Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.

Ever wonder what happened to these stories after the Writeoff? See: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/800295/writeoff-and-fimfic-stories
#20645 · 6
· · >>Baal Bunny >>Moosetasm
What is this sorcery?

No srsly, is She-Ra to become a regular thing?

Ought I watch it?! :-p
#20513 · 3
That sucks to hear, man. The way I see it, you’ve demonstrated a pretty immense talent for writing, both in terms of volume and overall quality. I think there’s been a disconnect on the question of “intended use” versus what the rules permit as it relates to the workshop aspect of the contest, but I still think it’s a credit to you that you were able to tip the scales enough to trigger that discussion.

tl;dr: I understand what you’re saying but I think it would be a bummer to lose you.
#20375 · 3
· on My Immortal
I was drawn in by the title, and I wasn’t disappointed. This is motherbucking hilarious! Kudos Author. I might just have to vote an actual slate here to put this at the top.

I mean, this is ultimately mostly just a pile of atmosphere and jokes held together with deft comic timing. But what a pile! Give me a pile like this any day.

See you in the sex mines! XD
#20345 · 3
Godspeed, fellow ponyfolk! My pony novel finishes coming out next Friday, so unfortunately I’m [REDACTED] deep in making that happen ATM.

#20087 · 4
Great art this time! If I wasn’t on the road today, I’d be pretty tempted to write for one or more.
#19951 · 2
Just popping in again to wish everyone well with their last-minute rush to the finish. ^^

I made a token effort this afternoon at putting an idea together, but I just don't have the follow-through this time. Though did I mention that I'm in the midst of releasing a novel?! That's what's sucking up all muh follow-through. :-p

Next time, Gadget!
#19933 · 1
I’m going to call it now: I’m out for this one. :-/ I really am trying to get a novel-length story out on FF, and RL is threatening to catch up on me for all the time I’ve already sunk into that.
#19930 · 2
Oh look! There are new little up/down buttons next to the thread page button! That’s a big help on mobile. ^^
#19921 ·
· · >>MLPmatthewl419
I dunno man, I’ve got this novel that I’m working on... :-p
#19844 · 2
· on Please, sit. · >>Anon Y Mous

#19843 · 2
· on As I Lag Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death · >>Zaid Val'Roa
Artist, everything about this positively drips with cool. The title is great, the landscape of servers is menacing...

Yeah. 👍🏻
#19735 · 1
· on Shrine to a False Dashity · >>Posh
Pantsu-chan, I'm sorry your story was passed over in finals, only to turn into ground zero for the Great Writeoff Slapfight of '18. Granted, it was a slapfight that needed to happen, and I'm rather in agreement with your last post about it. (Double-granted, your story's ranking was still a heck of a lot better than mine.) But while it's not as fruitful to go back and opine now, maybe one more blurb won't hurt anything.

In brief, I think this manages to be poignant despite being short on both word count and setup. Though I'd be curious to get more context for why they're getting together and having this conversation now. Without that, it's a scene that feels reasonable for the characters to have together, but it's unmoored from some of the natural concerns that might either bring them together or inform the central revelation about financial issues. What brought Dash back into their home? What's the context of how their home works given the financial issues that are suggested? Things like these would open up more depth.

But the humor works, especially with the Sunset Shimmer award. The core of what you're going for comes across, I think. It could use more of a lead-in, but what you've got now feels pretty great just as it is.

I would've rated this well if it had come up on my slate, but regrettably, it did not.
#19718 · 2
· on Boar Guest's "Book of Fanciful Beasts", Chapter 5 · >>horizon

Y’know what, man? Now I’m even gladder that I took that random photo while I was standing in line to see Judas Priest.

That was a great show, this story was massively entertaining, and the prospect of more?

#19716 · 1
· on Confrontation
>>Anon Y Mous
I’m sorry if my comment came off as a put-down. I think it’s cool when people put their own spin on Pony. I guess the one recurring pet peeve I have is with unicorn horns that stray greatly from show style. I don’t know why but they just bug me for some reason. I guess I hadn’t really put that together until your comment got me to introspect about that, though. Now that I’m more cognizant of that, I might be able to compensate better for that bias when looking at future pieces.
#19698 · 2
· on Shrine to a False Dashity
>>Rocket Lawn Chair
The thing that's cemented the Writeoff's place in my heart has been the workshop aspect of it. I have few illusions about my skill as a reviewer, but I've also been on the receiving end of reviews both fair and foul, and I think that having a greater diversity of views seems to be almost more helpful than a smaller amount of super-"good" feedback.

There are extremes at both ends where that breaks down, of course. Obviously there are a few truly excellent reviewers who we all can try to learn from and emulate. But I think people come here to hear what others think, and there are only so many horizon reviews to go around. :-p

But with all that said, I'd encourage you guys just to get stuck in with trying to share whatever you've got next time. Who knows; you might make an observation that helps point someone toward a key improvement that they can make to their story!

(EDIT: ack, ninja'd by horizon)
#19685 ·
· on Shrine to a False Dashity · >>Posh
Sorry man. I pushed myself pretty hard on feedback during the prelims, but by the time finals came along, stuff was just pulling me elsewhere.

I'll second this. Where all my reviewers at? I probably pushed myself a bit too hard during prelims, but it felt like the review situation just wasn't getting a lot of traction.
#19679 · 1
· on Pinkie Pie Makes Limestone Smile
Pinkie Something Something Limestone Retrospective

Thanks to >>Bachiavellian, >>horizon, and >>Posh for the feedback! Of course this story is all Dubs' fault in the end. He goaded me into writing about Limestone in the Discord chat, and at the time my other story ideas weren't quite panning out, so I figured, why not? The world can always use more crankiest pone. Also, many thanks to Zaid for the lovely Pinkie pic that could be interpreted so many different ways!

I actually thought I was doing pretty well with the amount of plot that I was trying to fit into 750 words, but I'm okay with the consensus that this needs more space and time for Limestone's surface to crack. My one real regret was having Limestone say "need help" instead of the original phrasing that I had there: "have needs." It's a subtle difference on the one hand, but at least IMO it would've been a lot less trite. I agonized about these two little words for an excessive amount of time before giving up and succumbing to sleep, and I've spent the interim wishing I'd left it the other way.

Plus, the title's dumb. :-p It just was literally the only thing I could think of at ungodly-o'clock in the morning when I went to hit submit.

Oh well. Thanks all, and see ya next Pony round!
#19659 · 1
All right lads, do what you can... get 'em to 4! 5 if you can!
#19641 · 2
Well, I might have to hang up my reviewin' horseshoes for this round and leave my voting up to the holdovers from my prelim slate. Got some promises to keep elsewhere as we head into October. :rainbowdetermined:

Best of luck, all!
#19624 · 2
· on The Party That Never Starts (For Me) · >>WritingSpirit
Villainy Ain't a Piece of Cake was a blind shot that missed

With respect, I disagree. Villainy was pretty great! I think it could bear some tuning and tweaking, but it’s got really good bones (as HGTV et. al. would say).
#19616 ·
· on Aligore, the Alicorn Princess of Gore
Late last night I did a couple last-minute quick-adds that I didn't review because there were one or two that I just thought deserved an extra vote. Regrettably this one never came up for me to vote on. :-( It probably would've settled somewhere in my Strong tier if it had.
#19583 · 1
Bless you colts, you are doing Celestia's work. :heart:
#19547 · 2
· on The Party That Never Starts (For Me) · >>BlueChameleonVI
endless coffee


Thoughts: I hate to just call a story "odd" and move on. This certainly is a bit odd, though. On the one hand, it all just happens. Sparkler is depressed, hosts a party that she doesn't want to partake in, and Lyra is there trying to cheer her up for some reason. I feel like there's a mountain of backstory or context that would help fill in the gaps here.

Butt, I can't deny that there's emotional resonance in Lyra's and Sparkler's interactions with each other as we get toward the middle and end of the story. The "pickled onion" thing is a nice callback to the beginning. There's a lovely bit of sparse description that helps catch the eye in there as well:

Cool breeze.

Butterflies zipping past.

Trees ablaze with autumn.

Green hills and boundless skies.

Da's some good stuff. It just doesn't make sense to me, though, why Sparkler is hosting this party that she doesn't even want to attend--indeed can't attend, due to her feelings. I like it that Lyra is being a good friend to her by reaching out when she needs it, but what prompted this in the first place? And that's not just me grousing, though Lord knows I do plenty of that. It's more like: what are the stakes underpinning everything that's going on? Sparkler feels compelled to host this party, but why? Does she gain something by doing it? Does she risk something by not doing it? Even if the risk is losing favor somehow with Lyra, that would help to explain why they're both in this together, and it would lend weight to Lyra's willingness to bail her out when it all proves to be too much. As of right now, though, I'm left wondering.

So in summary, I think there are some lovely bits here, but I'd work on fleshing-out some of the explanations for things a bit more.

(Also, yes, I know she's "Amethyst Star" and not "Sparkler" according to canon, but she'll always be Sparkler to me... probably) :-p

Tier: Keep Developing
#19545 · 1
· on I've Got a Secret! · >>Bachiavellian
Genre: Fizzleberry Popdite

Thoughts: I enjoyed this a lot! This reminds me a lot of the Limestone fic this round, in that Pinkie shows up and sways a grumpy-pants character away from the depths of their grumpy-pantsyness by just being a bit Pinkie at them. In this case, though, I felt like the writing was more vivid and solid, yet the simplicity of the Pinkie-convincing-El-Grumpo moment was even simpler. I mean, look, it all comes down to this moment:

“I think so,” said Tempest, even though she wasn’t sure why.

Everything leading up to this moment was great. I can appreciate the headcanon of "Cordite Pie" even if I don't quite buy into it (sry, I have both peculiar and particular headcanon RE: the pies). Even the way you paint the atmosphere of the story is well-done, what with small details like the "frozen north" and the fact that it's a military train and the ostensible "gunnery sergeant." This also feels 100% like the kind of story I can believe Pinkie getting herself into simply by following her Pinkie sense. It's great.

I just don't quite buy your key moment. D:

Fear not, though, I think >>RB pretty much nails what this needs: moar wordcount. Maybe... 250 or so? :-p

Tier: Almost There
#19544 · 2
· on “Kill or be Killed, Miss Yearling. Kill or be Killed.” · >>horizon
Genre: AARP Shipping

Thoughts: Curse you >>Bachiavellian, you keep stealing my thunder! :-p I'll echo the point of trying to figure out what the story was about until pretty close to the end. I thought it was surely an old-flame story until the last possible moment. But I can live without that, even if I think DaringRider (DoRider?) could be a peculiar but interesting ship.

Let me pick on the one thing that really stood out as funky: I felt like there was a lack of scene-setting at the moment where AK and Wind Rider go get the drink. Up to that moment, I was under the impression that AK was surrounded by a crowd of fans... but suddenly they've escaped the fans and are sidling up to a bar? Do ravenous fans truly let their quarries go so easily? As one such fan, I submit that they do not. :-p But either way, fleshing out that transition would help make it less jarring.

This is also a bit in need of a spelling/grammar tune-up; it's not bad for the most part, but there are some moments that (to repeat a word) jarred me out of the story.

All in all, I think there's a strong idea here! It just takes quite a while for it to come out in all its glory. And it's a bit muddy when it does turn up due to the potholes in scene-setting and possible ship-teasing that it had to wade through on its way in.

Tier: Keep Developing
Paging WIP