Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Cryogenics Anonymous
“Now then,” Zae began, leaning back in his chair and adjusting his half-moon spectacles. “Tony, why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?”
I let out a long sigh and leaned forwards in my chair. “Okay, if this is how we’re going to do it.” I cast an eye across the room. A half dozen people sat in a round circle in the backroom of an old fashioned bar, fidgeting awkwardly as they waited for their turn to speak. “Hi everyone. I’m Tony. I was a sixty three year old software engineer when I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Alzheimer's. I didn’t much fancy forgetting how to chew so I froze myself three months later. Now I’m here.” I slumped backwards. “Next person.”
Zae frowned, but waved the woman next to me to start.
“Hi everyone, I’m Lucy,” she began, rising to her feet. “I’m from Detroit, if that means anything to you’all after three hundred years. I was dying of tuberculosis before I–”
“Red light,” I cut in.
The room froze. Lucy and the rest of the circle paused in mid-motion.
Zae let out a short sigh. “Is there a problem Tony?”
“Urgh.” I pressed my fingers against my temples. “TB, Zae? Really?”
“People died from tuberculosis until the mid twenty-first century.”
“Yeah, but not people who could afford to be cryogenically frozen,” I shot back. “Look, Zae. I know this simulation must have been a lot of work, but what exactly did you want to achieve here?”
Zae shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “You said you were lonely. As you’re struggling with real intelligences I thought you might prefer to interact with some contemporary peers.”
“These aren’t my peers, though, are they? They’re just what you think people of my era acted like. They’re just software.”
“As are you right now, but I concede the point.” Zae pursed his lips. “As we’ve discussed before, Tony, there’s plenty to be gained from interacting with things we know aren’t real. Stories may be fiction, but they can have a real impact. Why not give these simulacrums a chance? You may find a friendly space beneficial.”
I fought down an angry outburst. “They’re not real. Why can’t you just wake up some more people for me to talk to?”
Zae shrugged. “We've been over this. Your brain, due to the early stage of degradation which you froze yourself, was by far the best candidate for emulation.”
“Great, well now that you’ve figured it out, why don’t you ring the alarm on the rest of the corpsicles? Or at least put me on pause until you figure them out?”
“Someone has to be first, Tony,” Zae pointed out. He stood, his chair vanishing between blinks. “Someone has to blaze a trail. If we are to have any hope of reviving twentieth century humans then we must know how to have you integrate into the intelligent community.”
I let out a deep sigh. “I didn’t sign up to be a trailblazer. I just wanted to live.” I put my head in my hands and sat, slumped for a moment. “Why do we even need to do this? You know what’s in my head better than I do. Why can’t you just make me happy?”
Zae shook his head. “We can. We could have dropped you into a full simulation of your life before your death. We could have made it so that you would always be happy and not notice the cracks in the coding. That would have left you little better than a simulacra, however, worse even by some measure.”
“At least I wouldn’t be treated like some monkey in a suit,” I grumbled.
“You are an intelligence,” Zae shot back, his form wavering as his agitation broke through the disguise. “A unique individual. Although you’re five hundred years behind the times there’s nothing stopping you doing anything any other intelligence can do. It’ll just take some work.”
“Tell that to the rest of the world.” I summoned a glass of water and pressed it against my forehead. “This is all just navel gazing, isn’t it?”
Zae took a deep breath, forcing himself back into the therapist guise. “That’s for you to decide. I’m here to help you whatever you chose.”
I drew in a deep breath. Standing I cast another forlorn eye over the frozen forms. “Okay. Let’s go and meet some real people. I’m done playing with these dolls.”
I let out a long sigh and leaned forwards in my chair. “Okay, if this is how we’re going to do it.” I cast an eye across the room. A half dozen people sat in a round circle in the backroom of an old fashioned bar, fidgeting awkwardly as they waited for their turn to speak. “Hi everyone. I’m Tony. I was a sixty three year old software engineer when I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Alzheimer's. I didn’t much fancy forgetting how to chew so I froze myself three months later. Now I’m here.” I slumped backwards. “Next person.”
Zae frowned, but waved the woman next to me to start.
“Hi everyone, I’m Lucy,” she began, rising to her feet. “I’m from Detroit, if that means anything to you’all after three hundred years. I was dying of tuberculosis before I–”
“Red light,” I cut in.
The room froze. Lucy and the rest of the circle paused in mid-motion.
Zae let out a short sigh. “Is there a problem Tony?”
“Urgh.” I pressed my fingers against my temples. “TB, Zae? Really?”
“People died from tuberculosis until the mid twenty-first century.”
“Yeah, but not people who could afford to be cryogenically frozen,” I shot back. “Look, Zae. I know this simulation must have been a lot of work, but what exactly did you want to achieve here?”
Zae shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “You said you were lonely. As you’re struggling with real intelligences I thought you might prefer to interact with some contemporary peers.”
“These aren’t my peers, though, are they? They’re just what you think people of my era acted like. They’re just software.”
“As are you right now, but I concede the point.” Zae pursed his lips. “As we’ve discussed before, Tony, there’s plenty to be gained from interacting with things we know aren’t real. Stories may be fiction, but they can have a real impact. Why not give these simulacrums a chance? You may find a friendly space beneficial.”
I fought down an angry outburst. “They’re not real. Why can’t you just wake up some more people for me to talk to?”
Zae shrugged. “We've been over this. Your brain, due to the early stage of degradation which you froze yourself, was by far the best candidate for emulation.”
“Great, well now that you’ve figured it out, why don’t you ring the alarm on the rest of the corpsicles? Or at least put me on pause until you figure them out?”
“Someone has to be first, Tony,” Zae pointed out. He stood, his chair vanishing between blinks. “Someone has to blaze a trail. If we are to have any hope of reviving twentieth century humans then we must know how to have you integrate into the intelligent community.”
I let out a deep sigh. “I didn’t sign up to be a trailblazer. I just wanted to live.” I put my head in my hands and sat, slumped for a moment. “Why do we even need to do this? You know what’s in my head better than I do. Why can’t you just make me happy?”
Zae shook his head. “We can. We could have dropped you into a full simulation of your life before your death. We could have made it so that you would always be happy and not notice the cracks in the coding. That would have left you little better than a simulacra, however, worse even by some measure.”
“At least I wouldn’t be treated like some monkey in a suit,” I grumbled.
“You are an intelligence,” Zae shot back, his form wavering as his agitation broke through the disguise. “A unique individual. Although you’re five hundred years behind the times there’s nothing stopping you doing anything any other intelligence can do. It’ll just take some work.”
“Tell that to the rest of the world.” I summoned a glass of water and pressed it against my forehead. “This is all just navel gazing, isn’t it?”
Zae took a deep breath, forcing himself back into the therapist guise. “That’s for you to decide. I’m here to help you whatever you chose.”
I drew in a deep breath. Standing I cast another forlorn eye over the frozen forms. “Okay. Let’s go and meet some real people. I’m done playing with these dolls.”
My thoughts about this story, in the order in which they occurred:
1) Hey, there's a story about Cryogenics on my ballot. I considered writing a story about cryogenics, but couldn't think up any good ideas. I should read that story to see what it's like.
2) I am going to have nothing to say about this story, aren't I?
3) Yeah, I really don't have much to say. I think it's pretty good, and there are no glaring problems. It's the type of story that I wouldn't mind seeing more of, but this short bit of it stands alone fairly well too.
4) For some reason, I'm getting a Not_A_Hat vibe from this story. But he apparently didn't submit anything this time, so I'm forced to conclude that NotARock probably wrote it instead.
1) Hey, there's a story about Cryogenics on my ballot. I considered writing a story about cryogenics, but couldn't think up any good ideas. I should read that story to see what it's like.
2) I am going to have nothing to say about this story, aren't I?
3) Yeah, I really don't have much to say. I think it's pretty good, and there are no glaring problems. It's the type of story that I wouldn't mind seeing more of, but this short bit of it stands alone fairly well too.
4) For some reason, I'm getting a Not_A_Hat vibe from this story. But he apparently didn't submit anything this time, so I'm forced to conclude that NotARock probably wrote it instead.
Well, I'll reply if only to emphasize that I'm Not_The_Author here. :P
I read this for the live readings, on J's urging. It was interesting in concept, and it managed to pull off a few twists in a way that wasn't confusing, which is something I appreciated.
The biggest thing holding this back, IMHO, (and I'm not really sure what would best fix this) is that it lacks ooomph. It doesn't seem to reach for any particularly high emotional notes, or depths of despair or what have you; it's overall a fairly mild ride. And that's alright, for the most part, but it does mean it doesn't leave a particularly strong impression at the end. It's a good impression, I'd say, but it's a mild one.
Make of that what you will. I hope it's helpful.
I read this for the live readings, on J's urging. It was interesting in concept, and it managed to pull off a few twists in a way that wasn't confusing, which is something I appreciated.
The biggest thing holding this back, IMHO, (and I'm not really sure what would best fix this) is that it lacks ooomph. It doesn't seem to reach for any particularly high emotional notes, or depths of despair or what have you; it's overall a fairly mild ride. And that's alright, for the most part, but it does mean it doesn't leave a particularly strong impression at the end. It's a good impression, I'd say, but it's a mild one.
Make of that what you will. I hope it's helpful.
I think I like the idea behind this story, but I can't help but not know what exactly is happening.
I don't think it's hard, per se, to be able to piece together the story-puzzle pieces here. It's just that I felt like this was information overload. Nearly every paragraph of dialogue after the tuberculosis thing feels like it has backstory or plot significance, and for me, I think it's too much information to take in all at once.
From what I gather, Tony is a cryogenically frozen guy who's the key to understanding how twentieth-century folk integrate into the society of "intelligents"? I don't quite understand it.
Now, it seems that other people were able to understand what was going on, but for me personally, I think it was a matter of too much information and not enough time (words) for that information to really sink in and mean something to me. In my mind, it felt less like a meaningful interaction between two people and more like a (condensed) intro to the universe (although it did feel somewhat meaningful).
I don't think it's hard, per se, to be able to piece together the story-puzzle pieces here. It's just that I felt like this was information overload. Nearly every paragraph of dialogue after the tuberculosis thing feels like it has backstory or plot significance, and for me, I think it's too much information to take in all at once.
From what I gather, Tony is a cryogenically frozen guy who's the key to understanding how twentieth-century folk integrate into the society of "intelligents"? I don't quite understand it.
Now, it seems that other people were able to understand what was going on, but for me personally, I think it was a matter of too much information and not enough time (words) for that information to really sink in and mean something to me. In my mind, it felt less like a meaningful interaction between two people and more like a (condensed) intro to the universe (although it did feel somewhat meaningful).
There's a lot to like with this story. The writing is clear and easy to follow, and it has an interesting premise that isn't too formulaic. It also does a good job of weaving in information on the setting in an unobtrusive manner, but unfortunately, that takes a lot of words as well.
My overall impression echoes >>Not_A_Hat, that the conflict is relatively mild, and the stakes are low. The protagonist is likable enough, but isn't able to develop much.
It kept my interest throughout, but though it works alright as-is, I think it'd serve better as the intro to a larger story.
My overall impression echoes >>Not_A_Hat, that the conflict is relatively mild, and the stakes are low. The protagonist is likable enough, but isn't able to develop much.
It kept my interest throughout, but though it works alright as-is, I think it'd serve better as the intro to a larger story.
Okay. Let’s be upfront again: I found this rather meh.
The problem is that you decided to tackle a tired premise, namely people being revived well after their normal lifetime. I'm not sure I haven't seen a single WriteOff Original Fic round without this trope being called upon. Last one had two stories about this, if memory serves. Heck, they even made a comedy about it called “Hibernatus” in 1969, the year of my birth. So, okay, fine, but if you do, then you also have to bring in some sort of spicy novelty, something original to grasp the attention of the reader and make him think “Oh, this is a new take, great!”. Otherwise, it's simply going to be one verse tacked on the same old song. And, unfortunately, that how that story came across to me.
I mean, it's competently written and whatnot, but, as the others already said, the stakes are low, there is no real conflict, and it comes across as dull. There is no twist, we don't have enough elements to care about the characters. Besides, you could've dived a little more into worldbuilding by showing us how that future world looked like in your imagination, but you preferred to hem the guy in a replica of the 20th century. In other words, when I reached the end, I thought “Oh, it's just that?”
Sorry.
The problem is that you decided to tackle a tired premise, namely people being revived well after their normal lifetime. I'm not sure I haven't seen a single WriteOff Original Fic round without this trope being called upon. Last one had two stories about this, if memory serves. Heck, they even made a comedy about it called “Hibernatus” in 1969, the year of my birth. So, okay, fine, but if you do, then you also have to bring in some sort of spicy novelty, something original to grasp the attention of the reader and make him think “Oh, this is a new take, great!”. Otherwise, it's simply going to be one verse tacked on the same old song. And, unfortunately, that how that story came across to me.
I mean, it's competently written and whatnot, but, as the others already said, the stakes are low, there is no real conflict, and it comes across as dull. There is no twist, we don't have enough elements to care about the characters. Besides, you could've dived a little more into worldbuilding by showing us how that future world looked like in your imagination, but you preferred to hem the guy in a replica of the 20th century. In other words, when I reached the end, I thought “Oh, it's just that?”
Sorry.
Well, it's the last minute, so time to review things!
So, skipping over everyone elses reviews... I thought this was pretty decent. I kinda liked the way our protagonist has bee revived in the future.. As some sort of post-singularity digital avatar, instead of as the flesh and blood human being he expected to be. I also like the fact that it's not just the poor 21st century fish out of water trying to cope with all the changes... But the 'intelligences' of the future trying to figure out how to handle these centuries-old throw backs, and integrate them into modern society. It's a clever idea, making out protagonist the first 'test case' when it comes to reviving the cryogenically frozen from an earlier era... And in having the post singularity society's population be less than perfect... Clearly they don't remember / understand the past as perfectly as they would like to think...
All in all, not bad and well written. :)
So, skipping over everyone elses reviews... I thought this was pretty decent. I kinda liked the way our protagonist has bee revived in the future.. As some sort of post-singularity digital avatar, instead of as the flesh and blood human being he expected to be. I also like the fact that it's not just the poor 21st century fish out of water trying to cope with all the changes... But the 'intelligences' of the future trying to figure out how to handle these centuries-old throw backs, and integrate them into modern society. It's a clever idea, making out protagonist the first 'test case' when it comes to reviving the cryogenically frozen from an earlier era... And in having the post singularity society's population be less than perfect... Clearly they don't remember / understand the past as perfectly as they would like to think...
All in all, not bad and well written. :)
Oh man, the misplaced y'all and the tuberculosis and the lampshading of how that destroys the simulation is just delicious here. My big frustration is that the core logic is incoherent. "You're struggling with real intelligences," Zae says to justify him being in a simulation, which undercuts the ending "Let’s go and meet some real people," because the wording you're using implies they've tried that and it didn't work. Of course, "If we are to have any hope of reviving twentieth century humans then we must know how to have you integrate into the intelligent community" suggests that they're stumbling through this basically blindly, which is really strange for a future civilization without a lot more lampshading; even if there's been some huge calamity that wiped out all the records of the prior era, any civilization with the level of technology to restore cryogenically frozen people isn't going to be that ignorant of psychology.
Regardless, author, I've got to give you bonus points for this, and on the whole here this engaged me. Possibly just genre bias. S
Stories may be fiction, but they can have a real impact.
Regardless, author, I've got to give you bonus points for this, and on the whole here this engaged me. Possibly just genre bias. S
Interesting premise, but it got a little too meta for me, about the importance of stories and the like. We're all writers here, so we know that. Having a character directly tell us that feels cheap... unearned. In the end, I feel there's not much of a story here. The cryogenics and setting feels like nothing more than window-dressing on a philosophical point the author is making.
I have little to offer here. I think the last line would be much more powerful without the word "these".
>>horizon
I think you misunderstood that line. It was clear to me that this was a support group for him that his therapist Zae created specifically because he was having a hard time interacting with real people. After these events, presumably his therapist is going to have sessions that include both the protagonist and real people together, whereas previously the therapy must have been one-on-one.
Of course, I might be wrong. If you didn't pick up on it, it might not be clear enough—or I might be completely misreading it.
>>horizon
I think you misunderstood that line. It was clear to me that this was a support group for him that his therapist Zae created specifically because he was having a hard time interacting with real people. After these events, presumably his therapist is going to have sessions that include both the protagonist and real people together, whereas previously the therapy must have been one-on-one.
Of course, I might be wrong. If you didn't pick up on it, it might not be clear enough—or I might be completely misreading it.
>>Trick_Question
My point was more "the story is trying to have its cake and eat it too on whether Tony has previously met modern intelligences". The entire setup, and especially the last line, only seem to make sense to me if this is being presented to him as a preparatory step before his first exposure to modern society. And yet the fact that he knows the safeword to stop the simulation (and knows it's a simulation to begin with), and Zae's comments on him "having trouble", all rely on this being a consensual regression step, which invalidates the ending.
I think if I had to choose between the two, consensual regression would be a better story (and it leads to some of the strongest moments here), but if the story is going that route then Zae is being awfully patronizing and ignorant in a way that the story doesn't quite play up enough to feel intentional to me, and which make me doubt his sincerity/effectiveness if he's meant to be presented as a sympathetic and helpful character. I don't know how much more I can say here without knowing the author's intentions.
Unrelatedly, if you're interested in this sort of scenario, Transmetropolitan's "Another Cold Morning" is a fucking amazing look at the future-shock of cryogenic revivals. Transmetropolitan is fucking amazing in general, but that issue and the Transient storyline (the first few issues, about a genetic body-modification movement becoming political scapegoats) and the issue where Channon's boyfriend uploads into a cloud of nanomachines are just art.
My point was more "the story is trying to have its cake and eat it too on whether Tony has previously met modern intelligences". The entire setup, and especially the last line, only seem to make sense to me if this is being presented to him as a preparatory step before his first exposure to modern society. And yet the fact that he knows the safeword to stop the simulation (and knows it's a simulation to begin with), and Zae's comments on him "having trouble", all rely on this being a consensual regression step, which invalidates the ending.
I think if I had to choose between the two, consensual regression would be a better story (and it leads to some of the strongest moments here), but if the story is going that route then Zae is being awfully patronizing and ignorant in a way that the story doesn't quite play up enough to feel intentional to me, and which make me doubt his sincerity/effectiveness if he's meant to be presented as a sympathetic and helpful character. I don't know how much more I can say here without knowing the author's intentions.
Unrelatedly, if you're interested in this sort of scenario, Transmetropolitan's "Another Cold Morning" is a fucking amazing look at the future-shock of cryogenic revivals. Transmetropolitan is fucking amazing in general, but that issue and the Transient storyline (the first few issues, about a genetic body-modification movement becoming political scapegoats) and the issue where Channon's boyfriend uploads into a cloud of nanomachines are just art.
>>horizon
In retrospect I think the biggest problem with this story is we don't really get any indication of why he doesn't fit in (or isn't prepared to fit in, or is "being quarantined" until they know he's safe, or whatever the interp).
In retrospect I think the biggest problem with this story is we don't really get any indication of why he doesn't fit in (or isn't prepared to fit in, or is "being quarantined" until they know he's safe, or whatever the interp).
Cryogenics Anonymous - A -- Top level material here, it *feels* real while reading even though it is inside a simulation, with the only ding I can think of is the lack of a beginning and endpoint, much like it is a sliver out of a much larger work. Kudos on the immersion in just a few paragraphs.
This is a pretty solid setup for a story, but I agree with Horizon that I’m not quite clear on the situation here – why is he being exposed to simulations rather than real people? Has he been exposed to real people other than Zae? What exactly is going on here?
That’s the biggest point of confusion – why he is in this situation instead of interacting with real people, and the question of whether or not he has interacted with real people. He seems to be dealing with Zae, after all.
That’s the biggest point of confusion – why he is in this situation instead of interacting with real people, and the question of whether or not he has interacted with real people. He seems to be dealing with Zae, after all.