Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Okay, fairies at war was the last thing I expected from this round, but I found it rather enjoyable, despite being a bit cliche. I caught only one typo, if I recall correctly, and I think the "My mission was simple: blow the mothership." lacks a rather critical "up" somewhere, but overall the writing was solid.
I think what I'm feeling now is called Losing My Religion syndrome. As in, most people don't get R.E.M.'s Losing My Religion, but they like it. So yeah, I don't get the ending, but I like this story.
>>Haze
That was my first thought too. I'm pretty sure that's some metaphor for looking for goodness in humans. Or possibly that to become truly perfect one has to give up human nature? ("I take their teeth so they cannot bite. I take their lungs so they cannot scream"). I sense misanthropic overtones below all the guts here.
is this Cupcakes?
That was my first thought too. I'm pretty sure that's some metaphor for looking for goodness in humans. Or possibly that to become truly perfect one has to give up human nature? ("I take their teeth so they cannot bite. I take their lungs so they cannot scream"). I sense misanthropic overtones below all the guts here.
It's a cute little story, but there's a lot of technical errors, like missing punctuation or capital letters. Also, the writing seems a bit inexperienced, with most sentences being basic Subject-Verb-Object, with little variation. It gets pretty monotone after a while.
It's a bit rough on the technical side, but rather interesting take on the Cakes. Also, Mane-iac prepares to escape? That'd make for an interesting story.
We botched with our son, and we paid the price dearly.
Cryptic background reference, I like it.
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Trick_Question
>>Rao
>>Posh
Fun fact: I started this fic with 18 minutes left on the clock and finished it two minutes before the deadline. I also typed it on my phone which made it slower, since I prefer to have a physical keyboard to write. Of course, it did better than the fic I spent most time on.
Also, making Opal a POV character was the first thing that came to my mind when I realised that I didn't want to just write a cute story, I wanted to put some spin on it. Obviously, I didn't have much time to develop the idea further, but I rolled with it anyway.
>>Trick_Question
>>Rao
>>Posh
Fun fact: I started this fic with 18 minutes left on the clock and finished it two minutes before the deadline. I also typed it on my phone which made it slower, since I prefer to have a physical keyboard to write. Of course, it did better than the fic I spent most time on.
Also, making Opal a POV character was the first thing that came to my mind when I realised that I didn't want to just write a cute story, I wanted to put some spin on it. Obviously, I didn't have much time to develop the idea further, but I rolled with it anyway.
Retrospective? What retrospective?
>>Miller Minus
It's an actual WWII term for pilots who, due to stress, refused to fly.
Frankly, I didn't like the prompt so I decided to go with "let's write Sunset throwing up and see where it goes". It's still not as bad as it could be, since my first idea was to have Pinkie die of overdose and, unlike Fluttershy whom we barely see, that description would be rather graphic.
>>AndrewRogue
Eh, what'd be driving with the body in the trunk without the thrill of getting caught...
Well, I'd be understated and mean too if I spent a night lying in cold water under the shower, not to mention the hangover... But also, as you can see above, Pinkie was supposed to be the corpse in this story. Since I changed my mind and she survived, I was kinda stuck with her and let me tell you, there's no other character I struggle with more than Pinkie (Fluttershy is a close second, hence why she's dead).
Running out of time, I'd say. I'm currently making rewrites on it.
>>Posh
In search of a starting point, I based the whole setting on my older story Springtime for Shimmer. For the love of God, don't read it. This one is rather tame in comparison.
>>Rao
She kills herself because she witnessed Rainbow Dash punching Sunset during a discussion about proboscis monkeys. Frankly, I'm unsure how is that considered not absurd enough.
>>Miller Minus
Also, I totally whiffed on what the PTSD joke was supposed to mean. Moral fibre? What does that have to do with post-traumatic stress?
It's an actual WWII term for pilots who, due to stress, refused to fly.
It's quite intentionally gross, instead, which doesn't do you many favours.
Frankly, I didn't like the prompt so I decided to go with "let's write Sunset throwing up and see where it goes". It's still not as bad as it could be, since my first idea was to have Pinkie die of overdose and, unlike Fluttershy whom we barely see, that description would be rather graphic.
>>AndrewRogue
the cop and Lyra interludes don't really end up adding much
Eh, what'd be driving with the body in the trunk without the thrill of getting caught...
Pinkie on the other hand felt surprisingly understated and honestly a bit mean the way she snipes a couple times
Well, I'd be understated and mean too if I spent a night lying in cold water under the shower, not to mention the hangover... But also, as you can see above, Pinkie was supposed to be the corpse in this story. Since I changed my mind and she survived, I was kinda stuck with her and let me tell you, there's no other character I struggle with more than Pinkie (Fluttershy is a close second, hence why she's dead).
the Starlight bit goes by real fast given the way you paced earlier scenes
Running out of time, I'd say. I'm currently making rewrites on it.
>>Posh
In search of a starting point, I based the whole setting on my older story Springtime for Shimmer. For the love of God, don't read it. This one is rather tame in comparison.
>>Rao
Now as for the story itself, I think I agree that you don't quite lean hard enough into the absurdity with Fluttershy's suicide.
She kills herself because she witnessed Rainbow Dash punching Sunset during a discussion about proboscis monkeys. Frankly, I'm unsure how is that considered not absurd enough.
So, that's, uhh... a really weird setting for something that basically boils down to Twilight telling someone "I'm asexual. Let me educate you on the subject". Like, what was the point of this whole sci-fi stuff, aside from boosting the word count?