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The Mount
The mountain was never meant to be climbed,
It was not raised up to be scaled
But to stand upon it's peak is sublime,
No matter how often you failed
No challenge before you has to be met,
Save to breathe and to be reborn
Yet upon the mountain some eyes become set
Without challenge their hearts are forlorn
The peak does not care if you live or you die,
The mount does not issue the call
What is it inside some hearts that must fly,
That must soar or surely must fall?
It was not raised up to be scaled
But to stand upon it's peak is sublime,
No matter how often you failed
No challenge before you has to be met,
Save to breathe and to be reborn
Yet upon the mountain some eyes become set
Without challenge their hearts are forlorn
The peak does not care if you live or you die,
The mount does not issue the call
What is it inside some hearts that must fly,
That must soar or surely must fall?
But to stand upon it's peak is sublime,
No matter how often you failed
… roll to disbelieve?
More seriously: I like the choice of topic, but a lot about this isn't landing for me. For instance, what is “be reborn” doing on the low side of what seems like a challenge/ease or active/passive duality? My best guess would be that that represents passive reincarnation, but it doesn't feel like the context is established, especially when it's paired with “breathe” and when the rest of the poem is comparing different individual lives lived.
Meaning aside, I think the crumbly-feeling scansion is the main thing that puts me off. The fifth stanza sounds like it's in an amphibrachic meter, and the line preceding that has anapestic symmetry, so it doesn't present clearly as blank verse to me, but I can't get the syllable-feel to cohere overall either. Maybe I'm missing something.
Tastes like: undercooked rice?
Nonetheless, thanks for writing, author.
The peak of the ages that rises clear
Is the goal of those seeking to strive
We're descended from those who worked past fear
By the fervor of being alive
Is the goal of those seeking to strive
We're descended from those who worked past fear
By the fervor of being alive