Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
A Bucket to the Face
"Deluded fool!" I fling the words around
My sodden brain where innocence has drowned,
Its body bloated, stripped, a beaten seal,
Deluded fool!
Expecting human nature won't confound,
Stupidity an act that pranced and clowned,
I lived a life that overlooked the real,
Deluded fool!
My privilege is dashed upon the ground.
Believing folks are decent? Smash it! Pound!
Ignoring truth for fanciful appeal?
Deluded fool!
The lapping icy waves the only sound,
Embrace despair so failure won't astound!
Except I can't. It's not the way I feel,
Deluded fool.
Betrayed, abandoned, still I haven't frowned.
Resolved, I'll proudly rule, remaining crowned.
My hope's been shattered: watch it recongeal.
Deluded fool...
My sodden brain where innocence has drowned,
Its body bloated, stripped, a beaten seal,
Deluded fool!
Expecting human nature won't confound,
Stupidity an act that pranced and clowned,
I lived a life that overlooked the real,
Deluded fool!
My privilege is dashed upon the ground.
Believing folks are decent? Smash it! Pound!
Ignoring truth for fanciful appeal?
Deluded fool!
The lapping icy waves the only sound,
Embrace despair so failure won't astound!
Except I can't. It's not the way I feel,
Deluded fool.
Betrayed, abandoned, still I haven't frowned.
Resolved, I'll proudly rule, remaining crowned.
My hope's been shattered: watch it recongeal.
Deluded fool...
I'm having trouble following what this is about. Someone's mad at himself for having faith in other people, but by the end, it seems maybe he's decided he was too harsh and is giving them another chance? Not sure. Structurally, it's got flawless meter, and I'm impressed you could write that much using only 2 rhyme sounds.
This is a really hard round to judge. I liked all 3 entries for different reasons, and it's only things like personal taste and fine details that can use to rank them. Honestly, I like them all about the same, and it's not clear to me what order they should be in. Maybe we could all conspire to vote in such a way that they all tie?
This is a really hard round to judge. I liked all 3 entries for different reasons, and it's only things like personal taste and fine details that can use to rank them. Honestly, I like them all about the same, and it's not clear to me what order they should be in. Maybe we could all conspire to vote in such a way that they all tie?
The anger:
At the beginning comes through to me clearly enough, but I'd like more from the turn in the middle. What is it that makes our narrator want to give humanity another chance? Give me some specific images. And if you're gonna keep "deluded fool" as the last line, maybe give me more of a sense that our narrator's angry at himself for giving humanity another chance?
Mike
At the beginning comes through to me clearly enough, but I'd like more from the turn in the middle. What is it that makes our narrator want to give humanity another chance? Give me some specific images. And if you're gonna keep "deluded fool" as the last line, maybe give me more of a sense that our narrator's angry at himself for giving humanity another chance?
Mike