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Victory’s Lament
In vic’try, I, a grasping, vengeful wretch,
Berate my weak heart, crying: “Coward! Fool!
Of fate unworthy, yet death did not catch!
Thou’r’t given power—take it up and rule!”
For in my breast, a second heart doth beat,
Of nascent alabaster suf’ring, wrought
From bones my onetime conscience made its meat.
That grinder, inward turn’d, devours to naught.
What gain be this—a tattoo ’pon the still
Of soul’s night? Pray, of darkling powers, whom
Shall cut my birth-heart free, or angels kill
Th’unnatural anchor, pulling t’ward yon Moon?
In bodkin’s freedom dare I not believe;
O penance, pray, my newborn heart deceive.
Berate my weak heart, crying: “Coward! Fool!
Of fate unworthy, yet death did not catch!
Thou’r’t given power—take it up and rule!”
For in my breast, a second heart doth beat,
Of nascent alabaster suf’ring, wrought
From bones my onetime conscience made its meat.
That grinder, inward turn’d, devours to naught.
What gain be this—a tattoo ’pon the still
Of soul’s night? Pray, of darkling powers, whom
Shall cut my birth-heart free, or angels kill
Th’unnatural anchor, pulling t’ward yon Moon?
In bodkin’s freedom dare I not believe;
O penance, pray, my newborn heart deceive.
Pics
I have to say, I'm glad I refamiliarised myself with Shakespeare's era of theatre before really diving into this pack of entries. Otherwise, I don't think I would be enjoying this and all the other entries as much as I am right now.
This took me a really long while to really unpack, yet even after doing that, I don't think I quite get it. That's not a bad thing in my book, by the way, I don't think it's important for me to fully enjoy or understand what exactly is going on to admire what a piece is striving for. Looking at the stuff that I am picking up from this, however?
I like it. I like it quite a bit.
It took me a while to realise that this was written in iambic pentameter, which I should've expected way earlier considering the group this round is in. I like the slight rhythmic variations you've employed, especially with the use of punctuation here. Add in the eclectic choice of words, you end up with an entry that paints a really captivating emotional picture that sucks me in every time I go back to it. That alone is fantastic in of itself.
Now, as for the details of that picture, I can't really make heads or tails of it. I feel like I'm missing the grander context from which this was written. I'm inclined to believe that this was partially self-referential, as I'm somewhat drawing a connection between the heart and the fact that this was written in iambic pentameter. Perhaps it details your struggles with writing an entry for this particular contest? I'm pretty sure I'm grasping at straws here but it's certainly something to behold were it the case.
All in all, even though I don't understand much of it, I certainly dig what it's emoting. It'll be nice to hear from you on what this entry's about but I'm content with what I'm reading here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to waking up my neighbours again by yelling this entry out an open window.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
This took me a really long while to really unpack, yet even after doing that, I don't think I quite get it. That's not a bad thing in my book, by the way, I don't think it's important for me to fully enjoy or understand what exactly is going on to admire what a piece is striving for. Looking at the stuff that I am picking up from this, however?
I like it. I like it quite a bit.
It took me a while to realise that this was written in iambic pentameter, which I should've expected way earlier considering the group this round is in. I like the slight rhythmic variations you've employed, especially with the use of punctuation here. Add in the eclectic choice of words, you end up with an entry that paints a really captivating emotional picture that sucks me in every time I go back to it. That alone is fantastic in of itself.
Now, as for the details of that picture, I can't really make heads or tails of it. I feel like I'm missing the grander context from which this was written. I'm inclined to believe that this was partially self-referential, as I'm somewhat drawing a connection between the heart and the fact that this was written in iambic pentameter. Perhaps it details your struggles with writing an entry for this particular contest? I'm pretty sure I'm grasping at straws here but it's certainly something to behold were it the case.
All in all, even though I don't understand much of it, I certainly dig what it's emoting. It'll be nice to hear from you on what this entry's about but I'm content with what I'm reading here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to waking up my neighbours again by yelling this entry out an open window.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
Genre: Black Parade
Thoughts: This entry starts to show me the difficulty of judging our various entries in this round. Last night I reviewed a short play; tonight it’s a solitary sonnet. These things are different in more ways than just length and scope, but those are definitely factors that I’ll need to adjust for!
But hey, a sonnet! And a dark one at that. There’s good use of language here, and very faithful adherence to the prescribed meter and rhyme scheme.
The text is definitely made interesting by these things, but the actual subject is still not as clear as I might hope for. On its surface at least, this appears to be about a victory that’s come at too high a price, which is a subject that I very much dig. But is there more going on, and if so, what would that be? It’s currently hard to make out.
Nevertheless, style points galore for this one.
Tier: All’s Well That Ends Well
Thoughts: This entry starts to show me the difficulty of judging our various entries in this round. Last night I reviewed a short play; tonight it’s a solitary sonnet. These things are different in more ways than just length and scope, but those are definitely factors that I’ll need to adjust for!
But hey, a sonnet! And a dark one at that. There’s good use of language here, and very faithful adherence to the prescribed meter and rhyme scheme.
The text is definitely made interesting by these things, but the actual subject is still not as clear as I might hope for. On its surface at least, this appears to be about a victory that’s come at too high a price, which is a subject that I very much dig. But is there more going on, and if so, what would that be? It’s currently hard to make out.
Nevertheless, style points galore for this one.
Tier: All’s Well That Ends Well
My courage leaves me straining 'til I'm sick,
Let conscience new be cut down to the quick!
Let conscience new be cut down to the quick!