Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Broken Shield, Shattered Sword
Proud Hiryū, sundered from her sisters,
Left them astern, dive-bomber-doomed,
Burning and turning in useless circles.
Still Hiryū pressed on, grim in ganbatte,
To do or die. Risking all
On her final throw, her death darts
Piloted by war weary, exhausted aces,
The last keen edge on the finest battle-blade
Ever forged, Hiryū called the best and last
From her crew, casting desperate dice.
Until the diving death from above
that slew her sisters, came for her
Bombs blossoming in metal rain
Fearsome fire, falling planes,
Falling ship through reddened skywater, setting sun.
Brave Yorktown, defier of death,
Oft claimed sunken, always averting
The sundering shot, slipping aside.
Bearing battle scars deep down,
Devastated, undaunted, yet lashed by forge's fire
Hastily hammered to seaworthy shape,
She sailed to her sisters at Midway,
Island iota, ocean outpost.
Yorktown launched fervent fliers
Seeking to deal death, oft finding their own.
Dauntless, devastating, but battered by blows,
Yorktown sailed on, listing, leaning,
Reported dead again, turning bloody tide,
Listed longer, sub-struck, smashed by Hiryū's last strike,
Yorktown yielded, the cold seas rolled,
Drowning her decks, flooding her fury.
Deep in darkness,
Both ships lie low in the haze.
Clouds of rust water, white bones,
Plane frames grounded on sea bed,
As far overhead, ships sail serenely,
Cargo in containers, toys and tablets
Pass between ports in Osaka and Los Angeles,
The trade of free nations at peace.
Left them astern, dive-bomber-doomed,
Burning and turning in useless circles.
Still Hiryū pressed on, grim in ganbatte,
To do or die. Risking all
On her final throw, her death darts
Piloted by war weary, exhausted aces,
The last keen edge on the finest battle-blade
Ever forged, Hiryū called the best and last
From her crew, casting desperate dice.
Until the diving death from above
that slew her sisters, came for her
Bombs blossoming in metal rain
Fearsome fire, falling planes,
Falling ship through reddened skywater, setting sun.
Brave Yorktown, defier of death,
Oft claimed sunken, always averting
The sundering shot, slipping aside.
Bearing battle scars deep down,
Devastated, undaunted, yet lashed by forge's fire
Hastily hammered to seaworthy shape,
She sailed to her sisters at Midway,
Island iota, ocean outpost.
Yorktown launched fervent fliers
Seeking to deal death, oft finding their own.
Dauntless, devastating, but battered by blows,
Yorktown sailed on, listing, leaning,
Reported dead again, turning bloody tide,
Listed longer, sub-struck, smashed by Hiryū's last strike,
Yorktown yielded, the cold seas rolled,
Drowning her decks, flooding her fury.
Deep in darkness,
Both ships lie low in the haze.
Clouds of rust water, white bones,
Plane frames grounded on sea bed,
As far overhead, ships sail serenely,
Cargo in containers, toys and tablets
Pass between ports in Osaka and Los Angeles,
The trade of free nations at peace.
A frequent subject of my wikiwalks is battles, and I spent some time reading about Midway maybe a year ago. So a lot of this is fairly fresh in my mind. I did find it interesting that the Yorktown had been reported sunk when the actual ship damaged was an oiler, which shouldn't look remotely similar. Oberver error, being inaccurate on the side of glory?
Before I divert again into musings, I'll comment on the structure here, which is minimal but enjoyable. There's no meter or rhyme, and the stanzas are somewhat in parallel. Hiryu gets 10 lines + 5, while Yorktown gets 10 + 6. Don't know whether those were supposed to be equal. There's a lot of alliteration.
The only historical thing I might take issue with is Hiryu's pilots being described as aces. By that point in the battle (and somewhat the overall war), Japan had few well-trained pilots left, but I can also see this poetry taking that as more a glorifying term than a technical one.
There's some subtle wordplay here, though mostly on the Yorktown side. Again, I don't know how much of it is intentional. Diving death on the Hiryu definitely evokes dive bombers. But some of that imagery, too: blossoming, which may refer to cherry blossoms, an important cultural symbol in Japan, and while the setting sun is often used as a metaphor for death, it's also juxtaposed well with Japan being the land of the rising sun.
On Yorktown's side, the use of "dauntless" and "devastate" twice probably refers to two of the aircraft types (though I think the US had spent all its Devastators by this point; the were all shot down on a single mission with only one crewmember surviving and (I think) scoring no hits).
Then in the end, the result being that the two nations are rather good friends now, and arguably due in large part to this battle.
There's nothing complex in construction here, but the imagery and word use are great, and there's a good narrative going on.
Before I divert again into musings, I'll comment on the structure here, which is minimal but enjoyable. There's no meter or rhyme, and the stanzas are somewhat in parallel. Hiryu gets 10 lines + 5, while Yorktown gets 10 + 6. Don't know whether those were supposed to be equal. There's a lot of alliteration.
The only historical thing I might take issue with is Hiryu's pilots being described as aces. By that point in the battle (and somewhat the overall war), Japan had few well-trained pilots left, but I can also see this poetry taking that as more a glorifying term than a technical one.
There's some subtle wordplay here, though mostly on the Yorktown side. Again, I don't know how much of it is intentional. Diving death on the Hiryu definitely evokes dive bombers. But some of that imagery, too: blossoming, which may refer to cherry blossoms, an important cultural symbol in Japan, and while the setting sun is often used as a metaphor for death, it's also juxtaposed well with Japan being the land of the rising sun.
On Yorktown's side, the use of "dauntless" and "devastate" twice probably refers to two of the aircraft types (though I think the US had spent all its Devastators by this point; the were all shot down on a single mission with only one crewmember surviving and (I think) scoring no hits).
Then in the end, the result being that the two nations are rather good friends now, and arguably due in large part to this battle.
There's nothing complex in construction here, but the imagery and word use are great, and there's a good narrative going on.
Very nice:
But what I'd like more of, being me, is personification and through it, perhaps, a greater understanding. Make the ships stand more for the national characters of Japan and the U.S. at the time. Unlike >>Pascoite, I only know the basics about WWII, so I'd like to see here a metaphorical and encapsulated history lesson. Show me why Japan started the war--why is Hiryu proud? Why does she feel that she must carry on this battle? And show me how the U.S. responded through the emotions you ascribe to Yorktown.
In the end, too, how did the furious exchanges between these two characters and their final double death bring about the change in the national attitudes that allows the ships now to be serene? I'm asking a lot, I know, but, well, it's poetry. Ambition is what it's all about. :)
Mike
But what I'd like more of, being me, is personification and through it, perhaps, a greater understanding. Make the ships stand more for the national characters of Japan and the U.S. at the time. Unlike >>Pascoite, I only know the basics about WWII, so I'd like to see here a metaphorical and encapsulated history lesson. Show me why Japan started the war--why is Hiryu proud? Why does she feel that she must carry on this battle? And show me how the U.S. responded through the emotions you ascribe to Yorktown.
In the end, too, how did the furious exchanges between these two characters and their final double death bring about the change in the national attitudes that allows the ships now to be serene? I'm asking a lot, I know, but, well, it's poetry. Ambition is what it's all about. :)
Mike