Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
The Blue and the Dim and the Dark
Fluttershy knocked on the door to the Carousel Boutique and let herself in. It was after hours, and Rarity’s shop was closed to the public, but as usual the door was unlatched.
“Rarity?” Fluttershy wiped her hooves on the mat inside the door, brushing away the snow and slush from the street. “I got your message.”
“In here, darling!” Rarity’s voice came from the workshop. “Come on back.”
Fluttershy pushed through the cloth partition. As she expected, Rarity was standing beside one of her mannequins, puzzling over the final details of her latest creation.
And what a creation it was – every shade of blue Fluttershy knew existed, and many more she had no names for. Pleats of cyan and teal and sapphire lay across sheaves of viridian and lapis and iris. A rainbow, all in blue, in all the shades of night.
“Oh, Rarity,” she whispered. She drew closer, and when Rarity nodded, she reached out a hoof to touch the collar. The fabric was smooth as water and caught the light with a metallic sheen. She leaned forward to brush her cheek against the cloth. It felt like a cloud, and smelled like cotton and dreams.
“It’s wonderful,” she continued. “I mean, I knew it was going to be beautiful when I saw the drawings, but this… It’s beautiful.”
“You say that, but every time I look at it I see something else to fix. Something that’s not perfect.” Rarity frowned at the dress. “But I’ll never finish if I keep thinking like that. It’s time to put a pin in it.”
Fluttershy smiled and her wings fluffed with joy. “You’re ready, then? You’re going to talk to her?”
“Yes. Well, sort of. It’s, ah, complicated.” Rarity dithered and fussed with the already perfect saddle. “You know her birthday is coming up. I was just going to give it to her as a present, and let it speak for itself.”
Fluttershy’s smile slipped away. She trotted around the mannequin to Rarity’s side, and sat with her wing across the unicorn’s back. “Rarity, you said you were going to talk with her. Tell her how you felt. This—” she gestured at the dress with her other wing “—is wonderful, and it will show her how strongly you feel, but it’s not what really matters. You know that.”
Rarity slipped out from beneath Fluttershy’s wing. “If I talk to her, she might say ‘no.’ Or worse, she might feel sorry for me! She would just smile and say it’s lovely but that she doesn’t really think of me that way, that we’re just friends, and… oh! Just thinking about it makes me want to tear this dress up and never mention it again.”
“Well, I think that would be a real shame,” Fluttershy said. “But dreams are worth fighting for. What if she says ‘yes’?”
“If, Fluttershy! If!” Rarity stomped in a dainty circle around the dress. “But if I just give her this gift, won’t she understand what I mean? Then, if she reciprocates, she can confess how she feels and we’ll both be utterly happy. And if she doesn’t, she’ll just thank me for the dress and needn’t say any more, and she won’t have to reject me, and nopony gets hurt!”
“Sometimes love hurts, Rarity. But you can’t be afraid of it.”
Rarity was silent for a spell, and then she let out a long sigh. “When did you become so forward, Fluttershy? So daring?”
“Oh, I’m not. I think if I were in love with a pony I’d be afraid too, even if they came to me. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t said anything yet? Maybe she’s afraid, too?”
Rarity snorted. “Wouldn’t that be perfect? Love, defeated by fear of being hurt.”
“It sounds sad, like that.”
“Not sad. Pitiful. Do you think I’m pitiful, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “I’m the pitiful one, Rarity. I just think that—urk!”
She found she suddenly couldn’t breathe, so tightly were Rarity’s forelegs wrapped around her chest. As hugs went, it was something between a corset and a boa constrictor.
“You’re not pitiful,” Rarity whispered fiercely. “Sometimes I think you’re the best of us.”
Seconds later, when she could breathe, “Only because of my friends. Especially the brave ones.”
“Bravery.” Rarity glanced at the dress, then down at her hooves. “Odd, how facing her is harder than facing a dragon. But I think you’re right. We… I’ll talk with her.”
Fluttershy smiled. “That’s a good first step.”
“Rarity?” Fluttershy wiped her hooves on the mat inside the door, brushing away the snow and slush from the street. “I got your message.”
“In here, darling!” Rarity’s voice came from the workshop. “Come on back.”
Fluttershy pushed through the cloth partition. As she expected, Rarity was standing beside one of her mannequins, puzzling over the final details of her latest creation.
And what a creation it was – every shade of blue Fluttershy knew existed, and many more she had no names for. Pleats of cyan and teal and sapphire lay across sheaves of viridian and lapis and iris. A rainbow, all in blue, in all the shades of night.
“Oh, Rarity,” she whispered. She drew closer, and when Rarity nodded, she reached out a hoof to touch the collar. The fabric was smooth as water and caught the light with a metallic sheen. She leaned forward to brush her cheek against the cloth. It felt like a cloud, and smelled like cotton and dreams.
“It’s wonderful,” she continued. “I mean, I knew it was going to be beautiful when I saw the drawings, but this… It’s beautiful.”
“You say that, but every time I look at it I see something else to fix. Something that’s not perfect.” Rarity frowned at the dress. “But I’ll never finish if I keep thinking like that. It’s time to put a pin in it.”
Fluttershy smiled and her wings fluffed with joy. “You’re ready, then? You’re going to talk to her?”
“Yes. Well, sort of. It’s, ah, complicated.” Rarity dithered and fussed with the already perfect saddle. “You know her birthday is coming up. I was just going to give it to her as a present, and let it speak for itself.”
Fluttershy’s smile slipped away. She trotted around the mannequin to Rarity’s side, and sat with her wing across the unicorn’s back. “Rarity, you said you were going to talk with her. Tell her how you felt. This—” she gestured at the dress with her other wing “—is wonderful, and it will show her how strongly you feel, but it’s not what really matters. You know that.”
Rarity slipped out from beneath Fluttershy’s wing. “If I talk to her, she might say ‘no.’ Or worse, she might feel sorry for me! She would just smile and say it’s lovely but that she doesn’t really think of me that way, that we’re just friends, and… oh! Just thinking about it makes me want to tear this dress up and never mention it again.”
“Well, I think that would be a real shame,” Fluttershy said. “But dreams are worth fighting for. What if she says ‘yes’?”
“If, Fluttershy! If!” Rarity stomped in a dainty circle around the dress. “But if I just give her this gift, won’t she understand what I mean? Then, if she reciprocates, she can confess how she feels and we’ll both be utterly happy. And if she doesn’t, she’ll just thank me for the dress and needn’t say any more, and she won’t have to reject me, and nopony gets hurt!”
“Sometimes love hurts, Rarity. But you can’t be afraid of it.”
Rarity was silent for a spell, and then she let out a long sigh. “When did you become so forward, Fluttershy? So daring?”
“Oh, I’m not. I think if I were in love with a pony I’d be afraid too, even if they came to me. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t said anything yet? Maybe she’s afraid, too?”
Rarity snorted. “Wouldn’t that be perfect? Love, defeated by fear of being hurt.”
“It sounds sad, like that.”
“Not sad. Pitiful. Do you think I’m pitiful, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “I’m the pitiful one, Rarity. I just think that—urk!”
She found she suddenly couldn’t breathe, so tightly were Rarity’s forelegs wrapped around her chest. As hugs went, it was something between a corset and a boa constrictor.
“You’re not pitiful,” Rarity whispered fiercely. “Sometimes I think you’re the best of us.”
Seconds later, when she could breathe, “Only because of my friends. Especially the brave ones.”
“Bravery.” Rarity glanced at the dress, then down at her hooves. “Odd, how facing her is harder than facing a dragon. But I think you’re right. We… I’ll talk with her.”
Fluttershy smiled. “That’s a good first step.”
Nice scene, I like the fussing and I think the plan would be something Rarity could come up with.
No details are about who the fortunate mare may be, but they aren't needed, it works fine the way it is.
I liked it a lot, sorry for not being more useful.
No details are about who the fortunate mare may be, but they aren't needed, it works fine the way it is.
I liked it a lot, sorry for not being more useful.
I’m not sure how to feel about Fluttershy thinking positively and pushing somepony out of her shell. It’s like a glimpse into Bizarro Equestria. Rarity drawing attention to it only makes it stranger.
Not identifying Rarity’s beloved was probably the right move. I’ve narrowed it down to a field of two, but it’s not important to the story.
The key problem here is that the most appropriate character for the encouraging role is Rarity herself. Fluttershy comes closest to the needed confident, encouraging, romantic figure, but it still feels disconcerting to have her be so utterly supportive. I’m really not sure how to resolve this one. Still, character issues aside, I did enjoy this.
Not identifying Rarity’s beloved was probably the right move. I’ve narrowed it down to a field of two, but it’s not important to the story.
The key problem here is that the most appropriate character for the encouraging role is Rarity herself. Fluttershy comes closest to the needed confident, encouraging, romantic figure, but it still feels disconcerting to have her be so utterly supportive. I’m really not sure how to resolve this one. Still, character issues aside, I did enjoy this.
>>FanOfMostEverything
I'm convinced Fluttershy feels something for Rarity here, but her own nature and the knowledge that Rarity loves somepony else stops her from opening up. Which is the reason she encourages Rarity in her romantic endeavors.
I'm convinced Fluttershy feels something for Rarity here, but her own nature and the knowledge that Rarity loves somepony else stops her from opening up. Which is the reason she encourages Rarity in her romantic endeavors.
I don't agree with >>FanOfMostEverything . Not naming the love interest was a mistake, because it's clear we were supposed to pick up on it. The first five words following "iris" suggest the interest must be Rainbow Dash, but the rest of the words in that sentence (and the sentences which follow) also suggest Twilight or Luna. There are very strong clues, but they're inconsistent, and it's frustrating.
I don't agree with >>Orbiting_kettle either. I like the idea, but I don't see any evidence for it in the text. However, there are at least two hints that Fluttershy feels something for the same pony Rarity loves! This adds more weight to the Rainbow Dash theory, above.
Author, you cut me to the quick. My angst aside, this is a huge distraction if you're not intentionally trying to reference Spike, the only pony on the show who has shown romantic interest in Rarity (not to mention the only canon non-married ship). If you did mean Spike, you need to add a little more to this. What you're doing with this story is very good, but you're an ounce too subtle on several fronts.
Don't be afraid to open up to the readers. They'll love you back, I promise.
I don't agree with >>Orbiting_kettle either. I like the idea, but I don't see any evidence for it in the text. However, there are at least two hints that Fluttershy feels something for the same pony Rarity loves! This adds more weight to the Rainbow Dash theory, above.
Odd, how facing her is harder than facing a dragon.
Author, you cut me to the quick. My angst aside, this is a huge distraction if you're not intentionally trying to reference Spike, the only pony on the show who has shown romantic interest in Rarity (not to mention the only canon non-married ship). If you did mean Spike, you need to add a little more to this. What you're doing with this story is very good, but you're an ounce too subtle on several fronts.
Don't be afraid to open up to the readers. They'll love you back, I promise.
>>Trick_Question
The Rainbow Dash theory seems sound. I think the hints you saw pointing to Fluttershy longing for the same pony as Rarity was by me interpreted as Fluttershy feels this way toward Rarity. The being brave was by me associated with Rarity finally making her move, not with RD.
The Rainbow Dash theory seems sound. I think the hints you saw pointing to Fluttershy longing for the same pony as Rarity was by me interpreted as Fluttershy feels this way toward Rarity. The being brave was by me associated with Rarity finally making her move, not with RD.
>>Orbiting_kettle
The title really throws a wrench in the works too. From a Bayesian perspective, I can't imagine that the story whose interpretation I made would have generated this title... unless I'm the Dim one in the Dark. :P
The title really throws a wrench in the works too. From a Bayesian perspective, I can't imagine that the story whose interpretation I made would have generated this title... unless I'm the Dim one in the Dark. :P
In which Fluttershy and Rarity briefly trade roles, and the resulting tsunami capsizes ships everywhere. :-P
I think keeping the other pony's identity ambiguous serves the story. I think all the possible teases of who it might be adds-up to a veritable boatyard of possibilities. IMO, it makes sense to have Fluttershy be encouraging, and I could see Rarity freaking out this way in this kind of situation. The description of the dress is remarkably lush.
Thus far I have proven quite useless at identifying major issues that would bear fixing.
I think keeping the other pony's identity ambiguous serves the story. I think all the possible teases of who it might be adds-up to a veritable boatyard of possibilities. IMO, it makes sense to have Fluttershy be encouraging, and I could see Rarity freaking out this way in this kind of situation. The description of the dress is remarkably lush.
Thus far I have proven quite useless at identifying major issues that would bear fixing.
This is a very nice little shipping scene. I did think that it was a good idea to leave the target of Rarity's affections unidentified, and I was left with the impression that there was a bit more to Rarity and Fluttershy's relationship, but I wasn't sure if it was Fluttershy crushing on Rarity or what.
I have no real suggestions to make.
I have no real suggestions to make.
I guess it was cute, but it didn't really 'click' with me in any meaningful way. I do think I'd rather have known who this was, directly. Or seen some resolution beyond a decision to resolve the 'what might happen?'
Rarity has a crush on somepony (Rainbow Dash, perhaps, given the dress?) and wants to say something, but is trying to say it with the gift so that she doesn’t have to stick her neck out. Of course, by saying it with the gift, it is very easy for it not to be said at all.
Fluttershy knows, and points this out.
I think Fluttershy works decently well in this role, but the story felt a little bit generic; the use of Fluttershy as the pony being the encourager, with Rarity the encourage, was unusual, but in the end, I felt like I’d seen this story before, and it felt a little too straightforward. Not that it was bad, just that it didn’t really shine in any way.
>>Orbiting_kettle
I wanted it to be true, and an added layer of tragic tension would, I think, make the story stronger - Fluttershy could really work any leg of the love triangle, really. It would add more of a sense of added conflict, and also make Fluttershy’s advice all the sweeter.
Fluttershy knows, and points this out.
I think Fluttershy works decently well in this role, but the story felt a little bit generic; the use of Fluttershy as the pony being the encourager, with Rarity the encourage, was unusual, but in the end, I felt like I’d seen this story before, and it felt a little too straightforward. Not that it was bad, just that it didn’t really shine in any way.
>>Orbiting_kettle
I wanted it to be true, and an added layer of tragic tension would, I think, make the story stronger - Fluttershy could really work any leg of the love triangle, really. It would add more of a sense of added conflict, and also make Fluttershy’s advice all the sweeter.
I’m not really into shipping and all that stuff, but that one wasn’t bad. ‘Teal’ for me is not properly a shade of blue, since it shares the same quantity of blue and green, and viridian, that comes from the Latin word for green, is really more green than blue. You could’ve chosen turquoise, zaffre or ultramarine instead.
The third, unnamed pony could be Rainbow Dash, but I’d more likely plump for Luna, as she’s the one who’s blue in every respect.
Otherwise, I’ll just agree with most other commenters, in that choosing Fluttershy seems rather odd here, unless you initially wanted to finish by a twist (like: the third pony is Fluttershy, and Rarity has lied to her so she wouldn’t suss anything). It’s a sweet piece, though.
The third, unnamed pony could be Rainbow Dash, but I’d more likely plump for Luna, as she’s the one who’s blue in every respect.
Otherwise, I’ll just agree with most other commenters, in that choosing Fluttershy seems rather odd here, unless you initially wanted to finish by a twist (like: the third pony is Fluttershy, and Rarity has lied to her so she wouldn’t suss anything). It’s a sweet piece, though.