Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
An Alchemist and his Boy
The two surviving mages hunkered down behind the upturned table. The eldest wondered whose bright idea it was to add essence of pony.
For this creature could think.
They cocked ears. Beyond, the alchemical labs were eerily silent. No bubbling acids. No grounding of the pestles. Not even the usual explosion of exciting chemistry. Those had been reliable sounds for years—perhaps decades—and now they were silent.
Both mages were unicorns. Of course they were. Earth ponies were too dumb for anything other than basic slave commands, and a pegasus was about as welcome here as typhoid.
The eldest—Ophthalmalion, whose name alone would have secured his position as Chief Alchemist—peeked over the table.
“Look on the bright side, Master,” said the other one—Hypohippo, whose mother had been cruel once—“It’s exactly what you wanted.”
Ophthalmalion weighed this statement against recent experience. “Tell me in what way, and I’ll revoke my right to call you ‘Idiot Boy’ ever again.”
“Well… the pegasi won’t stand a chance against this one.”
That was an understatement.
But it had been so obviously right at the time. The unicorns fought the pegasi, and the pegasi fought the unicorns, and both had been locked in a millennium-long stalemate over control of the earth pony tribe, and thus the food. Yet the King of the Unicorns and the Commander of the Pegasi were always one step ahead of each other in the Thousand-Year War. Both sides were getting reckless and desperate.
Until now, Ophthalmalion hadn't cared. Business was business. Alchemy was his passion, and war just a distraction.
Now he looked at the latest result.
“It’s raining mead,” he whispered.
“The floor’s still marshland, Master.”
“And… there are chess pieces dancing across the roof.”
“That’s an improvement, Master! A minute ago, they were tap-dancing mice.”
Ophthalmalion swallowed. “We’ve created a sick mind.”
Quickly, he ducked down and tried to remember all the ingredients they’d used. Essence of dragon, essence of pony… and bat? Snake? Eagle? A big cat of some description?
Too many magical creatures. That was all he remembered, because he’d complained to the King about it. But the King had wanted a supremely magical creature. Something that pegasus weather powers could never overcome.
“What went wrong?” he muttered. “I had the manticore wrapped around my hoof from day one. The chimera at least could be whipped into obedience. The cockatrice just needed reflective glasses and a stern voice—”
A door opened.
Both of them, without thinking, huddled together, determined not to let an inch show beyond the table.
A puff of smoke. A flash.
One hoofstep hit the remaining tiles on the floor. There was also the click of claws.
Ophthalmalion swallowed and tried not to think about that terrible, stretched face leering down at him at any second. Make a monster, the King had said. Make it cruel. Make it impossible to reason with. That’ll give those pegasi nightmares unto their dying days, he’d said.
For the first time in his life, Ophthalmalion felt sorry for the pegasi. He could feel their bloody terror pulsing through him, his heart beating as though determined to get all its beats out before the end—
In the lab, someone whistled a cheery little tune.
He hadn’t really wanted to hurt anyone. He didn’t dare think about much beyond his lab. “Pegasus”, “war”, “eternal enemies”: just so many words to a stallion used to dealing with quicksilver and camphor and gunpowder for cannons. Mixing essence of animal just meant getting a bigger cage and sending for a pooper scooper earth pony slave.
Now, for a terrible moment, his whole mind choked on the image of a serpentine body towering over some helpless pegasus, of the suddenly short future stolen from them, of the last-minute soul-searching while he panicked over what reward—if any—he’d get after making such a waste of his life that seemed far too monotonously foolish—
A snap of talons.
The table turned into a pile of eggs, which smashed on the floor.
Hypohippo screamed.
Determined to get one good mark on the résumé of his life, Ophthalmalion fell onto his knees. “Spare the boy! I’ve perverted Nature, I see that now, but his crimes are ultimately mine! Please spare—”
The world’s first draconequus laughed. “Now what fun would that be, us only playing a game for two?”
It snapped its talons.
Ophthalmalion had just enough time to wonder if it would’ve been better to never have been born. Then he screamed.
His last few hours proved him right.
For this creature could think.
They cocked ears. Beyond, the alchemical labs were eerily silent. No bubbling acids. No grounding of the pestles. Not even the usual explosion of exciting chemistry. Those had been reliable sounds for years—perhaps decades—and now they were silent.
Both mages were unicorns. Of course they were. Earth ponies were too dumb for anything other than basic slave commands, and a pegasus was about as welcome here as typhoid.
The eldest—Ophthalmalion, whose name alone would have secured his position as Chief Alchemist—peeked over the table.
“Look on the bright side, Master,” said the other one—Hypohippo, whose mother had been cruel once—“It’s exactly what you wanted.”
Ophthalmalion weighed this statement against recent experience. “Tell me in what way, and I’ll revoke my right to call you ‘Idiot Boy’ ever again.”
“Well… the pegasi won’t stand a chance against this one.”
That was an understatement.
But it had been so obviously right at the time. The unicorns fought the pegasi, and the pegasi fought the unicorns, and both had been locked in a millennium-long stalemate over control of the earth pony tribe, and thus the food. Yet the King of the Unicorns and the Commander of the Pegasi were always one step ahead of each other in the Thousand-Year War. Both sides were getting reckless and desperate.
Until now, Ophthalmalion hadn't cared. Business was business. Alchemy was his passion, and war just a distraction.
Now he looked at the latest result.
“It’s raining mead,” he whispered.
“The floor’s still marshland, Master.”
“And… there are chess pieces dancing across the roof.”
“That’s an improvement, Master! A minute ago, they were tap-dancing mice.”
Ophthalmalion swallowed. “We’ve created a sick mind.”
Quickly, he ducked down and tried to remember all the ingredients they’d used. Essence of dragon, essence of pony… and bat? Snake? Eagle? A big cat of some description?
Too many magical creatures. That was all he remembered, because he’d complained to the King about it. But the King had wanted a supremely magical creature. Something that pegasus weather powers could never overcome.
“What went wrong?” he muttered. “I had the manticore wrapped around my hoof from day one. The chimera at least could be whipped into obedience. The cockatrice just needed reflective glasses and a stern voice—”
A door opened.
Both of them, without thinking, huddled together, determined not to let an inch show beyond the table.
A puff of smoke. A flash.
One hoofstep hit the remaining tiles on the floor. There was also the click of claws.
Ophthalmalion swallowed and tried not to think about that terrible, stretched face leering down at him at any second. Make a monster, the King had said. Make it cruel. Make it impossible to reason with. That’ll give those pegasi nightmares unto their dying days, he’d said.
For the first time in his life, Ophthalmalion felt sorry for the pegasi. He could feel their bloody terror pulsing through him, his heart beating as though determined to get all its beats out before the end—
In the lab, someone whistled a cheery little tune.
He hadn’t really wanted to hurt anyone. He didn’t dare think about much beyond his lab. “Pegasus”, “war”, “eternal enemies”: just so many words to a stallion used to dealing with quicksilver and camphor and gunpowder for cannons. Mixing essence of animal just meant getting a bigger cage and sending for a pooper scooper earth pony slave.
Now, for a terrible moment, his whole mind choked on the image of a serpentine body towering over some helpless pegasus, of the suddenly short future stolen from them, of the last-minute soul-searching while he panicked over what reward—if any—he’d get after making such a waste of his life that seemed far too monotonously foolish—
A snap of talons.
The table turned into a pile of eggs, which smashed on the floor.
Hypohippo screamed.
Determined to get one good mark on the résumé of his life, Ophthalmalion fell onto his knees. “Spare the boy! I’ve perverted Nature, I see that now, but his crimes are ultimately mine! Please spare—”
The world’s first draconequus laughed. “Now what fun would that be, us only playing a game for two?”
It snapped its talons.
Ophthalmalion had just enough time to wonder if it would’ve been better to never have been born. Then he screamed.
His last few hours proved him right.
Pics
Yeah, that definitely could’ve gone better…
In any case, this one ends up feeling repetitive. It’s clear what the situation is early on, so the rest is just hammering in the same few points over and over. It isn’t bad, but a little trimmed fat would make it work better.
In any case, this one ends up feeling repetitive. It’s clear what the situation is early on, so the rest is just hammering in the same few points over and over. It isn’t bad, but a little trimmed fat would make it work better.
An excellent story to start out with. I love the structure of the name-related humor (incidentally, I think I can tell who wrote this from those two asides), and how you play Discord's whimsy in a rather more maniacally terrifying way than the show ever would. I think that goes a bit too far in the last few lines--or rather, I don't know that you had enough room in a minific to set up a hours-long torture session ending in death--but that's something that can be built up to with a few more words. Say (and this is just one example of how you could do what I'm talking about), by letting us see one of those earth pony slaves and just how much their lives sucked, and specifically how they're treated by Oph and Hypo. As-is, the awfulness of this version/time of Equestria is an informed attribute. Which has a meta-appropriateness, given that the same is largely true of Oph, but is probably not ideal for this story. That notwithstanding, you still get across the idea of this world clearly, even if I didn't feel like I bought into it quite enough for the ending to land naturally. And even with that caveat, I still felt this was an excellent story. I've got a bunch more fics to read yet, but don't think this'll stray too far from the top of my slate.
This is well-written and sets a strong mood. I'm not sure I buy Discord being a science experiment with what's given here. I need more magebabble to explain how they were able to create something this powerful.
The comedy in the two appositives works against the tone of the rest of the piece. I think it may be a mistake.
The message seems to be "grimdark for grimdark sake" and I'm left wondering what I'm supposed to take away from the story.
The last line seems telly and overdramatic to me.
The comedy in the two appositives works against the tone of the rest of the piece. I think it may be a mistake.
The message seems to be "grimdark for grimdark sake" and I'm left wondering what I'm supposed to take away from the story.
The last line seems telly and overdramatic to me.
Since my headcannon is that Discord is just some manifestation of the primordial chaos predating existence, it takes quite a bit to throw that. Plus he’s a bit murdery for Discord. It is well written, though.
My last review for this roster of entries, and...
This one is good.
Not great, but it has some really good elements and plays with them in a satisfying way, at least for the most part.
I've been curious about alchemists in Equestria, and how they would have lived in a world where all three tribes already possess magic of some form. They're basically scientists here, which is funny because alchemy played a big part in the development of modern science, outdated as it is now.
I realized fairly early on what the twist was going to be, and who exactly they were creating. In hindsight I should have guessed from the very beginning, but I guess I was too caught up in the story.
At first I thought this was going to be a comedy, as there were some lines early on there were chuckle-worthy, but then the tone shifted to full-on grimdark and I justdon'tknowwhatwentwrong.jpg. To be honest I felt like the comedic bits worked better than the grimdark bits, but maybe that's because I read the former first.
I also find it hard to believe that Discord would be in this kind of murderous mood, even though I saw it coming anyway. Discord is a trickster, like Puck from A Midsummer Night's Dream; he's not Barry the Chopper (lol), even if we're being flexible with his characterization and assume he's darker than the show makes him out to be.
On the whole though I quite enjoyed this entry, and there are certainly worse ways to go out with this contest.
I'm feeling a light to decent 8 on this.
And that's a wrap.
That's it.
Leave me alone, okay? I haven't eaten anything in three days and I'm hungry.
I need a vacation from my vacation.
This one is good.
Not great, but it has some really good elements and plays with them in a satisfying way, at least for the most part.
I've been curious about alchemists in Equestria, and how they would have lived in a world where all three tribes already possess magic of some form. They're basically scientists here, which is funny because alchemy played a big part in the development of modern science, outdated as it is now.
I realized fairly early on what the twist was going to be, and who exactly they were creating. In hindsight I should have guessed from the very beginning, but I guess I was too caught up in the story.
At first I thought this was going to be a comedy, as there were some lines early on there were chuckle-worthy, but then the tone shifted to full-on grimdark and I justdon'tknowwhatwentwrong.jpg. To be honest I felt like the comedic bits worked better than the grimdark bits, but maybe that's because I read the former first.
I also find it hard to believe that Discord would be in this kind of murderous mood, even though I saw it coming anyway. Discord is a trickster, like Puck from A Midsummer Night's Dream; he's not Barry the Chopper (lol), even if we're being flexible with his characterization and assume he's darker than the show makes him out to be.
On the whole though I quite enjoyed this entry, and there are certainly worse ways to go out with this contest.
I'm feeling a light to decent 8 on this.
And that's a wrap.
That's it.
Leave me alone, okay? I haven't eaten anything in three days and I'm hungry.
I need a vacation from my vacation.
A very creative origin story for Discord! I don't think I've read anything quite like it before. Probably the freshest take on the character I've seen in a writeoff since... Deuteragonists, I think. Compelling and well-detailed, and I like how the characters manage to develop and unfold, even in such a short space.
That said, I'm not a fan of the tonal shift before the end. The first half of the story has a wry, comedic tone (particularly the jokes about the characters' names, which had me snickering), but it veers into grimdark territory before the end. A jarring tone that doesn't mesh well with how the story began.
Or, frankly, with Discord, at least the way he's portrayed in the show. Though I think there's some wiggle room, what with this being an origin story, set at his literal point of origin.
That said, I'm not a fan of the tonal shift before the end. The first half of the story has a wry, comedic tone (particularly the jokes about the characters' names, which had me snickering), but it veers into grimdark territory before the end. A jarring tone that doesn't mesh well with how the story began.
Or, frankly, with Discord, at least the way he's portrayed in the show. Though I think there's some wiggle room, what with this being an origin story, set at his literal point of origin.
A major problem with the tone isn't just that it veers into grimdark at the end. I mean, it's got grim elements before then. There are hints that something dark and horrific is going on, though the comedy and exposition are more prominent (I'm thinking of the eerily quiet lab and the talk about making monsters, plus the fact they're hiding from it: very Frankenstein). But that's like a drop or two of tabasco sauce, and then the ending pours a whole vat of the stuff over my meal. It's too much, too quickly, is my point. I went into length about pacing and revealing the horror in another fic, but that one's masterful compared to this inelegant dump. I suggest you read it (it's the Saturday Night comment, FYI).
Otherwise, I tip my hat to this fic. Oph there has the glimmerings of a crisis of conscience in imagining what his pegasus victims must have felt like, which is a fine way to develop the characters in the narrow confines of the word limit, and though it was obvious what was going on, the buildup is well-paced and puts the pieces together in a way that feels... not surprising, but natural at least. Plus, I totally dig horror, even comedic horror. The moment when Discord entered and things got tense was classic.
Unfortunately, it's like the Daring Do fic elsewhere; that ending puts a dent in what otherwise would've been a nigh-flawless piece. After all, what's the payoff for the alchemist's change of heart if he fails and gets tortured to death? Like practically everyone else here, I had a real problem with the fic making Discord so uncharacteristically monstrous. There's bastards, mate, and then there's bastards, and then there's utter bastards.
(That said, is there a reason you don't use his name? If it isn't Discord, you could explain more).
Apart from that, the worldbuilding reads fine to me - it provides enough clues to work out whereabouts in the timeline this is happening - and Oph and Hypo have a decent chemistry (excuse the pun). The name thing is pretty amusing too, in a sarcastically silly way. Overall, despite the ending, I find a lot to like about this one.
Solid entry. So close, and yet so far. If it wasn't for that OTT ending, this'd be a top contender.
Otherwise, I tip my hat to this fic. Oph there has the glimmerings of a crisis of conscience in imagining what his pegasus victims must have felt like, which is a fine way to develop the characters in the narrow confines of the word limit, and though it was obvious what was going on, the buildup is well-paced and puts the pieces together in a way that feels... not surprising, but natural at least. Plus, I totally dig horror, even comedic horror. The moment when Discord entered and things got tense was classic.
Unfortunately, it's like the Daring Do fic elsewhere; that ending puts a dent in what otherwise would've been a nigh-flawless piece. After all, what's the payoff for the alchemist's change of heart if he fails and gets tortured to death? Like practically everyone else here, I had a real problem with the fic making Discord so uncharacteristically monstrous. There's bastards, mate, and then there's bastards, and then there's utter bastards.
(That said, is there a reason you don't use his name? If it isn't Discord, you could explain more).
Apart from that, the worldbuilding reads fine to me - it provides enough clues to work out whereabouts in the timeline this is happening - and Oph and Hypo have a decent chemistry (excuse the pun). The name thing is pretty amusing too, in a sarcastically silly way. Overall, despite the ending, I find a lot to like about this one.
Solid entry. So close, and yet so far. If it wasn't for that OTT ending, this'd be a top contender.
Genre: Clever Girl Boy
Thoughts: Oh buck YES, we've got some mighty fine Discord up in here. What a creative origin story, framed as an excerpt from a monster movie, and spiced with just the right amount of horror. 99% of this is fantastic IMO. It's jarring to read how the different kinds of ponies talk and think about each other, but that's a great way to convey the era this is set in. I am completely fine with this as headcanon for Discord's origin.
But oh, that last line. Even the buildup to the last line was totally fine. The last line itself, though, is just like... whaaaaa? It's close to working, but right now it's both too vague to make an impression, and IMO not particularly interesting relative to what I might expect from both Discord himself and this otherwise brilliant depiction of him. I'd love to see how Discord subverts expectations even when filling the expected role of the killer monster doohickey, rather than just delivering some kind of generic kill of variable speed.
But that's me wishlisting to at least some extent. I do think the ending has some weakness that holds this back, but otherwise this is outstanding stuff.
Tier: Strong
Thoughts: Oh buck YES, we've got some mighty fine Discord up in here. What a creative origin story, framed as an excerpt from a monster movie, and spiced with just the right amount of horror. 99% of this is fantastic IMO. It's jarring to read how the different kinds of ponies talk and think about each other, but that's a great way to convey the era this is set in. I am completely fine with this as headcanon for Discord's origin.
But oh, that last line. Even the buildup to the last line was totally fine. The last line itself, though, is just like... whaaaaa? It's close to working, but right now it's both too vague to make an impression, and IMO not particularly interesting relative to what I might expect from both Discord himself and this otherwise brilliant depiction of him. I'd love to see how Discord subverts expectations even when filling the expected role of the killer monster doohickey, rather than just delivering some kind of generic kill of variable speed.
But that's me wishlisting to at least some extent. I do think the ending has some weakness that holds this back, but otherwise this is outstanding stuff.
Tier: Strong
18th. Well, I was expecting one of these to end up in the second quarter between 11 and 20, so I can't say I'm wildly surprised.
Thanks to everyone who commented. Nice to get an idea of how different people respond to the ending, in particular.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Between this and Quiet, I get the impression you don't like my plots very much. Aw man, you're breaking me heart all over again.
>>Chris
"I love the structure of the name-related humor (incidentally, I think I can tell who wrote this from those two asides),"
Since I don't see your name as a guesser in the results, I am legitimately curious as to which wordsmith in particular you thought was responsible. It's guaranteed as near as dammit is to dommit you didn't guess me; my name's never crossed paths with yours before.
>>Chris
>>Trick_Question
>>Moosetasm
>>No_Raisin
>>Posh
>>CoffeeMinion
FIrst of all, I am legitimately intrigued that every single person assumed off the bat that this draconequus was Discord. I never named it. I didn't even give it a gender. I refrained from both just to see whether anyone would start shooting off theories about whether this was a different member of the draconequus species or not.
N.B. I'm not saying it isn't him; I wanted to see what results this improvised Rorschach test would have, and it looks like the results are unanimous that "it's Discord". Data to file away for another day...
>>Chris
>>Moosetasm
>>No_Raisin
>>Posh
>>CoffeeMinion
More seriously, the elephant in the room that is the ending: I should state up-front that this was a deliberate genre-based gamble. Horror was intended from the start. So I asked myself: Could I get away with making the draconequus so vile? And it seems, since most people assumed Discord, that the answer was no. I'm absolutely not here to say they're wrong, because the whole point of this ending was to see what I could get away with. That includes being ready to learn not to do such tricks again. Fair enough. I placed my bets and was prepared to lose.
I suppose the biggest change I'd make would be to keep the comedic elements going to the end. Maybe I should remove the implied death, and those hours of torture could be the draconequus doing standup comedy at the mages? (The horror! The HORROR!)
So yeah, I'm definitely learning lessons, even if the risk-taking cost me a few points for not seeing the likely outcome. I don't feel too bad for making this position in the finals. At least people enjoyed the fic. More data to file away for another day...
Now for more specific criticisms.
>>Chris
The "informed attribute" wrongness of the world was a necessary evil. Last contest I was allowed 900 words, so adapting for 750 meant cutting corners, and I thought it best to get to the major horror moment and fill in the detail as I went along. Given that this mostly weakens the ending, I think I could've gotten away with it if I'd changed said ending. If there is a way to get it across in the given space, it's not obvious to me. Or else my current vision for the project is getting in the way.
Happy you thought it a good'un regardless! It was a real treat to read this in-depth review.
>>Trick_Question
I suppose I could have emphasized that the draconequus was a result of escalation. I was hoping the references to the manticore and the other hybrid species would have suggested as much (like they're building on their previous work to get more powerful results), but I can see that it's not clear enough in the finished product. Food for thought.
There was more to this than "grimdark for grimdark sake". Oph's epiphany - late and futile as it is - has him realize the consequences of his work, as he puts himself in the mind of a pegasus victim and tries to redeem himself at the end by pleading on behalf of Hypo. It's sort of like dystopian literature: the implied message is to avoid this state of affairs, in this case by thinking about the consequences of creating weapons to use against the enemy. It's also sort of like the crises of conscience many scientists felt upon developing the nuclear bomb.
>>No_Raisin
>>Trick_Question
>>Posh
To be fair, this was always intended as a blending of comedy and horror, and I am convinced the two can coexist. Although I will admit the ending here fumbled the attempted combination, so it probably comes down to that one problem again.
>>Posh
>>CoffeeMinion
I'm curious: What's Deuteragonists?
Glad you liked the origin take. While not in relation to Discord, a version of it has been bouncing around inside my skull for a long while, and mainly concerning the fantastic beasts of Equestria. Including the draconequus in that imagined backstory: well, that came to me during the writeoff.
So all in all, an experiment that didn't quite work out, but which at least nabbed me some useful information in the process. I call that an indirect success. Good enough for me.
Thanks to everyone who commented. Nice to get an idea of how different people respond to the ending, in particular.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Between this and Quiet, I get the impression you don't like my plots very much. Aw man, you're breaking me heart all over again.
>>Chris
"I love the structure of the name-related humor (incidentally, I think I can tell who wrote this from those two asides),"
Since I don't see your name as a guesser in the results, I am legitimately curious as to which wordsmith in particular you thought was responsible. It's guaranteed as near as dammit is to dommit you didn't guess me; my name's never crossed paths with yours before.
>>Chris
>>Trick_Question
>>Moosetasm
>>No_Raisin
>>Posh
>>CoffeeMinion
FIrst of all, I am legitimately intrigued that every single person assumed off the bat that this draconequus was Discord. I never named it. I didn't even give it a gender. I refrained from both just to see whether anyone would start shooting off theories about whether this was a different member of the draconequus species or not.
N.B. I'm not saying it isn't him; I wanted to see what results this improvised Rorschach test would have, and it looks like the results are unanimous that "it's Discord". Data to file away for another day...
>>Chris
>>Moosetasm
>>No_Raisin
>>Posh
>>CoffeeMinion
More seriously, the elephant in the room that is the ending: I should state up-front that this was a deliberate genre-based gamble. Horror was intended from the start. So I asked myself: Could I get away with making the draconequus so vile? And it seems, since most people assumed Discord, that the answer was no. I'm absolutely not here to say they're wrong, because the whole point of this ending was to see what I could get away with. That includes being ready to learn not to do such tricks again. Fair enough. I placed my bets and was prepared to lose.
I suppose the biggest change I'd make would be to keep the comedic elements going to the end. Maybe I should remove the implied death, and those hours of torture could be the draconequus doing standup comedy at the mages? (The horror! The HORROR!)
So yeah, I'm definitely learning lessons, even if the risk-taking cost me a few points for not seeing the likely outcome. I don't feel too bad for making this position in the finals. At least people enjoyed the fic. More data to file away for another day...
Now for more specific criticisms.
>>Chris
The "informed attribute" wrongness of the world was a necessary evil. Last contest I was allowed 900 words, so adapting for 750 meant cutting corners, and I thought it best to get to the major horror moment and fill in the detail as I went along. Given that this mostly weakens the ending, I think I could've gotten away with it if I'd changed said ending. If there is a way to get it across in the given space, it's not obvious to me. Or else my current vision for the project is getting in the way.
Happy you thought it a good'un regardless! It was a real treat to read this in-depth review.
>>Trick_Question
I suppose I could have emphasized that the draconequus was a result of escalation. I was hoping the references to the manticore and the other hybrid species would have suggested as much (like they're building on their previous work to get more powerful results), but I can see that it's not clear enough in the finished product. Food for thought.
There was more to this than "grimdark for grimdark sake". Oph's epiphany - late and futile as it is - has him realize the consequences of his work, as he puts himself in the mind of a pegasus victim and tries to redeem himself at the end by pleading on behalf of Hypo. It's sort of like dystopian literature: the implied message is to avoid this state of affairs, in this case by thinking about the consequences of creating weapons to use against the enemy. It's also sort of like the crises of conscience many scientists felt upon developing the nuclear bomb.
>>No_Raisin
>>Trick_Question
>>Posh
To be fair, this was always intended as a blending of comedy and horror, and I am convinced the two can coexist. Although I will admit the ending here fumbled the attempted combination, so it probably comes down to that one problem again.
>>Posh
>>CoffeeMinion
I'm curious: What's Deuteragonists?
Glad you liked the origin take. While not in relation to Discord, a version of it has been bouncing around inside my skull for a long while, and mainly concerning the fantastic beasts of Equestria. Including the draconequus in that imagined backstory: well, that came to me during the writeoff.
So all in all, an experiment that didn't quite work out, but which at least nabbed me some useful information in the process. I call that an indirect success. Good enough for me.
>>BlueChameleonVI
You're dommit right I wasn't gonna guess you! Actually, the name asides sounded like Skywriter's brand of humor to me, thought the rest of the story didn't as much. Guess I should've trusted my impression of the rest of the fic, rather than relying on how much that one bit sounded like something from one of his comedies.
You're dommit right I wasn't gonna guess you! Actually, the name asides sounded like Skywriter's brand of humor to me, thought the rest of the story didn't as much. Guess I should've trusted my impression of the rest of the fic, rather than relying on how much that one bit sounded like something from one of his comedies.