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Brother's Keeper
As I came in, I realized that Maggio’s was one of those bland, new-era Italian places. The kind that have red booths and tan walls plastered with some faux-inspirational company motto. Not a proper Italian joint, where pictures of the countryside adorn every inch. No, this place was the current style: a place devoid of personality in order to allow the customers to imprint their own.
Dad sat in a booth. He was tall and a bit overweight, but not to the point it made him unseemly. He had a haggard and tired face, worn from years of use in the Florida sun. But it was not an ugly face; even now, at 64 years of age, it still radiated a certain warmness. He nodded toward me, and I made my way toward him.
“Hey, Steve,” he said in his gruff voice.
“Hi, Dad,” I returned.
“Ordered their Premiere pizza,” Dad piped. “Want to see if they’re as good as that other place. What was it again? Flappers? Flakers?”
“Flippers.”
“Ah, that’s it. Damn fine pizza they make there.”
We sat for a few moments, absorbing the surroundings. Some jazz song played around us, mixing with the Virginia Tech and Pitt game that was playing on the TV behind me. A couple sat near the back, giggling at some private joke. The scents of mozzarella and flour filled the air.
“Steve, your mother and I are revising our will,” Dad suddenly said.
I was surprised, but hid it with a shrug. “Alright. Revising it for what?”
“We want to set up a trust fund. One that’ll disperse our remaining finances after our deaths.”
“For me?”
“No. We trust you enough for you to get it right out.” He paused for a moment, looking back down at the table. “It’s for Jack.”
A hundred fractured memories flowed back to me, Jack the center of all of them.
The one where he tried to slam the door on my foot.
The one where he yelled at me for playing the piano too long.
The one where he punched my dog in the face when she barked too loud.
“Now, I know you and he haven’t been friendly, but… you’re a responsible adult and his brother, so we want to make you the manager of his trust.”
I could only stare at him.
“Look, Steve, I know it wasn’t easy living with him. But you know he’s got a mental condition, and it’s the kind that just gets worse.”
I nodded only to affirm that I’d heard him. The rest of me was listing the people with 'conditions' who didn't make their families' lives a living hell.
“It won’t be that big of a responsibility. Hell, you won’t even have to see him.”
Virginia Tech scored a touchdown in the background, winning the game.
“I know I could’ve just talked with you over the phone, but this is just something that I felt had to be done face-to-face.”
I understood that; I too would’ve talked to my son one-on-one when asking him to take care of his bastard brother. Oh, he wasn’t actually a bastard, but he was a bastard at the same time.
“So will you do it?” he said.
I wanted to say no. No, and let him go to Hell. Let him burn in whatever circle it is bastards are supposed to burn in.
But I didn’t say that. How could I, to the enabler that sat across from me? Yes, enabler, but my father nevertheless. Just like how the bastard was my brother nevertheless.
I was suddenly very and inescapably sad. I wished I wasn’t at this meeting. I wished I was back at home, or back at Grandfather Mountain. Anywhere where I wouldn’t have to deal with people disappointing me, and me disappointing people.
After what seemed an eternity, I said:
“Alright. I’ll do it.”
A great weight was lifted off his shoulders, and he leaned back in his seat.
“Thank you, Steve.”
I gave a false nod. I didn’t want him to thank me. I wanted him to know that I was only doing it because whatever semblance of Methodism that was left in me had compelled me to go through with it. I wanted to warn him that this wouldn’t make me love Jack again.
But I loved him too much to tell him.
The pizza came soon after, and we dug in. It was not as good as the one at Flippers.
Dad sat in a booth. He was tall and a bit overweight, but not to the point it made him unseemly. He had a haggard and tired face, worn from years of use in the Florida sun. But it was not an ugly face; even now, at 64 years of age, it still radiated a certain warmness. He nodded toward me, and I made my way toward him.
“Hey, Steve,” he said in his gruff voice.
“Hi, Dad,” I returned.
“Ordered their Premiere pizza,” Dad piped. “Want to see if they’re as good as that other place. What was it again? Flappers? Flakers?”
“Flippers.”
“Ah, that’s it. Damn fine pizza they make there.”
We sat for a few moments, absorbing the surroundings. Some jazz song played around us, mixing with the Virginia Tech and Pitt game that was playing on the TV behind me. A couple sat near the back, giggling at some private joke. The scents of mozzarella and flour filled the air.
“Steve, your mother and I are revising our will,” Dad suddenly said.
I was surprised, but hid it with a shrug. “Alright. Revising it for what?”
“We want to set up a trust fund. One that’ll disperse our remaining finances after our deaths.”
“For me?”
“No. We trust you enough for you to get it right out.” He paused for a moment, looking back down at the table. “It’s for Jack.”
A hundred fractured memories flowed back to me, Jack the center of all of them.
The one where he tried to slam the door on my foot.
The one where he yelled at me for playing the piano too long.
The one where he punched my dog in the face when she barked too loud.
“Now, I know you and he haven’t been friendly, but… you’re a responsible adult and his brother, so we want to make you the manager of his trust.”
I could only stare at him.
“Look, Steve, I know it wasn’t easy living with him. But you know he’s got a mental condition, and it’s the kind that just gets worse.”
I nodded only to affirm that I’d heard him. The rest of me was listing the people with 'conditions' who didn't make their families' lives a living hell.
“It won’t be that big of a responsibility. Hell, you won’t even have to see him.”
Virginia Tech scored a touchdown in the background, winning the game.
“I know I could’ve just talked with you over the phone, but this is just something that I felt had to be done face-to-face.”
I understood that; I too would’ve talked to my son one-on-one when asking him to take care of his bastard brother. Oh, he wasn’t actually a bastard, but he was a bastard at the same time.
“So will you do it?” he said.
I wanted to say no. No, and let him go to Hell. Let him burn in whatever circle it is bastards are supposed to burn in.
But I didn’t say that. How could I, to the enabler that sat across from me? Yes, enabler, but my father nevertheless. Just like how the bastard was my brother nevertheless.
I was suddenly very and inescapably sad. I wished I wasn’t at this meeting. I wished I was back at home, or back at Grandfather Mountain. Anywhere where I wouldn’t have to deal with people disappointing me, and me disappointing people.
After what seemed an eternity, I said:
“Alright. I’ll do it.”
A great weight was lifted off his shoulders, and he leaned back in his seat.
“Thank you, Steve.”
I gave a false nod. I didn’t want him to thank me. I wanted him to know that I was only doing it because whatever semblance of Methodism that was left in me had compelled me to go through with it. I wanted to warn him that this wouldn’t make me love Jack again.
But I loved him too much to tell him.
The pizza came soon after, and we dug in. It was not as good as the one at Flippers.
This story hit a little close to home. Not enough to make it painful to read, but enough to make me deeply emphasize with Steve. I'm sure that biases me in the story's favor, but I enjoyed it just the same. A well realized little bit of slice of life with a realistic premise and good, simple dialogue.
Well that was visceral.
I feel like the start here was a bit bumpy, but once it started swinging, it certainly didn't pull its punches. Even as someone who's able to honestly say "I get along very well with just about everyone in my family" I understood the feelings on display here, and they touched me.
As for the opening, you may want to revise that description of his father a bit; except for the 'a certain warmness' line, it reads more like describing a stranger than describing a father to me. This guy's familiar with his dad; I think it should come through in that description. Like how the brother's described without being described? Oh, and write out numbers instead of using numerals.
Excellent scope and depth here. The execution isn't quite pitch-perfect, but that's a minor complaint on the whole.
I feel like the start here was a bit bumpy, but once it started swinging, it certainly didn't pull its punches. Even as someone who's able to honestly say "I get along very well with just about everyone in my family" I understood the feelings on display here, and they touched me.
As for the opening, you may want to revise that description of his father a bit; except for the 'a certain warmness' line, it reads more like describing a stranger than describing a father to me. This guy's familiar with his dad; I think it should come through in that description. Like how the brother's described without being described? Oh, and write out numbers instead of using numerals.
Excellent scope and depth here. The execution isn't quite pitch-perfect, but that's a minor complaint on the whole.
Hm... I got toward the end of this, waiting for the twist, the reveal, the sudden revelation that would explain why Steve hated his brother so much. The tension seemed to build and build, and then...
Well, nothing. Actually, that's not true -- there was pizza.
But speaking seriously, this story did a great job of building tension for me, then failing to deliver. I wonder if I was reading it wrong and looking for tension in all the wrong places. This might be my fault, rather than the story's.
Also, "As you know, Bob," exposition:
Well, nothing. Actually, that's not true -- there was pizza.
But speaking seriously, this story did a great job of building tension for me, then failing to deliver. I wonder if I was reading it wrong and looking for tension in all the wrong places. This might be my fault, rather than the story's.
Also, "As you know, Bob," exposition:
“Look, Steve, I know it wasn’t easy living with him. But you know he’s got a mental condition, and it’s the kind that just gets worse.”
This was quite a powerful story for how it resonates with the reader. Or at least, it did so with me. Family obligations can weigh heavily upon us, being it in the form of some duty we feel we have or in doing some sacrifice for those we love. Even if we will come to regret it and are aware of it.
You had a powerful theme here and used the limited space well to connect to the reader.
We don't see much of our narrator, what comes through of his personality comes from the details he notices and how he voices them, which in my opinion requires quite some skill.
Not much more to say except that this will rate quite highly on my slate.
You had a powerful theme here and used the limited space well to connect to the reader.
We don't see much of our narrator, what comes through of his personality comes from the details he notices and how he voices them, which in my opinion requires quite some skill.
Not much more to say except that this will rate quite highly on my slate.
On the whole, this is well put together, and it's going to be up near the top of my slate. I especially appreciate the Virginia Tech line -- a powerful instance of a narrative digression making a meta-statement about the text: that the that the character's attention is focusing away from the conversation for a moment because something so emotionally large has just been brought up that they don't want to confront what's being said. It's a subtle and powerful technique that I've used myself once or twice but rarely see in the wild.
One thing to fix, author, is that you really need to rein in your descriptions. You're overdescribing things to the point that the words you're using are badly colliding. Take a look at your early paragraphs about the father:
I'd question the appropriateness of "unseemly" (meaning, improper or inappropriate), and "warmness" should be "warmth", but here are bigger problems:
- He's haggard (=exhausted) and also tired; you repeat yourself.
- "But it was not an ugly face" implies that the earlier description would otherwise have implied ugliness. However, all we've learned at that point is that his face is worn and exhausted, neither of which especially strike me as implying ugliness.
- "Gruff"s most common meaning is "abrupt or taciturn", which is a bizarre contrast to describing his face as radiating warmth. Technically, gruff in the specific context of a voice also can mean "rough and low-pitched", but in the context you've just set up, you're better off using a synonym.
- Gruff (in the voice sense) also directly contradicts "piped", which means to say something in a high, shrill voice.
The reason these things stand out to me is that you could have avoided half of the problems simply by cutting out half of your descriptions, which suggests that these paragraphs were throwing in details as thickly as possible without thinking of the bigger picture.
But along with that (presumably deadline-induced) problem you've got a great base here. Clean it up and it'll shine.
Tier: Strong
One thing to fix, author, is that you really need to rein in your descriptions. You're overdescribing things to the point that the words you're using are badly colliding. Take a look at your early paragraphs about the father:
Dad sat in a booth. He was tall and a bit overweight, but not to the point it made him unseemly. He had a haggard and tired face, worn from years of use in the Florida sun. But it was not an ugly face; even now, at 64 years of age, it still radiated a certain warmness. He nodded toward me, and I made my way toward him.
“Hey, Steve,” he said in his gruff voice.
“Hi, Dad,” I returned.
“Ordered their Premiere pizza,” Dad piped.
I'd question the appropriateness of "unseemly" (meaning, improper or inappropriate), and "warmness" should be "warmth", but here are bigger problems:
- He's haggard (=exhausted) and also tired; you repeat yourself.
- "But it was not an ugly face" implies that the earlier description would otherwise have implied ugliness. However, all we've learned at that point is that his face is worn and exhausted, neither of which especially strike me as implying ugliness.
- "Gruff"s most common meaning is "abrupt or taciturn", which is a bizarre contrast to describing his face as radiating warmth. Technically, gruff in the specific context of a voice also can mean "rough and low-pitched", but in the context you've just set up, you're better off using a synonym.
- Gruff (in the voice sense) also directly contradicts "piped", which means to say something in a high, shrill voice.
The reason these things stand out to me is that you could have avoided half of the problems simply by cutting out half of your descriptions, which suggests that these paragraphs were throwing in details as thickly as possible without thinking of the bigger picture.
But along with that (presumably deadline-induced) problem you've got a great base here. Clean it up and it'll shine.
Tier: Strong
I really needed an explanation of Jack's 'condition' to get me to sympathise with Steve rather than think of him as a total ****. It's a very emotive story, but since the condition isn't explained, this definitely hits too close to home for me to vote fairly, so I'll be abstaining on this one.
I think I'm interpreting this similar to >>Astrarian
I don't like Steve.
but in a certain way I can see that might've been the intention of the story? or maybe not.
I'm just going in circles, second-guessing myself here.
I don't like Steve.
but in a certain way I can see that might've been the intention of the story? or maybe not.
I'm just going in circles, second-guessing myself here.
I did not enjoy this story, no... um...scene, I guess? Not much of a story here, really.
While the writing was certainly well executed, I found that it ultimately served no purpose. By the end of the story, we know almost nothing of import that was not there in the beginning. Try as I might, I do not understand what is the story trying to say. "Sometimes mildly sucky things happen?"
I think that there is such a thing as bad realism. We all live in the real world, we all deal with issues like these. This makes it immediately relatable, but you have to build upon that. After all, aren't stories meant to let us experience something beyond our mundanity? A character facing a conflict and then choosing to retreat and avoid it is real, but it's not a story. In the end, I have nothing to remember having read it.
Reading a badly executed story is frustrating, but reading a greatly executed refusal to tell one is worse.
While the writing was certainly well executed, I found that it ultimately served no purpose. By the end of the story, we know almost nothing of import that was not there in the beginning. Try as I might, I do not understand what is the story trying to say. "Sometimes mildly sucky things happen?"
I think that there is such a thing as bad realism. We all live in the real world, we all deal with issues like these. This makes it immediately relatable, but you have to build upon that. After all, aren't stories meant to let us experience something beyond our mundanity? A character facing a conflict and then choosing to retreat and avoid it is real, but it's not a story. In the end, I have nothing to remember having read it.
Reading a badly executed story is frustrating, but reading a greatly executed refusal to tell one is worse.
Yet another one I’m not entirely sure how to feel about. On the one hand, the action is quite intense, and there’s definitely an emotional rawness to it. It’s confronting an uncomfortable situation head-on, so there’s a certain admiration for it in its brashness. I also liked how the story was from Steve’s POV; that makes it somewhat unclear as to whether his brother really is the jerk he recalls him as, or if there’s something else clouding his vision.
But with that in mind, I also feel like the story’s firm fixation to realism kind of bites it in the butt in a few places. For instance, what kind of caring father would just say his son has a “mental condition” and not the disorder’s actual name? If someone you love has something wrong with them, I can say that you’ll definitely know what the heck it is. That whole section about reminding Steve of the condition itself seemed like too much of a “as you know” dialogue. Why not just have it be recited within Steve’s mind? He’d probably recall what it was, and it’d make more sense within the terms of the story. That’s the problem with realism; you have to convey actions and dialogue to the letter of how it’d be (or at least close to) in reality. One deviation, and the reader may stop buying it pretty quickly.
A gripping and emotional story fumbled only by those occasional breaks from reality.
But with that in mind, I also feel like the story’s firm fixation to realism kind of bites it in the butt in a few places. For instance, what kind of caring father would just say his son has a “mental condition” and not the disorder’s actual name? If someone you love has something wrong with them, I can say that you’ll definitely know what the heck it is. That whole section about reminding Steve of the condition itself seemed like too much of a “as you know” dialogue. Why not just have it be recited within Steve’s mind? He’d probably recall what it was, and it’d make more sense within the terms of the story. That’s the problem with realism; you have to convey actions and dialogue to the letter of how it’d be (or at least close to) in reality. One deviation, and the reader may stop buying it pretty quickly.
A gripping and emotional story fumbled only by those occasional breaks from reality.
How many ‘place’ in the first §?
Strange use of words in the second §.
“Hey, Steve,” he said in his gruff voice. […] “Ordered their Premiere pizza,” Dad piped. I am under the impression that “pipe” suggests a thin, high-pitched voice, contrary to what you describe with “gruff”.
The scents of mozzarella and flour filled the air. Curious. Were you ever acquainted with raw mozzarella? It smells nothing. I’m not sure flour would smell anything either.
Hmm… Are you rewriting Rain Man?
Overall, those little English quirks aside, this was fair. I wouldn’t say it reaches for the stars, but it’s reasonably well written, the dilemma the hero finds himself tangled in is fine, and the conclusion’s acceptable. There’s no fancy idea or concept underlying this story, but it’s competent, so it will land up in the upper middle slate of mine.
And with that, I’m done. All finalists reviewed and slated. Good luck!
Strange use of words in the second §.
“Hey, Steve,” he said in his gruff voice. […] “Ordered their Premiere pizza,” Dad piped. I am under the impression that “pipe” suggests a thin, high-pitched voice, contrary to what you describe with “gruff”.
The scents of mozzarella and flour filled the air. Curious. Were you ever acquainted with raw mozzarella? It smells nothing. I’m not sure flour would smell anything either.
Hmm… Are you rewriting Rain Man?
Overall, those little English quirks aside, this was fair. I wouldn’t say it reaches for the stars, but it’s reasonably well written, the dilemma the hero finds himself tangled in is fine, and the conclusion’s acceptable. There’s no fancy idea or concept underlying this story, but it’s competent, so it will land up in the upper middle slate of mine.
And with that, I’m done. All finalists reviewed and slated. Good luck!
The Great
Solidly written with a good emotional core.
The Rough
As pointed out, depending on your intentions, Steve does come across as a serious asshole. It is entirely possible that he's in the right here, but, on the information given, it is also entirely possible that he is put upon but completely in the wrong. The dog punching line particularly seems to lean towards the latter, as it does seem to indicate a -real- problem.
Solidly written with a good emotional core.
The Rough
As pointed out, depending on your intentions, Steve does come across as a serious asshole. It is entirely possible that he's in the right here, but, on the information given, it is also entirely possible that he is put upon but completely in the wrong. The dog punching line particularly seems to lean towards the latter, as it does seem to indicate a -real- problem.
Brother's Keeper: A (Long) Retrospective
I finally get a story in the finals, and it turns out to be one of the most controversial. Ain’t that something.
So I guess for this post-mortem, I have to state where this story came from. I wrote it just two days after I’d had lunch with my own father in an Italian restaurant. At some point, the topic of my autistic brother came up during that meal; specifically, about how my parents were changing the will so that he would have a trust after they passed. It didn’t happen anything like it does in this story (except for the Virginia Tech/Pitt game; that actually was happening at the time), but the conversation and imagery of the restaurant was still fresh in my head by the time this round came up, so I used the idea to convert it into the story you see now.
Now, the biggest criticisms I see here are for the story either a) not feeling too realistic in certain details, b) the lack of explanation for Jack’s condition, and c) Steve being a huge jerk. For the first criticism…I actually totally agree. I’m one of those people that don’t really notice small inconsistencies when I write, even after rewriting and scanning said stories. It is part of the reason I really like having editors go over my things before publishing them, and I feel like this story is a prime example of why I should stick to that. The issues this lot brought up all seem perfectly legitimate, and I’m glad that you picked up on them. I think this story’s adherence to realism is its greatest strength, and I want to do whatever I can to fix those things that ruin that aspect.
Now, as for why Jack’s condition is left ambiguous, there’s a bit of explanation behind that. Originally, I was just going to have either Steve or Dad flat out say that he has a form of autism that’s making his behavior deteriorate. However, given the broadness of autism as a condition and the fact I couldn’t really think of a specific form of autism to explain this, I was worried that saying ‘he’s aggressive because he’s autistic’ would rub people the wrong way and make it seem like this was some sort of hit piece against the autistic. I got rid of that idea, but I wanted it to be clear that Jack had some kind of condition, just so that Steve’s reminisces wouldn’t cast Jack as a complete sociopath. I eventually decided on Dad dropping the “mental condition” line as a sort of compromise, though now I wish I’d written it being said in Steve’s mind just so it doesn’t feel too much like an “as you know” dialogue.
The final criticism is one that seems tied into the second one. I wrote the story with the idea that Steve, while undoubtedly flawed and holding a grudge, was ultimately trying to do the right thing (even if it wasn’t for his brother’s sake). Though he’s rather selfish for being so dismissive of his afflicted brother, he also has some basis for his disdain through his brother’s bullying actions in the past. He’s not a clear cut character, and it was this grey morality I was trying to get across. I now get the feeling that had the mental condition been a bit more specific, perhaps more of you would’ve felt more sympathetic to Steve. Once I figure out how to do that, I’m confident that I’ll get this story closer to portraying that greyness better.
In the end, though, I’m glad I wrote this story. Not because it made me feel good (it sure as hell wasn’t that much fun to write), but simply because it made me work outside my comfort zone and deal with a subject matter that’s rather touchy for many people. In that way, maybe this story was doomed to have a “most controversial” badge. Hell, given the fact that a fair number of you abstained or said that this story hit close to home, I guess I at least succeeded in getting some kind of emotion out of you. I’ll probably revisit it at some point in the future and iron it out, and I’m glad you all could tell me what did (and didn’t) work about it.
Now, for user specific comments:
>>GaPJaxie
I’m pleased that the story worked for you. I’m also glad you enjoyed the simple dialogue. I’ve been reading a lot of Hemingway recently, and I really enjoy how his simplistic dialogue says a lot through just a few words. I’ve got a long way to go with that tactic, but I’m glad that my novice attempts were pleasing for you.
>>Not_A_Hat
The visceral quality is what really attracted me to doing this story in the first place. A surprising amount of emotions can appear within you when a new familial development appears, and I hoped to capture those (not always positive) feelings here. I also agree that the start is the weakest part of the story. That was the one section from my initial draft that wasn’t really revised, and it really seems to show. Glad the rest of it worked for you, though.
>>Cold in Gardez
I was trying to put the tension in the whole interaction, not at really any one place. The closest thing to a climax is Steve’s final ruminations before he agrees to be the executor of the trust. I actually originally wanted to end it right there, but wasn’t really satisfied with the sudden ending and thought just a little more had to be said. The pizza ending is just to show how he’s trying desperately to not think about the interaction anymore, primarily from just thinking about the pizza now instead of his brother.
Also, I think it’s very clear why Steve hates his brother. Look at that middle part about Jack punching Steve’s dog and other instances of him being a bully. Whether that’s the whole picture of the events or not, I think that gives Steve enough of a reason to not care for Jack. It’s perhaps a tad simplistic, but it’s there.
>>Orbiting_kettle
I’m glad you found it satisfying. Family obligations do often weigh on us, especially when it comes to physical and mental ailments. If there’s one thing I’m glad about this story, it’s that it showed that it’s just as hard for the people around the ailed as it is for the ailed themselves.
>>horizon
As I said to Not_A_Hat, yeah, that whole first section were the leftovers from my initial draft, so the problems do stick out. Glad you pointed them out. Also, thanks for the “diversion” compliment. I’ve used that trick a few times in other situations, and there were some people that thought it was an odd or just pointless maneuver. Happy it worked for you.
>>Astrarian
>>Haze
The section on the second criticism goes into why I didn’t specify the disorder. I hope that helps, and sorry that I wasn’t able to make it clearer.
>>Crafty
I really don’t get this criticism. I think the story had a very clear purpose: demonstrating a conflicted man dealing with whether to live up to his brotherly duties or not. Also, I don’t think he “retreats” from the issue. He does make a final decision of taking care of him, even if he doesn’t want to. There’s a beginning, middle, and end, and the character undergoes a (albeit) tiny change in character. I think it definitely qualifies as “a story”. If you want to argue that the execution was poor or the story isn’t memorable/relatable, that I can understand. Hell, your argument about the “poor realism” is actually astute in pointing out that you have to build upon the realism. But even that is worded vaguely enough I really don’t know how the story is a demonstration of “poor realism”, so I can’t really figure out how to adjust the story (I thought I had built enough upon the realism). A greater clarity in your critique would likely help me to figure out what’s wrong with this story.
>>libertydude
You’re me, so I can just ignore you.
>>Monokeras
You’re probably right about the mozzarella (I have no taste or scent for cheese), but I can guarantee you that flour does have a specific scent. Not the most obvious, but it is there. I’m also glad you mentioned the fact that it’s not a “fancy” concept. I was hoping for this to be one of the more down-to-earth stories of this contest, and it looks like I mostly succeeded. I’m pleased you thought it was decent.
>>AndrewRogue
I’m unsure here; are you saying it’s a problem because Jack punched the dog or that Steve punched the dog? The wording here is weird, so I’m not entirely sure what you’re trying to say. It was Jack that punched the dog, though. However, I’m glad you thought it was adequate.
>>libertydude
Jack punching the dog seems to indicate, to me at least, that Jack has a serious mental issue (something clinical, as opposed to just being a bastard). As such, Steve comes off in something of a negative light to me. While I can empathize with his viewpoint, it is still reflects negatively on him.
Basically, his brother seems less incompetent/assholish/bastardy and more suffering from some sort of actual mental issue, so while Jack's frustration can be understood, I don't necessarily sympathize with him.
Jack punching the dog seems to indicate, to me at least, that Jack has a serious mental issue (something clinical, as opposed to just being a bastard). As such, Steve comes off in something of a negative light to me. While I can empathize with his viewpoint, it is still reflects negatively on him.
Basically, his brother seems less incompetent/assholish/bastardy and more suffering from some sort of actual mental issue, so while Jack's frustration can be understood, I don't necessarily sympathize with him.
>>AndrewRogue
Ah, alright. That was sort of the point of the story: Steve may have legitimate gripe with his brother, but it's clear that something is not quite right with Jack. You were supposed to sympathize with Steve to a point, but Jack was obviously not entirely well. I actually wanted to make sure that somebody mentioned he had some kind of condition just to get rid of that idea that Jack was just a plain old sociopath. In that way, I can understand why you don't care much for Steve.
Ah, alright. That was sort of the point of the story: Steve may have legitimate gripe with his brother, but it's clear that something is not quite right with Jack. You were supposed to sympathize with Steve to a point, but Jack was obviously not entirely well. I actually wanted to make sure that somebody mentioned he had some kind of condition just to get rid of that idea that Jack was just a plain old sociopath. In that way, I can understand why you don't care much for Steve.