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Rebirth
A fire.
A fire came down from the heavens and caught the forest ablaze.
There was no stopping it.
Red and Orange consumed the forest. It chased the animals. Coats of Gray, Black, Brown, and White fled from the flagration.
There was no stopping it.
The trees, Green and Brown caught ablaze. The fire, Red and Orange greedily licked up the trees. Like statues, they stood firm and planted where they lived, flourished, and died.
‘Til there was nothing left but blackened skeletons, spires and thorny ways piercing the Blue sky.
There was no stopping it.
The rivers Blue and Gray gushed their way. The fire didn’t like the river. Red and Orange poisoned the water with White, Black, and Gray.
There was no stopping it.
The wind, strong and crisp rushed through. The fire Red and Orange stole it, snatched it out of the air. Like water, the wind had places to go, but he fire poisoned it with Gray, Black and White. It became a miasma to any forest dweller that dare stay back. However, the wind warned any creature ahead that Red and Orange was going to eat them With Gray, Black and White. Still…
There was no stopping it.
The moon, Blue, Silver and White colored the sky and fought the blaze with its gentle, arctic light. Such a noble heavenly object could contend with the blaze. On the earth’s floor, a tiny spark of Gold on the planet’s darkened side of Black. Still, the fire blazed Red and Orange. No matter the ruling of the Moon on the dark side of the Earth…
There was no stopping it.
The Wolf. The wolf howled at the Silver moon, cheering it on, calling all the forest creatures that scurried, gallopped, and trundled to its aid. Together, they cheered the moon on. But, no matter the encouragement,
There was no stopping it.
The Moon came and passed across the sky. The Sun took its place, the same glory, only helping the fire along with its rays Gold and Yellow. Yet, not far off, Gray and Black gathered over the water Blue. The wind clean and pure pushed the Gray and Black towards the Red and Orange.
There was no stopping it.
The moon, Silver and Blue, exhausted from the fight it fought and tucked the fire Red and Orange in with the Gray and Blue sheet the sun collected.
There was no stopping it.
The water Blue, fell from the sky and hugged the blaze of Red and Orange. The fire, exhausted with all the forest consumed, nestled and went to sleep in the water Blue. The forest creatures howled and cheered the water Blue on as the fire Red and Orange stopped.
It stopped.
The sun, hot and Gold blazed over the Black smudge on the earth’s surface. It traded with the moon Silver and blue, each nursing the dead Red and Orange.
It stopped.
The forest animals, Gray, Black, White, and Brown came back to the trees. The trees Black and White still standing stoutly where they were standing, firmly staying until the day their name was called by the Red and Orange.
It stopped.
The forest creatures continued amongst their hiding places, burrows, nooks, crannies, nests, caves, and dens. The watched as the forest Green returned, popping leaflets and shrubs out of the Black and Gray ground.
It stopped.
Berries of Red, Purple, and Blue formed from flowers of White, Yellow, Orange, Gold. The saplings grew to giants, Green and Brown. The animals, Black, White, Gray and Brown feasted on the bounteous harvest of fruits and greenery the forest brought back. Then when the night came…
The Moon shone Silver and Blue. The Forest painted with many Colours. At last, the forest was at peace.
...There was no stopping it.
A fire came down from the heavens and caught the forest ablaze.
There was no stopping it.
Red and Orange consumed the forest. It chased the animals. Coats of Gray, Black, Brown, and White fled from the flagration.
There was no stopping it.
The trees, Green and Brown caught ablaze. The fire, Red and Orange greedily licked up the trees. Like statues, they stood firm and planted where they lived, flourished, and died.
‘Til there was nothing left but blackened skeletons, spires and thorny ways piercing the Blue sky.
There was no stopping it.
The rivers Blue and Gray gushed their way. The fire didn’t like the river. Red and Orange poisoned the water with White, Black, and Gray.
There was no stopping it.
The wind, strong and crisp rushed through. The fire Red and Orange stole it, snatched it out of the air. Like water, the wind had places to go, but he fire poisoned it with Gray, Black and White. It became a miasma to any forest dweller that dare stay back. However, the wind warned any creature ahead that Red and Orange was going to eat them With Gray, Black and White. Still…
There was no stopping it.
The moon, Blue, Silver and White colored the sky and fought the blaze with its gentle, arctic light. Such a noble heavenly object could contend with the blaze. On the earth’s floor, a tiny spark of Gold on the planet’s darkened side of Black. Still, the fire blazed Red and Orange. No matter the ruling of the Moon on the dark side of the Earth…
There was no stopping it.
The Wolf. The wolf howled at the Silver moon, cheering it on, calling all the forest creatures that scurried, gallopped, and trundled to its aid. Together, they cheered the moon on. But, no matter the encouragement,
There was no stopping it.
The Moon came and passed across the sky. The Sun took its place, the same glory, only helping the fire along with its rays Gold and Yellow. Yet, not far off, Gray and Black gathered over the water Blue. The wind clean and pure pushed the Gray and Black towards the Red and Orange.
There was no stopping it.
The moon, Silver and Blue, exhausted from the fight it fought and tucked the fire Red and Orange in with the Gray and Blue sheet the sun collected.
There was no stopping it.
The water Blue, fell from the sky and hugged the blaze of Red and Orange. The fire, exhausted with all the forest consumed, nestled and went to sleep in the water Blue. The forest creatures howled and cheered the water Blue on as the fire Red and Orange stopped.
It stopped.
The sun, hot and Gold blazed over the Black smudge on the earth’s surface. It traded with the moon Silver and blue, each nursing the dead Red and Orange.
It stopped.
The forest animals, Gray, Black, White, and Brown came back to the trees. The trees Black and White still standing stoutly where they were standing, firmly staying until the day their name was called by the Red and Orange.
It stopped.
The forest creatures continued amongst their hiding places, burrows, nooks, crannies, nests, caves, and dens. The watched as the forest Green returned, popping leaflets and shrubs out of the Black and Gray ground.
It stopped.
Berries of Red, Purple, and Blue formed from flowers of White, Yellow, Orange, Gold. The saplings grew to giants, Green and Brown. The animals, Black, White, Gray and Brown feasted on the bounteous harvest of fruits and greenery the forest brought back. Then when the night came…
The Moon shone Silver and Blue. The Forest painted with many Colours. At last, the forest was at peace.
...There was no stopping it.
Pics
The Wolf.
Dear God, not this again...
Seriously though, it's not badly written, but it seems to me that it's just a generic description with some colours thrown in to fit the prompt. Probably the middle of the slate for me.
This entry kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Sorry, Author. Here's a disclaimer for you though, before I get into this: I'm basing this entirely on what I'm seeing in front of me, and I fully accept that I could be wrong about your intentions on all counts. But I want you to know how I reacted.
And no, it's not about California.
You've chosen to dissect a fact of life that most everybody learns at a young age—that forest fires are a thing, and that they are (historically) a natural method of keeping a forest healthy. Alright, good stuff. Now what have you added to this plotline?
It's not characters; we don't have any of those, miscellaneous woodland creatures notwithstanding. There's no sci-fi or fantasy twist. I don't see a unique message or some commentary you wanted to put forth. And as I've already mentioned, you're not shining a light on anything that people aren't already aware of.
All I can see that you've added is prose. Sharp, choppy, melodramatic prose that's filled to its absolute limit with repetition. It's even quirky, too—giving the colours capitalized letters and whatnot. It shows significant skill, but it's so over the top.
I mean, what emotion did you want this story to convey? Because the prose is so distracting and the plotline isn't something that's keeping me guessing, so most emotions are out. I'm gonna be honest, and again, this is just my reaction, and I could be wrong, but it feels like you wanted everybody to be impressed with your prose.
And that's what this boils down to. You've let your prose be the main event when it's supposed to be the vehicle that gets us there.
If there was a deeper emotion or message that you wanted from this story, then I apologize. But I just don't see anything else here. Maybe others can elucidate things.
But that's all from me. Thanks for writing and best of luck to you!
And no, it's not about California.
You've chosen to dissect a fact of life that most everybody learns at a young age—that forest fires are a thing, and that they are (historically) a natural method of keeping a forest healthy. Alright, good stuff. Now what have you added to this plotline?
It's not characters; we don't have any of those, miscellaneous woodland creatures notwithstanding. There's no sci-fi or fantasy twist. I don't see a unique message or some commentary you wanted to put forth. And as I've already mentioned, you're not shining a light on anything that people aren't already aware of.
All I can see that you've added is prose. Sharp, choppy, melodramatic prose that's filled to its absolute limit with repetition. It's even quirky, too—giving the colours capitalized letters and whatnot. It shows significant skill, but it's so over the top.
I mean, what emotion did you want this story to convey? Because the prose is so distracting and the plotline isn't something that's keeping me guessing, so most emotions are out. I'm gonna be honest, and again, this is just my reaction, and I could be wrong, but it feels like you wanted everybody to be impressed with your prose.
And that's what this boils down to. You've let your prose be the main event when it's supposed to be the vehicle that gets us there.
If there was a deeper emotion or message that you wanted from this story, then I apologize. But I just don't see anything else here. Maybe others can elucidate things.
But that's all from me. Thanks for writing and best of luck to you!
Alternate Title: Remember the Wolf Round, Guys?
Okay, I had to sit on this one for a bit. I read it yesterday but I didn't feel like reviewing it at the time. Not because the theme of this entry is hard to get (I mean, it's in the title), but because I'm coming to grips with some of the creative choices made here.
Let's make something clear upfront: this entry doesn't really have a story, nor does it really have characters. It has the abstraction of a story and ideas for characters, but almost none of this comes through in the final product. This isn't inherently a bad thing, even though it is an uphill battle the author must've been aware of.
The problem is that there isn't much to chew on here. I like the idea of colors and inanimate objects like the sun and moon being somewhat personified, given human traits like names (or having words capitalized anyway), but I can't tell you a single thing about any of their personalities, because they don't have personalities.
I would be more forgiving of this, and normally I would be; writing a minific and getting everything you want across in so few words is hard. What isn't so easy to defend, however, is the massive repetition present throughout the story.
Let's play a game. How many times is the sentence "There was no stopping it" written?
Ten times. That's fifty words in all.
The rule of thumb for establishing a pattern is that you need something to happen at least three times, and three times is also the preferred amount for patterns. The author seems to have gone overboard here, and wasted a lot of precious words in the process. This is kind of a big problem, although it can be fixed with some very simple editing thankfully.
I understand this entry. I get what it's going for, and I like that, but I'm not so enthusiastic about the execution.
Okay, I had to sit on this one for a bit. I read it yesterday but I didn't feel like reviewing it at the time. Not because the theme of this entry is hard to get (I mean, it's in the title), but because I'm coming to grips with some of the creative choices made here.
Let's make something clear upfront: this entry doesn't really have a story, nor does it really have characters. It has the abstraction of a story and ideas for characters, but almost none of this comes through in the final product. This isn't inherently a bad thing, even though it is an uphill battle the author must've been aware of.
The problem is that there isn't much to chew on here. I like the idea of colors and inanimate objects like the sun and moon being somewhat personified, given human traits like names (or having words capitalized anyway), but I can't tell you a single thing about any of their personalities, because they don't have personalities.
I would be more forgiving of this, and normally I would be; writing a minific and getting everything you want across in so few words is hard. What isn't so easy to defend, however, is the massive repetition present throughout the story.
Let's play a game. How many times is the sentence "There was no stopping it" written?
Ten times. That's fifty words in all.
The rule of thumb for establishing a pattern is that you need something to happen at least three times, and three times is also the preferred amount for patterns. The author seems to have gone overboard here, and wasted a lot of precious words in the process. This is kind of a big problem, although it can be fixed with some very simple editing thankfully.
I understand this entry. I get what it's going for, and I like that, but I'm not so enthusiastic about the execution.
I can tell that you went into this with a very specific vision. This piece absolutely oozes style.
But I'm afraid for me, it didn't really pay off. I mean, from my perspective, if you just took away the poetic use of colors in regard to objects/things they represent, you'd have a pretty standard description of a forest fire, which is a bit too basic to be really interesting. So, it seems like the artsy style is the main draw of the story. But to me personally, it kind of came across as ultimately only really obscuring what was really happening, forcing me to put a little extra time and effort to understand things. I personally put a lot of value into my ability to effortlessly understand what's going on in any story I read, so I think that fics like this one are just not for me.
But I'm afraid for me, it didn't really pay off. I mean, from my perspective, if you just took away the poetic use of colors in regard to objects/things they represent, you'd have a pretty standard description of a forest fire, which is a bit too basic to be really interesting. So, it seems like the artsy style is the main draw of the story. But to me personally, it kind of came across as ultimately only really obscuring what was really happening, forcing me to put a little extra time and effort to understand things. I personally put a lot of value into my ability to effortlessly understand what's going on in any story I read, so I think that fics like this one are just not for me.
Bachiavellian already captured my feelings on this story perfectly:
You have an interesting style, but this isn't so much a story as it is a test pallete for that style. There's no substance here to appreciate, and the style alone wasn't enough to hold me.
I can tell that you went into this with a very specific vision. This piece absolutely oozes style.
But I'm afraid for me, it didn't really pay off. I mean, from my perspective, if you just took away the poetic use of colors in regard to objects/things they represent, you'd have a pretty standard description of a forest fire, which is a bit too basic to be really interesting.
You have an interesting style, but this isn't so much a story as it is a test pallete for that style. There's no substance here to appreciate, and the style alone wasn't enough to hold me.
I'm surprised this got past Prelims. I was thinking for sure that it would not make it since the tone of reviews changed slowly from “not bad” to “the way it was handled irritated me”
Kinda what happened to “Lecture: A world without dentists” but a slower burn.
Honestly, I think Monokeras’ “That” deserved my spot instead. In my opinion, it had a better concept and execution than this piece.
Not only for that reason, but it probably would've fended better the finals. By the change in tone in the comments, I could tell that it was going downhill very fast. And, like a ultimate boss fight (which has more than one part), If I somehow made it past the first phase (Prelim), then the second phase (Final) would obliterate it.
>>Samey90
Heh, I take it you didn't like the reference to “A Howl in the Dark”?
All jokes aside, this was a surprising experiment with surprising results. To keep it short, I decided to keep it simple. My fear was that toning down how hard I tried would cripple the style. Turns out, unless you meant something else by “not badly written”, that it panned out better than I hoped.
>>Miller Minus
>>No_Raisin
>>GaPJaxie
I see that this is just a skeleton of a story, since there's nothing but the prose. I should've added something more though- simple dish like oatmeal, nothing inherently wrong, but is bland. It needed a little sugar and/or spice to make it easier to consume.
Gosh, now I'm hungry.
I was surprised that the prose was fine though. I thought my sloppy writing would show through. Turns out not, but it came at a cost.
This was an honest experiment. It panned out in some avenues, but crashed and burned in others. It first started out as a fic about a wolf carrying a special coal (the heart of the fire) when his honor calls his name (if this sounds confusing, don't worry, that's the reason why I dropped it). That project, however would take more time. It easily blew past 750, so I kept it simple.
Though that is a double standard when it comes to wasting 50 words. Good point on that one, No Raisin. I needed more like 12, and the fiction would've been fine still. Most of all, the part about missing characters and an actual story I could've traded the repetition for a solid character.
I can tell I aggravated a lot of other authors with this move. I understand the frustration since it is a waste of space. If only there was a way to donate words to other writers participating in the round.
With this experiment, it feels like I hit a beehive with a baseball bat. Yes, it was a stupid move, but the difference is that this one was a honest mistake. I didn't mean any harm. I apologize if it did. I learned the hard way one button I do not want to push.
All in all, thanks for reading! (From what was said in your comments, I understand it didn't sit well with a lot of you). So, I'll say it again- I appreciate the time and effort you put into looking over this piece and forming feedback. Thank you for reading!
>>Bachiavellian
Before I go into review mode. I want to make it clear that your comment was appreciated. Thank you for seeing the story behind the story. Not many have that ability, including me.
You guessed it pretty well! The vision was clear in my head, but by the time it reached my fingers, it was tainted and muddled. Ugh. Thankfully, I see a little light at the end of the tunnel for this problem. But for now, my voice struggles.
On a less serious note, it seems to be hard to find your sweet spot, I guess I'm not the writer specific for your tastes. First “Sweet on the Inside”, then this one. I struck out twice. Maybe the third time’s a charm. Heh, we'll see.
Thanks for reviewing!
TLDR:
This was a experiment. Well worth the try, and learned so much for it. It was just a bit bland for missing characters and too strong for overused repetition
Kinda what happened to “Lecture: A world without dentists” but a slower burn.
Honestly, I think Monokeras’ “That” deserved my spot instead. In my opinion, it had a better concept and execution than this piece.
Not only for that reason, but it probably would've fended better the finals. By the change in tone in the comments, I could tell that it was going downhill very fast. And, like a ultimate boss fight (which has more than one part), If I somehow made it past the first phase (Prelim), then the second phase (Final) would obliterate it.
>>Samey90
Heh, I take it you didn't like the reference to “A Howl in the Dark”?
All jokes aside, this was a surprising experiment with surprising results. To keep it short, I decided to keep it simple. My fear was that toning down how hard I tried would cripple the style. Turns out, unless you meant something else by “not badly written”, that it panned out better than I hoped.
>>Miller Minus
>>No_Raisin
>>GaPJaxie
I see that this is just a skeleton of a story, since there's nothing but the prose. I should've added something more though- simple dish like oatmeal, nothing inherently wrong, but is bland. It needed a little sugar and/or spice to make it easier to consume.
Gosh, now I'm hungry.
I was surprised that the prose was fine though. I thought my sloppy writing would show through. Turns out not, but it came at a cost.
This was an honest experiment. It panned out in some avenues, but crashed and burned in others. It first started out as a fic about a wolf carrying a special coal (the heart of the fire) when his honor calls his name (if this sounds confusing, don't worry, that's the reason why I dropped it). That project, however would take more time. It easily blew past 750, so I kept it simple.
Though that is a double standard when it comes to wasting 50 words. Good point on that one, No Raisin. I needed more like 12, and the fiction would've been fine still. Most of all, the part about missing characters and an actual story I could've traded the repetition for a solid character.
I can tell I aggravated a lot of other authors with this move. I understand the frustration since it is a waste of space. If only there was a way to donate words to other writers participating in the round.
With this experiment, it feels like I hit a beehive with a baseball bat. Yes, it was a stupid move, but the difference is that this one was a honest mistake. I didn't mean any harm. I apologize if it did. I learned the hard way one button I do not want to push.
All in all, thanks for reading! (From what was said in your comments, I understand it didn't sit well with a lot of you). So, I'll say it again- I appreciate the time and effort you put into looking over this piece and forming feedback. Thank you for reading!
>>Bachiavellian
Before I go into review mode. I want to make it clear that your comment was appreciated. Thank you for seeing the story behind the story. Not many have that ability, including me.
You guessed it pretty well! The vision was clear in my head, but by the time it reached my fingers, it was tainted and muddled. Ugh. Thankfully, I see a little light at the end of the tunnel for this problem. But for now, my voice struggles.
On a less serious note, it seems to be hard to find your sweet spot, I guess I'm not the writer specific for your tastes. First “Sweet on the Inside”, then this one. I struck out twice. Maybe the third time’s a charm. Heh, we'll see.
Thanks for reviewing!
TLDR:
This was a experiment. Well worth the try, and learned so much for it. It was just a bit bland for missing characters and too strong for overused repetition
>>PinoyPony
Nah, this fully deserved its place in the finals. You’re adorable, and I’m really beholden to you for what you say, but it was fair. And don’t worry, I’ll get over it.
Or not. :P
❤
Nah, this fully deserved its place in the finals. You’re adorable, and I’m really beholden to you for what you say, but it was fair. And don’t worry, I’ll get over it.
Or not. :P
❤
>>PinoyPony
Even I can't figure out my own tastes. Don't worry too much about pleasing one charlatan with a keyboard. :P
Even I can't figure out my own tastes. Don't worry too much about pleasing one charlatan with a keyboard. :P
>>PinoyPony
Sorry if I came off a little harsh up there; I'm still learning how to review. I'm glad your experiment went well! The writeoff is a great place to try new things.
By the way, I've read all of your 2018 entries so far, and I've gotta say, the amount of improvement I'm seeing in this story is staggering. Seriously, well done.
Thanks again for writing, and double thanks for contributing to the reviews! Only like half of the authors do it :S
Sorry if I came off a little harsh up there; I'm still learning how to review. I'm glad your experiment went well! The writeoff is a great place to try new things.
By the way, I've read all of your 2018 entries so far, and I've gotta say, the amount of improvement I'm seeing in this story is staggering. Seriously, well done.
Thanks again for writing, and double thanks for contributing to the reviews! Only like half of the authors do it :S
>>Miller Minus
No, don't worry about the tone. The Writeoff is notorious (at least in my eyes) for giving you candid and honest feedback. Sometimes the feedback can rub a person the wrong way, but that's a nessecary evil on the road to improvement. Either way, I appreciate any pointers that come my way! :Twilightsmile:
No, don't worry about the tone. The Writeoff is notorious (at least in my eyes) for giving you candid and honest feedback. Sometimes the feedback can rub a person the wrong way, but that's a nessecary evil on the road to improvement. Either way, I appreciate any pointers that come my way! :Twilightsmile:
>>PinoyPony
I will mention that I did enjoy your style. For all my criticisms, you've got something here, and this story deserved its place in the finals.
Looking forward to reading more of your work too. :)
I will mention that I did enjoy your style. For all my criticisms, you've got something here, and this story deserved its place in the finals.
Looking forward to reading more of your work too. :)