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I'm not even sure what to say about this...
Why is there so much cannibalism going on? That's really the only thing that makes me wonder if this isn't taking place in our world, but that one difference is so random and out of the blue that I don't know what to make of it. The events that happen are fine enough, but it's hard to engage with the characters when it's all in this summary mode that's so distant from them. We don't even see any of it happen. It's just all told to us after the fact. So when it comes to things finally going right for this guy, I'm not attached enough to him to feel good or bad for him. It kind of feels like you're going for an O. Henry ironic atmosphere, but it's not quite getting there.
Why is there so much cannibalism going on? That's really the only thing that makes me wonder if this isn't taking place in our world, but that one difference is so random and out of the blue that I don't know what to make of it. The events that happen are fine enough, but it's hard to engage with the characters when it's all in this summary mode that's so distant from them. We don't even see any of it happen. It's just all told to us after the fact. So when it comes to things finally going right for this guy, I'm not attached enough to him to feel good or bad for him. It kind of feels like you're going for an O. Henry ironic atmosphere, but it's not quite getting there.
I like the atmosphere and mechanic of this, but I still feel like a lot is going over my head. So our protagonist is authorized to make his own cards? I assume that would make him immune to any action, provided he's willing to put enough time into making cards. Now we're talking economy: with no limit to how many cards there can be, inflation would be terrible, though again, controlled somewhat by how fast you can actually make cards. It sounds like they have to be handmade, so no running off a bunch on the copy machine. I'm also curious how the managers got roped into honoring this system. They can't use the cards, so getting them from an employee doesn't benefit them any. 500k cards to terminate someone? From the description of how they're earned, how would someone even save up that many, again except for someone authorized to make their own? Even at the ludicrous pace of 10 notable actions per day to earn you one, and with employees never having a day off, it'd take almost 137 years to save that total up. I must be missing something about how this works.
Anyway, I like the tone and somewhat light fantasy air this almost has to it, as long as I don't think about the logic of it too much.
Anyway, I like the tone and somewhat light fantasy air this almost has to it, as long as I don't think about the logic of it too much.
I like the twist to this, that he couldn't find a viable way to live, so he turns it on her to find the most swift and least painful way to end him, since that ended up being the best-cast scenario for him. I'm lacking context for why any of them are in this situation, so I don't have a rooting interest in anyone. That means the story is surviving on the gimmick alone, but you can sometimes get away with that in something so short. This was cool.
The idea here was that a man 'discovers' a meaningful side to his relationships, as he considers the intentions of his co-workers, in the backdrop of an unsatisfying job and its (intentionally) ridiculous employee behavior incentive program; the interpretation of the 'Lucky Me' prompt would therefore be both cynical and heartfelt in its sense.
I realized part-way through writing that there wouldn't be enough space for that sort of development, so I settled for something silly (which is fine by me, anyhow).
I realized part-way through writing that there wouldn't be enough space for that sort of development, so I settled for something silly (which is fine by me, anyhow).
