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Half a Pair Short
"AJ! I'm home!"
It startled Twilight how quickly Applejack's demeanor soured at the twin sounds of Apple Bloom's voice and Winona's barks of greeting. Her fingers gripped the rim of the kitchen table so tightly that Twilight worried she'd break it to pieces. She wondered if the sisters were angry with one another, but when Apple Bloom bounded to where Twilight and Applejack sat, Applejack greeted her warmly.
"You're home early," said Applejack, looping her arm around Apple Bloom's waist.
"Sorry about that." Apple Bloom squeezed her sister before pulling away. "Woulda called, but my phone shit the bed."
"Hey – watch your mouth. You're in the presence of royalty."
Giggling, Apple Bloom clapped her hands over her mouth, and winked at Twilight. The sisters hadn't fallen out; that was a relief. So then what was eating Applejack?
"What'd y'all get up to?" Applejack said. She was still smiling, but there was a tension in her eye that Twilight didn't understand.
"Shoppin'. Rarity'd have kittens if she saw the boutiques in Baltimare."
"Didn't know that was your thing."
"It... really ain't," said Apple Bloom Twilight heard the front door close, though Winona's barking could still be heard, all the way in the kitchen. "But I don't mind."
From the kitchen's doorway came a phlegmy sigh. "Dangit, A.B., that dog could'a taken a leg off'a me!"
Twilight turned toward the speaker: a stocky man in flannel and jeans, crowned with a rawhide hat and carrying a pair of shopping bags. His rough stubble wasn't so much salt and pepper as it was salt and cayenne – a familiar shade of red that matched the ponytail dangling from the back of his hat.
Twilight looked toward the sisters. Apple Bloom's hands were laced behind her back, her lips pursed. Applejack was gripping the table again, gazing away from the door.
"Sorry, Pa," Apple Bloom said.
Applejack's fingers clenched. The table creaked.
Just like that, Twilight understood why Winona had been barking.
Apple Bloom excused herself, muttering about taking Winona upstairs. She pecked Applejack's cheek and left, pausing long enough to half-heartedly hug the man in the doorway.
"Sorry for droppin' in like this," the man said sheepishly. "I would'a kept her the whole day, but we maxed out my card in Baltimare..."
Applejack snorted. Her lips moved subtly, forming inaudible words.
"Yer granny around?" the man continued, with a nervous smile.
"Nope."
"...Yer brother?"
"Nope."
"Well. Sorry I missed 'em." His eyes found Twilight, and he set his bags down, sticking out a meaty hand in greeting. Twilight shook it, her dainty purple hand lost in the man's calloused grip.
"We ain't met, I think – I'm Bright McIntosh. Call me Mac."
"Twilight Sparkle." Twilight tucked her hand into her lap. "You must be Applejack's––"
"Somethin' else you needed?" Applejack interrupted sharply, without looking.
Her vehemence made Mac step back, though he remained smiling. "Was hopin' fer a howdy."
Applejack's nostrils flared as she set a venomous gaze upon Mac. "Howdy."
At that, Mac's smile finally withered. "I, uh... got a long drive back to Baltimare. Tell A.B. I'll be outside, if she wants to say bye." With that, he sighed, dipped his hat at Twilight, and left with his shoulders slumped.
Applejack waited until the front door shut to speak. "Sorry you had to see that, Twi. Didn't know he'd show up, or I wouldn'ta had you over.'"
"Don't apologize," Twilight said softly. "I'm sorry if I saw something I shouldn't have."
"Ain't no secret. Jus' something I try to keep away from my friends." Applejack glanced at the bags and scoffed. "Surprised he didn't ask for gas money."
Not knowing what to say, Twilight gripped her hands together.
"Ma passed when I was a little girl," said Applejack. "He walked out on us after. A.B. was little when it happened; she don't remember it none. So, when he came crawlin' back, she was willin' to give him a shot. But far as I'm concerned, my Ma an' Pa are both dead."
"I understand," said Twilight.
Applejack gave her a long, searching look. "The other Applejack, the pony one. This how it is for her, too?"
Twilight thought of a pair of trees, embracing eternally, and the bittersweet glint in her Applejack's eye whenever she spoke of her father.
"Yeah. It's like this for her, too."
Applejack's lips twitched. She tugged her hat over her eyes.
Outside, a truck's engine sputtered and coughed as tires crunched in the dirt.
It startled Twilight how quickly Applejack's demeanor soured at the twin sounds of Apple Bloom's voice and Winona's barks of greeting. Her fingers gripped the rim of the kitchen table so tightly that Twilight worried she'd break it to pieces. She wondered if the sisters were angry with one another, but when Apple Bloom bounded to where Twilight and Applejack sat, Applejack greeted her warmly.
"You're home early," said Applejack, looping her arm around Apple Bloom's waist.
"Sorry about that." Apple Bloom squeezed her sister before pulling away. "Woulda called, but my phone shit the bed."
"Hey – watch your mouth. You're in the presence of royalty."
Giggling, Apple Bloom clapped her hands over her mouth, and winked at Twilight. The sisters hadn't fallen out; that was a relief. So then what was eating Applejack?
"What'd y'all get up to?" Applejack said. She was still smiling, but there was a tension in her eye that Twilight didn't understand.
"Shoppin'. Rarity'd have kittens if she saw the boutiques in Baltimare."
"Didn't know that was your thing."
"It... really ain't," said Apple Bloom Twilight heard the front door close, though Winona's barking could still be heard, all the way in the kitchen. "But I don't mind."
From the kitchen's doorway came a phlegmy sigh. "Dangit, A.B., that dog could'a taken a leg off'a me!"
Twilight turned toward the speaker: a stocky man in flannel and jeans, crowned with a rawhide hat and carrying a pair of shopping bags. His rough stubble wasn't so much salt and pepper as it was salt and cayenne – a familiar shade of red that matched the ponytail dangling from the back of his hat.
Twilight looked toward the sisters. Apple Bloom's hands were laced behind her back, her lips pursed. Applejack was gripping the table again, gazing away from the door.
"Sorry, Pa," Apple Bloom said.
Applejack's fingers clenched. The table creaked.
Just like that, Twilight understood why Winona had been barking.
Apple Bloom excused herself, muttering about taking Winona upstairs. She pecked Applejack's cheek and left, pausing long enough to half-heartedly hug the man in the doorway.
"Sorry for droppin' in like this," the man said sheepishly. "I would'a kept her the whole day, but we maxed out my card in Baltimare..."
Applejack snorted. Her lips moved subtly, forming inaudible words.
"Yer granny around?" the man continued, with a nervous smile.
"Nope."
"...Yer brother?"
"Nope."
"Well. Sorry I missed 'em." His eyes found Twilight, and he set his bags down, sticking out a meaty hand in greeting. Twilight shook it, her dainty purple hand lost in the man's calloused grip.
"We ain't met, I think – I'm Bright McIntosh. Call me Mac."
"Twilight Sparkle." Twilight tucked her hand into her lap. "You must be Applejack's––"
"Somethin' else you needed?" Applejack interrupted sharply, without looking.
Her vehemence made Mac step back, though he remained smiling. "Was hopin' fer a howdy."
Applejack's nostrils flared as she set a venomous gaze upon Mac. "Howdy."
At that, Mac's smile finally withered. "I, uh... got a long drive back to Baltimare. Tell A.B. I'll be outside, if she wants to say bye." With that, he sighed, dipped his hat at Twilight, and left with his shoulders slumped.
Applejack waited until the front door shut to speak. "Sorry you had to see that, Twi. Didn't know he'd show up, or I wouldn'ta had you over.'"
"Don't apologize," Twilight said softly. "I'm sorry if I saw something I shouldn't have."
"Ain't no secret. Jus' something I try to keep away from my friends." Applejack glanced at the bags and scoffed. "Surprised he didn't ask for gas money."
Not knowing what to say, Twilight gripped her hands together.
"Ma passed when I was a little girl," said Applejack. "He walked out on us after. A.B. was little when it happened; she don't remember it none. So, when he came crawlin' back, she was willin' to give him a shot. But far as I'm concerned, my Ma an' Pa are both dead."
"I understand," said Twilight.
Applejack gave her a long, searching look. "The other Applejack, the pony one. This how it is for her, too?"
Twilight thought of a pair of trees, embracing eternally, and the bittersweet glint in her Applejack's eye whenever she spoke of her father.
"Yeah. It's like this for her, too."
Applejack's lips twitched. She tugged her hat over her eyes.
Outside, a truck's engine sputtered and coughed as tires crunched in the dirt.
Packing that amount of emotional punch in 750 words is both unfair and incredibly impressive.
Prompt Relevance
Quite evident here, with the almost mirror reflections of the Applejacks' perspectives on their parents.
It's also literally through the mirror portal so obviously this story passes the prompt but that makes it no fun to go deeper into the review.
Content and Characterisation
This is an interesting take on EqG!Applejack's perception of her father, though it only clicked in me with the last few lines; they really drove home the 'emotional punch', as >>Meridian_Prime stated, with Twilight's white lie contrasting both realities' Applejacks and their relationship with their parents.
Both are 'dead' to them, literally and metaphorically respectively, and that was a nice point to draw the story around.
However, Twilight's thoughts on "So then what was eating Applejack?" was most probably unnecessary; it was well evident in thr other descriptions of Applejack's sour attitude. Just a minor issue, and it doesn't detract from the story by a notable margin.
Characterisation is on point, with Applejack's focus on family. Also nice detail in including the relative ages of Applebloom and her sister, in explaining the differences in view towards their father. Twilight, though not featured as prominently, pulls through with her role as a shoulder for Applejack to lean on.
Prose and Form
While I personally am not in favour for stories with heavy dialogue, I feel here it plays well with Applejack's cold shoulder towards her father. Moreso with the sense of unease that is brought with the first few lines, where the situation is normal - even pleasant with Applebloom joyfully returning home - yet the structure of the narration is mechanical.
Even if it wasn't intentional, props to the author for stylising the narrative to suit the emotions of the characters.
Final Thoughts
This piece fits in its word count very nicely; scope was well within what is expected and didn't fluff about needlessly. Solid characterisation, prose fit the ideas - all around an enjoyable read.
Quite evident here, with the almost mirror reflections of the Applejacks' perspectives on their parents.
Content and Characterisation
This is an interesting take on EqG!Applejack's perception of her father, though it only clicked in me with the last few lines; they really drove home the 'emotional punch', as >>Meridian_Prime stated, with Twilight's white lie contrasting both realities' Applejacks and their relationship with their parents.
Both are 'dead' to them, literally and metaphorically respectively, and that was a nice point to draw the story around.
However, Twilight's thoughts on "So then what was eating Applejack?" was most probably unnecessary; it was well evident in thr other descriptions of Applejack's sour attitude. Just a minor issue, and it doesn't detract from the story by a notable margin.
Characterisation is on point, with Applejack's focus on family. Also nice detail in including the relative ages of Applebloom and her sister, in explaining the differences in view towards their father. Twilight, though not featured as prominently, pulls through with her role as a shoulder for Applejack to lean on.
Prose and Form
While I personally am not in favour for stories with heavy dialogue, I feel here it plays well with Applejack's cold shoulder towards her father. Moreso with the sense of unease that is brought with the first few lines, where the situation is normal - even pleasant with Applebloom joyfully returning home - yet the structure of the narration is mechanical.
Even if it wasn't intentional, props to the author for stylising the narrative to suit the emotions of the characters.
Final Thoughts
This piece fits in its word count very nicely; scope was well within what is expected and didn't fluff about needlessly. Solid characterisation, prose fit the ideas - all around an enjoyable read.
Also known as: The Scar on the Apple Tree
Running impressions:
The “fingers” are a good early scene-setting to show me this is EqG universe.
Good balance on showing the Apple mode of speech.
Some minor typographical errors, like a missing full stop after “said Apple Bloom”.
Is Winona inside the house or outside when the front door closes?
Pleasantly evocative details, like “salt and cayenne”. And the tension in the centerpiece scene is palpable.
Possible inconsistency: when's Apple Bloom going to get time to say bye if Bright's already starting the truck by the end of the story? That could just be him making a mistake or assuming Applejack will say something sooner, but that feels a bit off.
The things being the same way for pony Applejack in the ending feels underjustified, and I'm not sure where it was supposed to lead; that could maybe use another sentence or two to link it up and round it off. I like ending on the imagery of the truck crunching, though, and the emotional tone of that image reflects the broken family well.
Overall: Oof, this is one of the more powerful ones, and the tension sticks around. The ending is a little weak on plot, but the emotion comes through great, and the laconicness of the main body of the story works for it. Pretty solid as a whole. Slate: 5th of 13.
Running impressions:
The “fingers” are a good early scene-setting to show me this is EqG universe.
Good balance on showing the Apple mode of speech.
Some minor typographical errors, like a missing full stop after “said Apple Bloom”.
Is Winona inside the house or outside when the front door closes?
Pleasantly evocative details, like “salt and cayenne”. And the tension in the centerpiece scene is palpable.
Possible inconsistency: when's Apple Bloom going to get time to say bye if Bright's already starting the truck by the end of the story? That could just be him making a mistake or assuming Applejack will say something sooner, but that feels a bit off.
The things being the same way for pony Applejack in the ending feels underjustified, and I'm not sure where it was supposed to lead; that could maybe use another sentence or two to link it up and round it off. I like ending on the imagery of the truck crunching, though, and the emotional tone of that image reflects the broken family well.
Overall: Oof, this is one of the more powerful ones, and the tension sticks around. The ending is a little weak on plot, but the emotion comes through great, and the laconicness of the main body of the story works for it. Pretty solid as a whole. Slate: 5th of 13.
Huh! Don't know rightly how you fit all that in so few words, but it was at minimum an incredibly skillful weaving of the troupes of midwestern life and no-good parents. As a child of divorce, I really feel this story, and I am not in the least offended (as I imagine general MLP readers on FimFic might be) by such a deviation from canon, which you so soundly and profoundly acknowledge. Fiction is a platform for explicating and dissecting the human soul; I feel I witnessed a heart operation, one I'm unsure was successful for those involved.
I appreciated it, and for me that is enough.
Except for one line, it all rang true. The voice, the situation, the need for a witness. The all of it. That off-key line was:
Nope. Pony Princess Twilight wouldn't say that. My opinion: change that.
I loved how you expertly set the stage with incidental information, like the use of the word fingers and then phone to set the Equestria Girls stage. The use of a vulgar word is soooo midwestern in this context, it adds verisimilitude and sets the stage for highlighting a human condition. It also allows you to incidentally introduce this Twilight is the princess one, setting the reader's expectation and perspective in incredibly few words so that we can understand and contrast a very human drama. I could blather on, but I'll stop with the one word, card. While I didn't instantly get where you were going with this git, it hit me with a hammer when it paid off. Skillful. Skillful Skillful.
This wasn't a story of good feelings, it didn't need to be, but I felt for everyone in it, including me in the stead of the witness, Princess Twilight. Good work.
I appreciated it, and for me that is enough.
Except for one line, it all rang true. The voice, the situation, the need for a witness. The all of it. That off-key line was:
"I understand," said Twilight.
Nope. Pony Princess Twilight wouldn't say that. My opinion: change that.
I loved how you expertly set the stage with incidental information, like the use of the word fingers and then phone to set the Equestria Girls stage. The use of a vulgar word is soooo midwestern in this context, it adds verisimilitude and sets the stage for highlighting a human condition. It also allows you to incidentally introduce this Twilight is the princess one, setting the reader's expectation and perspective in incredibly few words so that we can understand and contrast a very human drama. I could blather on, but I'll stop with the one word, card. While I didn't instantly get where you were going with this git, it hit me with a hammer when it paid off. Skillful. Skillful Skillful.
This wasn't a story of good feelings, it didn't need to be, but I felt for everyone in it, including me in the stead of the witness, Princess Twilight. Good work.
This story is one of my favourites this round, although I do still have a major grievance to air out. But before I get to that, some "good job"s are in order!
The subtlety in this story works exceedingly well. I'm a big fan of how you didn't spell out the issue for so long; you just let me figure it out (alongside Twi). And yeah, eventually AJ does spell it out, but this isn't to explain what's going on, this is to bring up the contrast with Human AJ and Pony AJ, which to me is the whole point of the story. See, this is one of those stories where the author's decisions really shine through, if you're looking for them; and when you're not, it's just gripping. But in a subdued way. So good job!
Okay, so only the one good job. But it's an all-encompassing kinda good job.
The grievance, though, is that you lost me pretty hard on the third-to-last line:
It's really not, Twilight. It's not the same at all.
I first thought this story was building up to a reveal—not for us, but for Human AJ. I was genuinely curious how she would react to the fact that Pony AJ lost her father. Would she re-evaluate her position? Would she bitterly say that Pony AJ is lucky to not have seen what her father would turn into? Something else? I don't know.
I also felt like it didn't make sense for Twilight's character? Let me put it this way: If the roles had been reversed, and Twilight had lied to Pony AJ about there being an alive father out there, that would fit her character a whole lot better, because Pony AJ stands to be protected by being lied to, whereas Human AJ might actually gain a little perspective. Or not! Again, I don't know.
And it might seem that I'm just whining about not getting the story I wanted, but I honestly feel like having Twilight lie at the end betrayed what the rest of the story had built up. When she equated a "deadbeat dad" with a "dead dad"... it just felt like the meat of the story was being reduced to a pun on the word "dead".
Perhaps I really am just whining about not getting the story I wanted. I don't know. I hope this review has been helpful, Author, and best of luck to you. I think this story should place very well, but on the off-chance it doesn't, I'll bring out my best pitchfork, and I'll lend you my second-best if you need it.
Thanks for writing!
The subtlety in this story works exceedingly well. I'm a big fan of how you didn't spell out the issue for so long; you just let me figure it out (alongside Twi). And yeah, eventually AJ does spell it out, but this isn't to explain what's going on, this is to bring up the contrast with Human AJ and Pony AJ, which to me is the whole point of the story. See, this is one of those stories where the author's decisions really shine through, if you're looking for them; and when you're not, it's just gripping. But in a subdued way. So good job!
Okay, so only the one good job. But it's an all-encompassing kinda good job.
The grievance, though, is that you lost me pretty hard on the third-to-last line:
"Yeah. It's like this for her, too."
It's really not, Twilight. It's not the same at all.
I first thought this story was building up to a reveal—not for us, but for Human AJ. I was genuinely curious how she would react to the fact that Pony AJ lost her father. Would she re-evaluate her position? Would she bitterly say that Pony AJ is lucky to not have seen what her father would turn into? Something else? I don't know.
I also felt like it didn't make sense for Twilight's character? Let me put it this way: If the roles had been reversed, and Twilight had lied to Pony AJ about there being an alive father out there, that would fit her character a whole lot better, because Pony AJ stands to be protected by being lied to, whereas Human AJ might actually gain a little perspective. Or not! Again, I don't know.
And it might seem that I'm just whining about not getting the story I wanted, but I honestly feel like having Twilight lie at the end betrayed what the rest of the story had built up. When she equated a "deadbeat dad" with a "dead dad"... it just felt like the meat of the story was being reduced to a pun on the word "dead".
Perhaps I really am just whining about not getting the story I wanted. I don't know. I hope this review has been helpful, Author, and best of luck to you. I think this story should place very well, but on the off-chance it doesn't, I'll bring out my best pitchfork, and I'll lend you my second-best if you need it.
Thanks for writing!
Half a Retrosp
yay, silver #2, at last
Like I said on page one, this was a rare occasion where I not only thought of an idea early on, but a fully formed idea, and where I gave myself enough time to write. Revisiting one of my favorite episodes from the series, and putting a spin on the tired old Applejack-centric "my parents are dead" premise at the same time, was a pleasure. I hope I was able to say something fresh with this particular take on the Apple family's dynamics. I've never quite seen deadbeat dads associated with the Apple family.
Anyway, not too much to say about the background or premise of this story. Let's get to answering reviews.
>>Shattered_Starlight
Agreed. I wanted to have some kind of narrative beat there, but I wasn't sure how to phrase it. Preferring something to nothing, I kept it as-is, but it stuck out to me as a rough patch.
>>Light_Striker
The way I had it in my mind when I was writing it, I decided that Mac left before Apple Bloom had a chance to say goodbye to him, assuming that she wasn't coming out any time soon, and unwilling to go back in.
Maybe that's cheap and needlessly cruel to the characters. But, drawing on my own knowledge and experience with deadbeat dads, it's... not altogether outside the realm of possibility.
I'm... not sure if we've communicated properly. Twilight's lying to spare Applejack's feelings.
Which brings me nicely to...
>>Miller Minus
So, clearly, lying to Applejack (which is an act so ironic that it should be punishable by a thousand year trip to the moon) is the most controversial element to this story. First of all, I agree. Let's get that out of the way.
But if I could explain my reasoning here for a moment... both AJs grew up without fathers, for one reason or another. While this Applejack clearly resents hers, considering him dead, the pony Applejack grew up loving and idealizing her late father. It's that emotional disconnect that Twilight's worried about, and which leads her to weigh the costs/benefits of telling the truth. Would it hurt Applejack to know that there's another version of herself whose father wasn't a lout? That there's a universe out there where she loves, rather than loathes, her father? Or would it only embitter her further, knowing that someone else lived the same life she did, with that one critical difference?
She chooses to lie, thinking that she's sparing this Applejack's feelings. "When all the truth does is make your heart ache," and so forth. I don't think it was the right decision for her, and the truth may have, as you put it, given Applejack some perspective.
In hindsight... I think you could argue that it's out of character. Which is what you did. And I kind of agree?
I quite prefer this, actually. I have a rewritten ending in mind where Twilight returns to the ponyworld, and has an exchange with Applejack, which ends with her lying about the human Bright Mac being dead. You're right; that would suit Twilight's character a little bit better (and make for more of a dramatic punch).
>>scifipony
I think I understand this criticism, but all the same, it would help me understand better if you would explain your meaning.
>>Meridian_Prime First comment I got, and I had a real "aw, shucks" feeling upon reading it. <3 Thanks.
Like I said on page one, this was a rare occasion where I not only thought of an idea early on, but a fully formed idea, and where I gave myself enough time to write. Revisiting one of my favorite episodes from the series, and putting a spin on the tired old Applejack-centric "my parents are dead" premise at the same time, was a pleasure. I hope I was able to say something fresh with this particular take on the Apple family's dynamics. I've never quite seen deadbeat dads associated with the Apple family.
Anyway, not too much to say about the background or premise of this story. Let's get to answering reviews.
>>Shattered_Starlight
However, Twilight's thoughts on "So then what was eating Applejack?" was most probably unnecessary; it was well evident in thr other descriptions of Applejack's sour attitude. Just a minor issue, and it doesn't detract from the story by a notable margin.
Agreed. I wanted to have some kind of narrative beat there, but I wasn't sure how to phrase it. Preferring something to nothing, I kept it as-is, but it stuck out to me as a rough patch.
>>Light_Striker
Possible inconsistency: when's Apple Bloom going to get time to say bye if Bright's already starting the truck by the end of the story? That could just be him making a mistake or assuming Applejack will say something sooner, but that feels a bit off.
The way I had it in my mind when I was writing it, I decided that Mac left before Apple Bloom had a chance to say goodbye to him, assuming that she wasn't coming out any time soon, and unwilling to go back in.
Maybe that's cheap and needlessly cruel to the characters. But, drawing on my own knowledge and experience with deadbeat dads, it's... not altogether outside the realm of possibility.
The things being the same way for pony Applejack in the ending feels underjustified, and I'm not sure where it was supposed to lead; that could maybe use another sentence or two to link it up and round it off. I like ending on the imagery of the truck crunching, though, and the emotional tone of that image reflects the broken family well.
I'm... not sure if we've communicated properly. Twilight's lying to spare Applejack's feelings.
Which brings me nicely to...
>>Miller Minus
It's really not, Twilight. It's not the same at all.
I first thought this story was building up to a reveal—not for us, but for Human AJ. I was genuinely curious how she would react to the fact that Pony AJ lost her father. Would she re-evaluate her position? Would she bitterly say that Pony AJ is lucky to not have seen what her father would turn into? Something else? I don't know.
So, clearly, lying to Applejack (which is an act so ironic that it should be punishable by a thousand year trip to the moon) is the most controversial element to this story. First of all, I agree. Let's get that out of the way.
But if I could explain my reasoning here for a moment... both AJs grew up without fathers, for one reason or another. While this Applejack clearly resents hers, considering him dead, the pony Applejack grew up loving and idealizing her late father. It's that emotional disconnect that Twilight's worried about, and which leads her to weigh the costs/benefits of telling the truth. Would it hurt Applejack to know that there's another version of herself whose father wasn't a lout? That there's a universe out there where she loves, rather than loathes, her father? Or would it only embitter her further, knowing that someone else lived the same life she did, with that one critical difference?
She chooses to lie, thinking that she's sparing this Applejack's feelings. "When all the truth does is make your heart ache," and so forth. I don't think it was the right decision for her, and the truth may have, as you put it, given Applejack some perspective.
In hindsight... I think you could argue that it's out of character. Which is what you did. And I kind of agree?
I also felt like it didn't make sense for Twilight's character? Let me put it this way: If the roles had been reversed, and Twilight had lied to Pony AJ about there being an alive father out there, that would fit her character a whole lot better, because Pony AJ stands to be protected by being lied to, whereas Human AJ might actually gain a little perspective. Or not! Again, I don't know.
I quite prefer this, actually. I have a rewritten ending in mind where Twilight returns to the ponyworld, and has an exchange with Applejack, which ends with her lying about the human Bright Mac being dead. You're right; that would suit Twilight's character a little bit better (and make for more of a dramatic punch).
>>scifipony
Nope. Pony Princess Twilight wouldn't say that. My opinion: change that.
I think I understand this criticism, but all the same, it would help me understand better if you would explain your meaning.
>>Meridian_Prime First comment I got, and I had a real "aw, shucks" feeling upon reading it. <3 Thanks.