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Scratch
Alright, start with three cups of flour, all purpose is fine. Yeah, you don't need that fancy Antares stuff, they’re just trying to push it. Whole wheat? Seriously? … You can substitute a cup, but only if you want to be laughed at. No, of course I haven’t. Look, I just know, okay?
One and a half teaspoons of salt. Check in the hold, that stuff we got off the last merchant. Iodized? Sure, use that.
Yeast. Okay, now in the pantry, there’s a safe. The combination is 17, 64, 3, 2, 80. Bring me the jar with the red star on it.
Great. Measure out a quarter teaspoon of it – careful. Mix all that together.
Of course not, I’m supervising.
Now, liquids. Three quarters of a cup, plus two tablespoons of water.
This bit’s my favorite. One quarter of a cup plus two tablespoons of beer. Let me see… Heisler, Norbecker, Duff, Pawtucket… No matter how many, there’s never enough! Grab a tablespoon of each, will you? Ha!
…Nah, don't worry, I'll take care of any extra, you just get mixing.
What do you mean this tablespoon is bigger than the one for the water? It's a Muton spoon. Of course it's bigger! You can’t use a wimpy spoon for beer.
What? I’m busy. Oh, uh, a tablespoon of white vinegar. No, it doesn’t matter. Not the Muton spoon – are you touched?
Look, I said don’t worry about the beer. I’ve got it. Start mixing already.
No, there’s still some dry stuff at the bottom. Keep going, you’ll get it all.
Yeah, just like that.
Alright. Now it’s gotta rest for twelve to eighteen hours. We’re near Rigel, right? Great. Should be just enough time to pop in and make a little withdrawal.
Don’t worry about it, happens to all of us eventually. Couldn’t have guessed that that frigate was packing a pair of fusion cannons. Quit lubbin’. You want to waste all our hard work? Yeah, I’m sure. It’d take a god’s own luck to track that last jump. And we got the goods.
Look, I knew what was in the cards when I signed up. Happened to my Captain, his Captain. Happen to you some day, too. You want this or not? Take notes, then. Won’t be repeating myself.
More important? You already know how to do the other stuff. I’m no Mondatta – this’s as profound as I get.
Need some paper next, something that can handle high temp – supposed to be parchment paper. Fine then, grab one of the maps. No, not that one, we never found it. Okay, but not like that, just use the back. Grab the oil from the corner shelf so the dough won’t stick. Oh? Use some flour, instead.
No, you’re supposed to flour the board first. Technique? Ha! Just mash it around, knock the bubbles out of it. How many times was that? Only supposed to be a dozen, but ought to be fine – recipe's pretty forgiving. Let it sit for a bit, hour and a half.
Me? Not going to matter. I’m fine right here, just going to lie back. Alright, now the dutch oven. What? Well why the hell did you do that to it? It’s fine, just dump out the nails. What about a trap case? Just need something that can hold the steam in and take the heat. Yeah, that pot'll do. Rust? Ha! Not gonna be my problem.
What? Already? Yeah, of course I’m still here. Set the oven for five hundred, toss the pot in. No, not the dough. Let me know in a half hour.
Huh? Oh, oven’s hot. Good. Turn it down to four twenty five and drop the dough in. Lid’s on, right? Thirty minutes.
God that smells good, don’t it? Harlock himself couldn't've done any better, I say. Pull the lid off, give it another twenty.
What? What? Yeah, of course I’m still here. Stop yelling. No, none of that either.
See that crust? God that takes me back. V-blade will work fine, so long as you cleaned it. Good. Wouldn’t want any seasonings.
Jelly and peanut butter are on the top shelf.
What? You don’t? … Fine, I think there’s a fillet in the back of the freezer, maybe some tartar sauce. Just nuke it. Seriously? Well put it out already! Ugh. Never understood how someone could like those. Smells like catfood.
Well, whatever. Hope your under has better taste when your turn comes.
One and a half teaspoons of salt. Check in the hold, that stuff we got off the last merchant. Iodized? Sure, use that.
Yeast. Okay, now in the pantry, there’s a safe. The combination is 17, 64, 3, 2, 80. Bring me the jar with the red star on it.
Great. Measure out a quarter teaspoon of it – careful. Mix all that together.
Of course not, I’m supervising.
Now, liquids. Three quarters of a cup, plus two tablespoons of water.
This bit’s my favorite. One quarter of a cup plus two tablespoons of beer. Let me see… Heisler, Norbecker, Duff, Pawtucket… No matter how many, there’s never enough! Grab a tablespoon of each, will you? Ha!
…Nah, don't worry, I'll take care of any extra, you just get mixing.
What do you mean this tablespoon is bigger than the one for the water? It's a Muton spoon. Of course it's bigger! You can’t use a wimpy spoon for beer.
What? I’m busy. Oh, uh, a tablespoon of white vinegar. No, it doesn’t matter. Not the Muton spoon – are you touched?
Look, I said don’t worry about the beer. I’ve got it. Start mixing already.
No, there’s still some dry stuff at the bottom. Keep going, you’ll get it all.
Yeah, just like that.
Alright. Now it’s gotta rest for twelve to eighteen hours. We’re near Rigel, right? Great. Should be just enough time to pop in and make a little withdrawal.
Don’t worry about it, happens to all of us eventually. Couldn’t have guessed that that frigate was packing a pair of fusion cannons. Quit lubbin’. You want to waste all our hard work? Yeah, I’m sure. It’d take a god’s own luck to track that last jump. And we got the goods.
Look, I knew what was in the cards when I signed up. Happened to my Captain, his Captain. Happen to you some day, too. You want this or not? Take notes, then. Won’t be repeating myself.
More important? You already know how to do the other stuff. I’m no Mondatta – this’s as profound as I get.
Need some paper next, something that can handle high temp – supposed to be parchment paper. Fine then, grab one of the maps. No, not that one, we never found it. Okay, but not like that, just use the back. Grab the oil from the corner shelf so the dough won’t stick. Oh? Use some flour, instead.
No, you’re supposed to flour the board first. Technique? Ha! Just mash it around, knock the bubbles out of it. How many times was that? Only supposed to be a dozen, but ought to be fine – recipe's pretty forgiving. Let it sit for a bit, hour and a half.
Me? Not going to matter. I’m fine right here, just going to lie back. Alright, now the dutch oven. What? Well why the hell did you do that to it? It’s fine, just dump out the nails. What about a trap case? Just need something that can hold the steam in and take the heat. Yeah, that pot'll do. Rust? Ha! Not gonna be my problem.
What? Already? Yeah, of course I’m still here. Set the oven for five hundred, toss the pot in. No, not the dough. Let me know in a half hour.
Huh? Oh, oven’s hot. Good. Turn it down to four twenty five and drop the dough in. Lid’s on, right? Thirty minutes.
God that smells good, don’t it? Harlock himself couldn't've done any better, I say. Pull the lid off, give it another twenty.
What? What? Yeah, of course I’m still here. Stop yelling. No, none of that either.
See that crust? God that takes me back. V-blade will work fine, so long as you cleaned it. Good. Wouldn’t want any seasonings.
Jelly and peanut butter are on the top shelf.
What? You don’t? … Fine, I think there’s a fillet in the back of the freezer, maybe some tartar sauce. Just nuke it. Seriously? Well put it out already! Ugh. Never understood how someone could like those. Smells like catfood.
Well, whatever. Hope your under has better taste when your turn comes.
I don't like sass from my cookbooks.
I'm not a fan of second person, but it's done with purpose here. I wished there was more to the story than just instructions with hints of a story in the background, though.
I'm not a fan of second person, but it's done with purpose here. I wished there was more to the story than just instructions with hints of a story in the background, though.
A dying man's last meal?
This was quite interesting. That first weak scene break threw me a bit; I didn't know if what had happened in the interim was connected to the bit with the fusion cannons or what. I eventually decided that the withdrawal was a throwaway and the Captain had been hurt before the story began.
Interesting that the yeast is in the safe; might want to proof it first, especially with such a tiny measurement. Are you rising it longer to make up for that?
I didn't catch on that this was something extra-terrestrial until 'fusion cannons' dropped, I think, so a bit more of that a bit earlier might help orient people. Some of my confusion with that scene break had to do with that, I think; several of the other inconsistencies clicked for me there, and I had to re-orient.
This is subtle enough to pack a fair amount into the wordcount, and intriguing enough to hold my interest. The experimental narration worked fairly well for me. Nicely done.
This was quite interesting. That first weak scene break threw me a bit; I didn't know if what had happened in the interim was connected to the bit with the fusion cannons or what. I eventually decided that the withdrawal was a throwaway and the Captain had been hurt before the story began.
Interesting that the yeast is in the safe; might want to proof it first, especially with such a tiny measurement. Are you rising it longer to make up for that?
I didn't catch on that this was something extra-terrestrial until 'fusion cannons' dropped, I think, so a bit more of that a bit earlier might help orient people. Some of my confusion with that scene break had to do with that, I think; several of the other inconsistencies clicked for me there, and I had to re-orient.
This is subtle enough to pack a fair amount into the wordcount, and intriguing enough to hold my interest. The experimental narration worked fairly well for me. Nicely done.
>>Not_A_Hat
Seconded. The reference to Antares, Muton, and Mondatta flew over my head, so the mention of 'fusion cannons' came from left field, and unfortunately it didn't make much sense for me.
I didn't catch on that this was something extra-terrestrial until 'fusion cannons' dropped, I think, so a bit more of that a bit earlier might help orient people.
Seconded. The reference to Antares, Muton, and Mondatta flew over my head, so the mention of 'fusion cannons' came from left field, and unfortunately it didn't make much sense for me.
I'm not sure about the hodgepodge of references in this story, Writer. I caught allusions to the Simpsons, Family Guy, XCOM, Overwatch, Captain Harlock... You're all over the place with the material you're pulling from, and I soured on the story because of it. I'd suggest picking one universe to pull from so that the story feels more grounded.
That said, I think it's cute that you've got a duo of hapless thieves tooling about the galaxy for the ingredients for a PB&J, and the mentor figure dying (at least, I think he's dying) adds a nice touch to the passing on of knowledge to a younger generation. There's some subtlety to be found between the hamfisted references, which I appreciated.
While I'm ordinarily not a fan of second person, this didn't grate on my nerves as much as it usually does, so well done for that.
That said, I think it's cute that you've got a duo of hapless thieves tooling about the galaxy for the ingredients for a PB&J, and the mentor figure dying (at least, I think he's dying) adds a nice touch to the passing on of knowledge to a younger generation. There's some subtlety to be found between the hamfisted references, which I appreciated.
While I'm ordinarily not a fan of second person, this didn't grate on my nerves as much as it usually does, so well done for that.
I liked the lighthearted take on a "simple" task, especially with the off-camera hints as stuff went wrong. Nails in the dutch oven, microwave on fire, etc. The bit about a tablespoon of each beer (rather than a bottle of one) and "I'll take care of the extra" definitely shows this to be an expert cook. :-)
It is a bit fragmented though. I know a lot of that is intentional, but my hope for stories of this style are always that the little parts will come together into some larger whole by the end. I wanted to see the PB&J somehow solve a bigger problem. Without some coherent finish, it was still a fun romp, but isn't enough to make it into my top contenders.
It is a bit fragmented though. I know a lot of that is intentional, but my hope for stories of this style are always that the little parts will come together into some larger whole by the end. I wanted to see the PB&J somehow solve a bigger problem. Without some coherent finish, it was still a fun romp, but isn't enough to make it into my top contenders.
Huh, so I ended up enjoying this a whole lot more than I thought I was going to from the opening paragraph. A nice subtle story behind the methodology and the general space antics, and I thought you managed to successfully imply a whole lot more of a world than we saw here, which I was impressed with. That works in your favour, because I do think the narrative style may have potentially outstayed its welcome had the fic been much longer. As it stands, it was intriguing and entertaining. Thanks for sharing.
Scratch
or
Cooking for Impressionable, Young Space Pirates
I suspect I might have placed better had I named it the latter, but the experience has probably been more educational as-is.
So, thank you, >>ZaidValRoa >>Not_A_Hat >>Chryssi >>Icenrose >>Xepher >>georg, and >>Ceffyl_Dwr for your feedback.
As my alternate name may indicate, I was trying to pay homage to Bad Horse's Bedtime Stories for Impressionable Young Colts and Fillies. I'm curious, did anyone actually notice?
Looking at the feedback I got and comparing my fic to Bad Horse's approach, I have some ideas of where I stumbled, at least. For example, several of the reviews described Scratch as second person. It wasn't, or at least I envisioned it as showing one half of a dialog between third parties (the Captain and an impressionable, young space pirate).
I think much of this problem arose from me not defining the characters well enough, whereas Bad Horse spent a few brilliant paragraphs in the beginning to establish the players and their roles.
I also appreciate the comments on the late realization of the sci-fi setting. On reflection, I could've changed the beer names to fix that, which would also have helped address >>Icenrose's issue of over-referencing.
Definitely a learning experience, but I'm glad some folks enjoyed it nonetheless.
Oh, and that's a legitimate bread recipe. Almost no-knead bread - delicious!
or
Cooking for Impressionable, Young Space Pirates
I suspect I might have placed better had I named it the latter, but the experience has probably been more educational as-is.
So, thank you, >>ZaidValRoa >>Not_A_Hat >>Chryssi >>Icenrose >>Xepher >>georg, and >>Ceffyl_Dwr for your feedback.
As my alternate name may indicate, I was trying to pay homage to Bad Horse's Bedtime Stories for Impressionable Young Colts and Fillies. I'm curious, did anyone actually notice?
Looking at the feedback I got and comparing my fic to Bad Horse's approach, I have some ideas of where I stumbled, at least. For example, several of the reviews described Scratch as second person. It wasn't, or at least I envisioned it as showing one half of a dialog between third parties (the Captain and an impressionable, young space pirate).
I think much of this problem arose from me not defining the characters well enough, whereas Bad Horse spent a few brilliant paragraphs in the beginning to establish the players and their roles.
I also appreciate the comments on the late realization of the sci-fi setting. On reflection, I could've changed the beer names to fix that, which would also have helped address >>Icenrose's issue of over-referencing.
Definitely a learning experience, but I'm glad some folks enjoyed it nonetheless.
Oh, and that's a legitimate bread recipe. Almost no-knead bread - delicious!