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Losing the Struggle
Another day of monotonous toil. Afterwards, subjected to the stress of rush hour traffic. Finally reaching our home, it was all I could do to reach the bedroom before collapsing in an exhausted heap. Exhausted, yet still satisfied. Right? After all; the shitty job, meager income, constant drama and the like can be easily overlooked by savoring the good things in life. My friends, my family. The people who help me through my times of need as I help them through theirs. The relationships I have are akin to that of a blind man and a mute, each relying on the other to provide what they cannot. These individuals shine brightly in my life, providing light to show the way. Somewhere along the line, however, the bad has shrouded the good in life, smothering it in a blanket of depression. My existence has been punctured by the meaningless of itself, and my motivation to go on is the substance that flows outward from the wound. Maybe the vacation next week will help. Staying at a beach-side resort, I can allow the weight to fall from my shoulders, leaving invisible craters in the sand. Taking a step back could be just the change in perspective I need to recharge my soul. I will finally rest. I will be granted a reprieve. But is the concept of true rest genuinely achievable? After my retreat, I will inevitably be dragged headfirst back into the reality of the workforce, where I will stay until I manage to scrounge up the minimum currency required to retire. That way, I am granted the opportunity to watch myself fade from an earlier age. After retiring, my life will end in a brief, merciful manner. That, or I will slowly lose my ability to thrive, one function at a time. Time will take its toll both physically and mentally. There will always be the next thing on the path of mortality, either to look forwards to or dread. There is no end save that of death, and even that is disputable. So, why am I writing this? I am writing this because I want you to know why I'm gone. I want you to know you are not at fault, nor is anyone save myself. I am writing this because I have not lost my human sentimentality entirely, and I want to immortalize myself in some fashion. I know it is pointless even as I write. This note will be lost in the vacuum of oblivion that consumes all. A century from now, no one will remember me. The epitaph on my grave that no one will bother to read will erode. I guess what I am saying in all of this is a simple goodbye. I have no comforting parting remarks. Farewell.
Above is the text of a note recovered from the home of deceased Citizen #86753, who was found unresponsive by paramedics last night after overdosing on Reality. This note exemplifies the necessity of maintaining our sanity and our daily vaccinations. The year 2043 has seen great strides in the direction of global unity and peace. Still, there are those among us who inexplicably refuse to vaccinate, who refuse to shield themselves from the harmful effects of Reality. Most importantly, the incoherent note highlights the disastrous consequences of deviating from the regimen. Do not deviate.
Above is the text of a note recovered from the home of deceased Citizen #86753, who was found unresponsive by paramedics last night after overdosing on Reality. This note exemplifies the necessity of maintaining our sanity and our daily vaccinations. The year 2043 has seen great strides in the direction of global unity and peace. Still, there are those among us who inexplicably refuse to vaccinate, who refuse to shield themselves from the harmful effects of Reality. Most importantly, the incoherent note highlights the disastrous consequences of deviating from the regimen. Do not deviate.
Post by
Haze
, deleted
This feels like the o-fic version of a headcanon dump. An opinion dump.
There isn't a whole lot of story here, and the story that is here is quite... not subtle (giving citizens numbers, "Reality", etc). It portrays suicide so casually as the only solution to the problem it presents, but there's no story here to justify it. These things are all told and not shown. See Bojack Horseman for a good show that explores nihilism through showing. I understand you can only do so much in a minific, but I think tying this more closely to a plot with a main character might have helped.
There isn't a whole lot of story here, and the story that is here is quite... not subtle (giving citizens numbers, "Reality", etc). It portrays suicide so casually as the only solution to the problem it presents, but there's no story here to justify it. These things are all told and not shown. See Bojack Horseman for a good show that explores nihilism through showing. I understand you can only do so much in a minific, but I think tying this more closely to a plot with a main character might have helped.
Yeah, this is a miss for me, here.
Even if the intent is for a note to be rambly and messy, still use paragraph breaks, since a massive wall of text tends to get me skimming.
But yeah. I dunno. This is ultimately the kind of story that I dislike. Life sucks and is pointless, then you die. Just not a message I will ever approve ever.
Even if the intent is for a note to be rambly and messy, still use paragraph breaks, since a massive wall of text tends to get me skimming.
But yeah. I dunno. This is ultimately the kind of story that I dislike. Life sucks and is pointless, then you die. Just not a message I will ever approve ever.
Most importantly, the incoherent note highlights the disastrous consequences of deviating from the regimen.
Meta. Was that intentional?
The note doesn't make sense. It starts off reading like a normal first person story where things are happening, then I think there's a tense change within three sentences (I need to read up on my tenses though, please correct me if I haven't pinpointed why it reads funny), then MC is talking about their vacation as if we're looking in on their thoughts and as if they are actually going to go, then suddenly the MC is writing a suicide note like this was their intention all along.
As it stands, I think it would be improved by the suicide happening spontaneously, and it would also be improved by making the story an actual story rather than a letter (e.g. MC crawling round their bedroom getting despondent or responding more and more negatively to things they're looking at, or even interacting with the paper they are writing on).
Mind, I've just written an incoherent mess myself, so maybe don't take any of my suggestions as gospel. lel
Wait, where did the suicide come from? Wasn't he going on vacation?
Also, the coda seems a bit odd. It's in sharp contrast with what came before, but it's not clear which is the one the author is trying to make a point about. Should I commit suicide, or believe society is a totalitarian regime? Is the author trying to signal something else?
This has probably been said already, but the wall-of-text with italics made most of this a bit tiresome to read.
Also, the coda seems a bit odd. It's in sharp contrast with what came before, but it's not clear which is the one the author is trying to make a point about. Should I commit suicide, or believe society is a totalitarian regime? Is the author trying to signal something else?
This has probably been said already, but the wall-of-text with italics made most of this a bit tiresome to read.
Post by
Shadowed_Song
, deleted