Because she was the best bed who he stood aground
I loved these two lines together. The repetition, the points of stress, the line ending, I loved it. All of it creates a wonderful subtext that I wished was more prevalent in the rest of the poem. Maybe you could hone in on the emotions surrounding these particular lines and expand them throughout. I think it would definitely give this poem the razor-sharp edge it needs to wrest my complete attention.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
Genre: “It goèth down, I yellèth ‘Timber!’”
Thoughts: There’s a little of everything in this, which I appreciate. We get references galore to Macbeth itself, as well as other works by the Bard. The way that the scenes cut back and forth is almost reminiscent of TV, which definitely works in the written medium, though it could make this harder to stage if one was so inclined. The witches add structure to the silliness by providing an expository scaffolding around the core comedy bits with Lord & Lady Macbeth. And by the way, it’s genuinely funny—especially in Banquo’s bits, and “Exit, with corkscrew and cheese slicer.” Good flourish!
If I could complain, I would do so about Hecate’s disappearance after her declaration that she’s going to get things back on track, and her reappearance for the ending soliloquy. This IMO renders the witches (and Hecate) as more of a narrative aside than movers of the plot, whereas their dialogue suggests they’re meant to be more of the latter. There’s a commensurate lull when Duncan appears with the dogs, which is regrettable, because the referential jokes there are quite good; but the problem is that we don’t see rising action there, contrary to what Hecate suggests we should expect.
Still, though: A play! A very palpable play! That’s a fine thing indeed in Bard fanfiction, and much appreciated.
Tier: Hamlet
Thoughts: There’s a little of everything in this, which I appreciate. We get references galore to Macbeth itself, as well as other works by the Bard. The way that the scenes cut back and forth is almost reminiscent of TV, which definitely works in the written medium, though it could make this harder to stage if one was so inclined. The witches add structure to the silliness by providing an expository scaffolding around the core comedy bits with Lord & Lady Macbeth. And by the way, it’s genuinely funny—especially in Banquo’s bits, and “Exit, with corkscrew and cheese slicer.” Good flourish!
If I could complain, I would do so about Hecate’s disappearance after her declaration that she’s going to get things back on track, and her reappearance for the ending soliloquy. This IMO renders the witches (and Hecate) as more of a narrative aside than movers of the plot, whereas their dialogue suggests they’re meant to be more of the latter. There’s a commensurate lull when Duncan appears with the dogs, which is regrettable, because the referential jokes there are quite good; but the problem is that we don’t see rising action there, contrary to what Hecate suggests we should expect.
Still, though: A play! A very palpable play! That’s a fine thing indeed in Bard fanfiction, and much appreciated.
Tier: Hamlet
I have to say, I'm glad I refamiliarised myself with Shakespeare's era of theatre before really diving into this pack of entries. Otherwise, I don't think I would be enjoying this and all the other entries as much as I am right now.
This took me a really long while to really unpack, yet even after doing that, I don't think I quite get it. That's not a bad thing in my book, by the way, I don't think it's important for me to fully enjoy or understand what exactly is going on to admire what a piece is striving for. Looking at the stuff that I am picking up from this, however?
I like it. I like it quite a bit.
It took me a while to realise that this was written in iambic pentameter, which I should've expected way earlier considering the group this round is in. I like the slight rhythmic variations you've employed, especially with the use of punctuation here. Add in the eclectic choice of words, you end up with an entry that paints a really captivating emotional picture that sucks me in every time I go back to it. That alone is fantastic in of itself.
Now, as for the details of that picture, I can't really make heads or tails of it. I feel like I'm missing the grander context from which this was written. I'm inclined to believe that this was partially self-referential, as I'm somewhat drawing a connection between the heart and the fact that this was written in iambic pentameter. Perhaps it details your struggles with writing an entry for this particular contest? I'm pretty sure I'm grasping at straws here but it's certainly something to behold were it the case.
All in all, even though I don't understand much of it, I certainly dig what it's emoting. It'll be nice to hear from you on what this entry's about but I'm content with what I'm reading here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to waking up my neighbours again by yelling this entry out an open window.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
This took me a really long while to really unpack, yet even after doing that, I don't think I quite get it. That's not a bad thing in my book, by the way, I don't think it's important for me to fully enjoy or understand what exactly is going on to admire what a piece is striving for. Looking at the stuff that I am picking up from this, however?
I like it. I like it quite a bit.
It took me a while to realise that this was written in iambic pentameter, which I should've expected way earlier considering the group this round is in. I like the slight rhythmic variations you've employed, especially with the use of punctuation here. Add in the eclectic choice of words, you end up with an entry that paints a really captivating emotional picture that sucks me in every time I go back to it. That alone is fantastic in of itself.
Now, as for the details of that picture, I can't really make heads or tails of it. I feel like I'm missing the grander context from which this was written. I'm inclined to believe that this was partially self-referential, as I'm somewhat drawing a connection between the heart and the fact that this was written in iambic pentameter. Perhaps it details your struggles with writing an entry for this particular contest? I'm pretty sure I'm grasping at straws here but it's certainly something to behold were it the case.
All in all, even though I don't understand much of it, I certainly dig what it's emoting. It'll be nice to hear from you on what this entry's about but I'm content with what I'm reading here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to waking up my neighbours again by yelling this entry out an open window.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
Genre: Black Parade
Thoughts: This entry starts to show me the difficulty of judging our various entries in this round. Last night I reviewed a short play; tonight it’s a solitary sonnet. These things are different in more ways than just length and scope, but those are definitely factors that I’ll need to adjust for!
But hey, a sonnet! And a dark one at that. There’s good use of language here, and very faithful adherence to the prescribed meter and rhyme scheme.
The text is definitely made interesting by these things, but the actual subject is still not as clear as I might hope for. On its surface at least, this appears to be about a victory that’s come at too high a price, which is a subject that I very much dig. But is there more going on, and if so, what would that be? It’s currently hard to make out.
Nevertheless, style points galore for this one.
Tier: All’s Well That Ends Well
Thoughts: This entry starts to show me the difficulty of judging our various entries in this round. Last night I reviewed a short play; tonight it’s a solitary sonnet. These things are different in more ways than just length and scope, but those are definitely factors that I’ll need to adjust for!
But hey, a sonnet! And a dark one at that. There’s good use of language here, and very faithful adherence to the prescribed meter and rhyme scheme.
The text is definitely made interesting by these things, but the actual subject is still not as clear as I might hope for. On its surface at least, this appears to be about a victory that’s come at too high a price, which is a subject that I very much dig. But is there more going on, and if so, what would that be? It’s currently hard to make out.
Nevertheless, style points galore for this one.
Tier: All’s Well That Ends Well
Genre: “Thou Giv’st Love a Bàdde Næme”
Thoughts: Of our trio of submissions, this has the absolute clearest purpose and theme: to rehabilitate Shakespeare’s wife in the eyes of the reader—and history, if possible. I have to confess not being too close to the Shakespeare Extended Universe for some time, so I’m not readily familiar with the kinds of rumors or negative portrayals that our Author refers to. Fortunately, there’s enough information here to get the gist across, and it’s not hard to let the imagination fill in from there.
This comes across strongly in terms of sheer earnestness. There’s no question that our Author is on a mission. There are also some bold and heartfelt declarations, such as “she was the best bed who he stood aground.” That line in particular is strong almost to the point of being jarring, but in a good way; one doesn’t generally run into lines like that, and it works very well.
This works less well for me in some other choices of phrasing, though. The “humble 'tard“ line fit the rhyme, but here what we get is jarring in a less-good way; this just doesn’t feel genuine as authorial self-deprecation. The line at the end about the hay was similarly fitting from a structure and rhyme perspective, but felt less buoyant and artistic than what I might hope for as the piece seeks to leave its final impression on the reader.
Still though, there’s a passion to this that shines through, which I don’t see quite as vibrantly in our other entries.
Tier: Henry IV, Part 2
Thoughts: Of our trio of submissions, this has the absolute clearest purpose and theme: to rehabilitate Shakespeare’s wife in the eyes of the reader—and history, if possible. I have to confess not being too close to the Shakespeare Extended Universe for some time, so I’m not readily familiar with the kinds of rumors or negative portrayals that our Author refers to. Fortunately, there’s enough information here to get the gist across, and it’s not hard to let the imagination fill in from there.
This comes across strongly in terms of sheer earnestness. There’s no question that our Author is on a mission. There are also some bold and heartfelt declarations, such as “she was the best bed who he stood aground.” That line in particular is strong almost to the point of being jarring, but in a good way; one doesn’t generally run into lines like that, and it works very well.
This works less well for me in some other choices of phrasing, though. The “humble 'tard“ line fit the rhyme, but here what we get is jarring in a less-good way; this just doesn’t feel genuine as authorial self-deprecation. The line at the end about the hay was similarly fitting from a structure and rhyme perspective, but felt less buoyant and artistic than what I might hope for as the piece seeks to leave its final impression on the reader.
Still though, there’s a passion to this that shines through, which I don’t see quite as vibrantly in our other entries.
Tier: Henry IV, Part 2
Even though this is a Shakespeare round, I'd never imagined that we would get a full-blown play to grace our presence. Not that I'm complaining, it's extremely refreshing to see something like this show up in lieu of the usual short story affair. It being a riveting read just makes it all the better for me.
I really like how intricate yet how accessible all this is. As far as parodies go, this is certainly a piece that you can enjoy whether you're familiar with Shakespeare or not. The language and references aren't as intimidating as they seem on the surface, nothing a few Google searches can't handle. The humour, particularly towards the latter half, is as Much Ado About Nothing as they come. If that's not copious praise, I don't know what is.
All in all, remarkable work here, Author! Wouldn't mind seeing where you might go with this one!
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
I really like how intricate yet how accessible all this is. As far as parodies go, this is certainly a piece that you can enjoy whether you're familiar with Shakespeare or not. The language and references aren't as intimidating as they seem on the surface, nothing a few Google searches can't handle. The humour, particularly towards the latter half, is as Much Ado About Nothing as they come. If that's not copious praise, I don't know what is.
All in all, remarkable work here, Author! Wouldn't mind seeing where you might go with this one!
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
What a lovely and temperate image. This bud unshaken opened just in time for the Photographer to give it summer eternal. Well selected and framed, this will go in the upper tier of my slate. Kudos, Artist!
What a dark, sleek, compelling image, capturing the source poem's visual symbols in a scene laden with unspoken violence. This belongs in the upper tier. Well done, Artist!
What 'tis that thou hast done, sirrah, forsooth
I do perceive it with my own dear eyes.
And I proclaim with best regards to truth,
'Twill grace my slate whereon the thing best lies.
I do perceive it with my own dear eyes.
And I proclaim with best regards to truth,
'Twill grace my slate whereon the thing best lies.
The true artist here, dare I say it, is nature herself. However, from time to time, one seeks to capture her grandeur and present it as one's own. And this is good, for it oft takes an eye to catch nature smiling just so for the camera. She smiles here, and it is good.
This is just plain cool! The seeming mirror-image of a person and a bodkin captures the sonnet's imagery quite vividly. Juxtaposing the "pure" and "impure" hearts against their opposite figures brings a poetic touch. I should think the Author would be pleased indeed to see their work inspire such a creation!
I like this! Though the Bard be realized a bit more fully than his wife, this captures both its subjects and its humor with directness. Gotta love that earring!
The faceless lady's name alone can stay,
But where there is a Will, she hath a way.
But where there is a Will, she hath a way.
My courage leaves me straining 'til I'm sick,
Let conscience new be cut down to the quick!
Let conscience new be cut down to the quick!
To whitewash such a play would take some suds,
But yet, as they do say, blood shall have blood.
But yet, as they do say, blood shall have blood.
>>CoffeeMinion
Not bad for a first run!
Repeating what I said in chat: I don't want to re-run the Shakespeare event too often, but one thought I had was that we could add other authors to pastiche to the group, and perhaps run a round on each author's birthday. I'll repost this in the group thread as well so everyone has a chance to see it.
Not bad for a first run!
Repeating what I said in chat: I don't want to re-run the Shakespeare event too often, but one thought I had was that we could add other authors to pastiche to the group, and perhaps run a round on each author's birthday. I'll repost this in the group thread as well so everyone has a chance to see it.